Is fighting an act of passion or an unacceptable act?
-
Originally posted by jojobeach:
Why do you insist she has to learn from you?
> Both of us have temper. At me, at least listen and talk things out.
Are you really so knowledgeable ?
> I believe We learn from each another
Don't you, yourself have a lot to learn about relationship too ?
> I had my retribution. I had always want to talk things out no matter what arguement exist. But this time round, someone else came along and she thinks she deserves someone better. Dun really have a chance to say my part.
She refused to listen.
She is the first girl you fought with, as in she is your first "serious" girlfriend ?
> I had about 5 serious relationship. This is the only one i fought with. I asked why, had i become agressive or is this woman really too hot to handle. i guess like what Yunhaier had mentioned, there are many factors which took place, eg. personality, character, mindset, esteem, confidence, perception, emotional state, sexual needs, material possession, etc. Perhaps it is not the right time for love between us to blossom. I had tried hard. To me conflicts are part of learning towards us. Forget and forgive in whatever things that happen. But i guess i still lost fighting against all odds. There is a lmit for everyone. Misunderstanding, the unwillingness to talk and opportunity cost came along, everything happens like the mercyless tides of tsunami. And all is lost.
If not, how many relationships have you been through before ?
And if she is the first girlfriend.
Then my question will be.. how you do usually go about dealing with conflict ?
> Noone likes arguement or fights. But if it is for the greater good for both to understand. Why not?
Or issues that your girlfriend is not happy about ?
> Many things which had been done wrongly.What isn't said doesn't meant it dun exist. Everything only spur out at the end of the story. Which becomes blames and hatrated.
1. Do you shrug it off and sweep them under the carpet ?
2. Do you just keep quiet , hoping it will go away ?
3. Do you sleep on it, and deal with it the next day ?
4. Do you slug it out with her the moment she raise the issue ?
During an argument, do you validate her feelings or do you try to shut her up with your reasonings ?
I've got a feeling you have let problems snowballed for too long.
> Agree. Perhaps she cared about my feelings and din't talk about them.
Or maybe to the extend, i am a grown up. hence, she dun needa nag and remind me like my mom. -
abterror,
During an argument, do you know how to control it so it does not become a full on war ? -
Walk away. Cool down.Originally posted by jojobeach:abterror,
During an argument, do you know how to control it so it does not become a full on war ? -
Women forgive, but we seldom forget.Originally posted by abterror:Forget and forgive in whatever things that happen.
There is a lmit for everyone.
Many things which had been done wrongly.What isn't said doesn't meant it dun exist. Everything only spur out at the end of the story. Which becomes blames and hatrated.
Women will hold grudges. And when the pot reach the top, it don't just overflows, it explodes.
Just because her way is not your way, does not mean it's not the right way.
And from my past experiences.
Pride is worth nothing.
But it will cost you VERY dearly if you have too much of it.
I hope you will be able to move on and become a better partner to a more suitable woman in a more suitable time. -
Just because someone don't love you the way you want them to, does not mean they don't love you with all they have.Originally posted by jojobeach:Women forgive, but we seldom forget.
Women will hold grudges. And when the pot reach the top, it don't just overflows, it explodes.
Just because her way is not your way, does not mean it's not the right way.
And from my past experiences.
Pride is worth nothing.
But it will cost you VERY dearly if you have too much of it.
I hope you will be able to move on and become a better partner to a more suitable woman in a more suitable time.
Agree with what you had mentioned. loss, learn and move on. No amount of sadness can turn back time. -
This is a very self deceiving statement.Originally posted by abterror:Just because someone don't love you the way you want them to, does not mean they don't love you with all they have.
The truth is....
In a relationship, you are the chef.
To please your biggest customer, you cook your best and the way she likes it.
If she likes her meat medium rare, you cook it medium rare.
She will come back to you , again and again, when no one else can cook comfort food like you do to satisfy her inner cravings.
If you can be that chef, you will have no problem keeping your woman, and keep her happy.
But if you are just another hawker dishing out the usual char kway teow among the several stalls that sells similar food, why would any gal wanna pay a premium price , or wait 2 hours for your plate ? -
What you had mentioned is the ideal case.Originally posted by jojobeach:This is a very self deceiving statement.
The truth is....
In a relationship, you are the chef.
To please your biggest customer, you cook your best and the way she likes it.
If she likes her meat medium rare, you cook it medium rare.
She will come back to you , again and again, when no one else can cook comfort food like you do to satisfy her inner cravings.
If you can be that chef, you will have no problem keeping your woman, and keep her happy.
But if you are just another hawker dishing out the usual char kway teow among the several stalls that sells similar food, why would any gal wanna pay a premium price , or wait 2 hours for your plate ?
Most of us have different perception and belief in our life.
Cos we are difference.
Sometimes we may do things differently but we have the interest of the other party at heart.
Many at times, we might even choose to do things at the most nuetral pt so as to be fair for both party.
I think your case will be more valid during the honey moon period. imo -
No Abterror,Originally posted by abterror:What you had mentioned is the ideal case.
Most of us have different perception and belief in our life.
Cos we are difference.
Sometimes we may do things differently but we have the interest of the other party at heart.
Many at times, we might even choose to do things at the most nuetral pt so as to be fair for both party.
I think your case will be more valid during the honey moon period. imo
If you think this way, your marriage will not survive past 2 years. -
Perhaps you are right.Originally posted by jojobeach:No Abterror,
If you think this way, your marriage will not survive past 2 years.
Life is all about working for what you treasure most.
There is no easy way out.
Giving all your best to the other party.
Wont they take it for granted? -
You know that marriage IS a GAMBLE.Originally posted by abterror:Perhaps you are right.
Life is all about working for what you treasure most.
There is no easy way out.
Giving all your best to the other party.
Wont they take it for granted?
But you don't have to go in BLIND.
Open your eyes to see who you are marrying.
If you have done your best, you will be rewarded.
If the other party don't reciprocate, at least you know you have done your best.
If you go into a marriage thinking you will be taken for granted, and refused to give it your best shot.
When the marriage falls apart, will you start wondering IF perhaps you put in a little bit more effort, you'd still have a HAPPY family ?????
Life is full of ups and down, if you can find someone to hold your hands to weather the storm of life, you have found happiness.
A relationship BEFORE "I Do" Is a Probationary period to make sure the one you are chosing is the RIGHT one.
So, don't get too hung up on the woman you call " Girlfriend". -
Hmmmm well I must say at the end of the day, the only thing that should matter is the reason for doing it. Why ? That is the most important thing. If the girl is going nuts, lost control and going to do something stupid and you slap her back to her senses I don't see anything wrong with that.
Generalizing that violence itself is bad isn't right either. We should always look for the reason behind it in all cases. The why.
Sometimes we commit violence for the Greater Good. Nothing is pure simple black and white.
So Sayeth the Great One
For the Greater Good ! -
Talked so much and adviced so much here..
Whats the point?
Let things go natural way, TS if u think u done enough and she still doesnt really see what have u done or improve? Then i see no longer be with the gal.
TO me your gal doesnt seem to be really understanding. Most of the time she follows her feeling too much and forgot that she need to understand how u think too.
Let it go natural way. Time will tell. Too many advices dont really help if only TS wanted to improve r/s but the other party only think of herself.
If you really what u said being seriouos in 5 r/s then i guess u did your job as a good bf already. U might be loyal to other party but seems the other party just never really try to understand u. -
No matter what...a guy is NEVER supposed to lay hands on a girl...
-
and vice versa too..Originally posted by fairlady_xoxo:No matter what...a guy is NEVER supposed to lay hands on a girl...
TOo many ppl said GUY is never supposed to lay hands on a girl but always forgot vice versa..
Tsk Tsk -
Frankly speaking, after being thru so much things.Originally posted by Zarks:Talked so much and adviced so much here..
Whats the point?
Let things go natural way, TS if u think u done enough and she still doesnt really see what have u done or improve? Then i see no longer be with the gal.
TO me your gal doesnt seem to be really understanding. Most of the time she follows her feeling too much and forgot that she need to understand how u think too.
Let it go natural way. Time will tell. Too many advices dont really help if only TS wanted to improve r/s but the other party only think of herself.
If you really what u said being seriouos in 5 r/s then i guess u did your job as a good bf already. U might be loyal to other party but seems the other party just never really try to understand u.
All i can conclude is, only those who are ready will get what they want.
The rest will only be seeking in more relationships and learn from their losses.
We want the other party to understand us, so do they.
But many at times, we only speak our language. We do not like to point out our partners' problem so as not to create any conflicts.
For us, i always nag at her flaws and control her in a way. Because i wanted her to be a better person.
To her, she just watch quietly and hope i would grow up faster and catch her pace, so things will happen. And also caring about my pride.
Neither way is wrong seriously, But lack of communication and the disability to see it coming cause the fatal failure.
We speak different language but it is all out of care, concern and love.
The question lies in how to come about building a strong foundation of your relationship. Too many times, we fall in love and haste up the process. We may not see that, yes we are building a tall infrustrature, but is the foundation stable? Once it fall it falls hard. Leaving nothing but unsettle questions and vague answers, the more of these, the more hatrated it generates. -
Think guys believe for the greater good.Originally posted by Great_One:Hmmmm well I must say at the end of the day, the only thing that should matter is the reason for doing it. Why ? That is the most important thing. If the girl is going nuts, lost control and going to do something stupid and you slap her back to her senses I don't see anything wrong with that.
Generalizing that violence itself is bad isn't right either. We should always look for the reason behind it in all cases. The why.
Sometimes we commit violence for the Greater Good. Nothing is pure simple black and white.
So Sayeth the Great One
For the Greater Good !
My mom slap me once, it was really a wake up call.
For all the woman out there, dun you ever slap your love ones if they are really too much? -
Comes to think about it.Originally posted by jojobeach:You know that marriage IS a GAMBLE.
But you don't have to go in BLIND.
Open your eyes to see who you are marrying.
If you have done your best, you will be rewarded.
If the other party don't reciprocate, at least you know you have done your best.
If you go into a marriage thinking you will be taken for granted, and refused to give it your best shot.
When the marriage falls apart, will you start wondering IF perhaps you put in a little bit more effort, you'd still have a HAPPY family ?????
Life is full of ups and down, if you can find someone to hold your hands to weather the storm of life, you have found happiness.
A relationship BEFORE "I Do" Is a Probationary period to make sure the one you are chosing is the RIGHT one.
So, don't get too hung up on the woman you call " Girlfriend".
If i had think it thru, perhaps the crisis can be avoided.
BTW tx a lot for your valueable feedback.
Cheers. For a better man. -
u hit her. she might not tell u truth next time. it worsen everything
dun ever hit a girl. too ungentleman -
Zarks,Originally posted by Zarks:and vice versa too..
TOo many ppl said GUY is never supposed to lay hands on a girl but always forgot vice versa..
Tsk Tsk
This kinda stuff is just chicken and egg talk.
Has your woman ever kicked your ass ?
Most of the time, if you look at proper statistics, domestic abusers are USUALLY MEN.
So, until the statistics become 1:1 then you start complaining ok ?
If you ever come across a man hitting his woman, are you going to stand on the side with your arms crossed and tell the gal " Oh you deserve it" ? -
Originally posted by abterror:Comes to think about it.
If i had think it thru, perhaps the crisis can be avoided.
BTW tx a lot for your valueable feedback.
Cheers. For a better man.
You are most welcome.
To a better man.. cheers~ -
I guess we take stand over where our strength is.Originally posted by jojobeach:Zarks,
This kinda stuff is just chicken and egg talk.
Has your woman ever kicked your ass ?
Most of the time, if you look at proper statistics, domestic abusers are USUALLY MEN.
So, until the statistics become 1:1 then you start complaining ok ?
If you ever come across a man hitting his woman, are you going to stand on the side with your arms crossed and tell the gal " Oh you deserve it" ?
Example. woman knows law protect them, hence they will tend to use more verbal challenges.
As strength is not their strong pts.
Whereas guys endure till cannot endure = our pure strength?
Make sense? -
Just because the law protects us women, means we don't mind getting beaten up ? No lah...Originally posted by abterror:I guess we take stand over where our strength is.
Example. woman knows law protect them, hence they will tend to use more verbal challenges.
As strength is not their strong pts.
Whereas guys endure till cannot endure = our pure strength?
Make sense?
Guys cannot endure.. then walk away ..... why stand there and take the verbal abuse ?
Isn't it a choice ? To just walk away ?
If your girl is abusive... why stick around and let her abuse ?
Same goes to abused women, the answer is to leave their man. -
hat i means is, we know where our strength lies and we tend to manululate it as our own advantages.Originally posted by jojobeach:Just because the law protects us women, means we don't mind getting beaten up ? No lah...
Guys cannot endure.. then walk away ..... why stand there and take the verbal abuse ?
Isn't it a choice ? To just walk away ?
If your girl is abusive... why stick around and let her abuse ?
Same goes to abused women, the answer is to leave their man. -
Eh?Originally posted by abterror:hat i means is, we know where our strength lies and we tend to manululate it as our own advantages.
Are you saying men's only advantage over their woman is brute force ?
C'mon, you're better than that. -
In a way. lolOriginally posted by jojobeach:Eh?
Are you saying men's only advantage over their woman is brute force ?
C'mon, you're better than that.
Sometimes personally, i use more eq when i am in love. lol
So the only thing i am more confident is my strength vs ladies. lol