Originally posted by jojobeach:Ultimatums should not be used so frivolously.
You need to make it very clear to her that the next time she issues another ultimatum again, she better mean what she says.Because you will no longer turn back. And make sure you stick by it.
This is YOUR ultimatum to her.
Some girls uses ultimatum to test their boyfriends. If they turn back.. it means they still have feelings for her. Unfotunately, this is a destructive behavior for any relationship.
While a relationship, no matter how strong the bond, is still very fragile when fought within.
Your girlfriend is extremely insecure. You will be constantly trying to "prove" your love.. but sadly.. you will find that no matter what you do.. it'll never be enough.
Some people will go through great lengths to make a relationship work.
Its ok. If she wants me to go home, I will go home. If she wants to break up then we break up.
I have spoken to her mum over dinner last night. She has spoken to her mum and her mum feels that since the last relationship ended, she has changed. She dun trust people anymore and I also felt this too. She finds it hard to accept that I will not have another gal outside cos my father has another family outside. She feels that I will follow my father footstep.
Sadly i feel its kinda hard to change that kind of thinking overnight or perhaps even short term. You can give her time but thats gonna make you more tired, you can dump her but thats gonna hurt her even more.
Your gf reminds me of my ex. Threatening to break up all the time. Always very insecure. In the end, I really took her final threat of breaking up for real and just cut all ties from her. Seriously, do you think this can carry on all the way? Imagine if you two were to get married eventually and she threaten to divorce you at least twice a week. If you tell me you like that side of her or you can try to remove that scar in her heart, then by all means go ahead and see if you can work out a miracle. If not, do not prolong both your suffering anymore and cut it cleanly. For good.
Have one last sex with her and then dump her.
just make sure you are not the one who always beg her to come back when she lets go.. playing this game round n round... hor.. di di
Originally posted by gunner77:Have one last sex with her and then dump her.
I am not a jerk...
Originally posted by -Wanderer-:Your gf reminds me of my ex. Threatening to break up all the time. Always very insecure. In the end, I really took her final threat of breaking up for real and just cut all ties from her. Seriously, do you think this can carry on all the way? Imagine if you two were to get married eventually and she threaten to divorce you at least twice a week. If you tell me you like that side of her or you can try to remove that scar in her heart, then by all means go ahead and see if you can work out a miracle. If not, do not prolong both your suffering anymore and cut it cleanly. For good.
She dun say break up anymore. Just that when we quarrel and she is too angry, she will ask me to go home so that she can cool down.
But still i can feel that she is insecure and she dun trust me that much anymore...
Originally posted by one36:just make sure you are not the one who always beg her to come back when she lets go.. playing this game round n round... hor.. di di
Ya i know.
Why call me di di wor????
Is the sacrifice worth it ? If she is gonna break up with you later, then short pain rather than long pain. But if you are sure that she is the woman that you want, and she will not really break up with you, and you want to stand by her during this period then go do it. Trust me it is always painful to know your sacrifices are gone down the drain.
Originally posted by goofyzell:Its ok. If she wants me to go home, I will go home. If she wants to break up then we break up.
I have spoken to her mum over dinner last night. She has spoken to her mum and her mum feels that since the last relationship ended, she has changed. She dun trust people anymore and I also felt this too. She finds it hard to accept that I will not have another gal outside cos my father has another family outside. She feels that I will follow my father footstep.
Only time can prove your worth to her.
If you are really that persistent, give it all you have, but make sure that you do not take a wrong step and lose the little faith she has in you.
Originally posted by goofyzell:Ya i know.
Why call me di di wor????
paiseh i read your earlier posts and saw that both of you are in late/mid 20's le. how come your story sounds like teenagers... -.-
Originally posted by one36:
paiseh i read your earlier posts and saw that both of you are in late/mid 20's le. how come your story sounds like teenagers... -.-
cos my gf is the only child in the family and she is ultra pampered. she still behaves like a 3 yr old at times...
because of this, sometimes i get 3 yr old attitude from her...
I dunno if there is any problem with me but then i feel that she is the one with all the problems.
Please correct me if anyone feels i am wrong.
I still stand by my advice of cooling down period. This cannot keep happening, unless you are really sure she is gonna be your future wife. Then by all means, all sacrifice is worth it.
Originally posted by TTFU:Is the sacrifice worth it ? If she is gonna break up with you later, then short pain rather than long pain. But if you are sure that she is the woman that you want, and she will not really break up with you, and you want to stand by her during this period then go do it. Trust me it is always painful to know your sacrifices are gone down the drain.
I believe it is worth it.
I have been in a few past relationships before and i can proudly say that this is the 1st time i have met a gal whom i can feel her feelings for me is true, really appreciates my effort, someone who cares and worries about my future.
I have spoken to her a few times with regard to her problems and she told me to give her some time for her to sort it out.
Originally posted by TTFU:I still stand by my advice of cooling down period. This cannot keep happening, unless you are really sure she is gonna be your future wife. Then by all means, all sacrifice is worth it.
I am sure she is my future wife.
We are both trying to save up and look for flats for our marriage. In the meantime we try to find a better job (or a suitable/less stressed job in her case)
And she has never said break up after i turned and walked away outside her friend's pub during that quarrel. She has learnt to have some control in a way...
Originally posted by Forbiddensinner:Only time can prove your worth to her.
If you are really that persistent, give it all you have, but make sure that you do not take a wrong step and lose the little faith she has in you.
of cos i am persistent and determined. I went through alot of hell when she just broke up with her ex. Managed to go through and survive as i strongly believe she is the one.
I will take care not to do stupid stuff to make her lose faith in me. : )
Originally posted by goofyzell:
I believe it is worth it.I have been in a few past relationships before and i can proudly say that this is the 1st time i have met a gal whom i can feel her feelings for me is true, really appreciates my effort, someone who cares and worries about my future.
I have spoken to her a few times with regard to her problems and she told me to give her some time for her to sort it out.
Thats good, glad that you have sorted out your direction and thinking. As long as theres love, no matter what hard things also can overcome
why not look for a better and good gf that will treat and love you even more.
Originally posted by Rooney9:why not look for a better and good gf that will treat and love you even more.
If you really love the girl, no matter what also you wont ditch her ba.
Originally posted by TTFU:If you really love the girl, no matter what also you wont ditch her ba.
Ya... If you really love the girl, no matter what also you wont ditch her.
Anyway there are always better and prettier gals along the way. Are you going to ditch your gf for someone better along the way. If you do, when you going to settle down?
i see you are so sure about her being your future wife, your life time partner, really love her to go all the way to turn ur r/s better. i see all what ure doing is worth it. u said she wasnt like that in the past. she might be like this due to her work. ask her to change a job?? sit down talk to her. if she feels insecure, show her, tell her - in any way that will ease the situation.
Had a chat with her on Wednesday over dinner. Asked her if she wanna get married or still wanna play. She said wanna play. Wanna play as in stay single, not play as in go choinging/clubbing.
I asked further, why she dun wanna marry? She said we are having financial difficulty and have alot of problems. Financial difficulty as in we are unable to buy a house due to not having enough cash though we both have a stable job. She kept quiet when I asked for more details about the problems we have. She seems confused at this stage.
She said that she feels comfortable when we nap together during weekends but she is confused at moments like this. I was quite taken aback...
Later that night, we went back to her house to chat more. She looked confused. She later said that she does not know if I am the right one. We went quiet... She broke the silence and asked, what will I do if she later thinks I am not the right one? I said I will leave. We went quiet again... She whispered thank you after a few quiet moments.
She asked if I will feel bu gan xin (�甘心）. I said yes. She stroked my thigh as if calming me down, making me feel better. She said shortly, we can still be friends. I smiled back bitterly. I told her I hope she can make a decision soon.
Bought her a bouquet of roses on Sunday as she is feeling very down on Sat. We had a quick chat again. She asked me to give her some time and she hugged me very tightly. She seems very badly hurt from the last relationship...
Originally posted by goofyzell:Had a chat with her on Wednesday over dinner. Asked her if she wanna get married or still wanna play. She said wanna play. Wanna play as in stay single, not play as in go choinging/clubbing.
I asked further, why she dun wanna marry? She said we are having financial difficulty and have alot of problems. Financial difficulty as in we are unable to buy a house due to not having enough cash though we both have a stable job. She kept quiet when I asked for more details about the problems we have. She seems confused at this stage.
She said that she feels comfortable when we nap together during weekends but she is confused at moments like this. I was quite taken aback...
Later that night, we went back to her house to chat more. She looked confused. She later said that she does not know if I am the right one. We went quiet... She broke the silence and asked, what will I do if she later thinks I am not the right one? I said I will leave. We went quiet again... She whispered thank you after a few quiet moments.
She asked if I will feel bu gan xin (�甘心）. I said yes. She stroked my thigh as if calming me down, making me feel better. She said shortly, we can still be friends. I smiled back bitterly. I told her I hope she can make a decision soon.
Bought her a bouquet of roses on Sunday as she is feeling very down on Sat. We had a quick chat again. She asked me to give her some time and she hugged me very tightly. She seems very badly hurt from the last relationship...
Sometime girls need to be sweet talked. You can try to ask directly like, eh if one day i propose to you will you accept ? Dont ask for more details, i think she needs more confidence in love and herself. Just say something like, if i am not the right one, at least i accompany you through this period of time... Sounds corny but it works. Little words like that assure her and gives her confidence. Dont pressure her too much into marriage. Give her more attention and concern
Originally posted by TTFU:Sometime girls need to be sweet talked. You can try to ask directly like, eh if one day i propose to you will you accept ? Dont ask for more details, i think she needs more confidence in love and herself. Just say something like, if i am not the right one, at least i accompany you through this period of time... Sounds corny but it works. Little words like that assure her and gives her confidence. Dont pressure her too much into marriage. Give her more attention and concern
Thanks for the encouragement all this while.
She asked me not to waste money to buy her flowers all the time. I told her I have not bought her flowers for very long but she still kept asking me to save up the money. So i asked, what she wants me to save up the money for?
She later said to save up to go holiday(we plan to go Taiwan next year). I replied, is it to save up for our marriage. She hugged me tighter and didnt replied for a while. When she did say something later, she asked for more time.
I nodded, saying yes i will wait...
Originally posted by goofyzell:Thanks for the encouragement all this while.
She asked me not to waste money to buy her flowers all the time. I told her I have not bought her flowers for very long but she still kept asking me to save up the money. So i asked, what she wants me to save up the money for?
She later said to save up to go holiday(we plan to go Taiwan next year). I replied, is it to save up for our marriage. She hugged me tighter and didnt replied for a while. When she did say something later, she asked for more time.
I nodded, saying yes i will wait...
Key thing is dont give her too much pressure on marriage. Flowers too expensive, then make paper ones next time =) Spray paint them red muhahaha