Coming home really late..
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The question is, did she ever love him at all?Originally posted by Zarks:problem is they used to be together and stick to each other..
now, its the wife seems to stay a distant from her hubby and 4 sentences a day.. its like duno how to say.. the love might have just gone pale. its like they are married but just by name/status. -
I strongly agreed with Terribear............. even though the truth hurts.Originally posted by Terribear:to TS,
For sure she playing the game outside, looking for a better catch and the chance to leave you. She not settled yet, still looking for better alternative.
Better leave her before she leaves you. or send private investigator to check up on what she actually does *on those clubbing* nights..
Don't hesitate anymore, do what needs to be done..
TS should seek professional help if the truth is unfavourable.
Same thing happened to my friend, but he has two kids. Now he is still trying his best to keep his family intact despite the agony he had to go through with his wife.
Sometimes, i think us guys are always at the losing end when it comes to this kind of situations.
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im not sure..Originally posted by jojobeach:The question is, did she ever love him at all?
sometimes.. we go our way even though our parents object us to do this and that... its simply becuz we have to go our way even its not good. But does this mean we are not an obedient son or we dont love our parents?
No. we still love.. but we care to choose our way bcuz we just love it.
I think in this case.. She might still love him but just too obsess with her own individual life. Just too carefree and doesnt wan to involve with higher responsibility.
Ts should either just give her more attention and brighten the light of the r/s or just simply break up for a while and see how it will go.
Perhaps after married, she was all alone in the house and since she's not working she start to watch TV or MSn or anything to keep her busy..
WHen this activity repeats all day, it becomes a habit.. so in long period, even though her husband is already back home, she still addicted with her habit..
and its goin worse cuz his addiction already reach the level of caring herself more than anyone.
TS, just take her out somewhere if u have free time.. spend all free time to go out at any place she like. Make her stay away from her routine habit.. if this goes well, this will certainly reduce her addiction but of course it will take a long time bcuz its ADDICTION..
Thats wht i think... if TS really worried, it wont be a problem to hire some1 to follow her and see her action.. if she really betray u behind your back, i know u are certain of wat you should do. -
I think this is the most practical advise so far.Originally posted by Zarks:Thats wht i think... if TS really worried, it wont be a problem to hire some1 to follow her and see her action.. if she really betray u behind your back, i know u are certain of wat you should do.
Private Investigators specialty. -
Seems very suspicious. Maybe having a rendezvous behind your back.Originally posted by thinking too much:Hi, I hv a very stupid question 2 ask here. I'm a 30 yrs old guy married for 4 yrs.. She's 3 yrs younger.. Until recently my wife has not been working since we're married.. She's a Thai n I'm a Singaporean. After she's started working 2 yrs ago, she started 2 go out with her friends 2 clubing.. Everything seems fine, but problem is she didn't ask me along most of the time.. Maybe once every 10 trips & only after I've insisted 2 tag along.. In fact we used 2 go out during our courtship..
She's out almost twice or trice every month. Visiting clubs like MOS, Clinic & St James Power Station.. Returning only after 4.. Several time even until 6 in the morning.. I trust her as she's always out with her gal friends..
I just wanna ask if this is a normal thing..? Shd I stop her or just let her b..?
Thanks for the time.. -
IdiotOriginally posted by Boka v2.0:Just dump that wife.
rather than wearing the yellow hat,dump that girl and look for others.
To spare the hurt,look at Girls as objects.
remember that.
I do not how it is so difficult since you can always another one.
To be numb from the cruelness of the world,be cruel to oneself first. -
hire a P I to check..
confirm sure got evidence one..... -
Hey Thinking,Originally posted by thinking too much:Hi, I hv a very stupid question 2 ask here. I'm a 30 yrs old guy married for 4 yrs.. She's 3 yrs younger.. Until recently my wife has not been working since we're married.. She's a Thai n I'm a Singaporean. After she's started working 2 yrs ago, she started 2 go out with her friends 2 clubing.. Everything seems fine, but problem is she didn't ask me along most of the time.. Maybe once every 10 trips & only after I've insisted 2 tag along.. In fact we used 2 go out during our courtship..
She's out almost twice or trice every month. Visiting clubs like MOS, Clinic & St James Power Station.. Returning only after 4.. Several time even until 6 in the morning.. I trust her as she's always out with her gal friends..
I just wanna ask if this is a normal thing..? Shd I stop her or just let her b..?
Thanks for the time..
You were married at age 26 and she at 23. I thought only my grandpa married at that age! Ok, stupid statement but my point is, were the both of you ready psychologically and financially?
How did you meet her? In a pub? At work? The point is, what was the chemistry that got you two together? Sex? Novelty? What?
What were you doing whenever you were with her when she did allow you to follow along? Sitting in one corner drinking alone? Speaking in thai to her frens? What?
Is she a Thai Chinese or pure Thai? How do you two communicate? Body language only or broken English? Can you speak Thai?
Is she well-groomed and fashionable? How about you? If she is attractive with her clothes on, are you? If not, are you keeping up?
What are the common things that got you two together? Movies? Pubbing? Shopping? Eating? Or family planning? What do you see in her? Have you met her parents? Are you able to talk to them?
How did you proposed to her? She proposed to you? Why did you proposed to her? What was your motivation then? To take care of her forever? To support her in what ever she does? Are you doing that now? What about her? Why would she marry you? Cos you were sweet? Cos you can take care of her? What?
Try to guess what she sees in her partying lifestyle. Why her friends? Cos they are fun? Are they single and available? Or married? Are they the same people she parties with every time? If they are single, are they fashionable? Financially free?
What do you two do for a living? Is she a housewife? What if you cut off the purse string? If you do not party with her, maybe you can offer to send/pick her up?
Communication takes 2 to work. What stops you at the 4th sentence? What did you two talk about 4 years ago when you were practically living together? How long were you two living together before marriage? How much do you know about her? How much she knows about you?
Should you hire a PI? Why? If your wife is unfaithful, do you need a PI to tell you that? If she is truly partying with her gal frens only, you think your marriage is not on the rocks?
Every thing here is like a jig-saw puzzle. Answers the questions and evaluate your marriage, yourself, your wife. We are outsiders and have no responsibilities for you and your wife. How stupid does it sound if a netizen asks you to divorce your wife and you bloody hell actually do it!!! You are her bf for gawd-knows-how-many-days and husband for 4 years. IF you cannot tell what went wrong, then I think I know the answer....
Think...smarter. -
We did hv more comversation during her normal days, but tat was after several days of "cold war" after the clubbing nite.. Whenever she goes clubbing, I'll feel lonely & started drowning myself with alcohol.. I just wanna numb myself & stop my mind 2 function as tat's the only time I'll not feel anything @ all..
During those non-clubbing days, we does live like married couple most of the time.. We'll went hving meals out 2gather, shopping & watching movies..
After married, b'cos she's new here, I practically gave up my social life by staying with her 24/7.. Giving up on all my friends.. Totally devoted all my waking time 4 her.. I doesn't stop or restrict anything she do thinking tat she'll b stay happy.. Maybe I've given her too much freedom..? -
Perhaps...Originally posted by thinking too much:We did hv more comversation during her normal days, but tat was after several days of "cold war" after the clubbing nite.. Whenever she goes clubbing, I'll feel lonely & started drowning myself with alcohol.. I just wanna numb myself & stop my mind 2 function as tat's the only time I'll not feel anything @ all..
During those non-clubbing days, we does live like married couple most of the time.. We'll went hving meals out 2gather, shopping & watching movies..
After married, b'cos she's new here, I practically gave up my social life by staying with her 24/7.. Giving up on all my friends.. Totally devoted all my waking time 4 her.. I doesn't stop or restrict anything she do thinking tat she'll b stay happy.. Maybe I've given her too much freedom..?
But are u happy when u guys go out ? is it still 4 sentences ? -
I'm sorry to hear your story. I went through exactly the same thing.
The best advice I can give you is to work this out fast. Find out, however which way, whether the relationship is worth resolving and if not then end it. Don't do what I did and bang your head on a wall till five years have passed. Life is way too short. -
Thinking Too Much,Originally posted by thinking too much:We did hv more comversation during her normal days, but tat was after several days of "cold war" after the clubbing nite.. Whenever she goes clubbing, I'll feel lonely & started drowning myself with alcohol.. I just wanna numb myself & stop my mind 2 function as tat's the only time I'll not feel anything @ all..
During those non-clubbing days, we does live like married couple most of the time.. We'll went hving meals out 2gather, shopping & watching movies..
After married, b'cos she's new here, I practically gave up my social life by staying with her 24/7.. Giving up on all my friends.. Totally devoted all my waking time 4 her.. I doesn't stop or restrict anything she do thinking tat she'll b stay happy.. Maybe I've given her too much freedom..?
In order for you to stop thinking too much.
You should go and engage a PI. And get evidence that she is really just having some girly fun and not doing anything crappy behind your back.
To have a peace of mind, instead of letting your suspicions drive you insane, spending about 2-3 thousand dollars for a couple weeks of observation is , WELL WORTH IT.
If you are too stingy for now, you're only letting your marriage disintegrate for nothing.
Think about what is more important to you.
I remember watching an interview with a PI.
He mentioned that, most of the time the results are non condemning. And with the knowledge, his clients sleeps better at night, and helps bolster the marriage by gaining trust again. -
Is infidelity the only issue here? I am not sure.Originally posted by jojobeach:Thinking Too Much,
In order for you to stop thinking too much.
You should go and engage a PI. And get evidence that she is really just having some girly fun and not doing anything crappy behind your back.
To have a peace of mind, instead of letting your suspicions drive you insane, spending about 2-3 thousand dollars for a couple weeks of observation is , WELL WORTH IT.
If you are too stingy for now, you're only letting your marriage disintegrate for nothing.
Think about what is more important to you.
Even if the wife is only having girly fun outside, i think it really constitutes neglect by staying out frequently till wee hours afew times a week as well as during festive seasons, and at times, not going home at all.
Is this the kind of marriage life TS want? I know that is not the kind of marriage life i am looking forward to.
I think TS has more work to do than just engaging a PI. -
2-3 times per month is not a whole lot leh.Originally posted by blu_sky:Is infidelity the only issue here? I am not sure.
Even if the wife is only having girly fun outside, i think it really constitutes neglect by staying out frequently till wee hours afew times a week as well as during festive seasons, and at times, not going home at all.
Is this the kind of marriage life TS want? I know that is not the kind of marriage life i am looking forward to.
I think TS has more work to do than just engaging a PI.
C'mon lor, you never go clubbing one meh ? The fun starts only after 11pm ya know ?
When I go clubbing I usually don't go home after 3pm. That's after the club ends..nowadays I don't know how late they stay open lah.
But sometimes if we are not dead drunk, after clubbing liao, we'll go to a 24hr makan stalls to eat and chit chat till about 6am, before going home.
Blu_sky, are you a goody goody type ? Just wondering. -
yes, 2-3 times a month is not a lot lah, but what kind of breakfast need to eat untill at nite 10 pm?Originally posted by jojobeach:2-3 times per month is not a whole lot leh.
C'mon lor, you never go clubbing one meh ? The fun starts only after 11pm ya know ?
When I go clubbing I usually don't go home after 3pm. That's after the club ends..nowadays I don't know how late they stay open lah.
But sometimes if we are not dead drunk, after clubbing liao, we'll go to a 24hr makan stalls to eat and chit chat till about 6am, before going home.
Blu_sky, are you a goody goody type ? Just wondering.
No, im not the goody goody type. I have my fair share of friends and fun. But i believe in togetherness and not neglecting my partner. -
Are you sure you're just 30 years old ?Originally posted by thinking too much:We did hv more comversation during her normal days, but tat was after several days of "cold war" after the clubbing nite.. Whenever she goes clubbing, I'll feel lonely & started drowning myself with alcohol.. I just wanna numb myself & stop my mind 2 function as tat's the only time I'll not feel anything @ all..
During those non-clubbing days, we does live like married couple most of the time.. We'll went hving meals out 2gather, shopping & watching movies..
After married, b'cos she's new here, I practically gave up my social life by staying with her 24/7.. Giving up on all my friends.. Totally devoted all my waking time 4 her.. I doesn't stop or restrict anything she do thinking tat she'll b stay happy.. Maybe I've given her too much freedom..?
You sound more like someone who is at least 50.
Cold war.. as in YOU don't want to speak to her ? Or she don't want to speak to you ? Or BOTH are just too stubborn to give in ?
Lemme tell you this ok ? COLD WAR are a waste of time. And IT HURTS relationships. So, if you are the one doing the COLD WAR crap, I say you deserve what you get.
Look, having meals together, watching movies and shopping are not exactly "FUN". If she's been doing this with you for the past 4 years.. no wonder she's going crazy now.
You really need to UN-boring yourself. And put in some effort to spice up this relationship. She is after all, ONLY 27. NOT 50 years old Auntie. OK ?
Go on an Adventure trip with her. HAVE FUN for gawd's sake.
You married an active woman, can you live up to it ?
So you drown yourself with alcohol every time she goes have fun.
What do you want ? For her to stop clubbing ALTOGETHER so that you don't have to inflict self pity on yourself ? Get a grip ok ? -
Yes, we would all like to boo at her for neglecting you.Originally posted by thinking too much:I understand tat she might just wanna let her steam off after a day of work.. But its gettting more & more often.. The time she return also is getting longer.. The most recent trip is the count down.. I'm left alone @ home & she reach home the next day @ ard 10pm.. In the evening..
BUT, lets step back and look at the situation again.
Few days before the count down, did you plan anything to celebrate together ?
Or was sitting in front of the TV the whole night munching on Calbee potato chips your idea of celebrating the New Year ?
She left you alone or you don't want to go out with her ?
Maybe she's so pissed off with your inactive lifestyle, she just wants to get away from YOU ?
Think. -
honestly, you can't give the wife too much freedom.
trust her, but don't trust the devil in her -
aiyah
allow her to enjoy ma. e most juz grind here and there only ma -
Tkx 4 all the advice given by everybody.. I'll try 2 c if our relationship could b further salvaged..
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No offense bro, but I think this is not smart thinking. But I can apathies with you. But it's not smart thinking! [What did you brink btw? Cheap whiskys?]Originally posted by thinking too much:We did hv more comversation during her normal days, but tat was after several days of "cold war" after the clubbing nite.. Whenever she goes clubbing, I'll feel lonely & started drowning myself with alcohol.. I just wanna numb myself & stop my mind 2 function as tat's the only time I'll not feel anything @ all..
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During those non-clubbing days, we does live like married couple most of the time.. We'll went hving meals out 2gather, shopping & watching movies..[/quote]
So it's clubing....imagine having a new hobby...what do you do? I bet day and night you'll be so engrossed in it.
But can I say you are having an affair with your new hobby? Should you wife hire a PI to check on you (if you new hobby is golf for e.g.)?
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After married, b'cos she's new here, I practically gave up my social life by staying with her 24/7.. Giving up on all my friends.. Totally devoted all my waking time 4 her [/quote]
Why? Even my dogs need space and freedom. You make it sounds so grand and heroic and self-sacrificing and ....but is it really what she wants you to do?
I know you have 'initiatives' but that's a little over the top, bro. Sometimes, independence and a little self-exploration is fun/healthy.
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.. I doesn't stop or restrict anything she do thinking tat she'll b stay happy.. Maybe I've given her too much freedom..?[/quote]
I think you are not giving her too much freedom....you are thinking too much, internalizing things in your own head, do not know who to strike up a decent conversation with your wife, rather chat with netizens that your wife....
Plan something POSITIVELY. Learn how to deal with such issues from a pro and not us. Get a marriage counselor if need be.
Are you ready culturally? I mean....is there any element of cultural shock between you two? Knowing someone of the same culture background is already tough....being a international man of mystery is not easy. You think everyone can be Austin Powers or James Bond meh?
Plan events for yourself and incorporate it with hers...like dinner together...then she chiong her own, you chiong your own....then pick her up somewhere....re enact your dating days and try to get back the chemistry man. It's not that hard if you think positively.
Cheers.
P/S: I'm really not the other guy dating your wife!
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I think the real problem is with me.. Being too naive or really thiunking too much..
I guess couples tat were 2gather 4 too long will tends 2 drift apart.. -
Under wat ground can I file 4 a divorce..? Unreasonable Behaviour..? Anybody had any idea how much the legal cost will b..? I must find a lawyer 2 file a divorce petition right..? Any recommendations..?
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Any1 married here tat wakes up in the morning & doesn't know where ur other half is or who he/she has spent the nite with..? 5/6 times a mth.. & u dunno who 2 call or where 2 go 2 find out..
I really felt like a fool here.. -
what time did she go home this morning?Originally posted by thinking too much:Any1 married here tat wakes up in the morning & doesn't know where ur other half is or who he/she has spent the nite with..? 5/6 times a mth.. & u dunno who 2 call or where 2 go 2 find out..
I really felt like a fool here..