Problems with Parents
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Originally posted by parn:
Show them that you really cared about their opinions and AGREE with them! What is the point if you have to constantly opposed their suggestions and decisions because you don't think much of your parents?
Agree with whatever suggestions and opinions that they have made for you and they will see that you're slowly changing to become a better person and a better daughter to them. Parents just constantly need such assurances evidence from their children that their children is growing up well and following their advices and gaining life wisdom from them.
Questionably this is coming from someone who has no other opinions other than agreeing what her parents has for her.
Not everything that parents said are good for their children.
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her concept is whatever parents do, just nod your head can liao..
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Originally posted by rainee:
If all parents truly loved their children, how come there are so many abused children in the world? How come there are so many of them beaten so badly until some died in the most tragic manner?
I have tried to communicate with my parents times and again but each time they refused to listen to me. I called them every night and I visited them during the weekends. I tried to explain everything to them calmly but they have refused to listen so far.
If you want to talk about unconditional love, I am giving them allowances every month without even expecting anything in return. But they have always made it clear to me that when I start working, I have to provide for them. Is this unconditional love? Raise me up just so that I can support their living during their old age?
It is not that I am unwilling to do that, it is something that I have agreed to before I moved here and I am sticking to it. But I start to have problem with them when they made more and more demands that I am unable to fulfill.
You truly do not LOVE your parents at all.Please only talk about terms and conditions with strangers and friends, but not to your own parents!
What kind of love are you showing to your own parents if you don't even LOVE them enough to OBEY THEM?
How would you feel if one day your daughter also shares the same thinking as you? Even though you will treat your daughter better, but that doesn't means you won't be put into the same situation as your parents are facing from you at the present.
You know your parents aren't as bad as you make them out to be, there are worse parents out there and there are also many living examples of children who have overcame situations like this with their own LOVE!
Do you really expect to bring your parents down on their knees and restrained themselves to live their remaining lives to do your bidding and die in the way that you would've wanted of them?
Drop this entire ego thing for the sake of your own future, and go humbled yourself before your parents and let them know that you LOVE them and do love them for as long as you lived.
Don't be like many of the forumers here who do are not wise enough to appreciate their own parents and even have the unthinkable thoughts of going against their own parents who have painfully brought them onto this world and brought them up to be an independent individuals.
You can do better than them and you have the choice to correct your life right where you parents would've wanted you to become.
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Originally posted by tinuviel07:
her concept is whatever parents do, just nod your head can liao..
Hmm then we should contact her parents.
"Parn, stop posting crap and apologise to the forumers"
"Yes mum"
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Originally posted by tinuviel07:
her concept is whatever parents do, just nod your head can liao..
I also want to do that, but I have been doing that for as long as I live and until now, but it just creates more and more problems for me...
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Originally posted by rainee:
"Show them that you really cared about their opinions and AGREE with them! What is the point if you have to constantly opposed their suggestions and decisions because you don't think much of your parents?"
Okie based on what you have posted above, I should agree with them that the banquet should be held immediately. They refused to help. So who is going to pay for the all the wedding cost now?
If only it is so easy that everything can be solved by agreeing with them. I have agreed with whatever they have done to me for the past 20 plus years but I don't see how this helps to solve my situation. In fact I have given in so much to them that now they are used to me giving in and starting to ask for more and more.
My happier times with them, are sadly, very limited. I can only remember growing up in a very stressful environment where constant pressure was placed on me to succeed and if I didn't achieve what they wanted out of me, I would be beaten up. I would love to talk more about happier times during my childhood, but sadly I can't think of any significant one.
Do you not considered yourself one of the more successful than your childhood peers?Is that not the result of the constant pressure from your parents?
Do you really think you would've done better if you had a more relaxing childhood or life?
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Originally posted by parn:
I feel sorry for you that you have this personal grudge against your parents and your actions, behaviour are completely self-centered and selfish.DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO RETURN FIRE BACK TO YOUR PARENTS?
No matter what mistakes they did when they brought you up, it doesn't means that THEY DON'T LOVE YOU. Just because they did not pamper you or love you in the way that you wanted, doesn't means that they don't love you. So please don't come here and mislead other forumers with your one-sided story okie?
If your topic start post was neutral and was really a plead for help, I would have replied better. But instead when I read your topic start post, it contains really disgusting words and suggestions and ill-intentions that you had for your parents. This is really really disappointing for me to even read it coming from a teacher. What you have written doesn't tells people that you are a sensible human being, it just tell others how ungrateful you are as a child of your parents, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Like I've said, you don't have to seek revenge or be calculative about the amount of love, care that you should be showing to your parents. When you calculate love, it isn't love anymore, love has already became hatred. I'm sure your parents are also disappointed in what you have become, and they must have their own reasons to be extra strict with you, and I can see why it is necessary for them to do so. Cos you NEVER LISTEN to take in enough of what others have said and self-realised to change yourself, and you have always been insensible even till this age!
You need to let go of whatever that has already happened in the past and your childhood, and you have a choice not to allow and surrender to your past to make you become a vengeful, wretched person. This is definitely not what your parents would have wanted to see you become!
The more you tried to fight back against your parents, the more unreasonable they would be with you, and I have no doubt about that. IT's not that they are wrong, they are just trying to bring you back to them....the real you that is supposed to be kind, grateful, loving and respectful to them, NOT LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE NOW!!!
You also have a brain and you can also think of the options that you can take. Would you prefer to continue to fight against your parents by holding onto the past grudges till the time they leaves you forever? OR Would you have at least tried to show them that you are BETTER than what they have brought you up to be, and show them LOVE, RESPECT, GRATITUDE to make them feel happy but also a little bit sorry for mistreating you?
You called yourself a teacher, and you're supposed to be educating the children in your job, SO WHY AREN'T YOU SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO EDUCATE YOURSELF FIRST???
Don't destroy the honourable image of a teacher with your shallow mind and past. People who can be a teacher should have better moral values than just plain academic qualifications. Did you not went through an interview before you got admitted to be a teacher? What lies did you pull to get through the interview?
If you can't understand and solve this problem between you and your parents, then I wonder how your in-laws would've thought of you as their daughter-in-law and how the hell did your husband even wanted you to be the mother of his future children? Is he not afraid that you might do the same thing and be calculative to his parents and even to him in the future?
I believed this is only possible if your in-laws have no clue of what is going on between you and your parents and you and your husband hide all the crucial facts to yourself only to protect your own reputation so that everyone can always see that you are RIGHT.
You can continue to deceive the forumers in here and gain many empathy from them to satisfy your own undeserving self. Ultimately you are the one who will not get helped if you do not want to get real help. You can continue to enjoy all the empathy from others to make yourself seems so right....only temporarily. The problem still exists and it lies within yourself, so if you do not want to help yourself and be a better child to your parents, then you will NEVER be a better wife to your husband, better daughter-in-law to your in-laws, better mother to your husband future children. Your life will be so wretched and full of endless transgression from your loved ones because you're selfish, calculative, self-centered, and insensible.
Let go of yourself and allow yourself to be TRICKED by me even for once, and listen to me and show love, respect, gratitude to your parents. Show them you can change and you want to change for them.
Your parents will not be with you forever, you should be sad if they ever going to leave you. What does your husband think if his parents one day also leave him? You maybe don't want to listen to me, but at least listen to your husband if you truly LOVE him and not use him as a lifeboat to hang onto after jumping ship on your parents.
IF I don't care about your post in here, why do you think I even bothered to write so much about my own thoughts to share with you? I could've easily feed you with plenty of hatred for your own parents and drop you even harder than anyone else could in your future when you eventually realised the importance of your parents in your life. Do you really think I'm incapable of doing all that if I wanted to?
Bless your lucky stars that I chose to help you and not to be wretched and calculative as you to count the numbers of retarded responses and comments you have made in a few of my posts.
Ultimately it is UP TO YOU to decide the life that you want to live, I can only and always advise.
you mean you're helping? -
Originally posted by parn:
You truly do not LOVE your parents at all.Please only talk about terms and conditions with strangers and friends, but not to your own parents!
What kind of love are you showing to your own parents if you don't even LOVE them enough to OBEY THEM?
How would you feel if one day your daughter also shares the same thinking as you? Even though you will treat your daughter better, but that doesn't means you won't be put into the same situation as your parents are facing from you at the present.
You know your parents aren't as bad as you make them out to be, there are worse parents out there and there are also many living examples of children who have overcame situations like this with their own LOVE!
Do you really expect to bring your parents down on their knees and restrained themselves to live their remaining lives to do your bidding and die in the way that you would've wanted of them?
Drop this entire ego thing for the sake of your own future, and go humbled yourself before your parents and let them know that you LOVE them and do love them for as long as you lived.
Don't be like many of the forumers here who do are not wise enough to appreciate their own parents and even have the unthinkable thoughts of going against their own parents who have painfully brought them onto this world and brought them up to be an independent individuals.
You can do better than them and you have the choice to correct your life right where you parents would've wanted you to become.
Well the "terms and conditions" are brought up by my in-laws in the first place. There are too many instances which I failed to see that my in-laws actually care for my wife, sad to say.
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Originally posted by parn:
You truly do not LOVE your parents at all.Please only talk about terms and conditions with strangers and friends, but not to your own parents!
What kind of love are you showing to your own parents if you don't even LOVE them enough to OBEY THEM?
How would you feel if one day your daughter also shares the same thinking as you? Even though you will treat your daughter better, but that doesn't means you won't be put into the same situation as your parents are facing from you at the present.
You know your parents aren't as bad as you make them out to be, there are worse parents out there and there are also many living examples of children who have overcame situations like this with their own LOVE!
Do you really expect to bring your parents down on their knees and restrained themselves to live their remaining lives to do your bidding and die in the way that you would've wanted of them?
Drop this entire ego thing for the sake of your own future, and go humbled yourself before your parents and let them know that you LOVE them and do love them for as long as you lived.
Don't be like many of the forumers here who do are not wise enough to appreciate their own parents and even have the unthinkable thoughts of going against their own parents who have painfully brought them onto this world and brought them up to be an independent individuals.
You can do better than them and you have the choice to correct your life right where you parents would've wanted you to become.
But my own parents talked about terms and conditions with me leh. Does that mean they do not love me as well?
You still do not give me the solution to my problem. If I just nod my head and agree to their suggestion, that means I would need to get the house and organise the banquet right now. I would love to do that of course, but where can I find the money to do it?
It is not about ego, it is about my own ability to continue giving in to their unreasonable requests.
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don't bother arguing with her lah.. waste time.. she has her own concepts which you can't change so why bother
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Originally posted by NekoRin:
Questionably this is coming from someone who has no other opinions other than agreeing what her parents has for her.
Not everything that parents said are good for their children.
If you are an ORPHAN, I will agree with you ok?ARE YOU AN ORPHAN BY ANY CHANCE?
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Originally posted by dcx:
you mean you're helping?I honestly think not, if she is unable to point out where I can get the money to fund my wedding banquet and house at the same time.
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it's people like her who give rise to parents whipping their children all the while screaming "I'M YOUR MOTHER, YOU SHOULD OBEY ME"
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if my parents tell you go n die if you'll to marry someone whom they dislike becoz he/she no $$$....then i must really listen to parent becoz what they meant was good for me as they dun wan me to suffer in life if her guy is not rich??
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Originally posted by parn:
If you are an ORPHAN, I will agree with you ok?ARE YOU AN ORPHAN BY ANY CHANCE?
dun be so yaya n rude....does she even need you to agree with her? -
Originally posted by rainee:
But my own parents talked about terms and conditions with me leh. Does that mean they do not love me as well?
You still do not give me the solution to my problem. If I just nod my head and agree to their suggestion, that means I would need to get the house and organise the banquet right now. I would love to do that of course, but where can I find the money to do it?
It is not about ego, it is about my own ability to continue giving in to their unreasonable requests.
You don't have to do everything immediately, you can have the wedding dinner first right?Then followed by the house, that is IF you really can find one that pleases you. If you cannot find any house that pleases you, of course you're not going to buy and lived in a haunted house right?
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Originally posted by parn:
If you are an ORPHAN, I will agree with you ok?ARE YOU AN ORPHAN BY ANY CHANCE?
Nope I'm not. Sorry to diappoint you.
As I said before, it must be one of the 2 things below...
1) I am not intelligent enough to decipher what is the relation between being an orphan and "agreeing 100% to parents' opinions".
2) The questioner is not intelligent enough to make the question easily understandable to the masses.
So what is it? :3
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Originally posted by rainee:
I honestly think not, if she is unable to point out where I can get the money to fund my wedding banquet and house at the same time.
i understand your plight..30k worth of proposal ring is not someone who will easily say out by mouth for a wedding proposal...
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Originally posted by parn:
You don't have to do everything immediately, you can have the wedding dinner first right?Then followed by the house, that is IF you really can find one that pleases you. If you cannot find any house that pleases you, of course you're not going to buy and lived in a haunted house right?
So you are missing out the gist of the problem: my parents do not want me to do the wedding dinner first followed by the house.
They want me to get the house first and then followed by dinner. But now they have changed their mind and want me to do both at the same time.
I am actually listening to them by getting the house first. So there goes your theory of me not agreeing and listening to my parents. But althought I want to continue to listen and agree with them, doing both the banquet and getting the house at the same time prove to be a bit unrealistic for me and my husband at the moment.
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Originally posted by parn:
You don't have to do everything immediately, you can have the wedding dinner first right?Then followed by the house, that is IF you really can find one that pleases you. If you cannot find any house that pleases you, of course you're not going to buy and lived in a haunted house right?
The key thing is....they want it IMMEDIATELY....
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get the house then rent out the rooms...
if 4 rooms flat, rent out two rooms....at least rent for abt 1yr, it will cover abt 80% of your normal wedding dinner liao...
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Originally posted by rainee:
I honestly think not, if she is unable to point out where I can get the money to fund my wedding banquet and house at the same time.
If that's what you really think, then I hope you will be able to find the answers that you seeked from the rest of the other forumers. -
Originally posted by dcx:
i understand your plight..30k worth of proposal ring is not someone who will easily say out by mouth for a wedding proposal...
Well at least for her if she is ever in my plight she can sell off her 30k ring to pay for the banquet lor
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Originally posted by dcx:
get the house then rent out the rooms...
if 4 rooms flat, rent out two rooms....at least rent for abt 1yr, it will cover abt 80% of your normal wedding dinner liao...
Then meanwhile where should me and my hubby stay?
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Originally posted by parn:
If that's what you really think, then I hope you will be able to find the answers that you seeked from the rest of the other forumers.
she'll have the answers....