Parents don't approve GF
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
Wah ok. I feel lucky now that my case not so jialat. Thanks for sharing. I did. They were very frenly to her until they realise she cannot speak chinese... then....
obviously a relationship will hopefully ideally come to a marriage, so ur parents change of mood.
if u r not gunning for a marriage, then casually tell ur parents, 'dun worry. it's just a fling.' -
Originally posted by Rednano:
obviously a relationship will hopefully ideally come to a marriage, so ur parents change of mood.
if u r not gunning for a marriage, then casually tell ur parents, 'dun worry. it's just a fling.'I truly love her. It's not a fling.
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Like what I've always been saying, "delay is not denial".
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
I truly love her. It's not a fling.
from ur posts, u didn't answer to some of our questions...
e.g. how long is the r/s? ,
where is the r/s heading? (a girl's favourite topic),
is the wedding bells going to ring?...etc. ,do u fully understand Islam? (or just the general knowledge from our sec sch's civics and moral education textbooks...)
in worst case scenario, if u really fall out of ur family, then be prepared to move out of ur home, rent a room outside/stay at girl's place, earn ur own upkeeping money and all that.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
from ur posts, u didn't answer to some of our questions...
e.g. how long is the r/s? ,
where is the r/s heading? (a girl's favourite topic),
is the wedding bells going to ring?...etc. ,do u fully understand Islam? (or just the general knowledge from our sec sch's civics and moral education textbooks...)
in worst case scenario, if u really fall out of ur family, then be prepared to move out of ur home, rent a room outside/stay at girl's place, earn ur own upkeeping money and all that.
i asked for people who have been through this scenario before to give advice. while i'm grateful that some people are concerned that i've not fully considered the consequences of going steady with a malay girl, i do sense that some others are incredulous or even mocking me. i dont care. its the same mentality my parents are suffering from which i seek to change.
I fully understand what is going to happen if i'm headed for marriage; and its not anytime soon. I'm focused here on my parent's attitude.
And I'd rather live a begger, than a rich ass racist. My parents earn their own money and they are entitled to spend it as they wish. I have no claim to their money. I just know I am forever in debt to them for my upbringing.
i dont think the above questions are really relevant. we are together long enough to be steady and we are young and so not getting married so soon. does this really affect how my parents think about dating malay girls? if we are very close, they will say "can dont date malay girls? why chinese girls not good enough?" if we break up they will say, "see? told you malay girls kena sai one".
The main focus of the topic has invariably, but not unexpectedly, veered slightly off course onto myself.
i assume you guys are genuinely concerned that i am young and reckless but i assure you i have considered most things and am taking things one step at a time like i would with any other girl, chinese, malay or yeti.
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
i asked for people who have been through this scenario before to give advice. while i'm grateful that some people are concerned that i've not fully considered the consequences of going steady with a malay girl, i do sense that some others are incredulous or even mocking me. i dont care. its the same mentality my parents are suffering from which i seek to change.
I fully understand what is going to happen if i'm headed for marriage; and its not anytime soon. I'm focused here on my parent's attitude.
And I'd rather live a begger, than a rich ass racist. My parents earn their own money and they are entitled to spend it as they wish. I have no claim to their money. I just know I am forever in debt to them for my upbringing.
i dont think the above questions are really relevant. we are together long enough to be steady and we are young and so not getting married so soon. does this really affect how my parents think about dating malay girls? if we are very close, they will say "can dont date malay girls? why chinese girls not good enough?" if we break up they will say, "see? told you malay girls kena sai one".
The main focus of the topic has invariably, but not unexpectedly, veered slightly off course onto myself.
i assume you guys are genuinely concerned that i am young and reckless but i assure you i have considered most things and am taking things one step at a time like i would with any other girl, chinese, malay or yeti.
since u persist, u can continue to keep trying to convince ur parents.
the worst consequence could happen.
e.g.
bear this in mind and just think of it this way:
u r now a father with a son/daughter. one day, ur child quarrel with u filled with so much anger to the brink of u, as the father consider cutting of family ties... like u never have this child b4...u as in a father's shoes, how will u react? how will u feel? what will u do?
in previous replies by others, they want u to think and put urself in a father's role and as a parent. assume the huge fight could be anything else...
my point is... forsaking ur parents just for the love of a girl regardless of race, is it really worth it? u noe that u can be blinded by love to see the big picture. -
cant you see i have done no wrong? if anything i would be forsaken by them. its not like i'm married and my wife says "throw your parents out, they are annoying" and i do so. If that was the case, I'D THROW MY WIFE OUT of the house.
perhaps your best friend has HIV. your parents strongly object you from being close to that person. would you accede to your parent's request knowing it is wrong to abandon your friend in his hour of need?
tension is expected. but you forgive your parents that they are blind and hope one day they will understand and forgive you. i only hope to make them see. but if the worst case scenario happens, i will just have to try to make the best of it. knowing that i have not taken the easy path. do you get my point?
if some of you were fathers, would you really interfere with your son or daughter's relationships? remember you are not your son or daughter. i'm sure you know people have married against their parent's wishes and have had happy lives. should they have obeyed? people have gone out to live happy lives doing things they love against their parent's wishes.
<fictional example>
"Son, I am a doctor so you should study medicine."
"Dad, but I love ballet."
"Son, you embarrass me. why don't you just be a good man and study medicine. you will have money and respect."
I agree we should give weight to our parents wishes. But when they are so obviously wrong in cases like these. How can you comply?
Be it about anything. If i do not know, I will follow my parents. If I am not sure, I will follow my parents. If I am sure, I will give my parents the benefit of the doubt. But now I am 100% sure, therefore my position cannot be compromised.
In my father's shoes, he feels that all this is an embarrassment to him. I know it.
If I were in his shoes, I'd tell the boy to learn all he can about Islam. Follow her family to fast. To make sure he understands what his life would become if he were to convert. I would then give him my blessings. For he is my son, he is not me.
I will try my best now to get them to like my girlfren. But if they remain hostile. i can only hope one day they can find in themselves the heart to forgive.
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Get ready to convert to muslim and have ya dick skin cut...
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Originally posted by rainee:
Hmm, have you thought about switching to her religion? And is her family very into their religion? Cos if they are, you might need to convert to become a Muslim before you can marry her.
Are you able to do that? Is your family able to accept you doing that?
It is not a trivial issue you know. How old are the two of you and do you have any other sibling?
what does this gotta do with his siblings? -
Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
TS,
I somewhat could understand your situation... My dad's a chinese and my mum's a malay... Lucky for you, the girls family could accept you...
For my parents, when they started dating, both sides of the family rejected to this idea.. I guess it was because of the mindset during that time,,,
From what my parents told me, they had lots of obstacles... From my mum's side, they tried to have an arranged marriage for my mum... But she strongly refuse... My dad side, his parents gave him the silent treatment... This was when they were just dating...
When they really got serious, my dad came to my maternal grandparents house to ask for my mum's hand of marriage,.. He didnt tell me the full details on this one...
When they got married, my dad convert to Islam BTW, my mum side was beginning to accept him... My paternal grandparents were still cold to him... Until my eldest brother was born...
About the name, no need to worry... I have a muslim name with my fathers surname in front...
Even if your parents say that they will disregard you as the eldest son, they actually wont... Even if the put it in action, in their heart, you are still they eldest... Just be patient and be strong... You could try and bring home your GF to intro to you parents.. But they will be very cold at 1st... Your GF must really learn how to impress them and be strong...
full detail might be those TOC stated in red... -
your parents marry her or you??
if cannot approve, use the shot gun method. aiyo, guy, sebei cham. Can get honour, master, PhD, but when come to relationship, most failed. D++
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from my own experiences.. parents aren't always right and logical and ethical.
and i made it known to them plainly. lol so now they respect my decisions
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Originally posted by kengkia:
what does this gotta do with his siblings?It might soften the blow. Parents, the traditional ones, usually want someone in the family to carry on the family name. So if he has siblings and he converts to Islam, at least the parents can still rely on the other sons in the family so the effect, although will still be disastrous, but won't be as bad as if TS is the only son in the family...
Anyway, your parents are two individuals, you can do nothing much to change their feelings about you dating a Malay girl if they are bent on going against the relationship. So for now just go out with her per normal and try to turn a deaf ear to whatever your parents are saying. Since you say you have no plans to think about marriage yet, then just live in the moment for now...
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religion is always a bone of contention.....many chinese families will also have issues with their children's spouse if they are christians...let alone muslims, the main reason is that they feel the children can no longer participate with them on special occassions.....even if you are present but do not consume the food, your parents will feel slighted...
the fact that you've gone halal is a sign that you are prepared to convert when it comes...actually, there's no reason why you should abstain from pork at this stage since you are just only dating.....parents of sons are particularly edgy because it's quite common that wives get their way when it comes to relationship tug of war....
enjoy your bacon, show your parents they're not losing you but i can tell you for now should you marry, they will not attend and it will take probably years and grandkids for them to come to terms......
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Originally posted by rainee:
It might soften the blow. Parents, the traditional ones, usually want someone in the family to carry on the family name. So if he has siblings and he converts to Islam, at least the parents can still rely on the other sons in the family so the effect, although will still be disastrous, but won't be as bad as if TS is the only son in the family...
Anyway, your parents are two individuals, you can do nothing much to change their feelings about you dating a Malay girl if they are bent on going against the relationship. So for now just go out with her per normal and try to turn a deaf ear to whatever your parents are saying. Since you say you have no plans to think about marriage yet, then just live in the moment for now...
does this kind of situatuion happen in malaysia?
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one word! ^^
ELPOE!!!
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Originally posted by angel7030:
your parents marry her or you??
if cannot approve, use the shot gun method. aiyo, guy, sebei cham. Can get honour, master, PhD, but when come to relationship, most failed. D++
pi4 ke2 yi3 ruan4 fang4, fan4 ke2 yi3 ruan4 chi1,hua4 bu4 ke2 yi3 ruan4 shuo1 wor...skarly some stalker of yours use shotgun method to get u....hehe
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Originally posted by Snowy 9278:
one word! ^^
ELPOE!!!
yes get out if this cuntry called sillypore...be a quitter TS dun let ya son do NS and waste 2 of his prime years -
Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
What can I do if my parents don't approve of my girlfriend?
She's really a nice girl and perfect in every way.
But -
She's malay =S I'm chinese
I'm quite sad my parents have an issue over this. Any advice? Esp from people who went thru this before.
Hi R3D3V1L,I know of a couple. Chinese husband, Indian wife. Started off as a young punk on a scrambler. Problems with his gf's family as you know, Indians are generally more conservative.
Today, this Chinese husband aged younger than 40 is estimated to be worth somewhere between 7~10Mil. One of his cars is a Lamborghini Gallardo, stays in his own bungalow. Has 2 children with his wife. He and his wife runs multi-businesses. The husband employs his brother in law and pays him pretty well. They were interviewed on CNA 2 years ago and have come to inspire people. I recalled the man said "Do what you do best."
With such a charismatic man of extraordinary leadership, no wonder his in-laws sang his praises on CNA.
You will not be judged with where you come from. Instead you will be judged by the content of your character & your achievements. As this is the only factor that will last the weather.
Looking at the skin colour is only temporarily. If your gf is a good girl who truly cares for you, I think she is a gem compared to a materialistic girl of the same ethnic group.
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Originally posted by angel7030:
your parents marry her or you??
if cannot approve, use the shot gun method. aiyo, guy, sebei cham. Can get honour, master, PhD, but when come to relationship, most failed. D++
I'm wondering if one day i'll just out of the blue tell my dad, "Pa, I'm getting married."
My dad likes one of the girls i dated, a chinese. I always tell him, "You like her so much you marry her la!" in a joking manner.
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Originally posted by MS:
Looking at the skin colour is only temporarily. If your gf is a good girl who truly cares for you, I think she is a gem compared to a materialistic girl of the same ethnic group.
amen!! preach it! hahaha
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At least your parents knew, right?
Give them some times and keep your dates on the low. Which I did not mean as "keeping quiet" but maintaining low key while on dates with her.
You can try to bring her home (not into your bedroom, ok...) frequently so that your parents would get to see and talk to her often.
Hiding her in the bedroom might deteriorate any trust between you and your parents.
If you love her, bear with it with her.
Or else, just give up the relationship like some people do. Sad.
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Originally posted by RachelSniper:
At least your parents knew, right?
Give them some times and keep your dates on the low. Which I did not mean as "keeping quiet" but maintaining low key while on dates with her.
You can try to bring her home (not into your bedroom, ok...) frequently so that your parents would get to see and talk to her often.
Hiding her in the bedroom might deteriorate any trust between you and your parents.
If you love her, bear with it with her.
Or else, just give up the relationship like some people do. Sad.
I will never give up because of my parents. Was pissed off but sad now. Like something weighs heavy on my heart cos my dad again said something not nice yesterday. But he doesnt try to understand me. To him, I'm just a boy blinded by love.
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Originally posted by kengkia:
pi4 ke2 yi3 ruan4 fang4, fan4 ke2 yi3 ruan4 chi1,hua4 bu4 ke2 yi3 ruan4 shuo1 wor...skarly some stalker of yours use shotgun method to get u....hehe
i dun mind, if we love each other and for our future..but if he betrayed me, my chopper is ready. -
Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
I'm wondering if one day i'll just out of the blue tell my dad, "Pa, I'm getting married."
My dad likes one of the girls i dated, a chinese. I always tell him, "You like her so much you marry her la!" in a joking manner.
hahaha...guess yr Dad may answered, " Really, i can marry her?? Son, can you help me on just one thing, eh...you dun mind handle your mommy for me please"