A dumb guy just lost his wife
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Total bullshit. You would just continue to cheat on her if she comes back.
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Originally posted by noodle-eater:
Thanks again all, for the wise words. Just writing and reading the responses really soothes me. And especially to xtreyier, you truly understands and that's how I feel now. I met my wife and she was my FIRST girlfriend, we really grew up together and as a result, I grew comfortable with her, secure and slowly, she became invisible to me.
I do think I have changed, fundamentally, I remember the 2nd time she took me back, I was not all that repentant. But now, the way I walk, the way I see the world, the way I think, I think I am a different person. Some people grow up and are smarter at their 20s, I feel like I have "arrived" and understand the meaning of LIFE and LOVE finally at 37. I was so selfsih and I shudder now remembering past abuses I did to her...
It's killing me, the gult, the regret, the lost time and opportunities, to love her, to be tender and kind to her.
Now, she is with this guy who many thinks is somewhat of an opportunist, but I will not put him dowm anymore because it's her choice. I just am so sad that she may not be getting the best that she deserves, now that I have become a new man...and that she may not really love him, he is just someone that cares about her superficially. I think I am a much better candidate (forgetting the past) with my education, and general pedegree... speaking objectively. And I want her to have the best because she deserves nothing less.
It's so hard to wake up because I dreamt of her everynight, yes, everynight. In the dream, it's always about she coming back, and I treated her nice, and then I realized it's a dram, and woke up in cold sweat. The pain after waking up is so crippling.
Hard to go about doing normal things to,everything I do and everyone I see reminds me of her and of my past self.
I think, and hope she still loves me... I have also recently lost my job, so waking up with no one I care about and no job to go to is extra hard.
I walk now with constant pain, of how I've let her down, let my parents down, let our friends and family down because everyone around us is affected by my stupidity...I'm bearing the consequences... I hope to God, that He will open her eyes, and continue to guide me, so that we may be reunited.
I have resolved to make myself better by going to church, taking classes, and writing her and calling her less.
I want to ask you all, do you believe in redemption, in repentance, in "late maturing", and in Miracles?
I am no saint myself but you are a jackass. Save the fluff.
The purpose of forgiveness and redemption is for your benefit, not hers. Count the number of ‘I’ in your posts and it’s easy to see you are the self-serving type.
People like you are charming and probably used to having others fall at your feet. You operate and enter relationships without a clue about the concept of love, because you never had to work for it. Good things come to you too easily.
You forgive yourself just as easily and take advantage of kindness. Redemption, in your case, serves only yourself. You want forgiveness because it makes you feel better.
Think about it, if she threw you aside for brief affairs with complete strangers, what would you have done?
You cheated thrice because the first time she forgave you, she was indirectly telling you it’s okay to cheat on her. That was how it happened the second time and then third. I’d hate to know what exactly happened the other 3 women as well. Did you break their hearts? You moved in with the third one? Must’ve had something good going so why did it end? She threw you out or you had a change of heart and left her in the cold? Did you write her sad emails too?
Some days a man is a man. Crap is just crap no matter which toilet you smell it from.
You fooled around with 3 women and now you’re dreaming of your ex wife in the dark? If someone stabbed you in the back 3 times would you still want to kiss them? If she takes you back, she has no more backbone as a woman.
Each time she made the mistake of going back to you, she fought constant suspicion, fear and crippling pain. Each night when you disappeared on conjugal visits to women you barely knew, she experienced turmoil and pain ten times of what you’re going through now. I'd hate to know how much permanent damage you inflicted on her well being. It takes a strong person to forgive so I won't be surprised if the first time it happened, she feared the second and knew the third time will be her limit. When people give their best in whatever they set out to do, the luxury of walking away without remorse is their exclusive right.People like you are conceited scum. You exploit others then turn around and cry.
As a man, you have many negative traits to correct but instead, you criticize her current boyfriend? You actually think she deserves better and the better man is you? And you hope to God she sees the LIGHT and reunites with you?
NNB I salute you. Congratulations. No really...You’ve reached the high end of rottenness.
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Originally posted by noodle-eater:
Thanks again all, for the wise words. Just writing and reading the responses really soothes me. And especially to xtreyier, you truly understands and that's how I feel now. I met my wife and she was my FIRST girlfriend, we really grew up together and as a result, I grew comfortable with her, secure and slowly, she became invisible to me.
I do think I have changed, fundamentally, I remember the 2nd time she took me back, I was not all that repentant. But now, the way I walk, the way I see the world, the way I think, I think I am a different person. Some people grow up and are smarter at their 20s, I feel like I have "arrived" and understand the meaning of LIFE and LOVE finally at 37. I was so selfsih and I shudder now remembering past abuses I did to her...
It's killing me, the gult, the regret, the lost time and opportunities, to love her, to be tender and kind to her.
Now, she is with this guy who many thinks is somewhat of an opportunist, but I will not put him dowm anymore because it's her choice. I just am so sad that she may not be getting the best that she deserves, now that I have become a new man...and that she may not really love him, he is just someone that cares about her superficially. I think I am a much better candidate (forgetting the past) with my education, and general pedegree... speaking objectively. And I want her to have the best because she deserves nothing less.
It's so hard to wake up because I dreamt of her everynight, yes, everynight. In the dream, it's always about she coming back, and I treated her nice, and then I realized it's a dram, and woke up in cold sweat. The pain after waking up is so crippling.
Hard to go about doing normal things to,everything I do and everyone I see reminds me of her and of my past self.
I think, and hope she still loves me... I have also recently lost my job, so waking up with no one I care about and no job to go to is extra hard.
I walk now with constant pain, of how I've let her down, let my parents down, let our friends and family down because everyone around us is affected by my stupidity...I'm bearing the consequences... I hope to God, that He will open her eyes, and continue to guide me, so that we may be reunited.
I have resolved to make myself better by going to church, taking classes, and writing her and calling her less.
I want to ask you all, do you believe in redemption, in repentance, in "late maturing", and in Miracles?
I believe in redemption and repentance.
In fact, you were given two chances at redemption and repentance. But did you allow yourself to repent and be redeemed? No.....
So cut the sob story already. Not everyone receives two chances for the same mistake.You didn't realize how lucky you were then. Now it's too late.
And your mistake was to not just commit adultery several times, but to also piss on those two chances you had at repentance and redemption.
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Originally posted by noodle-eater:
Thanks again all, for the wise words. Just writing and reading the responses really soothes me. And especially to xtreyier, you truly understands and that's how I feel now. I met my wife and she was my FIRST girlfriend, we really grew up together and as a result, I grew comfortable with her, secure and slowly, she became invisible to me.
I do think I have changed, fundamentally, I remember the 2nd time she took me back, I was not all that repentant. But now, the way I walk, the way I see the world, the way I think, I think I am a different person. Some people grow up and are smarter at their 20s, I feel like I have "arrived" and understand the meaning of LIFE and LOVE finally at 37. I was so selfsih and I shudder now remembering past abuses I did to her...
It's killing me, the gult, the regret, the lost time and opportunities, to love her, to be tender and kind to her.
Now, she is with this guy who many thinks is somewhat of an opportunist, but I will not put him dowm anymore because it's her choice. I just am so sad that she may not be getting the best that she deserves, now that I have become a new man...and that she may not really love him, he is just someone that cares about her superficially. I think I am a much better candidate (forgetting the past) with my education, and general pedegree... speaking objectively. And I want her to have the best because she deserves nothing less.
It's so hard to wake up because I dreamt of her everynight, yes, everynight. In the dream, it's always about she coming back, and I treated her nice, and then I realized it's a dram, and woke up in cold sweat. The pain after waking up is so crippling.
Hard to go about doing normal things to,everything I do and everyone I see reminds me of her and of my past self.
I think, and hope she still loves me... I have also recently lost my job, so waking up with no one I care about and no job to go to is extra hard.
I walk now with constant pain, of how I've let her down, let my parents down, let our friends and family down because everyone around us is affected by my stupidity...I'm bearing the consequences... I hope to God, that He will open her eyes, and continue to guide me, so that we may be reunited.
I have resolved to make myself better by going to church, taking classes, and writing her and calling her less.
I want to ask you all, do you believe in redemption, in repentance, in "late maturing", and in Miracles?
It takes courage to bare your heart, and even more so here, fully aware of the brickbats others may throw at you. Accepting criticism by conffession is the path towards redemption.We seldom look at ourselves in the mirror, and when we do, we see only what we want to see and turn a blind eye to our own flaws. Only others who know not you will be prepared to say it out as it is without varnish or veneer.
Many will know the pain you are going thru, for they too, have gone thru it before - the pain of love and lost. Money lost, we can always earn back. Material goods lost, we can buy it back again, but once love is lost, a part of us is sliced off and gone forever..
There will always be hope and redemption no matter how many times we make mistakes. Making mistakes is only natural, one of our natural flaws for we are none perfect.
But rectifying that mistake and paying the price may be long and difficult. As long as you are truly sincere about paying the price, then you must bear the pain which is the price itself to be paid.
Love mistakes exact a price beyond money, redeemed only when you finally truly care - for her to find her own happiness, with or without you.
Do not, do not, i plead, to force yourself on her or decide what is best for her, restrict her movements, telling her what she ought to do. You have lost that moral right.
Let her determine her own happiness. She is adult and matured enough. Her mistakes will be her own. If you truly care, then you can only be her safety net when she falls and be prepared to accept her as she is, without any recriminations, for you too, are flawed, just as we humans all are and can only learn thru making mistakes.
True love is more than the physical. The sad part is that only when you had lost it then you will know it, but often, it is too late.
Pay the price for your mistake and wish her well instead. Your redemption will be when you start to treasure the one who loves you. be it your ex or someone else.....
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fuck it mate, its over, move on...you have already made the choice when you cheated 3 times. Enjoy you newly-found singlehood.
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Originally posted by noodle-eater:
Hi all,
I have been lurking these forums and now just gathered the courage to post. I am 37, and was married to a wonderful woman for nearly 7 years. We are now separated for about 5 months. She is living with a man now, and refusing to see me or even talk about getting back together. Long story short, I cheated in her 2x, and she forgave me. But the 3rd and last incident, I moved out to live with another woman for about 4 months, and when then I realize how dumb I had been, my wife already moved out.
Initally, I thought I could get her back, but as times goes, I see how she had made up her mind, she won't even see me anymore. On top of that, all her friends and family are ignoring me, and rightly so. I tried calling her, texting her, e-mailing her but that just annoyed her more. So I followed my sister's advice and leave her alone for now. But I am afraid that with time, she may drift further and further away and the possibility (no matter how remote) of us getting back together is getting slimmer.
She is the love of my life, and my first love, we had been together as BF/GF for nearly 20 years, and she had been nothing but an angel in my life, but I was so insecure and immature, I went and forsake her love...
Now that I am "sober" about life and my mistakes, I am a better person, I want to make it up to her and "return" her love. The guy she is living with now, I don't think she loves him, I just think she wants some sort of stability and someone that is a contrast to me. I think deep down, she still loves me, and I now know, I TRULY DEEPLY LOVES HER...
I know many people will say, if I love her, let her go, and move on. But 20 years of her sacrifice and now that I am a better person, I want us, to get back together and truly begin our life and love together. It is worth fighting for, and I would like to fight for her, before "moving on and giving up".
I have drafted many e-mailes to her but have not send them. Should I send them? Or should I leave her alone for now...
Any encouragements, suggestions, welcomed.
Thanks,
N-E
Beggars can't be choosers. You might have deemed that you have learned your mistake, but the price of enlightenment comes with a certain cost. Yours is probably at the expense of your marriage.People do make mistake - the only shit difference is that when the mistake is made repeatedly and the only logical conclusion is that the person is irrevocably damned and unchangeable. Then what sort of redemption do you seek and how would you expect people to believe you?
What are the odds?
You are fighting against an entire army of her support network advocating against you and your intention to get back. Your only bargaining chip (pretty much delusional) is that you feel she still has feeling for you. I must say that you are narcissistic to think along that direction, because feelings like life, do experience death in a permanent manner.
Unfortunately, although you might be enlightened, but this realization is but a product of comparison - that your wife is good because those women whom you have cheated her with, did not meet up to eventual expectations, and NOT because she is indeed good. Your realization is but a light-ray reflection off a glass piece; not that you are seeing the glorious shine from the sun itself.
So what if you lengthened the years of your union to make it seem as if this relationship was meant to be? The collapse of financial giants in recent news is a blatant statement of the past is not always a good indication of the future. And such ignorance, alone, can serve as the catalysis to ruin anything in life - hence your 20 years are nothing but figures that makes no significant meaning because you decimate your own relationship with bare hands willingly.
Now that you need her and she doesn't need you - does that scenario mirror the exact same emotional turmoil that she had went through previously, while you cheated and even cohabit with another woman for four months?
The cycle of cause and effect is rigid and strict.
You need to evolve yourself. Talk is way too cheap in your case.
Cheers
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*Double post*
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Just wanna add something for you to think over - pain - hers and yours.
There are 2 kinds women who skydive without a parachute. One, with the mistaken belief that it would make you feel guilty and most probably you wont feel anything but relief.
And the other kind, more serious, they dont give a shit about you anymore. They just wanna end the pain tearing her away.
Stepping in her shoes and walk a mile in it, I can feel her pain. Knowing you for eons, loving you, taking care of you, constantly forgiving your flaws and yet you abuse her love, the nights of loneliness, doubts, hurts, etc are way beyond even me a man can bear.
Time and time again, she had tried to forgive you, and be a good faithful wife, despite the quarels. ( which i had said before, common among 2 different humans which are never the same, but a means to understand each other better)
The pain is real, it affects one's emotion and reactions in her daily life. This is no mumbo jumbo pyscho that one can write away. I cannot even begin to describe the emotions she felt with your betrayals. It is beyond words no man can ever describe, not even women.
Be glad, very glad, that she is still alive. Which shows she is made of sterner stuff and had got over you. If she had skydive, believe me, you would NEVER, ever find redemption in your life again. A precious life, given to you, surrendered to you and yet abused - you are only human, can you bear that loss and ever lift up your head again and look at another human, male or female, in the eye again?
Let her find her happiness and wish her well. You had failed in your vow to her not once, not twice, but thrice. Many dont even get a second chance.
I know your pain now. Bitter, and regretful, and perhaps even seek all kinds of companionship, but it will never last, perhaps only for a few minutes. The love that had grown, nurtured over the years with your ex is something never easy to replace.
The Almighty may forgive you, but the one you hurt so bad may not be as forgiving, for she is only human, and not immortal. The pain as i had said is real.
Set her free, and yourself free. We are only humans and make mistake often. I dont mean it flippantly or as an excuse. It is too late for anything already. Just don't repeat the same mistake again. I say again, treasure the one who loves you, if you can ever find another one like her, life is too short to live in pain.
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I might add, let TS's story be a mirror to us, as a lesson for us to treasure what we have before its too late.
Cheers
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You are really a jerk in the past. But it seemed kind of touching that you realised in the end she's the love of your life. But hopefully what is said is not just because you coudn't get use to not having her by ur side and forgiving you all the time for the past 20 years. If you realli decide to win her back, make sure you won't cheat on her in the future, and you r most satisfied with just her and only. No more affairs. Are you able to do that? If so, then I would encourage u not to give up. If not, forget it. She doesnt deserve a guy like u, stop wasting her time and obstructing her from getting a better guy. Anyway, if you want her back, u should prove it with your actions. Writing her so many letters sending her at one go might seriously annoy her when she's so hurt at this point of time. Dun overdo it. But slowly let her know that you are a changed person in ur own way that u have to think abt it urself.
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Hi,
You can't get her back. Also dun deserved to.
But you should move on. The only challenge is, if you were to find the next 'best' woman, would you be able to think with your heart instead of dick.
I hope I'm not too rude and I'm not reprimanding you neither. Just life.
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Originally posted by noodle-eater:
Thanks again all, for the wise words. Just writing and reading the responses really soothes me. And especially to xtreyier, you truly understands and that's how I feel now. I met my wife and she was my FIRST girlfriend, we really grew up together and as a result, I grew comfortable with her, secure and slowly, she became invisible to me.
I do think I have changed, fundamentally, I remember the 2nd time she took me back, I was not all that repentant. But now, the way I walk, the way I see the world, the way I think, I think I am a different person. Some people grow up and are smarter at their 20s, I feel like I have "arrived" and understand the meaning of LIFE and LOVE finally at 37. I was so selfsih and I shudder now remembering past abuses I did to her...
It's killing me, the gult, the regret, the lost time and opportunities, to love her, to be tender and kind to her.
Now, she is with this guy who many thinks is somewhat of an opportunist, but I will not put him dowm anymore because it's her choice. I just am so sad that she may not be getting the best that she deserves, now that I have become a new man...and that she may not really love him, he is just someone that cares about her superficially. I think I am a much better candidate (forgetting the past) with my education, and general pedegree... speaking objectively. And I want her to have the best because she deserves nothing less.
It's so hard to wake up because I dreamt of her everynight, yes, everynight. In the dream, it's always about she coming back, and I treated her nice, and then I realized it's a dram, and woke up in cold sweat. The pain after waking up is so crippling.
Hard to go about doing normal things to,everything I do and everyone I see reminds me of her and of my past self.
I think, and hope she still loves me... I have also recently lost my job, so waking up with no one I care about and no job to go to is extra hard.
I walk now with constant pain, of how I've let her down, let my parents down, let our friends and family down because everyone around us is affected by my stupidity...I'm bearing the consequences... I hope to God, that He will open her eyes, and continue to guide me, so that we may be reunited.
I have resolved to make myself better by going to church, taking classes, and writing her and calling her less.
I want to ask you all, do you believe in redemption, in repentance, in "late maturing", and in Miracles?
Of course you change fundamentally - you now old, no job & girls friends all left you - of course you think of your wife. If you doing good, you be with other girls again !!!
Yeap put down the other man -> yeap one thing he is stronger then you forever - he never cheated on her 3x and walk out on her !!! Stop dreaming, you are worst then him alway !!! You got job that time = happy hours - no job loney then think of wife.
You better man - because you better educated ? Dumbass wakeup - you cheat 3x and walk out - the world greatest fool !!! She deserver better then you.
As for GOD !!! Yes GOD did indeed open her eye and guide her to leave a dumbass like you. Also GOD did punish you for your sins - losting your job and gfs !!! Be happy that he did not give you aids yet !!!
Stop haressing GOD and your wife !!!
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I am glad that y0ur ex wife finally make up her mind t0 leave y0u. I d0n think y0u deserve her. Was it because that y0u are 0ut 0f j0b and have n0 0ther w0man n0w that y0u think y0u need her? S0 ask y0urself, where are y0u when she m0st needed y0u? Walking 0ut 0n her t0 stay with an0ther w0man?
When y0u betrayed her, have y0u ever th0ught 0f the marriage v0w that y0u b0th 0nce made t0 each 0ther? Y0u say she deserve a better life and a better man, yes i agreed. But definitely N0T Y0U! S0 what if the guy n0w c0uld n0t pr0vide her with luxury life that y0u can give her? I bet she rather lead a n0rmal life with s0me0ne wh0 is seri0us b0ut l0ving her than leading a luxury life with Y0U but living everyday in fear which day y0u will betray her again.
A le0pard will never change it's sp0t.
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Aear,
I try hard to see myself objectively, while I don't dare to say I have changed completely, Iknow something in me has changed. I see the world differently, and I see so clearly what I
had done, and what I have missed in life. The damage is so real, the pain, sobering. Every
step I walk, every second I breathe, I am reminded of my own stupidity, and her sacrifices.
You are right about things came easy for me, and after 18 years, I did take her for granted,
she became invisible to me, and I felt I even deserve better! It took all of this, to slap
me in the face and put me in my place. This whole thing has humbled me so.
Yes, she deserves the righ to walk away guilt free, for she has earned it...
The better man is not the past me, but the person she fell in love with 18 years ago, andnow, he is an improved, and has for the first time: a conscience.
I wish everyone can be a pragmatist. I am an emotional and sentimental person. I believe in
hope and in a person's conviction to change. I respectfully disagree with comparing a person
with a leopard. We are not animals, we believe and worship God, that alone separate us from
animals.
Many has told me, it's not possible, move on and there are "plenty of fish in the sea". If
think logically, that would be an easy decision, just forget it and move on. Unfortunately,
there is nothing logical about love, and hope is illogical as well! So is the belief in
miracles. These are the three things that I wake up to, because without these, I won't be
able to sleep, wake up, and even going about my daily routine would be impossible, for
everything I do and see reminded of her love, and my own mistakes.
I also think that I need to stay and NOT move on, and let it all sink in. Bearing the burden
of pain, is a kind of blessing. Because it's a lifelong lesson, for without it, I will never
have realized my erroneous ways.
xtreyier,
I will share with you a quote I learn when attending chirch recently:
Romans 5:2-5
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in oursufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character;
and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love
into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
I am praying for her health and happiness everynight. There is little more I can do for her.
I did call her to let her know that I will be here for her if she needs me. I asked about
her new guy and I hold no grudge on him, despite my own possesive and jealous mindset. I
surprise myself, eventhough I know he moves in with her, and are using all of the things
that used to be ours, my big screen TV, my electronics, my furnitures. My house now is so
empty, it has only ONE chair, and lots of echoes. But still, I am not angry, I am
remorseful, and completely humbled by this whole events.
I totally understand what you said by being glad she is alive, for if not, I would not be
able to live with that hanging over my conscience.
Yunhaier,
Yes, I am fighting a war against all odds. I have very few supporters... The way I see it, Ineed to better myself, and make myself into a DECENT human being, to honor her sacrifices.
I may not see the sun itself, but seeing the reflection of the sun I feel has made me take astep to its direction. My perspectives in life has changed, I now see things differently. I
used to be so "kia-su", I used to be so vain, I wear Rolex, wear fashionable clothings,
laughed at prudish people etc. Now, I am completely different, I care no longer how others
see me, I just try to treat everyone with respect and kindness, and not be so judgemental
and critical.
I may be in denial, but this the only hope I have left: I think after 18 years, it's hard to
UN-love. That alone moves me forward, there is nothing I can do, but to not bother her and
let he know I am waiting, and not pushing my ways into her life. It's the hardest thing to
do, restraining oneself. So many thoughts, so many words, so many things I want to show her,
tell her, but I can't.
If our relationship is less than 10 years, I might be able to let go easier. 18 years, that
half-my life, it's worth one year of me waiting for her, serving as her safety net, to say
the least.
Beyond Religion,
With time, everything fades, but the most extraoridnary of things, and one of them is true love, or love that endures. I know, that I am the source of her pain, but I also know, that I CAN be the source of solace for her, other than time. I fear in time, I would get over her, because this is just too much to just walk away from.
I am such an idealist...About your question:
I don't mean to cast judgement, but I do know a few things about the guy, he is from out of
town, and moved in with her. He is a heavy smoker, and she HATES smokers, can't even stand
the smell of a smoker, she has a very sensitive nose. He is 36, and has never been married,
which I find suspicious, because most asian would be married at that age. I am afraid that
he is a user and a womanizer. I genuinely care for her well-being....I saw him only once, when I tried to break into her apartment.. (!!!) Yes, I did, and almost got arrested. He pops his head at the door and we were both startled to see each other. I didn't expect a guy in her apartment in broad daylight (I think he wasn't working), and I said calmly and peacefuly:
Can we talk? He slammed the door on me. Later, he called the cops on me and I was frisked
and questioned and released. (yeah, love make people go crazy..)
He later came down as I was walking to my car, he was screaming, his spit was all over the asphalt and 5' literally into the air and his mouth was foaming. I was shocked, because I rarely see people behave that way. I was calm and I simply said, I just want to talk. I was not afraid,not was I angry.
After the incident, I was so sad, I dropped my wedding band into the fishtank... But the
next day, I woke up, and gather myself and say: I need to start, to life live as a person.
So I set up a goal, to attend church, to go to classes that better myself, to take care of
myself and reach our to friends and family.
dreamy1,
Thank you for the kind words. After all these, she is the ONE for me. I will show her my sincerety, by calmly and quietly wait for her, while bearing the pain, of what I did, what she gave for me, and what could have been....I dream of her EVERYNIGHT, I am not kidding. The theme of the dream is always the same: I was alone, then she appeared, walking in from somewhere. I would be so happy and start to care for her, at the same time i would try and hold back and not overwhelm her with my love. But then I would start to panic and say to myself, this can't be true, because you have left.. and she would look bewildered and say to me it's not a dream... and I would wake up in cold sweat with a pain so unbearable I can't do anything for a while. My heart, my subconcious is telling me what she meant to me...
storywolf,
I hope you would calm down, for your own sake. I am in plenty of pain and are paying for my own actions. I don't miss her because of my loneliness, or the empty house. I could care less because I know I can get it all back. I truly miss her, because hind sight is 20/20.
I respectfully disgaree however, that I am harrassing God. True forgiveness is not giving it to those who deserves it, but to those who you feel don't deserve it.BenNuRenJuLyn,
Humans are not animals, we are dynamic, and changing. Don't let old sayings stop you or anyone from becoming and ASPIRING to become a better person. Faith, in places and persons most unlikely, that's what the Bible teaches...I will leave you all with another quote from the Bible. (funny, I never attended church before this because I was a know-it-all) It's the most incredible source of wisdom and solace for persons who are at wits end...:
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."Hope, and miracles, it's what the future and earth are made of....
Peace and joy to you all, thanks for the replies, it truly helps...
N-E
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What TS need to know and get into his head..is that there are no more chances for redemption and repentence le..
He might have really turnt over a leaf, 'changed his spots' but the fact remains that..there will not be anymore chances or opportunities le.
Move on..
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I feel pity for your wife. You said that you are a changed man now and she deserves better from you. But what makes you think that you won't make the same mistakes again?
Now, you can only live on your mistakes. Don't hurt her anymore. You have to move on. If you want, can be her angel, standing at one corner and look after her.
You have to be able to let go of her and wish her luck.
Some phrases might be repeated a lot of times but it usually tells the actual thing:
- When you love someone, you gonna learn to let her go.
- Cracked mirrors are not able to be fixed. Especially those already broken into pieces.
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Originally posted by noodle-eater:
Hope, and miracles, it's what the future and earth are made of....
Thanks for sharing what you are going through. It may help others, many others who may be falling into such predicament or already mired in it.But more critically is YOU.
It is good you found comfort in religion. Now you must pick up the pieces. Whether you losing job, gfs,etc are additional punishment, i dont know.
But what i do know is that we will grow and have to grow up from pain and anguish and let it not hinder us from progressing in life.Do not interfere with your ex's life anymore or whom she chooses. You have lost that moral right. She too must be allowed to grow and mature, in her way. Be her safety net, but do not interfere or enforce your views on her. You may end up destroying her life with misunderstandings. Let her find her way.
You must lift up you head and face the world, take good care of yourself and not let yourself go to seed. You yourself are a life too and is precious to humanity.You too, can contribute to society once you straighten your thoughts and realize your mistake. You are no lesser human being, than any one of us equally flawed in other areas of our life, but one of us still, in this world and must make it better for our next generation, to avoid our mistakes.
Good luck. -
go back and eat ur noodle.
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We believe and worship God ?
Did you remember your oath infront of God ?
"Do you take ___ as your lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?"
Well God remember it - you did not fullfill it, for when you richer and better off - 3 times he give you the chance and forgive you !!!!
God is fair, he need to take care of your wife, and ensure she spend her life better off then with you.Your agurment "True forgiveness is not giving it to those who deserves it, but to those who you feel don't deserve it." So you saying that God should give wife to you as you don't deserve it - what a moron !!!
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I can only give you this word "SOTB" because i am very angry to those people who having affair outside family. GDY, if you think she isn't your type, divorce her earlier so she can find another better man. Now you want the love that she already keep back inside her safety, i think you prang you head on wall for thousand times first. "S I"
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So much infidelity these days, sigh!
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If you are really sure this is the last time you do this and will never ever break her heart again, then go ahead and WIN her back.
Wish you all the best.
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once a cheater, always a cheater. dude, you wanna win her back, PROVE IT
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How do I know I wont make the same mistake again? I am not that stupid, and these pains are life changing. And lastly, you may not believe it: I truly love her.
Thanks. I am her safety net now, if anything should happen to her current relationship. I am fine, I just got laid-off a month ago and have been semi-actively looking. Since I am pretty much friendless, I signed up for classes to meet people and talk to them, it makes me feel human. The church is also a great source of comfort, I was so critical of church-goers before, now I see, they are the last line of defense when others in your life abandon you.
I am struggling, to be kind, to be sincere, it's not easy, after years of arrogance and selfishness, to un-do that attitude, but at least my mind and my will is heading the right directions. At the very least, this whole crisis has slapped me in the face, and awaken me from my own self, and re-connect with the world.
I am eating vegies, fruits, and are exercising a lot. I used to hate doing those, now i know, I must take care of myself, and in return, be here for her should she ever need me. Thank you.
Yes, I will, for lunch maybe :)
Forgiveness, I am asking, I may not receive it. Repentance, atonement, it has at least given a worthless scum like me a purpose, to be a decent human being.
AK,
Thank you for making your #1 post as my encouragement! I really appreciate it. We all need to have faith and find hope at times of dire.
Pain is the GREATEST deterrent of foolish actions. Once you poured gasoline on yourself and know how it feels, you will be unlikely to do it again. I am in so much anguish and pain, I am not that forgetful of this as to repeat it again.
Besides, all of this has awaken me, make me sober, of my love, and the true meaning of it. I was so superficial and shallow before, now, I know I have changed. Believe it, I do.
I will share with you all a movie I literally just found last night. I watched it till 4am in my bed. I haven't been crying since a few months ago because I was trying to be strong, but I broke down when watching this movie. It has a very important lesson for us. Live life fully, and cherish everything.
Humming (2008)
Part 1/10 is here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMClBxAou4w
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Wah....you get younger every few days it seems.
From 38 year old indonesian guy living in USA, now considering moving to Singapore to live and work...
To just lost a wife because of constant cheating.......to worrying about his soon to be ex-wife which was cheated on.
Why worry about her being cheated, when she already encountered yours.
BTW, US has strict rules about divorces. Did she by any chance happens to be American and you just blew your PR chances?