So what if you are spending alot ? , it's your money
Originally posted by shuibianni05:
"I did mention about the 'block number' calling thing to him; but he dismissed it as his family's just pulling my legs. But, pulling my legs for so long?"
There, you realize it yourself. There is no way his family will joke about this kinda thing for so long if they respect you. And someone who respect you will stop joking about it the moment they realize you are not happy about it.
"A friend told me to hang on to the first attraction which attracted him to me; it was his friendliness and simplicity in life.
But, do these two points supercede all that he had done?"
No, they do not. You can find other guys out there who are friendly and simple MINUS the bad points that he has.
"Yes, my mum did told me to let go when it's still early; but ultimately, do I have the courage?"
Yes, you do. You just need to find it within you. Try not to think too far into what is going to happen after you have broken up with him. Let nature take its own course. Do not stay with him just because you do not have the courage to let go otherwise you will regret it even more later. You have already had one regret, do you want to end up with more down the road?
"When his old flame text him at 3am, he felt he was 'needed', he needs to go down the next day and see her immediately. It's fine, maybe she really needs a company."
This is really the last straw. I don't think I can even be so generous as to let my boyfriend, let alone fiance, do this kinda thing to me. It proves to you how little he holds you in regard to his old flame.
I think deep inside, you know you will be happier without him. You just need to find the courage to take the first step towards a happier future. Maybe it is because youhave been with him for so long so it is hard to break that habit. But you know you have to do it otherwise you are in for a lifetime of suffering. He has done this for the past 4 years, so you know he will not change in the future.
No idea. I belief in bueaty is in the eye of the beholder. if a guy really loves a girl, he would love her no matter how she look.
having said that, beauty is always welcomed. which bf dun wish to have a pretty gf?
and i have no idea how much facial products costs. lol - J
Originally posted by shuibianni05:Thanks all~~ Though I have spoeken out how I been feeling, but courage is another issue to overcome.
Besides, guys, do you mind if ur gf start spending on facial products? Not those expensive ones, just simple ones.
When we first got together, I was not a everyday user of facial stuff.
But once I started working and juggling between my studies and work, I started to get facial stuff to reduce the puffy eyes. Whenever we start on the topic of his behaviour, he will insist that I have changed because I buy facial products more frequent now. He said the me four years ago wasn't like that; said I am spending a lot on facial stuff now.
Ermm~~ between 50 to 100 bucks a month is alot??
Simply tell him he is not your mother, and you are an adult, you can spend on whatever you like.
Plus you are the one earning the money, he is not even your husband yet, how can he control the way you spend your money?
Be assertive and show him that you are not scared of him...and don't be scared when you did nothing wrong!
you have to ask yourself if you are happy with him.
no point being with him if you aren't, because that's force of habit, and not love. From the way he is treating you, you can't expect him to be husband-material, and consider the way his family treats you. Can you bear to put yourself through a living hell?
And, about his ex, clearly she matters more to him than you do.
I hope you make the right decision.
Happy?
I don't have an answer. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
I do wonder the diff between him in my life and the diff without him.
For four years, he was never around more than 5 times when I needed him; my friends showed up rather than him.
Even when I am at my wits end, my friends came. Him? He said it was very important for him to go out with his entire family to buy a book shelf.
What am I doing with my life?
The only satisfaction I have is through my job, studies and volunteer work.
You let him walk all over you like a rug , like i said wake up and leave him, you're too good for him. If you was happy with him - would you be posting your problem here ? . Be honest to yourself ...
:...(
cheer up. this kind of guy dun deserves tears.
smile - J
I never know how nor have the courage to break the words to him.
But, the next time he pulls the stunt of 'break off' again, I will try to master enough courage to say 'Fine' and 'Byez' again.
Wish me luck!
Make sure you dun relent after a few days.
Good luck - J
only 2 words i can advice u, "break up"
Originally posted by shuibianni05:I never know how nor have the courage to break the words to him.
But, the next time he pulls the stunt of 'break off' again, I will try to master enough courage to say 'Fine' and 'Byez' again.
Wish me luck!
Nonono , tell him it's over for good .... that's if you want to be happy
In short, u just feel lack of security...
u r experiencing relationship staling...
For the start, u r disappointed in some of his ways of handling... But as time comes, it gets tiring... u will lowered down "wat u can do " love towards him in order to balance yr emotional balance... tat is where u tried to look for other options and seek for answers to yr guilty consious...
And yeah, tat is how agar agar I feel abt u...
It is pretty normal... I experience tat b4 too...
And lastly, dont give up... HOLD ON...
We r just hearing on yr side of story... We do not know his side of story... And hence, we r only giving on advice tat u want to hear...
Communication is the key... Have a heart to heart talk... Let him noes the seriousness and yr problems... When he tells u his, listen... At the same time, tell him to expect him to listen yrs... The main thing is being serious...
Originally posted by shuibianni05:Thanks all~~ Though I have spoeken out how I been feeling, but courage is another issue to overcome.
Besides, guys, do you mind if ur gf start spending on facial products? Not those expensive ones, just simple ones.
When we first got together, I was not a everyday user of facial stuff.
But once I started working and juggling between my studies and work, I started to get facial stuff to reduce the puffy eyes. Whenever we start on the topic of his behaviour, he will insist that I have changed because I buy facial products more frequent now. He said the me four years ago wasn't like that; said I am spending a lot on facial stuff now.
Ermm~~ between 50 to 100 bucks a month is alot??
nothing wrong with spending on facial prod... its for both of ur own good n his... jz grab the courage n do it la...
Originally posted by shuibianni05:I never know how nor have the courage to break the words to him.
But, the next time he pulls the stunt of 'break off' again, I will try to master enough courage to say 'Fine' and 'Byez' again.
Wish me luck!
tell u la, the further u drag u sure wun break 1... next time he say breakup u also wun do it... if u wan, gotta step up and do it... takes courage yes but still take determination... gotta get out of the comfort zone...
Dump the guy - Stop the vicious cycle of emotional abuse. If he does not respect you when you're his gf, what makes you think he will hesitate to use physical abuse on you when the both of you are married?
There are much better choices out there. Like the saying goes, good women no need scared no guys go after. You should not submit yourself in a life of servitude (endless errands, nonsensetical ones included) and abuse (threatening to break up countless times) and he obviously will NOT be a good father (super obvious and disgusting biasness - your niece vs his brother).
Originally posted by ispyyy:And lastly, dont give up... HOLD ON...
We r just hearing on yr side of story... We do not know his side of story... And hence, we r only giving on advice tat u want to hear...
Communication is the key... Have a heart to heart talk... Let him noes the seriousness and yr problems... When he tells u his, listen... At the same time, tell him to expect him to listen yrs... The main thing is being serious...
Hold on? your reply to the TS really surprises me. The actions of TS's boyfriend borders on psychotic possesiveness, from attempting to control her STUDIES (stop TS from going to US, waste her time even though she has exams), to FRIENDS (feel threatened by other suitors, her guy friends, etc), her TIME (do all kind of errands), MONEY (facial products also want to control spending), FAMILY (does not visit her family, obviously no respect for her parents), her SAFETY (dont bother to send her home late at night). What other aspect of her life do you want him to control?
And you advocate HOLDING ON?
Originally posted by ispyyy:In short, u just feel lack of security...
u r experiencing relationship staling...
For the start, u r disappointed in some of his ways of handling... But as time comes, it gets tiring... u will lowered down "wat u can do " love towards him in order to balance yr emotional balance... tat is where u tried to look for other options and seek for answers to yr guilty consious...
And yeah, tat is how agar agar I feel abt u...
It is pretty normal... I experience tat b4 too...
May I ask in what way does lack of security in a relationship correspond directly to 'relationship stalling', or in the first place, exactly what is a relationship stall? Similarly, your statement about emotional balance as opposed to her conscience being guilty does not make sense at all; so does your statement about lowering down her love towards him. Your reply is incoherent and illogical. Your language skills leaves much to be desired, and your advice in effect advocates male chauvanism as well as whole and complete posession of a partner emotionally and psychologically in a relationship, clearly demarcating a master and slave anological relationship whereby one party is inherently superior while the other party is incessantly inferior.
Shuibianni,
Your bf shows no respect to you, and neither does his family members.
Are you sure you want to marry him ? Marrying him won't make the problems go away. He and his family is not going to treat you better after you marry him.
Now he thinks you won't leave him.. that's why he takes you for granted.. after you are locked in a marriage with him.. it will only get worst.
Never marry a guy if you have doubts. Listen and trust your woman's instinct.
Your bf .. is also emotionally abusing you.
Why are you so afraid of leaving him ?
Are you so unattractive.. you don't think a better man will fall in love with you ?
You lack self-esteem.. that's why you are still chained to this relationship.
You've survived before you met him. You ain't gonna die after he's gone.
Have some confidence in yourself girl.
If you are just afraid of the loneliness after the breakup.. get yourself a rebound guy.
Next time when he threatens you again, walk way, do not relent and give in to him again he is not worth the effort. You as his girlfriend should be given the respect and love you deserve. If he can emotionally blackmail you now whilst still in the "courting" stage, i can't imagine what will happen when both of you are married. I think he may turn out to be 1 of those abusive husbands.
He has no right to stop you from buying anything as you are using your own money and not his. Why is he stopping you from looking good. Could it be that he thinks if you being as unattractive as possible will reduce your number of suitors and there will be less chances of you leaving him for another guy?
When you take a walk in gardens/parks and you see those old couples who are still loving towards each other and holding each other's hands while walking, can you picture youself and him in that scenerio in future? Meaning do you think both of u can bai tou dao lao?
Hi TS,
Over the years, I believe your relationship is getting stale and mundane. It also very likely he has taken you for granted.
If you have ablity and time to pursue your dream such as your studies, why not just take the opportunity to cool down and fly there 'silently'?
i find ur bf a bump..
he seems to be wanting to drag you into his pitiful life.
his ego is damn big..
should have said bye bye to him like years ago