My story revealed (long story)
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Sep,
Sadly, the only thing I know that can "cure" you is if someone followed you and your gf around and restrain you immediately and beat you up whenever you started to become physically abusive with her. Someone around constantly that you feared enough that you wouldn't hurt her because you know you'd get badly hurt if you did.
If she had brothers or male friends who would do that for the both of you, your relationship may have a future.
Otherwise, you'll have to work out your issues first before attempting any relationships with any woman.
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i know, i m willing to do things, i knw its very pain, everytime, i sleep 4 hrs and cry every day. i knw its pain. even counseling makes me cry. even with frens i make an effort to calm down n walk off when im hot headed and angry.
she said she cannot be with me but if fate permits she may be with me, and that if i really change and that she wanrts to be with me then she decides.
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Originally posted by phil30k:
Sep,
Sadly, the only thing I know that can "cure" you is if someone followed you and your gf around and restrain you immediately and beat you up whenever you started to become physically abusive with her. Someone around constantly that you feared enough that you wouldn't hurt her because you know you'd get badly hurt if you did.
If she had brothers or male friends who would do that for the both of you, your relationship may have a future.
Otherwise, you'll have to work out your issues first before attempting any relationships with any woman.
that is not a cure its a preventive measure. and how hard it is for me, i want a cure since it happened, and prevention from within myself. i will try my best tru counseling. -
Please... you really love her? love her enough to threw punches at her? What's next? stabb her for leaving you?
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Originally posted by sEphIrOth:
yes, i shall leave her alone for now.but thinking that i shall change, i am going for counseling already. now, she says she cannot be together with me cuz of family and she dun wan to be hurt anymore. she has no feelings. what can i do?
Seriously, u can leave her alone for a while.She dun wanna be with u, do respect her decision.
U failed her as a bf, so no point crying over spilt milk.
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男人��， 女人�爱
there are always obstacles in live
resolve and overcome it
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leave her alone for a few weeks or so
and sms her, can we start over?
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Originally posted by sEphIrOth:
i know, i m willing to do things, i knw its very pain, everytime, i sleep 4 hrs and cry every day. i knw its pain. even counseling makes me cry. even with frens i make an effort to calm down n walk off when im hot headed and angry.
she said she cannot be with me but if fate permits she may be with me, and that if i really change and that she wanrts to be with me then she decides.
i think u should go for ur anger management course though. hmm..
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You already know your own problems, don't you?
You are very much self-absorbed. You claim to want to change for her, but what happens after that?
What happens after "you have changed for her", but what if she leaves you / anger you again?
You seem to think that by posting here you're trying to relieve yourself of the guilt.
No.
The guilt is yours to keep- we cannot tell you what course of action to take, and we don't need to. You already know it yourself. She already told you what she wants.
BUT ARE YOU LISTENING?
What she really wants from you is a change for the better. A positive change that tells her that you CAN take charge of your life and through that, the relationship of both of you. And in case you don't know... getting yourself drunk don't really count as a positivity.
You regret. But will you change to make sure it never happens again? Because if you are not confident of that, the next time it would happen again.
And when it happens again that is when everything WILL come to a definite end, if it isn't already so now.
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Originally posted by sEphIrOth:
We were a quarrelsome couple but we loved each other.
2 fridays ago, we went clubbing and I got angry with her, so I walked off from the dance floor. She got upset and wanted to go home. So I pushed her to the wall and held her tightly. She cried and wanted to break up with me. Usually, she says she wants to break up. Now, my friends talked to her.
She told them she was fustrated and wanted things to work out, ever since, we had been together. Till last friday.
Last friday, we were talking about making a future in us. Then when we settled it in a peaceful manner giving me a chance to change, smarty pants decided to confess to her that 1 month before I knew her, I had a fling. She got angry, asking me why did I not tell her during our relationship, only now after 5 months? And she cannot accepts that I done it and it is a fling. She said I could not trust her in the past, now she cannot stand my infidelity. She said she wants a break up due to this and that I cheated on her.
In my mind I was thinking, I had cheated on her? It is my fault that I had done it and I did not know she was my future partner. It is not really my fault even though she may think I have loose morals, it happened once, and before our relationship. I promised her not to ever do it and be honest, she did not want to listen. She insisted that I cheated on her and she wanted a breakup.
Its WRONG to BEAT UP A woman regardless of whatever reasons you have. The thing is you confess how much you want to change. But trust me, what is already inherent in you ( be it a +ve or -ve trait), it will only grow stronger and stronger after marriage. So if you have this tendency to lose your cool, and beat up a woman, then this tendency will only aggravate after marriage.
I suggest, you go for anger management course 1st and seriously urge you not to engage in another relationship until the beast in you is gone. Man you got to respect woman you know.
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Whatever happen had happened.....
I ask you 1question. Are you willingly to own up your mistake and turn over a new leaf now?
If really want to change over, dont listen people who discourage you. That is provided you really want to change.
Seek for pro to talk about, as BEATING a girl is a very wrong thing to do. After some understanding of the whole matter, you should meet up your girl and give it a final try. Even if your girl dont want you, ACCEPT IT. That is because its ALL YOUR FAULT, remember that well.
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Originally posted by sEphIrOth:
i know, i m willing to do things, i knw its very pain, everytime, i sleep 4 hrs and cry every day. i knw its pain. even counseling makes me cry. even with frens i make an effort to calm down n walk off when im hot headed and angry.
she said she cannot be with me but if fate permits she may be with me, and that if i really change and that she wanrts to be with me then she decides.
Seph,Your violent confrontation is a sign of regression.
I don't know if you can see the bigger picture.
But, as we human's progress and modernize.
Behaviorial trait like yours, which you attribute to "impulse" is no longer acceptable.
Meaning, you have become 'outmoded", or "obsolete".
Through natural selection, females will shun men like you.
Unless you can start progressing like the rest of us. You will have a hard time finding a life long mate.
Or, you may find a mate, but she will be a weak link. And her weakness will be target for your impulse, a vicious cycle ensue.
Think about it.
At your age, you can still choose. It's all up to you.
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You have my moral support
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what i want is to really change. it is very hard for me , talk is cheap, but im going through the course. what i really want is to change.
now, im hurt badly, so is she. i took her for granted but now is not the time to cry over spilt milk. now, i need to pick up the pieces and understand the cause and effect of my actions. only then will i realise the consequences that lies with the actions i take.
at the end of the day it lies up to her. whether or not she wants to just be frens or progress further, its up to her. i can only change and hope she accepts me back.
she told me she cannot give me another chance to be with her and that we be frens forever. however if fate wants us to be tgt we will be tgt. so i guess no point forcing, anything, also juz let it be.
time might heal my wounds.
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Originally posted by BangHong:
Whatever happen had happened.....
I ask you 1question. Are you willingly to own up your mistake and turn over a new leaf now?
If really want to change over, dont listen people who discourage you. That is provided you really want to change.
Seek for pro to talk about, as BEATING a girl is a very wrong thing to do. After some understanding of the whole matter, you should meet up your girl and give it a final try. Even if your girl dont want you, ACCEPT IT. That is because its ALL YOUR FAULT, remember that well.
i have already owned up to everyone. im trying to turn over a new leaf now. this behavior like jojo said, will make me lose out in the natural selection process. -
Good luck to you, u can ask for advice if u are ever stuck
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Start afresh again today. We're here if you need support.
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don't you understand change? DO you understand change?
don't you understand that what you did is so serious that no sane woman will want to be around you thereafter, no matter how much you love her? I support her decision not to come back to you and get abused - verbally or physically. Besides, there are many guys out there many times better. Don't you think she deserve a chance at happiness with better people than yourself? Why do you keep holding her back for yourself? Make yourself feel better? She already want to move on. Let her go. She already said she will not give you another chance. Let her GO.
Do you know love is just an excuse? Its just that the person clings on to something and use it for whatever selfish purpose? Love from you is killing her.
Someone posted before that you want to change, you will change. Internally you want to change and never ever slide back. Do not use your "feeling" for her or whatever external excuse to change. Because that person/feeling will fade and you will blame that person for "making" you change. Internally, you have to feel it and want to make the change just for yourself.
Don't expect people to "accept" you just because you change. Don't expect people to forgive you just because you change. Don't expect people to give something back to you just because you change. Because simply, what you did is not acceptable in the first place. Just because you change to be more acceptable to society does not mean people have to accept you because you are the one who is out of line. Just because you are more in control of your temper does not make you any more special. There are a million men out there who are already in control of their temper. What makes you think people should accept and forgive you? What makes you think it will erase whatever you did?
Let me just tell you that being in a BGR is stressful. You already beat her up. Now being married will be 1000 times worse stress. I think you will never be able to control yourself and propably beat her up to a pulp and then cry over her grave.
My question is as always: Have you faced your internal demon? Have you fought your internal demon?
Do you know what is change? Its not crying. Its not hoping she will accept you. Its also not using your "love" to help you "control" yourself. Its not alot of things you have been talking about. Do you really want to change?
Time heal all wounds in everyone. You better hope time heal her wounds. And you better remember that what you did is never going to go away.
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Hi Misty,
How's you and your husband doing ?
You're still with him correct ?
Just wondering, since he beat you up before, why you still stick with him ?
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move on & be a better person next time round
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Hi Misty,
How's you and your husband doing ?
You're still with him correct ?
Just wondering, since he beat you up before, why you still stick with him ?
Still around with him. My brother beat me up.
My husband does verbal type. Commin in quarrels. This CNY, I am going through a round of disappointment.
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Originally posted by mistyblue:
Still around with him. My brother beat me up.
My husband does verbal type. Commin in quarrels. This CNY, I am going through a round of disappointment.
-hugz-
Take care
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Originally posted by mistyblue:
Still around with him. My brother beat me up.
My husband does verbal type. Commin in quarrels. This CNY, I am going through a round of disappointment.
Why do you let your brother abuse you? Seriously , tell him that if he lays his fingers on you , you will call the police.
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I hate physical abusers.
I will accept no amount of claims that just because you are hotheaded , you hit the girl. You made the choice to hit her. She dumped you - good for her . Go for anger management classes and sort out your problem.
Quit whinging about yourself and wondering why she doesn't want to be with you - the answer is obvious: you are a pathetic loser until you can sort yourself out.
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Originally posted by mistyblue:
don't you understand change? DO you understand change?
don't you understand that what you did is so serious that no sane woman will want to be around you thereafter, no matter how much you love her? I support her decision not to come back to you and get abused - verbally or physically. Besides, there are many guys out there many times better. Don't you think she deserve a chance at happiness with better people than yourself? Why do you keep holding her back for yourself? Make yourself feel better? She already want to move on. Let her go. She already said she will not give you another chance. Let her GO.
Do you know love is just an excuse? Its just that the person clings on to something and use it for whatever selfish purpose? Love from you is killing her.
Someone posted before that you want to change, you will change. Internally you want to change and never ever slide back. Do not use your "feeling" for her or whatever external excuse to change. Because that person/feeling will fade and you will blame that person for "making" you change. Internally, you have to feel it and want to make the change just for yourself.
Don't expect people to "accept" you just because you change. Don't expect people to forgive you just because you change. Don't expect people to give something back to you just because you change. Because simply, what you did is not acceptable in the first place. Just because you change to be more acceptable to society does not mean people have to accept you because you are the one who is out of line. Just because you are more in control of your temper does not make you any more special. There are a million men out there who are already in control of their temper. What makes you think people should accept and forgive you? What makes you think it will erase whatever you did?
Let me just tell you that being in a BGR is stressful. You already beat her up. Now being married will be 1000 times worse stress. I think you will never be able to control yourself and propably beat her up to a pulp and then cry over her grave.
My question is as always: Have you faced your internal demon? Have you fought your internal demon?
Do you know what is change? Its not crying. Its not hoping she will accept you. Its also not using your "love" to help you "control" yourself. Its not alot of things you have been talking about. Do you really want to change?
Time heal all wounds in everyone. You better hope time heal her wounds. And you better remember that what you did is never going to go away.
yes, i understand, changing will not result in anything, juz making me much normal. today, i m really glad i met her to pass her stuff i made for her. she was happy i was moving on and i told her that we dont know whether we cud be tgt. she said she doesnt know. maybe she hasnt completely forgiven me. however, i m glad we can still be happy frens and we will see what happens.