Originally posted by xiiaostarry:she don't dare to..
her parents are those strict & conservative type..
don't make comments abt her being a coward or what hor..anyway..she's already 25 & have the right to make her own decisions..
moreover..what's the use of upsetting her parents when she already plans to go ahead with Plan A
I understand about what you said abt how her parents will feel if they are kept in the dark..BUT..what will her parents think & feel if they know that the son who made their daughter pregnant chose to run away?
I think..is better to spare them from the agony..
Thats is stupid of her. And she is a coward.
Her parents should know of this asap so as to provide financial support. Its not like they are going to kill her like that right? Her parents need the time to plan thei finance for the extra mouth to feed. Somemore also ask her dad contact that bastard's dad, such a matter should be the responsibility of both family, not one.
I don't want to say this but running away solves nothing, and only LOSERS do that.
Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
that's what we believe also..he don't have the guts to confess what he did..
if ur friend chosen the plan A, pls make the boy sign a note to pay for the ops fee and all the nutrient products for 1 months after the ops... like bird nest, ginseng soup and all for like the 1 month confinement period
Originally posted by Rednano:
parents, when they r still around, r ur guardian angels. they protect and advise u. in this case, should the parents knew, they will protect their daughter and find the parents of the boy to open table talk.
bt still..the decision still lies with her..
as in whether she wants to tell her parents abt this issue..
Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
don't you think that she won't feel hurt? for giving up her child? is not that she wants to do so..is she has got no alternative!
Which woman will want to harm their own body by going thru an abortion?
And by your comment "only retards will do such ops."..Do you seriously think that they wanted it?
Come on~ Be realistic! How is she going to support the kid alone financially?
Since you sound as though you care so much about the kid..Did you ever stop to think of how the kid will feel when he/she get teased in future for having being born into a single parent family? With no dad?
MIND UR WRDS BEFORE YOU SHOOT OFF YOUR MOUTH!
No la, he is asking for her to give birth and give up the child to another couple.
I think it is always easy to be on the higher-than-thou position when we are not in our situation ourselves.
Originally posted by crimsontactics:Thats is stupid of her. And she is a coward.
Her parents should know of this asap so as to provide financial support. Its not like they are going to kill her like that right? Her parents need the time to plan thei finance for the extra mouth to feed. Somemore also ask her dad contact that bastard's dad, such a matter should be the responsibility of both family, not one.
I don't want to say this but running away solves nothing, and only LOSERS do that.
yah..tell that to all those LOSERS who went for abortion =)
and who do you think you are to comment that she is stupid?
and..bear this in mind : this is HER decision..her own problem..is none of yours..who are you to interfere in her decision & shoot your mouth off?
Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
bt still..the decision still lies with her..as in whether she wants to tell her parents abt this issue..
Yes, but I think she should still tell her parents la. No matter how angry, they will still side her de. And they have the right to know in case anything bad happens to her after the abortion. Otherwise if some complications come up, who is going to take care of her during her hospital stay? They will find out somehow...
And at least the guy will get what he deserves...otherwise he might try to do the same thing on her again next time...I know of a girl who already aborted 3 times...all with the same bastard...
Originally posted by rainee:No la, he is asking for her to give birth and give up the child to another couple.
I think it is always easy to be on the higher-than-thou position when we are not in our situation ourselves.
yah..but the way he talk is so haughty..
machiam ppl loves to go for abortion
abortion is the last alternative..he makes as though he is so superior..a saint..
agree with this >> I think it is always easy to be on the higher-than-thou position when we are not in our situation ourselves.
anyway..is up to her to make the decision..
Originally posted by xiiaostarry:yah..tell that to all those LOSERS who went for abortion =)
and who do you think you are to comment that she is stupid?
and..bear this in mind : this is HER decision..her own problem..is none of yours..who are you to interfere in her decision & shoot your mouth off?
Cos actually you are asking in a forum whether she should go abort or not...so people are providing their views...there will definitely be some who are against abortion and will make such comments cos they haven't been thru the situation themselves...
Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
don't you think that she won't feel hurt? for giving up her child? is not that she wants to do so..is she has got no alternative!
Which woman will want to harm their own body by going thru an abortion?
And by your comment "only retards will do such ops."..Do you seriously think that they wanted it?
Come on~ Be realistic! How is she going to support the kid alone financially?
Since you sound as though you care so much about the kid..Did you ever stop to think of how the kid will feel when he/she get teased in future for having being born into a single parent family? With no dad?
MIND UR WRDS BEFORE YOU SHOOT OFF YOUR MOUTH!
First thing first, they have sex and had a baby, thats their fault, no one forced them to do it, they are both willing parties, so they got to pay for what price taht will be coming up.
Second,she will be, and deserved to be, teased. This is a no-brainer question. Actions have consequences. They wanna have fun, they have to pay the price. However, I'm sure she would be spared the shame and may even be respected if she stood up to the problem and struggle to bring her child up. By then, she will earn the respect of others. But now, to me, she is nothing but a cheap girl.
The guy, he might better off without a dick.
The point is clear-cut, play and pay, nothing else.
Originally posted by xiiaostarry:yah..tell that to all those LOSERS who went for abortion =)
and who do you think you are to comment that she is stupid?
and..bear this in mind : this is HER decision..her own problem..is none of yours..who are you to interfere in her decision & shoot your mouth off?
I would like to redefine the "LOSERS" to those who when though aborption due to the financial burden of having a baby and not to those who been though it due to medical conditions. Sorry.
Originally posted by crimsontactics:First thing first, they have sex and had a baby, thats their fault, no one forced them to do it, they are both willing parties, so they got to pay for what price taht will be coming up.
Second,she will be, and deserved to be, teased. This is a no-brainer question. Actions have consequences. They wanna have fun, they have to pay the price. However, I'm sure she would be spared the shame and may even be respected if she stood up to the problem and struggle to bring her child up. By then, she will earn the respect of others. But now, to me, she is nothing but a cheap girl.
The guy, he might better off without a dick.
The point is clear-cut, play and pay, nothing else.
It could be she is naive and conned by the guy's sweet words? Doesn't necessarily mean that she is cheap? Anyway we don't know her enough to comment on her personality.
By going through the abortion she is also paying the price. Doesn't mean abort le she doesn't feel anything after that. So up to her which one she wanna choose.
Originally posted by crimsontactics:I would like to redefine the "LOSERS" to those who when though aborption due to the financial burden of having a baby and not to those who been though it due to medical conditions. Sorry.
Then they are not a loser if they bring the baby into the world and unable to provide for him?
Originally posted by rainee:It could be she is naive and conned by the guy's sweet words? Doesn't necessarily mean that she is cheap? Anyway we don't know her enough to comment on her personality.
By going through the abortion she is also paying the price. Doesn't mean abort le she doesn't feel anything after that. So up to her which one she wanna choose.
Sorry for my comments before, just aggitated to see irresponsible couple ending a life for the sake of their own fun. Personally, abortion is a no-no. Ending a life is never a way to solve a problem. It only causes more.
Originally posted by rainee:Then they are not a loser if they bring the baby into the world and unable to provide for him?
Providing the baby will be a problem. But this problem can be solved. Several solutions include
1) asking for financial support from parents and organisations
2) stopping education and working
3) Save on personal pleasures and focus all finance on the baby.
The solutions are countless, it will be a struggle, but it is always the darkest before dawn.
Originally posted by crimsontactics:Providing the baby will be a problem. But this problem can be solved. Several solutions include
1) asking for financial support from parents and organisations
2) stopping education and working
3) Save on personal pleasures and focus all finance on the baby.
The solutions are countless, it will be a struggle, but it is always the darkest before dawn.
1) Ideal situation if the parents don't mind providing. What if they refuse and kick her out of the house?
2) When she works, who is going to take care of the baby?
3) There is only so much you can save in Singapore...even if you focus all finances on the baby there will still be chances it won't be enough.
All this needs to be considered before bringing the child to the world.
Originally posted by rainee:Yes, but I think she should still tell her parents la. No matter how angry, they will still side her de. And they have the right to know in case anything bad happens to her after the abortion. Otherwise if some complications come up, who is going to take care of her during her hospital stay? They will find out somehow...
And at least the guy will get what he deserves...otherwise he might try to do the same thing on her again next time...I know of a girl who already aborted 3 times...all with the same bastard...
Yes, at least she shld let her parent know abt tis.. Shld she decided to go for the abortion, she wll need alot of emotional supports which her jerky bf wll not be able to provide.
Originally posted by rainee:1) Ideal situation if the parents don't mind providing. What if they refuse and kick her out of the house?
2) When she works, who is going to take care of the baby?
3) There is only so much you can save in Singapore...even if you focus all finances on the baby there will still be chances it won't be enough.
All this needs to be considered before bringing the child to the world.
True. But these are only the few of the many other solutions available. And also it takes a combination of solutions, not one, to solve this problem.
Originally posted by RedizAlertz:Yes, at least she shld let her parent know abt tis.. Shld she decided to go for the abortion, she wll need alot of emotional supports which her jerky bf wll not be able to provide.
True. Besides emotional she may also need financial support.
Originally posted by crimsontactics:Thats is stupid of her. And she is a coward.
Her parents should know of this asap so as to provide financial support. Its not like they are going to kill her like that right? Her parents need the time to plan thei finance for the extra mouth to feed. Somemore also ask her dad contact that bastard's dad, such a matter should be the responsibility of both family, not one.
I don't want to say this but running away solves nothing, and only LOSERS do that.
Hi there, it's been a while since I last log on, but I just saw this article and thought I strongly need to provide my point of view here.
I am providing this view from the point of a single mum myself, where I was facing the same dilemma 10 over years ago.
I'm going to make a lot of assumptions here based on what I've been through so bear with me. Ignore them if you think they don't apply.
Yes, she may be a coward, or a more appropriate way to put it, she is extremely fearful/resentful/dreads of her parents to know of her pregnancy. But yes too, it's ALMOST like they are going to kill her. Sigh... not everyone understands because not everyone has parents who neglect to care for their child all the while yet want the control and face should anything involving their parents' ego happened. And yes, this would also mean that they do not really care for their child's well-being anymore than their pride that comes first. My dad wanted me to abort my baby when I was 5 months pregnant. And yes, not every parent will accept and provide or help to want to look after your child when your baby is due. So even if you spill the beans about your pregnancy, their first reactions would almost be to literally want to "kill" you. Also, I may be just assuming here, they might think it's too troublesome to call up the guy's parents and feel indignant that since such a thing happened, it should be the guy's parents who's going to call them up. Everybody's pushing their own views, their ways unto the poor girl, nobody does anything concrete. Who has ever thought of her feelings here? Who sincerely cares for her? In view of all these, what is the poor girl to do alone?
As someone who's been through the journey, I can see very clearly that the guy is completely not worth it now. If she goes for abortion, I hope that she would have nothing to do with the guy anymore because the guy is clearly stringing her along for the sex and a guai guai companion for a partner. Someone who adores him and really puts her heart into loving him just because he happened in her life where she feels negated and unloved by her family. He will appear to her as the hero to save the damsel in distress when he croons her with promises of love. And in order to win his approval to continue receiving this love that she has never felt in her family, she will continue to do things that pleases him to invoke the loving attention (she needed so much) from him.
Sex may just be one of the ways she felt loved and cherished by him. Loneliness makes her extremely vulnerable (perhaps she don't feel cherished and loved by her family anyway). Though this poses a big problem for the girl biologically as well, because when you have sex with a man, your body releases oxytocin during orgasm. This "bonding hormone" (also produced when you're nursing your baby and childbirth), coupled with the female hormone estrogen, produces a powerful bonding effect, blinding her to be attached to him, instead of seeing him for who he really is. On top of all these, if she's really a sweet, unassuming, and more importanty, a sentimental girl, she might actually feel bad to terminate a relationship if she's someone who thinks that perhaps it might be her who had not tried hard enough in it as opposed to her passive family who may have constantly put her down regardless of what she does. Little does she knows that she has done far far more than any other girls would have ever given in a relationship and that it is not healthy for her to give anymore in such a flawed relationship, in the "hope" that the love and stability she craves for will be finally granted to her through her blind hard work. Adding on to this, the guy she dearly loves with all her life would be encouraging her to give more by giving her a hint of his "love" here and there, and then withdrawing to make her work even harder. It's a no-win situation even though she doesn't know it. The harder she works, the harder she falls.
As what I can see from here, she really needs VERY supportive friends to break her out of this trance. Ironically, the relationship she's in would try even harder to isolate her from the company of friends (expect to be bad-mouthed by the guy when she's with him in private). Friends need to be extremely understanding and handle her delicate feelings with care and respect, for she would hide back into her relationship for comfort and not come out at all if she feels the slightest put down or shamed. As much as she might find certain sense in what her friends say (about her bf being a jerk), she is also looking inwards to reproach herself what else she could have been doing to make it all better, and since she's already in this relationship, she's gotta "do all to make it WORK". She doesn't realize that she is ENOUGH. She doesn't realize that she DESERVE to be loved for who she already is. At this delicate time, no matter whether you are very close friends to her or not (since she might isolate herself), friends need to spend every possible time with her, decreasing all the time she spends with the bf, depending on his "love" and company. She might refuse (remember she feels unworthy and ashamed?) out of politeness, but someone a bit more thick-skinned out there should just pull her along to some gatherings whether she says yes or no.
I think it would be helpful for friends to know that even if perhaps whatever you've done may not seem to be working and feel disheartened, all the things done are actually registered in the girl's mind, and when she's in trouble again and don't know who to turn to for help, all the previous helpful advice (no matter how resisted she was to those ideas then) will be remembered. Everything done were not in vain even if she seems adamant on sticking to her boyfriend currently.
crimsontactics has said that she deserved to be teased. I want to know, if someone really deserved to be teased just because all she's trying to do is to attempt hard to find a love she can rely on albeit in misguided way (no one in her family taught her how, but instead berate her for all her mistakes big and small and ignore her when she needs their presence), got misled by a guy who thinks more for himself than her welfare (even though he will be telling her he loves her etc things that she NEEDS so badly because her family has not been able to provide for her this emotional safety), because all along she has not been cherished, loved and looked after?
Here is a link that you might find thought-provoking and unbelievable. It's hard to digest because harmful people exist around us much like some common decent folks. The common first (and perhaps for more reactions to come) reaction would be disbelief and denial.
http://groups.msn.com/PSYCHOPATH/womenwholovepsychopaths.msnw
Read it, digest it and think about it thoroughly. This is not a fact to be forced unto one's face blatantly, but something to be seriously considered and understood. It takes time for people to accept traumatic facts, so be patient.
Hello there xiiaostarry,
if possible, get your friend to read this too, or at least within friends among yourselves, understand. There are a lot more blue hyperlinks within the article and on the left hand side bar for you to click and explore:
http://groups.msn.com/PSYCHOPATH/psychopathsarousecaringinstinct.msnw
Read also no use, her friend need to realize it herself. If she continues to turn a blind eye to the fault of her boyfriend, then she will continue to stay in this relationship.
9 pages.....i skipped 8...
She's in jipoon living her life liao, tio bo?
u dun wan or dun like to abort, then dun abort...
u wan or like to abort, then abort....
so difficult to accept?
Originally posted by YouDonKnowMe:Hi there, it's been a while since I last log on, but I just saw this article and thought I strongly need to provide my point of view here.
I am providing this view from the point of a single mum myself, where I was facing the same dilemma 10 over years ago.
I'm going to make a lot of assumptions here based on what I've been through so bear with me. Ignore them if you think they don't apply.
Yes, she may be a coward, or a more appropriate way to put it, she is extremely fearful/resentful/dreads of her parents to know of her pregnancy. But yes too, it's ALMOST like they are going to kill her. Sigh... not everyone understands because not everyone has parents who neglect to care for their child all the while yet want the control and face should anything involving their parents' ego happened. And yes, this would also mean that they do not really care for their child's well-being anymore than their pride that comes first. My dad wanted me to abort my baby when I was 5 months pregnant. And yes, not every parent will accept and provide or help to want to look after your child when your baby is due. So even if you spill the beans about your pregnancy, their first reactions would almost be to literally want to "kill" you. Also, I may be just assuming here, they might think it's too troublesome to call up the guy's parents and feel indignant that since such a thing happened, it should be the guy's parents who's going to call them up. Everybody's pushing their own views, their ways unto the poor girl, nobody does anything concrete. Who has ever thought of her feelings here? Who sincerely cares for her? In view of all these, what is the poor girl to do alone?
As someone who's been through the journey, I can see very clearly that the guy is completely not worth it now. If she goes for abortion, I hope that she would have nothing to do with the guy anymore because the guy is clearly stringing her along for the sex and a guai guai companion for a partner. Someone who adores him and really puts her heart into loving him just because he happened in her life where she feels negated and unloved by her family. He will appear to her as the hero to save the damsel in distress when he croons her with promises of love. And in order to win his approval to continue receiving this love that she has never felt in her family, she will continue to do things that pleases him to invoke the loving attention (she needed so much) from him.
Sex may just be one of the ways she felt loved and cherished by him. Loneliness makes her extremely vulnerable (perhaps she don't feel cherished and loved by her family anyway). Though this poses a big problem for the girl biologically as well, because when you have sex with a man, your body releases oxytocin during orgasm. This "bonding hormone" (also produced when you're nursing your baby and childbirth), coupled with the female hormone estrogen, produces a powerful bonding effect, blinding her to be attached to him, instead of seeing him for who he really is. On top of all these, if she's really a sweet, unassuming, and more importanty, a sentimental girl, she might actually feel bad to terminate a relationship if she's someone who thinks that perhaps it might be her who had not tried hard enough in it as opposed to her passive family who may have constantly put her down regardless of what she does. Little does she knows that she has done far far more than any other girls would have ever given in a relationship and that it is not healthy for her to give anymore in such a flawed relationship, in the "hope" that the love and stability she craves for will be finally granted to her through her blind hard work. Adding on to this, the guy she dearly loves with all her life would be encouraging her to give more by giving her a hint of his "love" here and there, and then withdrawing to make her work even harder. It's a no-win situation even though she doesn't know it. The harder she works, the harder she falls.
As what I can see from here, she really needs VERY supportive friends to break her out of this trance. Ironically, the relationship she's in would try even harder to isolate her from the company of friends (expect to be bad-mouthed by the guy when she's with him in private). Friends need to be extremely understanding and handle her delicate feelings with care and respect, for she would hide back into her relationship for comfort and not come out at all if she feels the slightest put down or shamed. As much as she might find certain sense in what her friends say (about her bf being a jerk), she is also looking inwards to reproach herself what else she could have been doing to make it all better, and since she's already in this relationship, she's gotta "do all to make it WORK". She doesn't realize that she is ENOUGH. She doesn't realize that she DESERVE to be loved for who she already is. At this delicate time, no matter whether you are very close friends to her or not (since she might isolate herself), friends need to spend every possible time with her, decreasing all the time she spends with the bf, depending on his "love" and company. She might refuse (remember she feels unworthy and ashamed?) out of politeness, but someone a bit more thick-skinned out there should just pull her along to some gatherings whether she says yes or no.
I think it would be helpful for friends to know that even if perhaps whatever you've done may not seem to be working and feel disheartened, all the things done are actually registered in the girl's mind, and when she's in trouble again and don't know who to turn to for help, all the previous helpful advice (no matter how resisted she was to those ideas then) will be remembered. Everything done were not in vain even if she seems adamant on sticking to her boyfriend currently.
crimsontactics has said that she deserved to be teased. I want to know, if someone really deserved to be teased just because all she's trying to do is to attempt hard to find a love she can rely on albeit in misguided way (no one in her family taught her how, but instead berate her for all her mistakes big and small and ignore her when she needs their presence), got misled by a guy who thinks more for himself than her welfare (even though he will be telling her he loves her etc things that she NEEDS so badly because her family has not been able to provide for her this emotional safety), because all along she has not been cherished, loved and looked after?
~crimsontactics has said that she deserved to be teased. I want to know, if someone really deserved to be teased just because all she's trying to do is to attempt hard to find a love she can rely on albeit in misguided way (no one in her family taught her how, but instead berate her for all her mistakes big and small and ignore her when she needs their presence), got misled by a guy who thinks more for himself than her welfare (even though he will be telling her he loves her etc things that she NEEDS so badly because her family has not been able to provide for her this emotional safety), because all along she has not been cherished, loved and looked after?~
First of all, I want to highlight that the social stigma which is connected to pre-marriage pregnancy had been in our society for generations. I'm sure that the couples, especially the lady, should be fully aware and prepared of the outcome of their actions.
Secondly, I'm sure that the lady, being 25, should be mature enough to differentiate between love and sex. You don't give sex to gain love, neither the other way around. Both of these two aspects are of a different calibre. They don't work together before marriage. So from your argument, are you telling me that just because she is foolish enough to give her body to her bf in exchange for attention, she is totally innocent? Shouldn't she be at fault too for the lack of sexual discipline? Isn't piaking before marriage considered cheap? And where are the protections? Ask these questions to yourself 1st. Misjudging is your own fault, so does being foolishly lured into doing something.
Thirdly, she even got the guts to consider abortion. What do you think she is? God? Having fun at the sake of another's life? This is Sg my friend. The government have been actively promoting married couples to have babies. I don't believe that she will not be able to bring up her child in this country, though it would be a tough struggle. Purposing abortion as a solution is hanging a "TEASE ME" sign around her neck. So shouldn't she be teased?
There is no free lunches in this world, everything have a price. Want to play, better pay.
Originally posted by dcx:9 pages.....i skipped 8...
She's in jipoon living her life liao, tio bo?
u dun wan or dun like to abort, then dun abort...
u wan or like to abort, then abort....
so difficult to accept?
It's not easy like that ... She should tell her parents.