He promised he'll change
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Ha I had a bf something like yours before and he was 2, 3 & 5 of the pts you listed on your previous thread.
My adv is a clean break from him. Like yours, he cried, begged and even stalked me after break-up that he would change. Gave him chance and chance and I tell you no changes at all.
You feel sad because he used to be part of your life and you being used to him is really not to be used as an excuse.
I suggest you take your friend's adv and break off all contacts and start afresh. There are better guys out there who will cherish and love you and not abuse you and take you for granted.
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Originally posted by thehappybunny:
This is going to be harsh, but here goes.
Loving him, is like loving AIDS.
Ask yourself, what good has he done for YOU? From what I saw in your relationship with him, your were giving, and he was taking. There was no balance. Imagine the type of life he could put you through.
If you stick by him, its going to be unhealthy for you. You said you wanted to start afresh upon the start of poly, if you really mean it, leave him behind, whatever it takes. It won't be easy, but it's whats best for you.
And heres something else, upon breaking up, he cried? He was taking you for granted all the while. How do you know it won't happen again?
Think about it, Yuki.
Wah.....finally something that sounds smart out of you....kidding.
x2.
Yeah....quit smoking this piece of cigarette.
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Aiya.....the world so big.....you still so young.....your road so long.....look forward and carry on walking. You will meet someone better down the road. A character can't be changed overnight. Temper problem can be tamed; alternately, it can also get worse as he grows older. Are you willing to take the chance?
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i remember a girl which i kept telling her so young , long road ahead... can find someone better de.. lol..
her 6th BF , 6th breakup ..LOL! n i say the same thing 6 times. :
Now she is 'one of those' i cbb liaw. used n abused... he he
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Originally posted by Yuki~!:
Continuing from my first AA thread here > http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/300952
I've heed the advice of my own friends & all that replied to my thread. In January, I did something (on purpose) that made him mad @ me. I predicted that he would get so mad with me, he'll ask for a break up. & He did. Everything went according to plan. (Boy, was he predictable
) So I took that chance & I totally
avoided him for a few days, telling everyone that he broke
with me.But instead blowing up & threatening me, he cried & apologised to me for how badly he treated me. He really really regretted breaking up with me. He promised me that he will change & he begged me for the chance to woo me back & I couldn't help myself - I said ok because I still love him so much. We contacted each other through sms for the first few weeks. Then calls. Then we finally met up to go out together with a group of friends. Then we started meeting up more frequently.
At first, there was no physical contact between us. Then I let him hold my hand. Then I let him hug me. Then I let him kiss me. Soon, it was like we never broke up @ all. I was very close to patching back with him.
A day ago, someone close to me encouraged me to have a clean break with him. Because he hasn't shown any drastic changes since we broke up. He still has that temper problem. (Even though we weren't together anymore, we would still get into quarrels) My friend told me that I should start Poly afresh & leave him behind. I had to stop contacting him once & for all.
I already msged him, telling him to stop contacting me. After the sms, I ignored his msgs & calls. I'm not taking it very well. I broke down & cry so many times yesterday. I really still love him very much. He told me that he is sincere, that he'll change & stay changed if I go back to him. Should I believe him & go back to him? Very emotionally unstable now
I think if you really love a person, you need to know that you cannot change a person. He is after all who and what he is. The change will need to be coming from his end and not you trying to change him.
And having said this, now he is trying to change and as a friend we will need to see how sincere and resolve he is in this. I think you will need to support and encourage him - not simply just say break off . You see, at this moment you are his objective for this makeover and to remove this would only have repercussions than doing any good. I do agree that I am shocked to read how bad his temper and outlook can be but I think if you can be equally resolve on your part - things might just work out.
Here's how I see it. I think there will need to be some ground rules set here and it must be strictly adhered to at both ends. He will need to fufill his end of the bargain as far as his academics, temper and finances is concerned. You will need good friends to be by your side to judge his progress along with you. Which means no more 1 to 1 dates and all outings will be strictly group basis for 1 full academic year. Grades and conduct all on the go. No interference to your studies and certainly no distractions to be coming from his end. There will be some demerits and having reached that it will be considered as he has failed and be kicked out of the game and your life. This was adopted by a friend of mine and was quite successful and the period was for 2 years when he finally achieved his O levels. Now he is a BA grad, thanks to her.
So all is not so dampening at the other end. Love when administered with wisdom is really better than any essence and lessons on life.
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It's ur life and ur choice.All the ppl in forum giving advices won't be hurt or be happy depending on u.So go with ur feelings.
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Yuki chan, I believe there will be still many good guys out there queuing up for you.
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if you still love him and able to tolerate what he had and will be doing to you. Go ahead and patch. Else, you will need to start afresh no matter how hard it is gonna be.
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Forget him and get to know me . Same advice i give to all my girl-friends with such problems . LOL
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Originally posted by Karma88:
Forget him and get to know me . Same advice i give to all my girl-friends with such problems . LOL
you ? are u that good? *raises eyebrows*
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i will always ask myself one qn...
'm i happy when i'm w him....'
if i feel that he brings me more sadness, anger etc than happiness, i will let go..
sometimes, it takes abit more thinking to also see..if this person is suitable for u..it took me more than one yr to realize tat w my first ex...i ended e 3 yr r.s then..
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Jiayou. Be strong.
One step at a time.
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Still young de...take it slowly, but like most said earlier, must learn to let go.
Even if he changes, well, the final and most important idea is that u decided to leave him. So just let it be that...even though it hurts :)
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Originally posted by the Bear:
you got to be kidding me..
you made someone angry just to "test" him and he reacted..
grow up!!
sheesh..
he's immature?
you're behaving the same..
i think both of you need time to grow up again before breaking your own or others' hearts again..
immaturity causes a crapload of misery... you already know that.. now learn from it..
I DID NOT TEST HIM! I wanted break up with him but I knew if I was the one doing it, he will threaten me & all that. So I pushed him to a point where I know that he will break up with me. I wanted to break up with him because I wanted him to wake up. He always told me that even if I broke up with him, he won't miss me, he won't give a damn. But I knew he was lying. So I wanted him to say the words "Break Up", regret & change! -
Originally posted by seotiblizzard: Jiayou. Be strong.
One step at a time.
It's harder than I thought it would be. -
Originally posted by thehappybunny:
This is going to be harsh, but here goes.
Loving him, is like loving AIDS.
Ask yourself, what good has he done for YOU? From what I saw in your relationship with him, your were giving, and he was taking. There was no balance. Imagine the type of life he could put you through.
If you stick by him, its going to be unhealthy for you. You said you wanted to start afresh upon the start of poly, if you really mean it, leave him behind, whatever it takes. It won't be easy, but it's whats best for you.
And heres something else, upon breaking up, he cried? He was taking you for granted all the while. How do you know it won't happen again?
Think about it, Yuki.
Ok, bunny. I'm still thinking about it. -
I know how difficult it is to put things aside after so long.. but sometimes it is necessary to bear with short term pain and put it aside.. move on.. it is for the better in the long run.
I wouldnt try to persuade you whether or not to dump him coz I'm not in a position to.. and I duno wat's your problem with him. But, you should be able to make a sound decision by yourself.
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u all duno wat is �干，�长大 izit.
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I talked to him on the phone just now. He demanded, yes, demanded to know why I didn't want to go back to him. I told him bluntly that I didn't love him anymore & that he should stop contacting me once & for all. He, then, asked me why did I let him hold my hand/kiss me & I told him that that was a mistake on my part. He asked me again, in a very harsh tone, whether I still loved him. I lied.
... & He turned nasty. Threatening me to ruin my chances to go to Poly. Threatening to tell the world about my past. & That he would make my life a living hell.
It hasn't really sunken in properly yet. But yeah. Thanks to all of you who replied. Case closed.
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so in the end he's still the same.
move on ba yuki
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He just smsed me to tell me that what he said on the phone was out of frustration & he didn't mean it. That he still loves me & hope I'll take care of myself..
I'm angry & sad at the same time
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cheer up!
u sad, giga sad.
giga sad, i sad.
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Doesn't matter. I know I made the right decision, can liao.
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Originally posted by Yuki~!:
I talked to him on the phone just now. He demanded, yes, demanded to know why I didn't want to go back to him. I told him bluntly that I didn't love him anymore & that he should stop contacting me once & for all. He, then, asked me why did I let him hold my hand/kiss me & I told him that that was a mistake on my part. He asked me again, in a very harsh tone, whether I still loved him. I lied.
... & He turned nasty. Threatening me to ruin my chances to go to Poly. Threatening to tell the world about my past. & That he would make my life a living hell.
It hasn't really sunken in properly yet. But yeah. Thanks to all of you who replied. Case closed.
Hmmm... Quick temper + being a jerk
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Great! its about time you move on . but dont forget to get to know me LOL . kiddin.