My BF best Friend a She
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at the end of the day, friends come and go but family comes first. Family stays with us for life. I guarantee you that if his best friend r/s continues, it is bound to come between the both of you in future.
It's selfish of him....why don't you tell him if you have a best friend of the opp gender and treats him likewise, how would he feel? If he can't accept it, try your best to convince him it's best to drift away from his best friend. If he can't, then you better choose another guy. Cos it's a union that's meant to break eventually.
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and everyweek have to check my schedule and see how he's going to fix she for dinner.
This is always better den "and everyweek have to check HER schedule and see how he's gonna fix ME for dinner". It's simple to say... but well always look at the bright side of life *whistle away* ~~~ I know its hard, im acting otherwise, but im trying too =) but i guess you should talk to him nicely about it, I've given up my supper kah ki whom i met almost every single day for supper, my wednesday friday and sat clubbing kah ki (they all girls also), for my current gf, cause because she's worth it ^^
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this seemed to be an age old question of can a woman and a man be "best" friend.... you sometime ever heard that your wife is also your best friend.
Significant different between guys and girls perspective on this subject.
under a circumstance perharps but need to dig deeper.
1) If his Best friends has a boy friend. it is possible to maintain as "friend"
since both of them knew each other in high school it is possible that they grew up and explore together seperately..........you have not known your boy friend well enough. Part of the person you are in love with is actually grew up from that friendship.
Both you and your boy friends need to dig deeper ask yourself why you are together?
As a Man my wify is also my best friend. That i can talk to.
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This kind of situation is not abnormal. U have to strike a delicate balance. When I have gf, my good girl friends still contact. Its all about trust really. If ur partner starts to distrust u too much, u must show her that u are trusthworthy.
Simple things like, the things you do for ur partner must not be less then what u do for ur good friend.
Most of my good friend who is of opposite sex , we at some point were in a r/s before. And seperated in good terms. And the very few close one that I never had any rs with, they are not just normal friends. We are attracted to each other not sexually, but more like mutual respect of each other. The understandings we can achieve and not to mention certain intelectual capacity to satisfy such a close r/s.
Most of the time my gfs before wont really accept it, but slowly they will understand. But if they truly give me an arbitrary "me or her" kinda situation... which was like once, we just went our seperate ways. And after that, we still became good friends.
But sometimes you could feel that both are trying to resist each other. Thats why its important to hold on to ur principals and professionalism. Its not hard.. and not easy at the same time.
Anyways, one of the ways to ease it in, is to go dinner or any social activity together and ur good friend if got partner, bring the partner along lo. Given that sometimes conversations may end up about how the good friend de partner will say how she tells him quite a bit about you... or that he heard about you..etc. May get awkward, but like I said, its a delicate situation, and u must navigate the minefield carefully so nobody misunderstands. If no partner, then she can bring her other friend or what and become friends lo
One important thing to note tho, you cant be an asshole or a bastard to the girl and expect the entire situation to succeed. As a guy, you must pave the ground and treat her as well or better. Or itsgoing to be really hard to reconcile the differences
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he knew her before he knew you...get it?
just accept it...if you're unable to accept it, it's better for you to move on
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
at the end of the day, friends come and go but family comes first. Family stays with us for life. I guarantee you that if his best friend r/s continues, it is bound to come between the both of you in future.
I think he's trying to strike a balance btw his bestie and his GF. my BF is a friend kinda person, he treasure friends very very much. friends and GF is as improtant to him. I have to accept that i guess. but i believe once he get older and when all his friends get settled down, his perspective might change alittle.
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Originally posted by Arapahoe:
this seemed to be an age old question of can a woman and a man be "best" friend.... you sometime ever heard that your wife is also your best friend.
Significant different between guys and girls perspective on this subject.
under a circumstance perharps but need to dig deeper.
1) If his Best friends has a boy friend. it is possible to maintain as "friend"
since both of them knew each other in high school it is possible that they grew up and explore together seperately..........you have not known your boy friend well enough. Part of the person you are in love with is actually grew up from that friendship.
Both you and your boy friends need to dig deeper ask yourself why you are together?
As a Man my wify is also my best friend. That i can talk to.
Hi there
I like your comments, his Besties She is single but then when before my BF is attach to me he's single for few years as well, if they hv chem they would end up together
woman are petty over such thing and i have to really really open my heart and accept my BF have another dear (they call each other dear btw)
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since both of them knew each other in high school it is possible that they grew up and explore together seperately..........you have not known your boy friend well enough. Part of the person you are in love with is actually grew up from that friendship.
I like the above, =)
i need time and patient to be my BF Bestie ;) it the matter of time.
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You are so understanding. But if I were you, i'll let him make a choice, her or me. Calling each other "dear"is like crossed the limits. Honestly, i cannot tolerate such things, abit too much already.
Since you say you can let it work itself out. Good luck to you.
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Originally posted by ditzy:
You are so understanding. But if I were you, i'll let him make a choice, her or me. Calling each other "dear"is like crossed the limits. Honestly, i cannot tolerate such things, abit too much already.
Since you say you can let it work itself out. Good luck to you.
i guess nowadays alotsa pple call each other dear, my close guy friend some time call me dear but in a joking manner. My BF call few of his very close gals friend dear .. alittle uncomfortable in the beginning but now getting use of it -
Originally posted by Bababe 83:
I'm trying to accept his Best Friend She. but then sometime is really hard to battle it gracefully just wondering how many woman out there can accept his BF or Husband have a SHE best friend
- They know each other since secondary school
- Meet each other every week without fail for dinner, he will go pick her up for dinner and send her home.
- he's protective over his BF she
- he say she have been there alway at his lowest point.
- and everyweek have to check my schedule and see how he's going to fix she for dinner.
- and of cos im sure that they are purely BF
Peng ..... Faintzzz
I have best friend too who's there for me all the time but we dont meet everyweek.
I don't mind opposite sex as best friend but the above senario a little hard to accept
What your view can you woman accept it gracefully
Last time one of my guy friends, his gf best friend is a guy. Yeah, they always hang out and spend more time than the bf with the also. One day though, I went to class early and caught her with her best friend smooching.many years after, the gf dumped the bf and is now married to her best friend with one kid.
So there is high probability that ur bf may like his bf. After all, how many bf is so discipline to hang out once a week? Come on, even my best friend will ffk on me and put their gfs first before their own bfs.
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nonsense la....no such thing as a best friend platonic r/s. Mirroring what hugh hefner said, wait you see your bf fucking his best friend then you know. Human beings are deep and u never know what they really think. Once they succumb to temptation, that leaves many broken hearts.
Used to have an army friend who fucked his good friend after a drunken stupor. And they were actually sane enough to ensure penetration. They felt so pai seh after that...but they were sane at the time of act u know. Temptation hits u where and when u least expect it.
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Thats the problem with woman.
My 3 closest friend are ladies, thats why my gf of quite a long time broke up with me. She knew they are my really close friends meet up weekly go for dinners have fun etc etc. Ask gf along dont want to go, then kpkb.
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For the sake of clarity lets have BF,bf = boyfriend, (and not best friend).
A guy can have a best (good) friend of the opposite sex, but there should be a limit to the fraternisation. There should consideration first for the immediate beau, the good friend should be secondary, not the other way round.
In this modern age, the spouse would have many contacts, some of the opposite sex. Some are good friends and have families of their own. It would not do for a harmonious family relationship (not to speak about the pride of the affected spouse), if the two good friends were to behave openly in an affectionate manner. The good friend can be there for consultation, and be included in all family functions, but there should be a limit to the fraternity. This is just common sense.
Else one is being selfish, without due consideration for the feelings of the other.
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If u cannot accept what is, that is his ways of relating to you and others around u - the so-called ''problem'' is IN you. He is an excuse.
Find out what is ''insecure'' in u and if there are needs, anxieties, anguish - accept, reconcile and understand and the transcendence will transform u.
Many purport to love but in reality it is not love at all but needs in many forms masquerading as love.
Self-honesty is the way to go.
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wah..... your boyfriend shiok ah..... maybe the best friend SHE is his fuck buddy leh.... he can have two girls to play with ah....... 爽æªæª!!!!
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Originally posted by ChingAlvin:
Thats the problem with woman.
My 3 closest friend are ladies, thats why my gf of quite a long time broke up with me. She knew they are my really close friends meet up weekly go for dinners have fun etc etc. Ask gf along dont want to go, then kpkb.
wow ur ex-gf have to deal with 3 close female friend i guess is harder on her, so did u manage to have another gf who can accept ur 3 closest friends?
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
If u cannot accept what is, that is his ways of relating to you and others around u - the so-called ''problem'' is IN you. He is an excuse.
Find out what is ''insecure'' in u and if there are needs, anxieties, anguish - accept, reconcile and understand and the transcendence will transform u.
Many purport to love but in reality it is not love at all but needs in many forms masquerading as love.
Self-honesty is the way to go.
Fugazzi I guess u speak fr the men point of view.... Not many woman can accept their love one with another bestie SHE. It take more then just understanding, a big heart maybe to accept it
Like wise, when woman with a bestie HE, man have problem with that too. this prob is will be there for a long long decade =)
I will accept my BF besties SHE but like what FireIce post earier
(no matter how magnanimous u are or how much u say u trust him, it is still like a splinter in your finger)
Thanks for everyone's comments and i manage to see it in a very different point of view good and bad =) some how already know how to deal with it
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I think you should really hang out with your bf She friend and see how she is like. But I think he have already crossed the line by asking your available timing, then book his friend out. And every week seems a little frequent.
For me, I would book my friends 2 weeks later from anytime of the day, and inform my gf first. Then maybe meet twice a month. Gf and friends very different, must draw line and treat differently, if not what for be in a r/s.
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Male perspective and female perspective are different on this issue. That got to do with our neuro make up on Sex and love.
To: TS
If you want to continue pursue the relationship......or get to know more about your chances in this relationship.
perhaps you want to be his best friend's Friend. And get some Girl Time together outside your boyfriend space.
Does this make sense at all?
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Originally posted by Arapahoe:
Male perspective and female perspective are different on this issue. That got to do with our neuro make up on Sex and love.
To: TS
If you want to continue pursue the relationship......or get to know more about your chances in this relationship.
perhaps you want to be his best friend's Friend. And get some Girl Time together outside your boyfriend space.
Does this make sense at all?
Well, is hard to try to be someone's best frien and hang out, it very much depend if i can click with her or do we have a common interest to be such a close friend hanging out. she a heavy smoker and i really dont like hanging out with smoker .... i guess it does some how make sense, but trying too hard to be someone friend somehow not sincere
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She's a heavy smoker, well that a revelation.
I get the feeling that he is in love with She, but She is not the commitment type.
He is not making any headway in that relationship, and so settle for a best friend relationship.
Find your place in his scheme to things.
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Originally posted by mancha:
She's a heavy smoker, well that a revelation.
I get the feeling that he is in love with She, but She is not the commitment type.
He is not making any headway in that relationship, and so settle for a best friend relationship.
Find your place in his scheme to things.
Well can't judge a person by a cigarette stick. And this is not about the best friend. This is about TS and the boy friend.
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You know relationship needs working. if you want to pursue this relationship it needs some work and it doesn't get any easier after married either.
how about do a self evaluation excerise ....be honest take some quiet time alone.
list down the things you and your boy friend do together. what topics do you talk about when u are with him.
List down the topics they talk about or how he talks about his best friends and what do they do together.
List down the topics that your boyfriends talk to "other friends" that he has. And how he response to them.
See what "space" you are being left out and see if you can draw those conversation in your relationship with him and drawn his focus onto the "relationship" (i didn't say to draw the focus onto "you" )
When i said dig deeper why you want to be with him.......
Trying to distil if he is having dual relationship and not knowing it. He might be having an Emotional Relationship with his friend. and a physical relationship with you.
In modern days sometime it happen at work because of long working hour we called it "Work spouse" or "Emotional Affair".
You just have to project 10 yrs into the future if you are having kids and he still go out and talk to this friend.....dah...is that what you want.
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Originally posted by Arapahoe:
it. He might be having an Emotional Relationship with his friend. and a physical relationship with you.
In modern days sometime it happen at work because of long working hour we called it "Work spouse" or "Emotional Affair".
You just have to project 10 yrs into the future if you are having kids and he still go out and talk to this friend.....dah...is that what you want.
Arapahoe: In modern days sometime it happen at work because of long working hour we called it "Work spouse" or "Emotional Affair".
BB: I guess we can't chance the fact that they are child hood friend. and having emotional affair with her is inevitable, every time when we quarrel or cold war, he will turn to her. and i know this is inevitable too.
You just have to project 10 yrs into the future if you are having kids and he still go out and talk to this friend.....dah...is that what you want.
BB: My favour part of your comments, All i ask for is in the future part of our life, they will learn to let go. and i believe they will once his bestie got attach and settle down.
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Originally posted by Bababe 83:
Arapahoe: In modern days sometime it happen at work because of long working hour we called it "Work spouse" or "Emotional Affair".
BB: I guess we can't chance the fact that they are child hood friend. and having emotional affair with her is inevitable, every time when we quarrel or cold war, he will turn to her. and i know this is inevitable too.
You just have to project 10 yrs into the future if you are having kids and he still go out and talk to this friend.....dah...is that what you want.
BB: My favour part of your comments, All i ask for is in the future part of our life, they will learn to let go. and i believe they will once his bestie got attach and settle down.
BB,
In life especially in Singapore, we internalized alot of wrong messages about how we should treat our relationship.
I will do this extremely short -- Don't sell yourself Short. Remember this Thread is about YOU. Not him or her
Just because you have intimate (physical) relationship doesn't mean that you cannot move on with another person who would put you first in "Focus" You have the same capacity to growth from this relationship and love another person.
BB: I guess we can't chance the fact that they are child hood friend. and having emotional affair with her is inevitable, every time when we quarrel or cold war, he will turn to her. and i know this is inevitable too.
It is right that you cannot changed the relationship between your boyfriend and his childhood. But obversely your boy friends has not learned to grow out of his childhood friend.....
Do you see what i am saying? when you quarrel He runs to her....and not turn around and solve problems between the 2 of you??? Where is the relationship? You have a one sided affair with him.
If you truly want this relationship to work out i suggest you either bridge the gap between you and his best friend or talk to a mediator.
I can tell you one thing physical and sex can only stretch so much......thereafter its about emotional support.