Problems with Parents
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Originally posted by NekoRin:
There are things which are not supposed to be known even by me. This is what they told Rainee when they threaten her. I still respect them as my in-laws, hence the reason why I never go argue with them when they give Rainee so much additional stress.
I'm sorry to say this Neko.
But I think your parent in-law is not too happy with their dotter's choice.
Most parents will give their blessings and ensure their children's wedding go smoothly and hope they have a happy marriage.
But it seems .. Rainee's parents are using the passive aggresive approach.. to break the union up.
I think they are not ready to sell off their dotter to a poor guy like you ..
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Originally posted by rainee:
You never read the whole story before commenting, and that I think reflected badly on you. Plus you have gotten the whole story wrong, if you do not know how to empathise, please don't be here.
As I have mentioned above, are parents always right? Just simply because they are parents, are their actions all justifiable?
You said that I am not showing my gratitude to them. If I am not grateful to them for bringing me up, I would have abandoned them by the roadside by now and leave them to fend for themselves. This thread wouldn't even be here in the first place. Why would I scrimp and save every month just to ensure I will send a hefty amount to them as their allowance (before you get anything even more wrong, they asked for this amount and it is nearly 40% of my pay currently)? I worked hard here to ensure they can enjoy their retirement life at home and I still visited them frequently, even when I am sick I will still make my way there.
It is unavoidable that I would have to be distanced from them since I am working here. When I was still working in Malaysia, they complained that I am not earning enough to keep them happy. So they allowed me to work here so that the money I send back for them are much more since the currency here is 2 times the currency back home. They have agreed to this even before I came over here, so this is all of their own accord, not something forced.
You think it is so easy to just hold a wedding dinner in Malaysia? What about Rin's relatives? Just consider about myself, don't need to think about my husband's side? What about what they want?
You have not been in this situation yourself so if you can't even put yourself in my shoes right now, I would appreciate it if you just stay away if all you want to do is just throw insults and make comments which are totally useless. Thank you very much.
I feel sorry for you that you have this personal grudge against your parents and your actions, behaviour are completely self-centered and selfish.DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO RETURN FIRE BACK TO YOUR PARENTS?
No matter what mistakes they did when they brought you up, it doesn't means that THEY DON'T LOVE YOU. Just because they did not pamper you or love you in the way that you wanted, doesn't means that they don't love you. So please don't come here and mislead other forumers with your one-sided story okie?
If your topic start post was neutral and was really a plead for help, I would have replied better. But instead when I read your topic start post, it contains really disgusting words and suggestions and ill-intentions that you had for your parents. This is really really disappointing for me to even read it coming from a teacher. What you have written doesn't tells people that you are a sensible human being, it just tell others how ungrateful you are as a child of your parents, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Like I've said, you don't have to seek revenge or be calculative about the amount of love, care that you should be showing to your parents. When you calculate love, it isn't love anymore, love has already became hatred. I'm sure your parents are also disappointed in what you have become, and they must have their own reasons to be extra strict with you, and I can see why it is necessary for them to do so. Cos you NEVER LISTEN to take in enough of what others have said and self-realised to change yourself, and you have always been insensible even till this age!
You need to let go of whatever that has already happened in the past and your childhood, and you have a choice not to allow and surrender to your past to make you become a vengeful, wretched person. This is definitely not what your parents would have wanted to see you become!
The more you tried to fight back against your parents, the more unreasonable they would be with you, and I have no doubt about that. IT's not that they are wrong, they are just trying to bring you back to them....the real you that is supposed to be kind, grateful, loving and respectful to them, NOT LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE NOW!!!
You also have a brain and you can also think of the options that you can take. Would you prefer to continue to fight against your parents by holding onto the past grudges till the time they leaves you forever? OR Would you have at least tried to show them that you are BETTER than what they have brought you up to be, and show them LOVE, RESPECT, GRATITUDE to make them feel happy but also a little bit sorry for mistreating you?
You called yourself a teacher, and you're supposed to be educating the children in your job, SO WHY AREN'T YOU SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO EDUCATE YOURSELF FIRST???
Don't destroy the honourable image of a teacher with your shallow mind and past. People who can be a teacher should have better moral values than just plain academic qualifications. Did you not went through an interview before you got admitted to be a teacher? What lies did you pull to get through the interview?
If you can't understand and solve this problem between you and your parents, then I wonder how your in-laws would've thought of you as their daughter-in-law and how the hell did your husband even wanted you to be the mother of his future children? Is he not afraid that you might do the same thing and be calculative to his parents and even to him in the future?
I believed this is only possible if your in-laws have no clue of what is going on between you and your parents and you and your husband hide all the crucial facts to yourself only to protect your own reputation so that everyone can always see that you are RIGHT.
You can continue to deceive the forumers in here and gain many empathy from them to satisfy your own undeserving self. Ultimately you are the one who will not get helped if you do not want to get real help. You can continue to enjoy all the empathy from others to make yourself seems so right....only temporarily. The problem still exists and it lies within yourself, so if you do not want to help yourself and be a better child to your parents, then you will NEVER be a better wife to your husband, better daughter-in-law to your in-laws, better mother to your husband future children. Your life will be so wretched and full of endless transgression from your loved ones because you're selfish, calculative, self-centered, and insensible.
Let go of yourself and allow yourself to be TRICKED by me even for once, and listen to me and show love, respect, gratitude to your parents. Show them you can change and you want to change for them.
Your parents will not be with you forever, you should be sad if they ever going to leave you. What does your husband think if his parents one day also leave him? You maybe don't want to listen to me, but at least listen to your husband if you truly LOVE him and not use him as a lifeboat to hang onto after jumping ship on your parents.
IF I don't care about your post in here, why do you think I even bothered to write so much about my own thoughts to share with you? I could've easily feed you with plenty of hatred for your own parents and drop you even harder than anyone else could in your future when you eventually realised the importance of your parents in your life. Do you really think I'm incapable of doing all that if I wanted to?
Bless your lucky stars that I chose to help you and not to be wretched and calculative as you to count the numbers of retarded responses and comments you have made in a few of my posts.
Ultimately it is UP TO YOU to decide the life that you want to live, I can only and always advise.
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Parn.. you write so much .. waste so much time.. only to come up with this ah ?
So now. what is your practical solution ? NONE.
Her parents wants her to live outside her means.. you want her to borrow and steal issit ?
Money falls from the tree har? Or you gonna give them the money to give her parents what they ask for ?
A house and a BIG wedding which they cannot afford.
Teachers are also humans.. they also got family problems. They are no different from you and me.
You emphasise so much on her profession.. what's your point ? Teachers are here to impart knowledge.. not be a pastor. Can you get this part right ?
Goosh.. I read your post.. I realise you so naive and full of hot air. Like that want to help others ah ? Cham liao lor.
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Originally posted by rainee:
Most restaurant need to have at least 15 tables and above before they let you hold a banquet there leh...
And they want the whole thing like must have photoshoot, bla bla...confirm will cost 10k and above de.
I did my photoshot @ JBfa gou tai bei @ sentosa
some more need to take twice, due to first time did not manage to select any photo.
as for table less than 10, I think is possible,
has attended no sign board chief wedding dinner, 6 tables
some more dinner start after their friend finish work which is 12 mid night.
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Originally posted by zaxis:
I did my photoshot @ JBfa gou tai bei @ sentosa
some more need to take twice, due to first time did not manage to select any photo.
as for table less than 10, I think is possible,
has attended no sign board chief wedding dinner, 6 tables
some more dinner start after their friend finish work which is 12 mid night.
Sorry hor.. minimum is 15 tables in most restaurants.
If you want 5-6 tables.. you can just go book the tables in restaurants and order the food and pay according to your food order.
Wedding arrangements are different from occasion gathering hor.
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it can never stop to amaze me how some parents can "爱é�¢å�"so much that they don't even care about their children's welfare. It seems like they would rather have the kids in debt just to save their face. Do the parents know that money is one of the factors causing divorce? What's the point of insisting the kid to have a wedding reception that they can't afford which might land them in financial problems in a marriage and lead to divorce? Rainee, be strong and stand up to your parents. Do not let them pressure you into things against your wishes especially it might affect your marriage later on.
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Originally posted by parn:
*omitted to keep reply length short * ~ NekorinThank you for your valuable insights. Quite strange to say that of all opinions/suggestions/comments we have seen/heard/explored/brainstormed, we have not come to see this situation with a different light such as yours. Truly inspiring.
I do believe that an intellectual like you wouldn't fall into the assumption trap, as many of us average Joes do know what 'assume' actually mean. It will be such a dishonor for a high and wise one to make a stand using cheap speculations. On second thought, hmm... perhaps I'm not wise enough to perceive the comments posted as phrases with deep meaning. Time to brush up on my literacy skills.
I agree that we all should take a NEUTRAL stand on matters such as this. Know the story from both sides right? And leave the finger pointing and biasness to those who have little claims to support their opinions.
P.S This is an opinion that takes a neutral stand and it's shallow in meaning. Don't read too deep into it. :3
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Sorry hor.. minimum is 15 tables in most restaurants.
If you want 5-6 tables.. you can just go book the tables in restaurants and order the food and pay according to your food order.
Wedding arrangements are different from occasion gathering hor.
Yeah it's 15tables minimum, if the couple wants to 'walk down the aisle' . This is what most traditional families want to see haiz
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Originally posted by honeymouse:
it can never stop to amaze me how some parents can “爱é�¢å�”so much that they don’t even care about their children’s welfare. It seems like they would rather have the kids in debt just to save their face.
Do the parents know that money is one of the factors causing divorce? What’s the point of insisting the kid to have a wedding reception that they can’t afford which might land them in financial problems in a marriage and lead to divorce?
Rainee, be strong and stand up to your parents. Do not let them pressure you into things against your wishes especially it might affect your marriage later on.
I agree. As for my and Rainee's case... I believe that my in-laws are good-natured people. But with extended periods of staying at home with nothing else to do, coupled with little to no social interaction with the outside world, the world is just what they think it is. With that in mind, it wouldn't be hard to think that they are skeptical about everything.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I'm sorry to say this Neko.
But I think your parent in-law is not too happy with their dotter's choice.
Most parents will give their blessings and ensure their children's wedding go smoothly and hope they have a happy marriage.
But it seems .. Rainee's parents are using the passive aggresive approach.. to break the union up.
I think they are not ready to sell off their dotter to a poor guy like you ..
Probably... sad if it's the truth.
Haiz I'm just too poor
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Harlow.. wedding dinner is meant to be a celebration. Not something to be implemented for and expecting guests ang baos to pay off the dinner.
Nowadays.. the true meaning of the wedding is long gone.. ..
We hold a gathering to celebrate.. if want to calculative so much.. why bother having one in the first place ?
Yea, I also agree that the true meaning of wedding dinners are long gone...now it is mostly held to "give face" to the parents of both sides while the bride and the groom scurrying to find money to pay off everything...
It is not that we want to be calculative, but sometimes the parents really expect too much...I have heard of friends whose parents won't hear of the banquet being held anywhere else other than in 5 star hotels, and they also want a room to be provided to them after the banquet.
Dunno if it is realistic for parents to ask so much from their children...from what I understand is, you bring up your children with unconditional love? Without expecting anything in return? Then why all these demands coming in?
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Originally posted by honeymouse:
it can never stop to amaze me how some parents can “爱é�¢å�”so much that they don’t even care about their children’s welfare. It seems like they would rather have the kids in debt just to save their face.
Do the parents know that money is one of the factors causing divorce? What’s the point of insisting the kid to have a wedding reception that they can’t afford which might land them in financial problems in a marriage and lead to divorce?
Rainee, be strong and stand up to your parents. Do not let them pressure you into things against your wishes especially it might affect your marriage later on.
Marriage marks the bonding between two people and their FAMILIES.It is not always necessary for the bride and groom to foot the bills for the wedding reception and it should be as affordable as it can be for both families of the bride and groom.
If either families preferred a granduer wedding reception, then both families should work together with the bride and groom to decide the best possible wedding reception affordable.
It seems clearly that both families weren't communicating and this could be one of the problems that many forumers here has failed to factor that missing piece of information into rainee's situation. People just plainly read what others type nowadays without much processing and understanding isn't it?
If rainee sincerely seeks help from forumers in here, she should be more honest and be transparent about her feelings and her current situation. Withholding information on purpose and especially those informations that may place her in a disadvantageous position in her stance at sgforums may indicated that she might already have a clue that she was in the wrong. Even so, the advices that she received may not be relevant to her current situation as a single piece of additional withheld information could change the composition of the situation entirely. I'm not surprised if she realised that she's not getting the real help that she seeks in here because of that.
I would've expected a moderator to give better and neutral advice to rainee. Just because people here knows her more than her parents, doesn't means they should be taking sides with her and support her even though what she was doing or thinking is wrong and without morals.
If the TS wasn't rainee and it was some nobody that nobody knew about, then people wouldn't have felt obliged to take sides and would've change their stance to neutral and advised more sensibly. So as a moderator, don't take sides and do give sensible advices to other forumers who needed help.
Advising children to go against their parents is definitely a BAD advice to suggest. If you are a parent and people suggested to your child/children to go against you, what would you feel? Would you have agreed with those advices too?
Children don't and will never have that luxury of choosing their parents in their life, that is the law of nature and it is there for us to respect and obey.
Whoever agrees with advices that encourages children to go against their own parents will one day find themselves in the parents position. So be warned of what you have advised others as it will come back to claim you.
Don't be a moderator if you are unable to resist the temptations of joining the wrong crowd to give morally incorrect encouragements to forumers in need of help.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I'm sorry to say this Neko.
But I think your parent in-law is not too happy with their dotter's choice.
Most parents will give their blessings and ensure their children's wedding go smoothly and hope they have a happy marriage.
But it seems .. Rainee's parents are using the passive aggresive approach.. to break the union up.
I think they are not ready to sell off their dotter to a poor guy like you ..
Thing is, we have already made it clear to them ow much we can afford and the timeline of our planning even before we ROMed. They agreed to what we have explained to them last time...when I told them definitely we will need more time to set up our house and organise the banquet.
So it is a surprise and shock when recently they kept badgering me to move things faster...
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Originally posted by parn:
I feel sorry for you that you have this personal grudge against your parents and your actions, behaviour are completely self-centered and selfish.DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO RETURN FIRE BACK TO YOUR PARENTS?
No matter what mistakes they did when they brought you up, it doesn't means that THEY DON'T LOVE YOU. Just because they did not pamper you or love you in the way that you wanted, doesn't means that they don't love you. So please don't come here and mislead other forumers with your one-sided story okie?
If your topic start post was neutral and was really a plead for help, I would have replied better. But instead when I read your topic start post, it contains really disgusting words and suggestions and ill-intentions that you had for your parents. This is really really disappointing for me to even read it coming from a teacher. What you have written doesn't tells people that you are a sensible human being, it just tell others how ungrateful you are as a child of your parents, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Like I've said, you don't have to seek revenge or be calculative about the amount of love, care that you should be showing to your parents. When you calculate love, it isn't love anymore, love has already became hatred. I'm sure your parents are also disappointed in what you have become, and they must have their own reasons to be extra strict with you, and I can see why it is necessary for them to do so. Cos you NEVER LISTEN to take in enough of what others have said and self-realised to change yourself, and you have always been insensible even till this age!
You need to let go of whatever that has already happened in the past and your childhood, and you have a choice not to allow and surrender to your past to make you become a vengeful, wretched person. This is definitely not what your parents would have wanted to see you become!
The more you tried to fight back against your parents, the more unreasonable they would be with you, and I have no doubt about that. IT's not that they are wrong, they are just trying to bring you back to them....the real you that is supposed to be kind, grateful, loving and respectful to them, NOT LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE NOW!!!
You also have a brain and you can also think of the options that you can take. Would you prefer to continue to fight against your parents by holding onto the past grudges till the time they leaves you forever? OR Would you have at least tried to show them that you are BETTER than what they have brought you up to be, and show them LOVE, RESPECT, GRATITUDE to make them feel happy but also a little bit sorry for mistreating you?
You called yourself a teacher, and you're supposed to be educating the children in your job, SO WHY AREN'T YOU SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO EDUCATE YOURSELF FIRST???
Don't destroy the honourable image of a teacher with your shallow mind and past. People who can be a teacher should have better moral values than just plain academic qualifications. Did you not went through an interview before you got admitted to be a teacher? What lies did you pull to get through the interview?
If you can't understand and solve this problem between you and your parents, then I wonder how your in-laws would've thought of you as their daughter-in-law and how the hell did your husband even wanted you to be the mother of his future children? Is he not afraid that you might do the same thing and be calculative to his parents and even to him in the future?
I believed this is only possible if your in-laws have no clue of what is going on between you and your parents and you and your husband hide all the crucial facts to yourself only to protect your own reputation so that everyone can always see that you are RIGHT.
You can continue to deceive the forumers in here and gain many empathy from them to satisfy your own undeserving self. Ultimately you are the one who will not get helped if you do not want to get real help. You can continue to enjoy all the empathy from others to make yourself seems so right....only temporarily. The problem still exists and it lies within yourself, so if you do not want to help yourself and be a better child to your parents, then you will NEVER be a better wife to your husband, better daughter-in-law to your in-laws, better mother to your husband future children. Your life will be so wretched and full of endless transgression from your loved ones because you're selfish, calculative, self-centered, and insensible.
Let go of yourself and allow yourself to be TRICKED by me even for once, and listen to me and show love, respect, gratitude to your parents. Show them you can change and you want to change for them.
Your parents will not be with you forever, you should be sad if they ever going to leave you. What does your husband think if his parents one day also leave him? You maybe don't want to listen to me, but at least listen to your husband if you truly LOVE him and not use him as a lifeboat to hang onto after jumping ship on your parents.
IF I don't care about your post in here, why do you think I even bothered to write so much about my own thoughts to share with you? I could've easily feed you with plenty of hatred for your own parents and drop you even harder than anyone else could in your future when you eventually realised the importance of your parents in your life. Do you really think I'm incapable of doing all that if I wanted to?
Bless your lucky stars that I chose to help you and not to be wretched and calculative as you to count the numbers of retarded responses and comments you have made in a few of my posts.
Ultimately it is UP TO YOU to decide the life that you want to live, I can only and always advise.
Please leave my job out of this. Doesn't mean that teachers don't have difficult parents to live with. Are teachers supposed to be born angels with angels as their parents?
So you want me to respect my parents. May I ask you how should I respect them? Should I give in to their requests times and again, and hold my banquet right now? May I also ask, are you going to be the one who finance the banquet for me? Also are you going to be the one who is going to pay for the downpayment for my house?
You are lucky to have parents who treat you well, I don't. It is easy for you to ask me to forget, if the same thing has happened to you and is still happening to you, would you still be able to adopt this higher-than-thou stance?
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Parn.. you write so much .. waste so much time.. only to come up with this ah ?
So now. what is your practical solution ? NONE.
Her parents wants her to live outside her means.. you want her to borrow and steal issit ?
Money falls from the tree har? Or you gonna give them the money to give her parents what they ask for ?
A house and a BIG wedding which they cannot afford.
Teachers are also humans.. they also got family problems. They are no different from you and me.
You emphasise so much on her profession.. what's your point ? Teachers are here to impart knowledge.. not be a pastor. Can you get this part right ?
Goosh.. I read your post.. I realise you so naive and full of hot air. Like that want to help others ah ? Cham liao lor.
You have said what I have said earlier. I wish she can reflect on what she has posted rather than going on and on harping on things that don't matter.
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Originally posted by rainee:
Yea, I also agree that the true meaning of wedding dinners are long gone...now it is mostly held to "give face" to the parents of both sides while the bride and the groom scurrying to find money to pay off everything...
It is not that we want to be calculative, but sometimes the parents really expect too much...I have heard of friends whose parents won't hear of the banquet being held anywhere else other than in 5 star hotels, and they also want a room to be provided to them after the banquet.
Dunno if it is realistic for parents to ask so much from their children...from what I understand is, you bring up your children with unconditional love? Without expecting anything in return? Then why all these demands coming in?
If you truly expects and have the cheek to demand your parents to love you unconditionally, do you even have the heart to love your parents unconditionally?
You as a child of your parents should humbled yourself and COMMUNICATE with your parents....NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES IT IS REQUIRED OF YOU!
If you're unable to show unconditional love towards your parents, then you definitely don't deserves to obtain unconditional love from your parents, husband, children and everyone else around you.
Only people who are capable of providing unconditional love can UNDERSTAND the true meaning behind those words.
All parents in the world loved their children, and that is a fact that won't be undermined even by you!
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Originally posted by parn:
Marriage marks the bonding between two people and their FAMILIES.It is not always necessary for the bride and groom to foot the bills for the wedding reception and it should be as affordable as it can be for both families of the bride and groom.
If either families preferred a granduer wedding reception, then both families should work together with the bride and groom to decide the best possible wedding reception affordable.
It seems clearly that both families weren't communicating and this could be one of the problems that many forumers here has failed to factor that missing piece of information into rainee's situation. People just plainly read what others type nowadays without much processing and understanding isn't it?
If rainee sincerely seeks help from forumers in here, she should be more honest and be transparent about her feelings and her current situation. Withholding information on purpose and especially those informations that may place her in a disadvantageous position in her stance at sgforums may indicated that she might already have a clue that she was in the wrong. Even so, the advices that she received may not be relevant to her current situation as a single piece of additional withheld information could change the composition of the situation entirely. I'm not surprised if she realised that she's not getting the real help that she seeks in here because of that.
I would've expected a moderator to give better and neutral advice to rainee. Just because people here knows her more than her parents, doesn't means they should be taking sides with her and support her even though what she was doing or thinking is wrong and without morals.
If the TS wasn't rainee and it was some nobody that nobody knew about, then people wouldn't have felt obliged to take sides and would've change their stance to neutral and advised more sensibly. So as a moderator, don't take sides and do give sensible advices to other forumers who needed help.
Advising children to go against their parents is definitely a BAD advice to suggest. If you are a parent and people suggested to your child/children to go against you, what would you feel? Would you have agreed with those advices too?
Children don't and will never have that luxury of choosing their parents in their life, that is the law of nature and it is there for us to respect and obey.
Whoever agrees with advices that encourages children to go against their own parents will one day find themselves in the parents position. So be warned of what you have advised others as it will come back to claim you.
Don't be a moderator if you are unable to resist the temptations of joining the wrong crowd to give morally incorrect encouragements to forumers in need of help.
This is like totally, absurb. How do you know that I am withholding information? So far all the things I have mentioned here are the truth. You know my family so well until you know that I am keeping things from the public is it?
Doesn't mean that if one is a parent he or she will be automatically correct. They are human beings too, they have their weaknesses and flaws.
So from what you have advised, I assume you want me to side with my parents. I have tried explaining to them that I do not have enough money to hold the banquet right now cos they want me to get a house first. I have already sided with them by changing my plan to getting a house first. If they are truly understanding, they would be ok with me postponing the banquet to a later date or suggest helping me with the expenses, but they made it clear that they are not going to help. But they still want me to hold it immediately.
So again I ask you, are you going to give me money to hold the banquet so that everything will remain well with my parents? And what other requests will they come up with later on if I keep giving in to them?
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rainee why you bother explaining..
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Originally posted by parn:
If you truly expects and have the cheek to demand your parents to love you unconditionally, do you even have the heart to love your parents unconditionally?
You as a child of your parents should humbled yourself and COMMUNICATE with your parents....NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES IT IS REQUIRED OF YOU!
If you're unable to show unconditional love towards your parents, then you definitely don't deserves to obtain unconditional love from your parents, husband, children and everyone else around you.
Only people who are capable of providing unconditional love can UNDERSTAND the true meaning behind those words.
All parents in the world loved their children, and that is a fact that won't be undermined even by you!
If all parents truly loved their children, how come there are so many abused children in the world? How come there are so many of them beaten so badly until some died in the most tragic manner?
I have tried to communicate with my parents times and again but each time they refused to listen to me. I called them every night and I visited them during the weekends. I tried to explain everything to them calmly but they have refused to listen so far.
If you want to talk about unconditional love, I am giving them allowances every month without even expecting anything in return. But they have always made it clear to me that when I start working, I have to provide for them. Is this unconditional love? Raise me up just so that I can support their living during their old age?
It is not that I am unwilling to do that, it is something that I have agreed to before I moved here and I am sticking to it. But I start to have problem with them when they made more and more demands that I am unable to fulfill.
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Originally posted by tinuviel07:
rainee why you bother explaining..
Yes good point, I was starting to feel that way.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I'm sorry to say this Neko.
But I think your parent in-law is not too happy with their dotter's choice.
Most parents will give their blessings and ensure their children's wedding go smoothly and hope they have a happy marriage.
But it seems .. Rainee's parents are using the passive aggresive approach.. to break the union up.
I think they are not ready to sell off their dotter to a poor guy like you ..
Even if they are not ready, this is about me marrying him, not them. So even if they are not happy, they should accept it sooner or later cos we are already married and for better or worse, we are stuck together in this life journey.
That's the way I see it.
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Originally posted by rainee:
Please leave my job out of this. Doesn't mean that teachers don't have difficult parents to live with. Are teachers supposed to be born angels with angels as their parents?
So you want me to respect my parents. May I ask you how should I respect them? Should I give in to their requests times and again, and hold my banquet right now? May I also ask, are you going to be the one who finance the banquet for me? Also are you going to be the one who is going to pay for the downpayment for my house?
You are lucky to have parents who treat you well, I don't. It is easy for you to ask me to forget, if the same thing has happened to you and is still happening to you, would you still be able to adopt this higher-than-thou stance?
Sigh....the solution to your dilemma is always right in front of you and always in your heart. You don't have to do anything super duper extra to solve this situation and neither do you have to fight your own parents who have painfully brought you into this world and raised you up to be independent and smart enough to leave them and survive on your own. Can you say this is not the unconditionally love that your parents have provided for you for so many years?Without your parents, do you think you would have even found your husband and married him? What would've become of you if you were to be born into an even worse family with more dire situations? Obviously you are not wise enough to think about all these possibilities to make yourself feel grateful to your parents. Or maybe you have chosen not to admit your gratitude to your parents?
I WANT YOU TO LOVE YOUR PARENTS.
Show them that you really cared about their opinions and AGREE with them! What is the point if you have to constantly opposed their suggestions and decisions because you don't think much of your parents?
Agree with whatever suggestions and opinions that they have made for you and they will see that you're slowly changing to become a better person and a better daughter to them. Parents just constantly need such assurances evidence from their children that their children is growing up well and following their advices and gaining life wisdom from them.
Your parents is already old, do you think money really matters to them at this stage? What do you think they want those money for? Who do you think they are trying to save those money for? Parents always think for the children till the time they leaves their children, even in heaven...they will still be worried for their children and no parents in this world would want to see their children suffer in the future.
If you truly want to resolve this dilemma of yours, you need to take the first step and show LOVE to your parents. Tell them you love them if you really have to do so, be agreeable and open to their suggestions so that they will know that they have been accepted by you, their own daughter.
You need to share with other forumers the happy times which you have spent with your parents together as a family. Reading so many retarded comments from so many RETARDED IDIOTS forumers that has no morals or any hesitation to criticise another forumer's parents is not going to be kind on your own life too. If you have allowed, encouraged, instigated other forumers an opportunity to be unkind to your parents, then you would've committed a major sin in your life. You reaped what you sowed, and I hope you can realised and recovered from this mistake as soon as possible.
LOVE YOUR PARENTS, and YOU WILL KNOW HOW MUCH THEY ACTUALLY LOVES YOU TOO...So much that their LOVE FOR YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE.
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Originally posted by rainee:
This is like totally, absurb. How do you know that I am withholding information? So far all the things I have mentioned here are the truth. You know my family so well until you know that I am keeping things from the public is it?
Doesn't mean that if one is a parent he or she will be automatically correct. They are human beings too, they have their weaknesses and flaws.
So from what you have advised, I assume you want me to side with my parents. I have tried explaining to them that I do not have enough money to hold the banquet right now cos they want me to get a house first. I have already sided with them by changing my plan to getting a house first. If they are truly understanding, they would be ok with me postponing the banquet to a later date or suggest helping me with the expenses, but they made it clear that they are not going to help. But they still want me to hold it immediately.
So again I ask you, are you going to give me money to hold the banquet so that everything will remain well with my parents? And what other requests will they come up with later on if I keep giving in to them?
As a child of your parents, who are you to judge them right or wrong?Are you saying you're in the position to bargain with your own parents?
I do not wish to point to your occupation, but where are your morals?
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"Show them that you really cared about their opinions and AGREE with them! What is the point if you have to constantly opposed their suggestions and decisions because you don't think much of your parents?"
Okie based on what you have posted above, I should agree with them that the banquet should be held immediately. They refused to help. So who is going to pay for the all the wedding cost now?
If only it is so easy that everything can be solved by agreeing with them. I have agreed with whatever they have done to me for the past 20 plus years but I don't see how this helps to solve my situation. In fact I have given in so much to them that now they are used to me giving in and starting to ask for more and more.
My happier times with them, are sadly, very limited. I can only remember growing up in a very stressful environment where constant pressure was placed on me to succeed and if I didn't achieve what they wanted out of me, I would be beaten up. I would love to talk more about happier times during my childhood, but sadly I can't think of any significant one.
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Originally posted by parn:
As a child of your parents, who are you to judge them right or wrong?Are you saying you're in the position to bargain with your own parents?
I do not wish to point to your occupation, but where are your morals?
If they are bargaining with me, why am I not in the position to bargain back at them? They are the one who made calculative requests as to how much I should pay them each month, etc. I thought all this should be done at the own accord of the child, not something which is forced out of them.
can you believe that they even went to the lawyer to come up with an agreement for me to sign that I must give them a stipulated amount each month? If I am unable to, they will have the rights to sue me?
Who is being calculative now?