Release of frustrations...
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rainee: cool down a bit, you seemed too agitated. i was the one who initiate the discussion on 'what-ifs'. in a way i am asking for trouble i guess. my view on all these is that should i even open myself up fully to her? or in fact to anyone else in future. from all these discussions, it seemed to dawn on me that humans should hold back some feelings/thoughts, going all out is not gonna make things easier.
in regards to ur post for maskedangel, if she is feeling confused, and it should be caused by me, so she should forget me and go on with her life?
cherrcola: again, she never once asked me to wait, she even encouraged me to go on to meet other people. it was all my intention all along, i guess keeping the torch alive for so many years, its very hard to distinguish it that easily
btw, do all girls think the same?
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AFC, chill la. this is a forum ,where its important to have discussion and mixed reaction. .
Im cool with rainee's point of view. .
Diff people diff thinking. .
U're overseas for how long? -
maskedangel: for 2 year bro, yeah i posted my story here to see if anybody can relate to my situation. or rather, anyone who has been through similar circumstances and could share their endings with me. in short, i am still hoping for micacles to happen, whatever slim the chance could be. my whole life i've been living the 'just do it' way, relationship is just the only hurdle i can't overcome
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Originally posted by AFC:
rainee: cool down a bit, you seemed too agitated. i was the one who initiate the discussion on 'what-ifs'. in a way i am asking for trouble i guess. my view on all these is that should i even open myself up fully to her? or in fact to anyone else in future. from all these discussions, it seemed to dawn on me that humans should hold back some feelings/thoughts, going all out is not gonna make things easier.
in regards to ur post for maskedangel, if she is feeling confused, and it should be caused by me, so she should forget me and go on with her life?
cherrcola: again, she never once asked me to wait, she even encouraged me to go on to meet other people. it was all my intention all along, i guess keeping the torch alive for so many years, its very hard to distinguish it that easily
btw, do all girls think the same?
I am not feeling agitated lolz. Sorry if you think I am. You are free to have your own opinions and continue to wait for her if you think that is the best way for you.
I am just telling you what I think from the scenario that you have posted out.
And like what I have said before, I have been through this situation before. I waited for someone for 4 years before I realized it was not going to work out, then, now or ever. Initially it was hard to let go, but slowly it became easier.
First you need to condition your mind into thinking that you want to move on. If your mind kept thinking that you still want to hang on to this, then definitely you will continue to be in this trap and never get out.
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rainee: i hope i can be as strong as you are.
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I read "The Game" due to coincidence , i guess it really thus puts us AFC's perspective to a new horizon . I managed to chat up a gal @ a friend's bday party n got her number for the 1st time in my life !! Went out for a movie despite knowing her for 2 days only .
What i want to say is that , it is up to u to change for the better , challenge for the impossible or rather change ur reality ( just got this from rich dad bk
) . U must put urself in the possible reality before u can make it happen . But now u have lost to no one but urself just in terms of ur "i cant do it , ill wait " mindset.I m not boosting that all i had read n said is easily attainable , im trying to learn the ropes n experimentating more socialising soft skills . Just want to share the solution with u , how we have to work is really depending on us. If i m in ur position , i would probably fare worst .
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Saint': Congrats on your breakthrough bro. Socialising has never been a major problem me, in fact i think i can relate to other people quite well in the lame sense. The thing is the problem of one-itis. Of course i won't go into hermit mode abandoning all my friends, life still goes on, even if relation-side don't work out, so be it. (Is this forum moderated by PAP?)
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Originally posted by AFC:
rainee: i hope i can be as strong as you are.
Strength is determined in your mind. If you want to be, you can be. But if you keep thinking you can't..then you will never be.
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rainee: so what's your take on this? total blockout from the girl?
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Originally posted by AFC:
rainee: so what's your take on this? total blockout from the girl?
Yes, unfortunately that seems to be the best solution. Though it will mean losing touch and most probably the friendship. It was a difficult decision for me to make previously. But on the hindsight now, I think I have made the right choice. Staying in contact with her will only cause you to be reminded of her and her actions, no matter how irrelevant they might be, might lead into giving yourself even more false hopes.
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rainee: we'll see how it goes from here. not that i've not tried it before, but we are among a group of really close friends, and contacts would be near impossible to avoid. maybe i should consider migration. just a thought
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Originally posted by AFC:
Saint': Congrats on your breakthrough bro. Socialising has never been a major problem me, in fact i think i can relate to other people quite well in the lame sense. The thing is the problem of one-itis. Of course i won't go into hermit mode abandoning all my friends, life still goes on, even if relation-side don't work out, so be it. (Is this forum moderated by PAP?)
actually i haven really got through anything .. there wasnt much IOI lol .. im pretty much a anti social person , i think . Usually close friends would tell me i look kinda fierce sometimes .
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Saint': Maybe you never show her more magic tricks then. Try to smile more, it breaks away the fierce looks sometimes.
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haha .. that will come when i learn them .. it is interesting that the book has such power , power to change n influence . Maybe u can take a step back and look forward . Reach out to other gals in ur cliche or new gals ard u . I m actually trying out and felt much feel n easy . What do u think ?
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Saint': Of course i would think that it is a good direction to go into. I mean, its always useful to have a soft skills that allows you to interact even with total strangers. Now is my head saying one thing, my heart is saying another. You know this feeling? I mean know as friends is alright, but to go one step further, I won't have the energy to go on
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TS, open yr heart and learn to let go! Learn to accept other gal and widen yr social life,
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ic .. ok i believe no matter who says what .. our fingers will end up pointing to a fault that u already know .. its urself ..
i had this experience when i was in jc , i was particularly close to this gal . Really she is my soulmate , gf material , everything i could think of . So we were close , but i had the mindset of " ill wait , i cant confess, does she even like me ?" Guess what , some1 more suitable(perhaps more vocal) came , and they got together within 2wks . My life dropped to a standstill . Later , she actually confessed to me that she actually like me after all !Love is funny thing , u need to catch when it comes . If u hesitate , whatever happens , really no one to blame but urself . Thats y i can say u have 2 routes to choose .
1) Engine turbo out , be a bastard to that bf but truthful to urself . At least u wouldnt live to regret like me .
2)Take a step back , maintain close contact . Progess to probably Best friends forever or soul mate , platonic n pure . I heard ppl say Best friends make the best couple, u might still have a chance here , but at least if u don , u wont feel as miserable.
I, myself chose 2 for this particular gal . We r very close now . Crossing my fingers if anything can happen again in future .
Or just be afc ? Really it is u need to make the difference urself .
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CannyOng: Thanks for the advice. To do that, i need to be forced by circumstances first. Means she has gotten married, thus ending all possible hopes. My weakness is my strong belief in things, stubborn you guys may call it.
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Saint': Its funny how you've mentioned something similar to what a gal friend of mine said. I quote her words 'It could be the most beautiful platonic friendship'.
I ask you something, so deep down you still hope for a chance back with your girl? If you can confirm that, i can safely say that pure platonic friendship with a girl you like is near impossible. There will always be motives when it comes to guys' attitude towards the opposite gender, if there is interests involved.
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Originally posted by AFC:
Saint': Its funny how you've mentioned something similar to what a gal friend of mine said. I quote her words 'It could be the most beautiful platonic friendship'.
I ask you something, so deep down you still hope for a chance back with your girl? If you can confirm that, i can safely say that pure platonic friendship with a girl you like is near impossible. There will always be motives when it comes to guys' attitude towards the opposite gender, if there is interests involved.
yea there is still a tinge of feeling there , but it is also e same feeling that propels an energy in me to build a platonic relationship. If the girl marries a better man , ill feel happy for her not sorrow or discontent becos i didnt get her in the end. Thats how i interpret my feelings. All i can say is , the love we shared transcend those bgr and gotten into a more platonic love .
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Originally posted by rainee:
Keep going out...maybe this guy is not the one for you. The guy for you will make you giddy with excitement and fill your mind with his images and take away all the images of your ex-crush.
So keep meeting new people, one day you will be able to meet that person who will make you forget :)
Thanks Rainee!May I congratulate you for your marriage
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Originally posted by Saint`:
actually i haven really got through anything .. there wasnt much IOI lol .. im pretty much a anti social person , i think . Usually close friends would tell me i look kinda fierce sometimes .
Im pretty anti-social too.... I gave people the impression of being arrogant when they first meet me...... -
Originally posted by AFC:
First off, please spare me from the 'Please move on' and 'Life goes on' advices. I have heard countless of them and do not need anymore. Thanks. (Details are slightly modified to protect my privacy)
I think almost all people might find me stupid and dumb, but I've been holding a torch for a girl for a very long time (12 years and counting).
It all started from a crush (which story doesn't?) back in secondary school. Back then, I was still the typical boy, immersing myself in arcades, basketball and all the other stuff teenagers did at that time. However, foray into BGR was not my thing. In fact, I shunned away from females as I felt uncomfortable and shy that time.
It was the time where great friends were bounded together, and unexpectedly, this girl (let's call her A) was in the same clique of friends. I felt something going on, but as the dumb kid I was, i never let my feelings known to her.
Days went by, graduated with O levels, went on to poly. Couldn't take my mind off her, and decide to ask her out on a date on V-day. Before this, not much contacts were made, just me alone pondering about her life and me living my own way. I should have known this was a perfect recipe for disaster, and it did. This crushed me totally at that time, but lucky (or was it unlucky) that I had to be enlisted to be a conscript.
During army days, even though the going was tough, but I endured through all, just survived by the fairy-tale thought that if i can survive the trainings, at least it would prove me to be a MAN enough character. All this time, still not much contacts, just the occasional smses during special occasions.
Cut the long story short, uni days were the same story all over again. Heeding advices from close friends to forget her and move on, I believed i did so at that point. So i began a private blog about my daily life at that point (this blog wasn't known by anybody, even my closest friends), with some entries detailing on my feelings and thoughts on her. This blog proves to be a major turning point in the latter part of this post.
Once I went into the working world, my secondary school group decide to gather ever so frequent. It was only then that my contact with her became much more frequent, until a point where I didn't actually know if I had gotten over her or not. She already have a boyfriend at this point.
As dynamic as the weather forecasts, my plans for future changed, and I decided to pursue further studies overseas. Using this excuse, i asked her out for a couple of times to chill out, to re-evaluate my affections for her. As it turns out, I am still hopelessly into her.
Soon the day comes for my departure, seeing her coming to airport to send me off was really heartwarming for me. While in the new environment, I put up some pictures of my house on the blog, and advertised to my friends to see. Expectedly, or unexpectedly, she came to read my past entries, and we revealed all the past emotions we both had at those various points in time.
Stupid me, knowing that she has a relationship going on now, went on to ask her if i stood any chance at all if things were different now (as in both are singles). Her answer lifted my spirits up, but the main thing is that she is in a relation, and she wouldn't risk it for anything. I respect that, and my plan now is just to wait for her, to see if her relation might crack up and I can be given a chance at all. I know it is bad to think of other people's relation this way, but after so long of yearning, i couldn't help it.
Alright, let's see what replies AA board can generates now.
Thank you for the time spent reading.
So what are your questions/queries?
If not how would you like us to reply you?
I'm amazed people are even able to reply you without you asking them any questions.
Somehow I feel your story is a bit coincidence with mine.
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Originally posted by cherrycola:
Thanks Rainee!May I congratulate you for your marriage
Thanks :) Hope one day you will find the special one in your life.
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Saint': Thats a good thing, Maybe i'm really too caught up in my thoughts to let things flow smoothly.
parn: I'm sharing my story to see if there is any other out of the norm advices AA could generate. I've mostly kept my feelings inside of me all these years, so the amount of advices that i got was very little. Another objective is as i've said before, it would be great if i could hear the outcomes of people with similar situations before. Care to share your story?