Is fighting an act of passion or an unacceptable act?
-
your auto-reaction caused all these. U have to be more careful nex time. WE cannot tell u how to stop this but you yourself must figured out and be more alert if anytying triggers your auto-reaction.Originally posted by abterror:How can u stop this then?
Was trying to stop her from inflicting more damage.
From peace mode to hostile situation. -
What is the defination of TS?Originally posted by Zarks:okay, pinning her down with hand lock is one of army technique? Perhaps i see it differently.
Hope TS have good future with his gal. -
auto reaction to stop her from doing it again and TS didnt know why he acted that way.Originally posted by jojobeach:And why do you need to restrain her ? -
TS was holding on to her, when she stomp her feet onto his.Originally posted by Zarks:auto reaction to stop her from doing it again and TS didnt know why he acted that way.
Then TS pin her down with a arm lock.
I was asking TS why he needs to HOLD her. -
Well ,
at least abterror feels bad in what he did. Its not like he condones his actions and justify it totally . Lets not say until like he so loves it. Even when i was calm n stood there while my ex going all loco , flip my laptop cause she kinda tripped , then nudged my stereo... inside , u cannot imagine the unspeakable stuffs i wanted to do her. But i just stood there. Just kept quiet. Let her go all nuts out. She has to stop sometime , u run low on energy fast when u go on a fit n a rampage...
If u know reasoning and calming her down wont work just leave her be. So she goes around damaging ur stuffs.. what to do. Even made a dent in my car when she got out n kicked it. LoL.. but like i said , last straw was when she had to show me no face in front of that particular dinner. -
TS is U .Originally posted by abterror:What is the defination of TS?
ThreadStarter. TS
-
When i caught her red handed with the guy, i was like in total control.Originally posted by BadzMaro:Well ,
at least abterror feels bad in what he did. Its not like he condones his actions and justify it totally . Lets not say until like he so loves it. Even when i was calm n stood there while my ex going all loco , flip my laptop cause she kinda tripped , then nudged my stereo... inside , u cannot imagine the unspeakable stuffs i wanted to do her. But i just stood there. Just kept quiet. Let her go all nuts out. She has to stop sometime , u run low on energy fast when u go on a fit n a rampage... If u know reasoning and calming her down wont work just leave her be. So she goes around damaging ur stuffs.. what to do. Even made a dent in my car when she got out n kicked it. LoL.. but like i said , last straw was when she had to show me no face in front of that particular dinner.
Perhaps i had a hard lesson.
i could have slap her which my friend said he would.
But tat moment it was like. all hope is losed.
I waited for her to cool down, she becomed a changed person.
There is nothing you can do.
From someone whom is ur life partner to a stranger. -
For the benefits of all the readers, i had controlled my strength.
But the pain i had inflict is not physically tat matters.
It is the emotions that hurts, for a woman who has been beaten up by her ex hubby. -
For ANY woman.Originally posted by abterror:For the benefits of all the readers, i had controlled my strength.
But the pain i had inflict is not physically tat matters.
It is the emotions that hurts, for a woman who has been beaten up by her ex hubby.
Irregardless of ex-hubby or no hubby.
If you try to do this to any gal again, the ending will be the same. They will ALL leave you. -
Perhaps the starting of this threat is to discuss is it good or bad.Originally posted by jojobeach:For ANY woman.
Irregardless of ex-hubby or no hubby.
If you try to do this to any gal again, the ending will be the same. They will ALL leave you.
Fighting is the sign of failure in a relationship?
Some ppl may only learn thru conflicts.
Perhaps fights exist becos we wan to hold on to the relationship which we value and refuse to let go.
Fight = signs of communication failure.
But i believe it is an act of passion. Hold on against the forces of nature.
Am i right to say tat? -
Fighting is nothing...BDSM is better
-
Abterror,Originally posted by abterror:Perhaps the starting of this threat is to discuss is it good or bad.
Fighting is the sign of failure in a relationship?
Some ppl may only learn thru conflicts.
Perhaps fights exist becos we wan to hold on to the relationship which we value and refuse to let go.
Fight = signs of communication failure.
But i believe it is an act of passion. Hold on against the forces of nature.
Am i right to say tat?
There are self help books out there pertaining to this topic.
I suggest you read some to help you deal with your future relationships.
In a gist,
There's constructive fighting and destructive fighting.
Arguing is not a bad thing, but you need to do it fairly.
Arguing is one of the ways to conflict resolution.
But the best way is to know how to NEGOTIATE.
Physical fights are never out of passion, ALWAYS out of ANGER.
You may need to also look into your anger management.
Ask yourself this.
Do you want your love one to stay with you out of FEAR or out of LOVE ?
Remember this, you cannot force love, you can only nurture it.
When love starts to fade, the harder you grip, the faster it slips away. -
Hitting a girl = wrong.
Hitting a guy = wrong.
Hitting a someone = wrong.
Hitting a pet = wrong.
Domestic violence = wrong and against the law.
Animal cruelty = wrong and against the law. -
I'll admit i flicked through this quickly but a few points brought up i'd like to comment on...
1) 'programming' or 'controlling your woman'... has anyone seen the Stepford Wives? now i dunno about you but that sounds like hell to me imo love her as she is or leave her cos you don't love her, you love who you want her to be and that ain't the same thing.
2) abuse can be a two way thing or just the woman being violent and i'm willing to bet it's more prevelant than any statistics'll say because of male pride... i'm not sayin that's the situation here but there's also a long running insinuation in this thread that it's the fact it's a woman that makes it wrong... as if a woman beating the shit out of her husband/bf would be any better... there's some beefy girls in this world that'd kick most of our arses lol
as:Hitting a girl = wrong.
(well i say that knowing full well there's many occasions i'd get in a fight... but not with someone i love)
Hitting a guy = wrong.
Hitting a someone = wrong.
Hitting a pet = wrong.
Domestic violence = wrong and against the law.
Animal cruelty = wrong and against the law.
and on the original message... i try my best never to fight in any way with my fiancee, and i can't think of a single time we have fought, but the last thing I could ever do is physically hurt her - i don't think i could live with myself if i did. and i don't think that's just me... if you really love someone your first instinct has to be protecting them - and yes i can back that up. the only other species to demonstrate the love emotion is dogs, and in the breeds that have shown it strongest many have been known to risk death to save their owner but very rarely, if ever hurt them (without some history of abuse).
maybe not everyone will never verbally fight with their partner but is it really love if you can physically hurt them? and if she's willing to hurt you does she really love you?
just wanting someone to love you and wanting to love them and even them wanting to love you too doesn't make it love... if it's not there it's not there and who wants to be in that? i think both ts and partner need to seriously think about where that relationship's going...
my two cents.
i guess there's always the argument for conditioning that if a childs brought up in a violent home then they'll see love and violence go hand in hand and go on to abuse... but i don't think that's really the point. -
caught red-handed with another guy. not everyone can just be cool bout that.
when did u notice shes with another guy ?
Like u said shes more to a stranger to you now.
When some1 treat their partner kinda cool and more to a stranger, normally its over, the love is just not as strong as before or can be said no more.
I experienced once on how my ex being so stranger to me. Well, obviously it was never my mistake and she just suddenly become a different person. Later i happened to know by her own mouth that she prefers woman more than man.. a lesbian yea. Till now i never know if she had even really loved me once or just simply be with me cuz i care for her.
So TS what are you gonna do now? Too many advices here so just think of what you wanna do now or in future rather than discussing if fighting is a good or a bad way in r/s -
http://kimberlychapman.com/abuse/abuse.html
go and have a better idea of it.. -
Dear Jo jo,Originally posted by jojobeach:Abterror,
There are self help books out there pertaining to this topic.
I suggest you read some to help you deal with your future relationships.
In a gist,
There's constructive fighting and destructive fighting.
Arguing is not a bad thing, but you need to do it fairly.
Arguing is one of the ways to conflict resolution.
But the best way is to know how to NEGOTIATE.
Physical fights are never out of passion, ALWAYS out of ANGER.
You may need to also look into your anger management.
Ask yourself this.
Do you want your love one to stay with you out of FEAR or out of LOVE ?
Remember this, you cannot force love, you can only nurture it.
When love starts to fade, the harder you grip, the faster it slips away.
It is not an everyday issue.
Just that sometimes, things just get heat up and things are not like i enjoyed fighting with her.
She is the only woman i ever fought in my life.
Perhaps she is those kind whom will start to be physical as well.
Bad tempered, the used of words, things which were carried forwarded from the past. And lots of others issue.
I never feel happy at the end of the day, to me it is just communication and i hope she would learn from everything.
There is always a two side of an issue.
On one hand, guys should never lay their hands on a girl, but if given that the girl may turn physical when a verbal arguement heat up or keep pestering you if you would like to cool down. Refuse to listen and understand what you had plan to resolve the issue instead of just keeping piss off from what she has see.
what should a guy do?
Perhaps it is personality incompatiblility and it could be due to improper handling of the past issues. -
On one hand, guys should never lay their hands on a girl, but if given that the girl may turn physical when a verbal arguement heat up or keep pestering you if you would like to cool down. Refuse to listen and understand what you had plan to resolve the issue instead of just keeping piss off from what she has see.
walk away?
what should a guy do? -
she will pester you.Originally posted by Jezmeister:walk away? -
i have absolutely no idea where you got the idea that fighting is an act of passion, especially towards yr girl. no matter how fiery her temper is, i see no reason why violent physical contact must be resorted, there's bound to be other ways out.
-
Originally posted by abterror:Hi all,
I would like to hear your opinion from both genders.
how many of you guys and gers have been thru all these?
And what is your perception of this.
Personally, I have been thru all these.
Some ppl will view it as great passion will lead to great anger.
I fought with my ex-gf b4. eg push and hold her down.
Sometimes it is anger and act of defence mechanism. (she has a very fiery temper)
But i will just put it aside the next day and view it as an act of communication.
But to her, she viewed me as an aggressive person.
On the other hand, the common practice now is
Guys is usually at fault, reason we are physically stronger.
And gentleman kind of expectation which is seeked from us.
So what is ur stand ladies and gentlemen.
Many point of views have been dished out; so I will quote something out from CloUdiSm.
In a relationship, there is a constant imaginary scale, affecting individual growth and the bloodline of the relationship to achieve a strange equilibrium. This equilibrium will seek to neutralise two souls into one functional relationship, forcefully alleviating or degenerating either party to equal out the other in terms of personality, character, mindset, esteem, confidence, perception, emotional state, sexual needs, material possession, etc.
What I mean is that if we chose an abusive partner who brandished a temper shorter than a troll's nose, for the relationship to continue functioning, this imaginary scale will either
I) Degenerate your level to that of this abusive partner; fight fire with fire (Mars influenced). Your relationship declines.
OR
II) You subdue her temper and evolve her personality with Love. You alleviates her condition and that of your relationship to your enlightened state; you fight fire with water (Venus influenced). Your relationship achieve a breakthrough - it grows.
I never believe in physical confrontation because there's never a need for it. There might be a need to teach maturity for those who sees reason in getting physical. That itself, requires a human revolution.
It's a self thing - not a Love thing.
Cheers -
then leave her... unless that was a threatOriginally posted by abterror:she will pester you.
as my first post on this page... how is that love? -
Why do you insist she has to learn from you ?Originally posted by abterror:Dear Jo jo,
It is not an everyday issue.
Just that sometimes, things just get heat up and things are not like i enjoyed fighting with her.
She is the only woman i ever fought in my life.
Perhaps she is those kind whom will start to be physical as well.
Bad tempered, the used of words, things which were carried forwarded from the past. And lots of others issue.
I never feel happy at the end of the day, to me it is just communication and i hope she would learn from everything.
There is always a two side of an issue.
On one hand, guys should never lay their hands on a girl, but if given that the girl may turn physical when a verbal arguement heat up or keep pestering you if you would like to cool down. Refuse to listen and understand what you had plan to resolve the issue instead of just keeping piss off from what she has see.
what should a guy do?
Perhaps it is personality incompatiblility and it could be due to improper handling of the past issues.
Are you really so knowledgeable ?
Don't you, yourself have a lot to learn about relationship too ?
She is the first girl you fought with, as in she is your first "serious" girlfriend ?
If not, how many relationships have you been through before ?
And if she is the first girlfriend.
Then my question will be.. how do you usually go about dealing with conflict ?
Or issues that your girlfriend is not happy about ?
1. Do you shrug it off and sweep them under the carpet ?
2. Do you just keep quiet , hoping it will go away ?
3. Do you sleep on it, and deal with it the next day ?
4. Do you slug it out with her the moment she raise the issue ?
During an argument, do you validate her feelings or do you try to shut her up with your reasonings ?
You complain about her not listening to you, but have you been listening to her ?
I've got a feeling you have let problems snowballed for too long.
For her to be so short tempered with you, she obviously has a lot of built up resentments that cannot seem to resolve and it frustrates the hell outa her.
Too many times, a man cannot/refuse to confront and resolve a issue is due to PRIDE. And from your posting, I can tell you are a VERY prideful man.
And since she has realized you cannot be changed, she has given up on you , and now seeks greener pastures. -
i think it's not right to push a girl or punch her..
however a slap is allow -
FBI,Originally posted by FBI:i think it's not right to push a girl or punch her..
however a slap is allow
A slap on a woman's face is a stab in her heart.