I wish my Dad were dead...
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mabbe he oso wished he neber had a son like u leh?
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Even if your dad have died, you are still what you are. It is rather upset to see people venting their agony thru their parents when things does not go what they wanted it to go.
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Originally posted by JennTS:
He may be my dear old Dad, but he's the very reason why I continue to suffer every single day of my life. It's because of him and him only that I should have to live as someone I'm not, and further surpress my emotions just so I can get through every damn day.
Background Information: If you don't already know, I'm transsexual. Sadly, I still live my daily life as a guy despite undergoing hormone replacement therapy for over 2½ years. Initially I had planned to cross the gender line 3 months ago, and start living my life as a girl after finally graduating from Secondary School, but obviously I haven't yet because my (stupid) Dad stopped me.
"Blah blah blah....as the master of this house I order you to cut your hair short, if not you don't ever step back into thise house again."
I complied, only because I'm f*cked for life without a proper education. Still it was very emotionally painful to do this for him, because having a guyish haircut is the only reason that people still take me for a guy. Just a few days prior to cutting my hair, all my new classmates from my JC were telling me how they honestly thought that I'm a girl.
*sigh*
To summarise it, my Dad isn't at all supportive of what I'm doing. He's doing anything he can to stop me, but he doesn't realize that what he's doing only ends up hurting me, and screwing up my life even more. I've tried everything to convince him that my condition is genuine, but it all falls on deaf years. He refuses to believe any of it... (denial) Every morning when I wake up, I feel nothing but pain because my father can't accept the truth, and I'm forced to continue living in a body I hate. He's afraid of losing a son, but if he keeps this up, he may just lose an entire child.If only he weren't around, I'd be free to finally live my life...
Don' think that way ... I am a dad myself and I know he meant no harm. In fact, he is lost or even scared ... I mean he must be thinking ..." I got a son and now he say he is a girl or want to be a girl ... my gosh what am I going to do ... " ... his father and mother never teach him how to handle a situation like this ... so does any school ... what is he going to do ... You know, sometime when I observe my son, I am very scared he may turned out to be a gay ... that would be freaking me out man ... I am not against gay, but how to treat a son other than a son ...??? A friend once tell me " an angry man is a frighten man "... he do not know how to handle the situation so maybe he tried to straighten it right by telling you how to behave like a man ... you should think how to communicate to him and tell him no matter what happen to you, you are still his children ... maybe not more off spring but still his children ... let him accept you gradually and slowly ... this thing take time .. who would want to kick his children out of their life, not that I know of..
Tell you something, I used to have a neighbour just like you... his or rather her parents knew of it but wanted a son.. soon they realised their son is no son and so they contribute to his sex change... today, the parent still talk about it but had accept it leow ... I means, her parent is 70+ now,,, you father couldn't be that old right ...so why can't he take it...he only need time ...
I hope this help to resolve your father/son ( daughter ) relationship ... no point cursing and swearing and make you life miserable ... there are ways out ... you should know your father and you should know how to handle him... he will die one day, sooner or later .. but not on your curse I hope ... after that, what is going to stop you from doing what you want to do most ?? there are option ... think carefully and live harmonously..... take care !!
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this TS still haven grow up
then dun cry when your lao pei mati lor.
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We always blame our parents for not being understanding, but have we ever been understanding to our parents well-intention?
If one day, you can empathise with your parents feelings, that is the day you have grown up and ready for independence.
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JennTS,
How do you want your dad to treat you ?
If he is not doing it right for you, tell us how is the right way ?
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It's the society fault cos the society is in the manner that parent do not really tolerate this type of son to daughter or daughter to son changes...
But anyway, it is also in your interests that your dad tried to stop this type of change. Cos he do not want you to end up standing along Changi Village...
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Threadstarter really needs to think things through. Do you still remember this topic?"How many of you all could truly love a transsexual?":http://www.sgforums.com/forums/8/topics/215805?page=5 Your parents are probably the only ones in this world that truly loves you. Will you become a happier person when all your loved ones are dead and gone? If you become a transsexual... you will have very very very low chance of finding a man that will be willing to marry you... not to mention you will never be able to reproduce at all. You are here now because your parents produced you. Your parents are here now because your grand parents produced them. Your grand parents exists because your great-grand parents produced them... (and so on). If you become a transsexual... that is the end of the family line... No more children, no more grand-children, no more great-grand children... (no more descendants). If I have a son, and he wants to became a trans, I think I will go crazy and be driven to the grave. Especially if you are my only hope of continuing the family line. Anyway, I remembered reading an article about a man in USA that went through a sex change, she eventually realised that it is better to be man than to be a woman, and he changed back. TS should go look for this article. TS. My advice to you, is to become a man... seriously its better to be a man.
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Originally posted by ORIGAMIST:
Don' think that way ... I am a dad myself and I know he meant no harm. In fact, he is lost or even scared ... I mean he must be thinking ..." I got a son and now he say he is a girl or want to be a girl ... my gosh what am I going to do ... " ... his father and mother never teach him how to handle a situation like this ... so does any school ... what is he going to do ... You know, sometime when I observe my son, I am very scared he may turned out to be a gay ... that would be freaking me out man ... I am not against gay, but how to treat a son other than a son ...??? A friend once tell me " an angry man is a frighten man "... he do not know how to handle the situation so maybe he tried to straighten it right by telling you how to behave like a man ... you should think how to communicate to him and tell him no matter what happen to you, you are still his children ... maybe not more off spring but still his children ... let him accept you gradually and slowly ... this thing take time .. who would want to kick his children out of their life, not that I know of..
Tell you something, I used to have a neighbour just like you... his or rather her parents knew of it but wanted a son.. soon they realised their son is no son and so they contribute to his sex change... today, the parent still talk about it but had accept it leow ... I means, her parent is 70+ now,,, you father couldn't be that old right ...so why can't he take it...he only need time ...
I hope this help to resolve your father/son ( daughter ) relationship ... no point cursing and swearing and make you life miserable ... there are ways out ... you should know your father and you should know how to handle him... he will die one day, sooner or later .. but not on your curse I hope ... after that, what is going to stop you from doing what you want to do most ?? there are option ... think carefully and live harmonously..... take care !!
By the way, my neighbour, "she" now work as a hostress and every day people is touching her all over. When we asked her why this job, her answer was "I am actually a man, so let the man touch lor " ... I was thinking why the sex change in the first place ... to satify herself or for a occupation ...
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*shivers* TS please heed the positive advices.
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Well, first thing I want to say is that I guess I didn't really mean it when I wrote the topic title. My Dad said some really hurtful things to me last night, and he hit me with his belt too, so I was quite in a rage before writing this. I pretty much wrecked my school's student handbook by scribbling the words 'hate' all over with lots of force which resulted in several pages being destroyed before calming down, crying, then writing this. I do wish my Dad would disapear at times, but I'll probably miss him...
"Give him time...give him time..."
It's been 3½ years since I first told him about this... Initially, he was quite suppportive of me after sending me to a private professional psychiatrist and learning that my condition is genuine. But over the years his support just diminished; now he turns around and calls that psychiatrist a quack (he paid over $2500 btw), and says that he knows better than any one of them.I know it's painful for fathers to lose their sons this way, especially those with traditional views (I won't say that I fully undestand the pain though), but giving him time isn't going to accomplish anything. Talking and explaining to him isn't going to work either, because he's too damn stubborn to even believe anyone else but him is correct.
Also, to those who said that he's looking out for my best interests, he's not. 2 - 3 years ago he did, but now he just orders me to do things just to delay me further. It's pretty obvious from he's actions, by how he find reasons to keep me as a guy as long as possible, yet the reasons he gives are complete bullshit, totally irrelevant and do not at all benifit me in anyway.
I do realize that I am being rather selfish by how I just talk about myself and never mentioned about how my parents feel about this, but the bottom line is that I don't have a freaking choice. Do you honestly think any sane person would willingly put themselves through so much physical and emotional pain just to change their sex, only to be treated by a second-class human and face rejection from loved ones? The most I can do is ignore the pain like I've been doing for the past 17 years, but it'll only come back later on in your life and haunt you even more.
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Now, just a few things that I want to address:
"Maybe he isn't @ all supporttive of what u are doing. Just tat parents got their own thinking which they think is good for u and the family. Try thinking on ur dad part. If u was him, wad will u do? Will u allow ur son to do that? Pls give a serious thinking abt tat and not because u had wanted it so u jus say u will allow it." - ukillgy
Already mentioned how he's doing it in his own interests, and not of mine. Will I allow my child to do it? Well, I would, but only after determining that my child is indeed transsexual (having the psychological characteristics of one gender, and the physical characteristics of another). Being one myself, I know how painful life is having to live the wrong sex, and I don't want my child to suffer the same way my Dad made me suffer.@soleachip: I...think you misinterpreted what I said about being screwed for life, but then again I used the wrong ways to convey my point. What I meant to say was that if my Dad throws me out, I'm gonna be screwed because I don't have a good enough education to help me survive. Life is going to be bumpy, having to balance a part time career, education, and paying of monthly expenses.
Thanks for the rest of the advice though...
"mabbe he oso wished he neber had a son like u leh?" - Hello Kitty
I'd be even happier if he never brought me into this world.
"We always blame our parents for not being understanding, but have we ever been understanding to our parents well-intention?
If one day, you can empathise with your parents feelings, that is the day you have grown up and ready for independence." - galfriend
Again, my Dad doesn't mean well for me. I do understand what he feels (not fully), but I can't change myself. I've explained to him my situation, I've given him plently of time to accept it, but nothing works with him. Tell me, what the hell do you expect me to do? (sorry for sounding harsh; I know you mean well)
"But anyway, it is also in your interests that your dad tried to stop this type of change. Cos he do not want you to end up standing along Changi Village..." - caleb_chiang
Majority of the girls there don't have qualifications for proper jobs, mainly due to the fact that they've been thrown out from their homes causing them to terminate their education. They turn to the sex trade to support themselves. But not all transsexuals end up there. There're plently of us that hold positions in large companies. There could even be one among you right now, but you just don't know because they don't talk about themselves.
I for one intend to finish university and get myself a good job... *sigh* and hopefully find someone I love too.
"Threadstarter really needs to think things through.
Do you still remember this topic?
How many of you all could truly love a transsexual?Your parents are probably the only ones in this world that truly loves you.
Will you become a happier person when all your loved ones are dead and gone?If you become a transsexual… you will have very very very low chance of finding a man that will be willing to marry you… not to mention you will never be able to reproduce at all.
You are here now because your parents produced you. Your parents are here now because your grand parents produced them. Your grand parents exists because your great-grand parents produced them… (and so on). If you become a transsexual… that is the end of the family line… No more children, no more grand-children, no more great-grand children… (no more descendants).
If I have a son, and he wants to became a shemale, I think I will go crazy and be driven to the grave. Especially if you are my only hope of continuing the family line.
Anyway, I remembered reading an article about a man in USA that went through a sex change, she eventually realised that it is better to be man than to be a woman, and he changed back. TS should go look for this article.
TS. My advice to you, is to become a man… seriously its better to be a man." - SoulDivine
I wanted to blast you at first after reading this, but I guess you typed it here with a good intention, so I'll just say it nicely.Would I be a happier person if all my loved ones were dead, but I became who I wanted to be? Maybe, maybe not. It's hard to say. Life without love is meaningless to me. On the other hand, would I be happy if all my loved ones were with me, but I loathe the body that I'm in? Absolutely not. I'd rather die and spare myself the suffering. However, there's no where that says I have to lose all my loved ones in order to do what I want; I only lose the ones who're unable to accept me, which isn't really a terrible loss.
Regarding the article, are you're talking about Sam Himishi who became Samantha Kane after facing financial problems and a divorce, then to Charles Kane when he realized it wasn't for him? If you are, the reason why this happened was because he had these feelings caused by a longing to retreat into a fantasy character rather than having an actual crisis of gender identity. If you arn't, please either refer me to the article, or give me more specific details so that I can find it.
You say it's easier to be a man, but that's just easier said than done. For the first 14 years of my life, I tried my best to be a male, and have also considered de-transitioning several times after facing pressure from Christian friends & counsellors, only to realize it's never going to work because I can't change who I am. Please read my 5th paragraph if you haven't already...
I'm female at heart...nothing will ever change that.
@ORGAMIST: I don't know what to say about your neighbour...but I'm definately not going to let any guy touch me just like that. Thanks for the advice too btw.
"JennTS,
How do you want your dad to treat you ?
If he is not doing it right for you, tell us how is the right way ?" - jojobeach
Every transsexual has to start transitioning at some point in his/her life; I intended to start after graduating from secondary school. Hopefully I could grow my hair longer, toss out all my old clothes and replace it with female clothes, change all my legal documents to reflect my new name and photo, and start living my life as female through polytechnic. In fact, I did tell him about this 2+ years ago and he was fine with it, unfortunately now he isn't.
And before you all have some image of a guy with a big build and a deep voice, dressing up in a spag strap or whatever, I am not at all like that. I pretty much look like any other teenage girl you'd find down the street. I have actually gone out and met quite a lot of people too when my hair was longer, and they don't even have the slightless clue that I'm transsexual.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who tried to help (especially you Bear =]] ).
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Jenn,
You are below the age of 21.
You have never been a parent.
And transsexuals need to attend counselling and training first before starting on the transitioning & the eventual sex change. My understanding that legal changes in documents need to be supported with documentations from counsellors, doctors consent of legal adults. So have you completed any of the above?
Financially, are you able?
And teenage girls still look like a girl even after a hair cut. Even shaved bald. So I do not understand your description that your short hair revealed your sex where other females were able to be shaven bald and still be recognized as a female. (This would also have been a indication of how 'femimne you are'.)
I am not against your wishes for sex changes or so on. But I am curious as to why your story doesnt match with some folks that have changed their sex.
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Originally posted by caleb_chiang:
It's the society fault cos the society is in the manner that parent do not really tolerate this type of son to daughter or daughter to son changes...
But anyway, it is also in your interests that your dad tried to stop this type of change. Cos he do not want you to end up standing along Changi Village...
serioulsy which parent will allow? imagine u had a son now and he's gonna b a trans how u feel? -
since u so stubborn then we oso dunwan to waste our time on u.
i pity ur parents.
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I've been through counselling.
Training isn't really required to start transitioning.
I am able to get a letter from my psychiatrist which allows me to make the legal changes in my documents, but I haven't done so as I don't have consent from my parents.Financially, I'm not able to go through this on my own yet.
The reason why I look more like a guy compared to a female shaven bald is because:
- It's not just a short haircut, it's a guy haircut (how many girls actually cut slopes?)
- I dress in guyish clothes
- My boobs are barely noticable under clothes. There're so many girls I've seen whom I'd mistake for guys if they didn't have boobs.
Perhaps I phrased my sentence wrongly. Because of my stupid guyish haircut, it makes me look more like a guy than before. I could probably still pass of as a butch (my friends still do comment that I look very feminine; 2 days ago I had my schoolmate look at me, then tell me that I look like a girl), but the retarded short slope has just killed off practically every bit of my confidence to even try. That, with a combination of the 3 points I gave above is the reason for why I'm taken as a guy.I hope these answer your questions.
PS: My hair wasn't really that long anyway. My fringe was only up to my eyelashes, my sideburns were just long enough to curl around my ear, and my back was just long enough....to errr....just touch the collar of my shirt, if I happened to wear a collared shirt. -
wateber lah.
tell us these fer wat.
we dun gib a damn to ur appearance.
if leali hv to choose btwn ur dad & urself, the one to b dead shud b u.
bt pls dun b silly.
u livin such a jinxed life le.
dun cause trouble to others eben aft ur death.
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
since u so stubborn then we oso dunwan to waste our time on u.
i pity ur parents.
Well, wtf do you expect me to do?Understand my parents point of view - Done that, but what does that accomplish? I can't change myself. I can only try to make them understand me, and pray that they do.
Help my parents understand - Tried. Dad refuses to.
Give them time - 3½ years is a pretty long time already. Give them a longer time, and they'd just hope that I'd forget about it.
Change myself - Not freaking possible at all. I'd rather die.
Just tolerate it, and do whatever I want when I'm independent - Only feasible option I've heard, but I never rejected this idea. Will do this if I really don't have a choice.What kind of parent would allow their child to change sex? I don't know, but let me ask you this:
What kind of parent would let their child go through so much suffering, to the extent that they'd rather not even be born. -
basket.
u stil tink u so pitiful ah.
u hv no idea wat sufferin is.
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
wateber lah.
tell us these fer wat.
we dun gib a damn to ur appearance.
if leali hv to choose btwn ur dad & urself, the one to b dead shud b u.
bt pls dun b silly.
u livin such a jinxed life le.
dun cause trouble to others eben aft ur death.
And why the heck am I saying all that? Because I'm replying to someone else, but 8 freaking minutes ago I haven't figured out how to quote someone. If you don't even care why bother posting 4 messages in this thread.
I'm not really cursing my dad ffs. I already said that I wrote this one night when I was in a rage. I'm just bloody frustrated, okay? Can't I freaking rant a little in this forum? -
Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
basket.
u stil tink u so pitiful ah.
u hv no idea wat sufferin is.
And you have no idea how f*cking painful it is to be born the wrong sex. -
Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
basket.
u stil tink u so pitiful ah.
u hv no idea wat sufferin is.
do you?do you know when you are punished not for something you chose, but something you are?
do you know the suffering when you are punished by your own parent for something you are, not something you chose to do?
do you know the suffering of having pain inflicted upon you when you are already down and out? and worse, by someone who we figure should love us?
do you know this kind of suffering at all?
it is the same as being a victim of racism...
you think for one moment Jenn chose this suffering?
do you?
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i dun care.
i juz wan to scold the freak out of u.
i hv no objection on racism.
it's all fair and square.
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u here eberiday stil duno hw to quote.
n u knw hw i knw.
i use my blain.
no wonder u so dumb.
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
i dun care.
i juz wan to scold the freak out of u.
i hv no objection on racism.
it's all fair and square.
i guess that says it all...
goodbye.. your idiocy seems to have no bounds..
you and your kind are the problem, not even a neutral...
maybe one day, someone will pick on you because of what you are.. because of who you are..
and i hope that someone cares enough to defend you.. because what you have wished on Jenn, is something i would never wish for even for my worst enemy...
btw... don't have children... because karma has a bad habit you know?
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u ought to grow up.
dis is the real world.