Bring girlfriend for reunion dinner ?
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Originally posted by SilverSurf: My girlfriend quarrelled with me that for the past few years I do not include her in for our family reunion dinner and also when go visiting we do seperate visiting (she follow her family, I follow my family) and not as a couple. Her family always extend their invites to me for all their reunion dinner but she said my family does not do that
I don't know if it is me but I explained to her I feel that its only appropriate to include her for reunion dinner after we got married or when we planned to get married. Now I want to include her she also don't want to come. That creates an uproar that she want to break up with me =(
For my brothers and sisters they also don't bring their partner along until they are married. Want to hear views of couples out there...am I just being stupid to have this kind of thoughts ?
If you don't want her to feel like part of your family. Then don't bring her along. But after married.. you better not complain that she behaves like an outsider.
If I am your girlfriend.. I will not marry a guy like you.
Just because your sister and brother do that does not means you must follow their backside. Don't you have a mind of your own ? A weak minded man.. is very unattractive.
Unless it's your family's rule that you can only bring your spouse... and by breaking that rule.. you will incur the wrath of your parents.. ... but if no one is complaining you bring your girlfriend along.. then it's really stupid of you to make this into a big issue.
You are setting a rule upon your girlfriend.. that nobody other than yourself cares about. That's just dumb.
But women are like that.. by the time they make a big stink about the issue.. even if you give them .. they also don't want already.
Because they want to FEEL GOOD about it when they receive it. Once the good feeling is gone.. no matter what you do.. it ain't gonna be good enough.
So that's why when you deal with women.. always "strike when the iron is still hot".
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Aiya some of you misunderstood .When I said i didn't bring her for the past few reunion dinner, its when I've not proposed to her yet. Now that I've proposed to her and want to include her in the dinner, she dun want to come liao and bring up to quarrel that why i last time didn't include her when we are bf/gf
Actually what parn said earlier is true. I take reunion dinner as a important thing as its a family reunion mah.Other than the reunion dinner, I do bring her back for normal dinner or when there is some special occassion like any of my family's birthday
I know by not including her earlier is like excluding her and also its my fault for insensitive. Think its a matter of what I believe vs being sensitive...sigh...
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
But women are like that.. by the time they make a big stink about the issue.. even if you give them .. they also don't want already.
Because they want to FEEL GOOD about it when they receive it. Once the good feeling is gone.. no matter what you do.. it ain't gonna be good enough.
So that's why when you deal with women.. always "strike when the iron is still hot".
Incredibly true.
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Originally posted by SilverSurf:
Aiya some of you misunderstood .When I said i didn't bring her for the past few reunion dinner, its when I've not proposed to her yet. Now that I've proposed to her and want to include her in the dinner, she dun want to come liao and bring up to quarrel that why i last time didn't include her when we are bf/gf
Actually what parn said earlier is true. I take reunion dinner as a important thing as its a family reunion mah.Other than the reunion dinner, I do bring her back for normal dinner or when there is some special occassion like any of my family's birthday
I know by not including her earlier is like excluding her and also its my fault for insensitive. Think its a matter of what I believe vs being sensitive...sigh...
Oh.. So a gf is not important yet. A fiancee is little bit more important.. then spouse is GOD mode har ?
You think what.. play game... level up har ?
You know in relationship is a melting of two minds from the beginning ?
Like that you want to get married ah ? You very sure or not ?
You very lucky she never return your engagement ring lor, because reunion dinner is already an issue to her during her "gf" status.
Now that she becomes your fiancee, ofcors she is no longer feeling good about any renuion dinner from your family.
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ya lor, y so inflexible?
last time, my ex always brought me to his hse for reunion dinner, until im always so bloody full until i wan to puke.. cos i got to rush over after my hse dinner..
then chu 1, i got to follow him for visiting lor..
we were together for almost 3yrs..
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Originally posted by SilverSurf:
I know by not including her earlier is like excluding her and also its my fault for insensitive. Think its a matter of what I believe vs being sensitive...sigh...
Anyway.. since you already realized your mistake.
The next time your family reunion comes about just extend an invitation to her.
If she is still angry with you and refused to accept. Then just say this
"Dear, I'm sorry I behaved like an insensitive jerk about this reunion dinner thing before. It was a stupid mistake on my part. I ask for your forgiveness. Let me know whenever you are no longer angry at me, I will be most happy to attend the dinner with you by my side."
Then to show how important she is to you.. if she don't go.. YOU don't go. A small sacrifice to make this time.
You miss out one year of family reunion ain't gonna kill you. You will gain her love points that will boost respect for you in her heart .
Remember.. your male pride/ego ain't gonna cost you a thing if you let it go once a while. But when you hold on to it too much.. it's gonna destroy everything you've got.
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she wanna come, then why cant let her come?
coz your others dun do it? So what will u do if everyone else invited their gf/bf home for dinner, but ur gf dun wanna come. How will u feel?
Even small stuff like these, u rather follow the footsteps of others then be sensitive to your gf needs. that tell much abt wat kinda person you are.
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TS,
About this matter, it all depends on a few factors:
1. You and your gf's age (I refer her as gf as this was an issue when she was still just ur gf) - in this case, i assume both of u weren't that young when u got together (since u've just proposed to her) so it's not really an issue
2. Seriousness of the relationship then
3. How u felt towards her then
4. How she felt towards u then
5. Both sides' family culture/custom when it comes to reunion dinners
From what I see, perhaps there is a disparity in your opinions and hers because u were just not ready to deal with it? Some reunion dinners consist of the ENTIRE extended family and relatives and that can be daunting. Or ur family just doesn't have the habit of bringing girlfriends/boyfriends over? To each family its own. Or because you simply didn't feel as deep about her as compared to her feelings for u back then? Or maybe u were unsure about how ur family and ur gf would get along? Not ready for it? Too young? And I think u don't see it as an act of love whereas she does.There are so many reasons.
And there's nothing wrong with that. It takes two hands to clap. She was so eager to go to ur family's reunion dinner but u weren't comfortable. That's all there is. Even if she wasn't happy, she has to respect that. Maybe she feels insecure cos' u didn't want to bring her over. But that was over. She's now ur fiancee, and I think she should be feeling more secured about how u feel towards her since u've just proposed right?
Now u gotta ask urself why u don't feel comfortable with having her over for reunion when she was just your gf. Perhaps u are the kind of guy who isn't frivolous and feels that u need to be absolutely sure before u take a course of action. In this case, u feel that only after u've made the commitment to propose to her, then u feel it's appropriate to bring her to ur family's reunion dinner.
You following ur bros and sis doesn't mean u have no mind of ur own. It simply means u agree with the 'custom' in ur family to bring only fiancees and wives/fiances and husbands to an event u deem as important as a reunion dinner. U sticking to ur opinion about this demonstrates that u HAVE a mind of ur own. Unless of cos u falter when she questions u and u lie about it. Tell the truth to ur fiancee and don't give stupid excuses just because she's upset. Women will get even more upset if they feel that u're not telling the truth or just saying something to appease them.
I feel that she's making a big fuss. Now that she's accepted ur proposal, she's suddenly making a tantrum about refusing to go to ur family's reunion dinner when logically, being a fiancee gives her MORE reason to attend as compared to being a gf as she'll very soon be an official part of ur family.
How u handle ur conflicts with her now will set the tone for how u handle conflicts with her as husband and wife. So tread carefully and have a good talk with her. Hear her side and make sure she hears yours. However, after that, please do reassure her a lot and work hard to make her feel cherished and loved. She probably felt hurt that u didn't want to bring her over for reunion dinner back then and thus felt less cherished and loved.
Hope this helps.
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i think you guys are stupid,reunion dinner are meant for family members and it is a tradition.
she has her own family member to have dinner with, and furthermore, she does attend special occasion of TS family...
i think this kind of girl should be dumped for not being understanding enough and acting like a total biatch. for those who supported her, i guess you're just ungrateful children who puts your relationship ovr your family.
this is what they say "as children goes into a relationship, they start to forget about family"
what an idiot. even friends are more important than your girlfriend, girlfriends come and go, true friends don't and family don't.
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tink the whole world of herself.
dis char bor buay zi dong one lah.
she not welcome, she die die wan go.
when she ought to go, she hang up sell.
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My gf doesn't want to come to my family one, coz she thinks my mum's cooking CMI.
She has asked me to go to hers, however thinking that I might have to spend money to get gifts for her family, she would rather the money be spent on her. Hence we just stuck to the usual CNY schedule of visiting each other's homes later. -
wow.
u got gf ah?
u not 46 & baldin meh?
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Originally posted by orgasmic:
i think you guys are stupid,reunion dinner are meant for family members and it is a tradition.
she has her own family member to have dinner with, and furthermore, she does attend special occasion of TS family...
i think this kind of girl should be dumped for not being understanding enough and acting like a total biatch. for those who supported her, i guess you're just ungrateful children who puts your relationship ovr your family.
this is what they say "as children goes into a relationship, they start to forget about family"
what an idiot. even friends are more important than your girlfriend, girlfriends come and go, true friends don't and family don't.
Bwahahahah.. so funny !!!
You think like that ah.. cham liao lor.. how to have a gf like this ah ?
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what is the fuss about going and not going for reunion dinner. after marriage, want to avoid them also not possible.
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
wow.
u got gf ah?
u not 46 & baldin meh?
I am half that age and I am not balding, thank you.
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Originally posted by ditzy:
I am half that age and I am not balding, thank you.
u said in sb one wat.
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
u said in sb one wat.
I never said that.
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ditzy and hello kitty very cute
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Originally posted by orgasmic:
i think you guys are stupid,reunion dinner are meant for family members and it is a tradition.
she has her own family member to have dinner with, and furthermore, she does attend special occasion of TS family...
i think this kind of girl should be dumped for not being understanding enough and acting like a total biatch. for those who supported her, i guess you're just ungrateful children who puts your relationship ovr your family.
this is what they say "as children goes into a relationship, they start to forget about family"
what an idiot. even friends are more important than your girlfriend, girlfriends come and go, true friends don't and family don't.
sollie hor but i dun agree wif the frds part leh.
they cm & go as well - one more or less oso makes no difference.
and we hv to undrstd eben true frds will change their priorities de.
anyway, if these kind of gers so �知羞耻 we oso boh bian one rite.
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Originally posted by ditzy:
I never said that.
well...
charlize said dat.
it's the same wat.
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Hey dude, have you considered this possibility:
if a girl wants to leave you, she will find the lamest of excuses to nitpick on you, quarrel then later she will tell you, "Im sorry, I don't think we have chemistry at all"
I, for one, don't believe in the shit she is telling you. I may be wrong of course. I always believed in this: if a girl likes you, she will do anything for you. if she don't, she wants nothing to do with you, including not accepting you treat her a meal unless of course you are talking about a leecher.
my 2 cents
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i don't understand why TS have to make such a big fuss about the reunion dinner... it's just a dinner that falls on the eve of cny =.="
and imagine if you are the gf... your bf rather you don't come to the reunion dinner if you are able to make it... how would you feel?
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
sollie hor but i dun agree wif the frds part leh.
they cm & go as well - one more or less oso makes no difference.
and we hv to undrstd eben true frds will change their priorities de.
anyway, if these kind of gers so �知羞耻 we oso boh bian one rite.
ai yerr.. HK.. why you go and insult TS's wife har ?
Not nice leh...
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keep life simple - follow your hear