can't let go ... really cant
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Stay faraway from her for as long as you need to get over her.
Trust me, this is the best way to get over someone. And keep telling yourself that you will give them your blessings no matter which guy she is with...So what if the guy treats her in a way which you think is inferior to yours? The fact remains that she chose to be with him...
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算了。。。算了。。。
Yr confusion started after yr ex gf planted the confusion's seed @ you when she mentioned that she miss those times... If all these rational comments in AA cant wake u up, I suggest u just go ahead to ask yr ex out to settle it once and for all...
If yr ex rejected u flatly, this is good news... less trouble for u...
If yr ex do accepted u, then, things become complicated and be prepared to settle all your complications...
Hope I dont get to see you create another AA thread in this matter...
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Dear confused heart, I am exactly at the phase when u had just broke up w ur gf, maybe mine`s shorter, for about 4 mths.. let me tell u now, i`m doing whatever i can to bring her back to me? for wat? EGO? no, cuz for these few mths, i realise that i really could not live with her for the rest of my life, i will never say die. cuz of ppl like u, always make realised that i`ll will regret like u all many years down the road when it`s already too late, i want to work even harder to get back my only love.. i know love cannot be forced, i`m only living in the hope that one day, my love and sincerity will be able to touch her. For what i`ve to do this and go so down in my life to be submissive and and sorry and in such a sad state, it`s all because of love. my love for her keeps me moving, and now, whatever challenges that ever comes my way, i`ll fight it, no matter how tough, i is for her. i will perservere til the day i draw last breath.. i know how u feel.. u can talk to me if u need to. i know the pain when no one wanna talk and listen to u, everyone else are just gd at saying move on and taking such emotions as a joke.. i do feel, i really do... BaByBoY
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babyboy, thats what im trying to do now...
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mine situation same as you...just that we broke off 8 months ago...yea she left me for another guy...unitl now yea i still can't forget her...trying to forget her and move on...but i know is impossible...i still love her...
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but no matter what we do., it seems so hard to get them back.
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people, u all need exercise!!!
go out and take a walk or jog NOW! the night air is fresh and clean and your body (not to mention ur broken heart) will thank you for it.
I just came back from a half-hour jog, took a shower and felt my tightened muscles burn. feels like heaven! the shower topped it off beautifully and now i'm ready to hit the pillow and feel my senses melt down under the covers and drift off to sleep. the last thing on my mind is BGR. i love myself! Likewise, u should make yourself feel like i do. if exercise ain't ur cuppa tea (like a friend of mine) she watches a good show on cable tv with a small tub of ice-cream / yogurt (for the more health-concious) and INDULGE
yummy :D
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Time heals all wounds. Sounds cliched, but that is true. If it is any help, come visit my blog to take your mind off your troubles.
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Originally posted by babydontgo:
babyboy, thats what im trying to do now...
do what u need to do, don ever stand there, cuz if u do, u`ll never move, life is marathon, save energy to go the whole race, set a target, approach it like golf... even if u`ve to hit 1 million times, u`ll eventually get it in.. what seperates the really perservered guys and the `act perservered `guys, is that they will try til they get what they want.. P.S not to be mistaken for the defination of fool who tries the wrong way endlessly. -
Originally posted by confused heart:
its been years since we broke up... i left her cos we had too much quarrels...
now, we each live our seperate lives... each attached to our own partners...
she's with the guy whom appeared when our relationship were nearing the end..
i hate myself for letting her go.. till this day, i cant forgive myself
i dream of her every now and then and it really hurts me till this day when i wake up from such dreams...
its like i can never let go... its like a part of my heart is dead ... its with her ..
i cant love my current partner whole heartedly but i cant let her know the truth
it hurts too that i say "i love you" when deep inside, i know its not completely
i hate to have to lie for the rest of my life...
i cant turn to my friends anymore... they all say the same thing ,
let her go if you really love her, its over, stop holding to the past
i know all these but my heart just fail me when i try to get over it
i really hope time will heal, because it has not till today..
or will it be the regret that will follow me for the rest of my life?
i really dunno... sometimes i feel like running away from everything but i know i cant run away from this feeling... i want to face it but i don't know how to...
i know i need help but there's no one i can turn to anymore...
it's all my fault.. my fault... i cant forgive myself for letting her go to someone else..
Fixidity.
Too much of that element fuels the inability to be adaptable and too much endurance to burn.
That's probably one of the top few gross misconception people often have about Love - they reason to themselves that if they remain unchanged till the very end, it probably suggested that their Love is the ultimate truth.
However, there's a clause in this belief; it's only when Love is mutual. In all other cases, it's almost karmic - like a devil lurking behind the stone idol.
And the latter is simply narcissistic.
Before people begin to congregate in this topic and start preaching perseverence in being narcissistic in Love, allow me to throw a question (as well as to the floor): why do you even think that your brand of Love is the greatest of all and that she has no one else but you to accept this lifetime?
In short: who are you?
The truth is that you love yourself the most; insofar you don't exactly consider the other person's growth and perspective as much as your own indulgence in possessing the other person, like some insatiable hunger. You are feeling so much pain and misery is because of your refusal to understand that your 'perceived Love' is based on a superficial belief of harbouring a non-existing relationship.
It amazed me at how you could felt so anguish about the failure of your previous relationship, yet the crisis has taught you absolutely nothing beneficial to implement into your current relationship, other than this senseless pinning for a lost cause. You ought to keep the memory of your failure to strive towards a brighter future in all aspect of Love and not dwell so much in your own intense emotions till it misled you into this whirlpool of depression and a confused state of mind.
If you cannot handle it, then avoid putting yourself in such a predicament. Learn to release yourself from this emotional bondage and live a free man.
You can only move if you enlighten yourself the reason to move. And the reason to move cannot come from others - it has to be from within.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
?
The truth is that you love yourself the most; insofar you don't exactly consider the other person's growth and perspective as much as your own indulgence in possessing the other person, like some insatiable hunger.
Be simple a bit lah, the truth is, he dun know what is love, he loves stupidily, get hurts stupidily and feels remorseful stupidily. -
U THINK SHE DUNWAN TO ATTRACT ATTENTION MEH
USE YOUR BRAIN LA
SHE ONLY WANT TO FEEL WANTED
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Be simple a bit lah, the truth is, he dun know what is love, he loves stupidily, get hurts stupidily and feels remorseful stupidily.he heart itchy, should go scratch
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Why do i feel tat u sound like "BaByBoi"??
http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/316538
Sentimental guys may seem like vulnerable, easily touched any gals' heart.. But my view in tis is; Guys who are unable to move on & keep lookin back, regrettin are weaklings. Sorry if i sound cruel, but wat's done is done, wat's the point of holding on & pinning & hoping? No matter how bad her r'ship is with her current bf, u werent any better.
Or perhaps u r hoping to get a 2nd chance??
Just how many of us in this world are granted a second chance?
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Originally posted by gigabyte14:
he heart itchy, should go scratch
oh, ya hor, should go and try scratch and win. -
i have decided to totally cut off her from my life so that i can dedicate my time to my current gf.
she is the one who needs my love and attention .. not my ex
thanks guys.. your comments had enlightened me...
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Originally posted by confused heart:
its been years since we broke up... i left her cos we had too much quarrels...
now, we each live our seperate lives... each attached to our own partners...
she's with the guy whom appeared when our relationship were nearing the end..
i hate myself for letting her go.. till this day, i cant forgive myself
i dream of her every now and then and it really hurts me till this day when i wake up from such dreams...
its like i can never let go... its like a part of my heart is dead ... its with her ..
i cant love my current partner whole heartedly but i cant let her know the truth
it hurts too that i say "i love you" when deep inside, i know its not completely
i hate to have to lie for the rest of my life...
i cant turn to my friends anymore... they all say the same thing ,
let her go if you really love her, its over, stop holding to the past
i know all these but my heart just fail me when i try to get over it
i really hope time will heal, because it has not till today..
or will it be the regret that will follow me for the rest of my life?
i really dunno... sometimes i feel like running away from everything but i know i cant run away from this feeling... i want to face it but i don't know how to...
i know i need help but there's no one i can turn to anymore...
it's all my fault.. my fault... i cant forgive myself for letting her go to someone else..
confused heart,I think I can relate to what you are going through at the moment, even though I can assured you that nobody in this world will be able to completely understand what you are going through and experienced.
But then, having gone through similar betrayal as you has experienced, I can tell you one thing for sure...Your ex-gf will never feel sorry for you, what she has done to you, what you are going through till this moment. She will NEVER admit to you that she is the person who has done you wrong, never in a million years, but she will secretly brings joy, satisfaction to herself, thanks to you...who has granted her an opportunity to be able to hurt you and still remained "clean" on Earth. (Thanks GOD she will not be able to remain "clean" when she eventually dies in the future)
The only reason why you are not able to let go, isn't because you didn't spent enough time to let it all go. It is because you have been denying yourself the option of letting it all go. How could it be possible??? Well, a normal perfectly healthy human being with a sense of justice and wisdom would know that in this kind of circumstances, you are supposed to be upset, then angry, and eventually HATE her. You have been upset long enough, angry for a while....but where is your HATE for her? If you have chosen to LOVE her still instead of HATE, then you will probably be very very miserable and feeling super difficult to let everything go in your heart.
LOVE... holds people back, HATE... let people go.
Don't think you can't hate her because you have chosen to embrace the halo above your head and your little angel wings on your back. You are born with the ability to hate, and if hate and tears are the only gifts that you were given to help yourself to release your frustrations, worries, sadness, pain, injustice the moment when you're borned into this world, then why aren't you using your hate and tears ability to release yourself from all these emotions?
HATE your ex-gf, and HATE her well and remembers this emotion well, so that you will have the emotional strength to be able to look at her in the eyes when you're facing her.
Have faith and confidence in yourself and what I have shared with you. HATE itself is just an emotion and it will not bring you down nor will it condemns you to hell, but the actions that follows and is performed in the name of HATE will most certainly condemns you for eternity, remember that. :)
Trust me...You want to let go of her, you must let go of her, you will let go of her.
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i disagree totally.
actually i think u should remain single for awhile first, until you sort out your thoughts, and what you want in life.
hate or no hate, isn't going to help.
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Originally posted by dumbdumb!:
i disagree totally.
actually i think u should remain single for awhile first, until you sort out your thoughts, and what you want in life.
hate or no hate, isn't going to help.
Disagree or not, try it for yourself and tell me if it doesn't works.
Otherwise, enlighten us with your own wisdom.
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Originally posted by parn:
confused heart,I think I can relate to what you are going through at the moment, even though I can assured you that nobody in this world will be able to completely understand what you are going through and experienced.
But then, having gone through similar betrayal as you has experienced, I can tell you one thing for sure...Your ex-gf will never feel sorry for you, what she has done to you, what you are going through till this moment. She will NEVER admit to you that she is the person who has done you wrong, never in a million years, but she will secretly brings joy, satisfaction to herself, thanks to you...who has granted her an opportunity to be able to hurt you and still remained "clean" on Earth. (Thanks GOD she will not be able to remain "clean" when she eventually dies in the future)
The only reason why you are not able to let go, isn't because you didn't spent enough time to let it all go. It is because you have been denying yourself the option of letting it all go. How could it be possible??? Well, a normal perfectly healthy human being with a sense of justice and wisdom would know that in this kind of circumstances, you are supposed to be upset, then angry, and eventually HATE her. You have been upset long enough, angry for a while....but where is your HATE for her? If you have chosen to LOVE her still instead of HATE, then you will probably be very very miserable and feeling super difficult to let everything go in your heart.
LOVE... holds people back, HATE... let people go.
Don't think you can't hate her because you have chosen to embrace the halo above your head and your little angel wings on your back. You are born with the ability to hate, and if hate and tears are the only gifts that you were given to help yourself to release your frustrations, worries, sadness, pain, injustice the moment when you're borned into this world, then why aren't you using your hate and tears ability to release yourself from all these emotions?
HATE your ex-gf, and HATE her well and remembers this emotion well, so that you will have the emotional strength to be able to look at her in the eyes when you're facing her.
Have faith and confidence in yourself and what I have shared with you. HATE itself is just an emotion and it will not bring you down nor will it condemns you to hell, but the actions that follows and is performed in the name of HATE will most certainly condemns you for eternity, remember that. :)
Trust me...You want to let go of her, you must let go of her, you will let go of her.
U know its easier to hate then love right ? Way way easier to hate. Why hate when you can love ?
Anyways i have to disagree being a person with a sense of justice and wisdom that one under the circumstances have to be upset , frustrated and angry but does not necessary mean u have to have hatred too.
To: confused heart
Maybe trying to understand her position , on top of being self aware of your own mistakes and be rational in body and mind over matters of the previous relationship. Its like how she was taken away nearing the end of your relationship , that should give u alot to think about.It can be not only your mistakes, but the fact that there will be people out there seizing the opportunity that u have created for them. Her heart was moved. She was treated nicer.. all those things. If you cannot ensure that u are there or fullfill those needs of her , chances of her being woo'd elsewhere is high. It may also be that perhaps she was too demanding and to be honest, not being exactly understanding to your situations and the amount of time and effort you put out for her.
Since u have a gf now, i suggest u focus on your current gf, like most sound advices here and from your close friends. If your ex happens, it will happen. Then it will be whether u wanna continue ur relationship with ur current or go back with ur ex, a second chance. Or having private moments together passionately, scandals.. between u n ur ex. But whatever it is, try not to get effected emotionally. Only u know whether it was truly love , the sex , the company or whatever it is that is truly making you feel this 'love' for her. Thats what i do when i think i 'love' someone and after carefully thinking about it and understanding the whole situation do i realise that maybe its not love. N there was perhaps no love at all... at least love from my part.
Only u know under all these circumstances and points of views by ppl here may u truly see whether..
she is worth it or not and whether u can let it go.
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Hi TS,
I am just wondering...
Do you want to get back to your ex-gf, because you felt that you could have done things in a better way? If so, will the outcome be different?
The key thing is, when you're out of a relationship, you forget about the bad, and reminisce about the good.
When you're in a relationship, you focus on the problems, and forget about the nice things.
Only you can give an honest and brutal assessment of what the situation between you and your ex-gf is. Does your ex-gf yearn for a second chance with you? If so, is she willing to work hard in the relationship, or is she wanting you to do all the changing?
If the chances of a successful re-relationship between both of you are very low, then you can follow all the advice the people have given you here, and give your all to your current gf, which deserves nothing short of 100% from you.
Your mention about your apathetic attitude to all that wedding planning stuff is very scary. It shouldn't be like this.
You need to sort yourself out first, before going into marriage.
The outcome might be the same, before or after marriage, but at least when it's before marriage, you have the option to say good-bye to your current gf without causing her total heartbreak in the form of a divorce or an affair.
Good luck, and may you find the solution that sets your heart in peace.
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Okay, its my first time posting here, but anyways, I've got some stuff to say too, I think some of u guys have read the thread I started in the bar...... weird, but yea.. in the bar...
Anyways, TS,[my story, don't have to read tho]
I was with my gf for about 2-3 years, when one day she started saying that she's been seeing this one guy who looks like her idol.. ever since then she's constantly on the lookout for him in college, and starts moving a little further from me.. when one day, she asks me out for lunch, and "asks" for me to move away from her. That she needs time with herself... so I just declared for her that she just wants to be single and feel the wanted attention from both me and the other asshole..My eyes started watering, and she had to stupidity to actually ask me not to cry cuz it hurts her to see me like this....
Long story short, she left me the next day.. and I tried so hard to get back with her. I went to her place to talk to her, but she din't even want to show her face from the window which she was at... There was once when she needed me, smth happened to her, and she started feeling sad, so she called me. And asked if we could talk, cuz she was feeling scared.. before that I was in bed, feeling all the sorrow and sadness.. .. but when she called, and asked to talk cuz she was scared, I shouted at her to call the other guy...
She said she feels more secure talking to me, and she starting sniffling... I really got very very angry.. From that point, I decided to take the step forward, to forget about her and move on.. SURE it sounds easy, but after about a week on shutting myself in my room, not leaving other than when I felt hungry, its difficult to think about anything else...anyways, blah blah blah...
after quite some time, when I was about to finally declare[to myself of course] that I was over her, my bro, who just came home said that she was downstairs and wanted him to pass smth to me, it was a notebook, she wrote a few 'entries' which was actually just on that day itself, like different timing, about wat time it is, and where she was... she was confessing about how much she wanted to get back with me... IT was hell all over again... this time, the other way around, I hadn't gone out sayin that I'm single and lookin, but I was about to... and this shit starts again... Eventually, as how I am, hopelesslynice, I couldn't stand the thoughts of her being so sad and going through wat I went through, I got back with her..
[the important part do read]
We're already together for sometime now, and as wat OrdinaryGuy32 said, it is true, before gettin back, u're always thinking back about the good things in the past.. now its going nowhere... We argue alot more, cuz of we both definately changed our perception of each other, and even though we manage to squeeze some good times out, it goes bad with a small problem...
Its like everytime we move a step forward, a small problem backs us move back 2 steps... 1 step forward, 2 steps back... its difficult cuz I have mention to her that its very tiring for both of us, but she breaks down and starts depression and all that crap that we both went through.. its shit I tell u... but if u're think u can move into a relationship like that, then all the best to u...
Wads done is done, it will always be there... Sure.. time heals all wounds but it still leaves a scar behind that will make u reminescence the pain when u see it... -
Cherish the one by your side now.
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Originally posted by BadzMaro:
U know its easier to hate then love right ? Way way easier to hate. Why hate when you can love ?
Anyways i have to disagree being a person with a sense of justice and wisdom that one under the circumstances have to be upset , frustrated and angry but does not necessary mean u have to have hatred too.
To: confused heart
Maybe trying to understand her position , on top of being self aware of your own mistakes and be rational in body and mind over matters of the previous relationship. Its like how she was taken away nearing the end of your relationship , that should give u alot to think about.It can be not only your mistakes, but the fact that there will be people out there seizing the opportunity that u have created for them. Her heart was moved. She was treated nicer.. all those things. If you cannot ensure that u are there or fullfill those needs of her , chances of her being woo'd elsewhere is high. It may also be that perhaps she was too demanding and to be honest, not being exactly understanding to your situations and the amount of time and effort you put out for her.
Since u have a gf now, i suggest u focus on your current gf, like most sound advices here and from your close friends. If your ex happens, it will happen. Then it will be whether u wanna continue ur relationship with ur current or go back with ur ex, a second chance. Or having private moments together passionately, scandals.. between u n ur ex. But whatever it is, try not to get effected emotionally. Only u know whether it was truly love , the sex , the company or whatever it is that is truly making you feel this 'love' for her. Thats what i do when i think i 'love' someone and after carefully thinking about it and understanding the whole situation do i realise that maybe its not love. N there was perhaps no love at all... at least love from my part.
Only u know under all these circumstances and points of views by ppl here may u truly see whether..
she is worth it or not and whether u can let it go.
It's only easier to hate than love if you do not have any love for that person. However, in TS's case...he still has love for his ex-gf and hence it is easier for him to continue to love his ex-gf even though she does not have any love for him anymore since DDMMYYYY.
TS is looking for a way to let go of all his love for his ex-gf and that love is causing him grief as he is unable to focus on his current gf. And here you all are repeating the same old advice like "I would encourage you to focus on your current gf" ---> Do you all really think TS is an idiot and he doesn't realised that is what he needed to do? HE has been trying to do that and he is not able to do it. So stop telling him the same thing over and over again. He has already mentioned that he is not able to focus on his current gf.
It's not about whether you agree to it or not, cos afterall this thread isn't all about you and will never ever be all about us and what matters to us, it's about TS and we should all focus on giving him the best advice that we could to help him.
Explain your reason why you think HATE is not going to help TS to let go of his remaining love for his ex-gf and allow him to better appreciate his current gf, and if you can convince TS that you're right, then I'll agree with your advice.
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Originally posted by parn:
It's only easier to hate than love if you do not have any love for that person. However, in TS's case...he still has love for his ex-gf and hence it is easier for him to continue to love his ex-gf even though she does not have any love for him anymore since DDMMYYYY.
TS is looking for a way to let go of all his love for his ex-gf and that love is causing him grief as he is unable to focus on his current gf. And here you all are repeating the same old advice like "I would encourage you to focus on your current gf" ---> Do you all really think TS is an idiot and he doesn't realised that is what he needed to do? HE has been trying to do that and he is not able to do it. So stop telling him the same thing over and over again. He has already mentioned that he is not able to focus on his current gf.
It's not about whether you agree to it or not, cos afterall this thread isn't all about you and will never ever be all about us and what matters to us, it's about TS and we should all focus on giving him the best advice that we could to help him.
Explain your reason why you think HATE is not going to help TS to let go of his remaining love for his ex-gf and allow him to better appreciate his current gf, and if you can convince TS that you're right, then I'll agree with your advice.
Well, i am not really telling him to do. I am just responding to your post. Maybe shed some light on my perspective. Like i said, i said like most ppl and his close friends telling him to focus. I am explaining in my perspective of an alternative to 'hate'. I can give advice in an alternative point of view yes? This thread isnt about me. Its what I think. Based on what I think. It is up to TS to believe, but it is a genuine advice under the circumstances.Why are you so agitated?Aren't u also trying to force your views on him?Are i doing exactly what u are doing?So you think that 'hating' is the only way? how did u come withit? its not about u right? I can ask these same questions to you. How would u answer them ?
I already explained my reason why i think he can use other ways instead of hate. Pls read my post carefully. I wrote mostly about self awareness. And the possibilities. I am laying out the cards. Laying out the alternatives. Laying out what could be the reason. I am laying it out for him, cause he is the one that really knows whats going on. Every single action he see's can help him in my intepretation and hopefully allow him to rationally think that 'yeah.. wtf i was thinking!'
There are reasons why some people give the advice they give. Because some people may have experience something similiar. And sometimes the reason we give our advice has to be slightly explained so TS or whoever that is being advised on can consider whether my advice is sound under those circumstances. I pretty much only bothered to explain in more detail in Threads like this. Others i really cant be bothered. So if u like long explaination posts, feel free to, 'attack' my views. But i prefered it after u read more carefully what i wrote.
I can ask u very simple question . Why hate ? why ? Why cant u just..forget. Since u say ppl with wisdom and sense of justice will naturally get frustrated ... n then hate. So, if TS did not hate at all does that make him a person with no sense of justice and a person extremely lack of wisdom ? I'm just saying.. i can ask these questions too.
Why? Arent i telling him something different from the rest of the people here including u ? So.. whats so same about it ?
Explain your reason why u think my advice is a load of crock and bull, and is not going to help TS to let go of his reamining love for his ex-fg and allow him to better appreciate his current gf, and if you can convince TS that you're right, then i'll agree with YOUR advice.