Originally posted by Marlz1213:I've been with my current girlfriend for a while now, we are in the stage of planning to move on to the next chapter and live our lives together. However, I only know recently that her parents is forcing her to end our relationships since the 1st day i met them as they do not likes me without any particular reason. I don't know where went wrong as I've treated her parents with the upmost respect when i see them. And for the sake of my girlfriend, I've given up the vices that I picked up during my younger days (smoking, drinking and clubbing). I also earned a decent salary of more then 5k though I'm only in my late 20s.
Her parents even went to the extend that if she chose to marry me, they would try their best to stand in our way. I've tried to find out te reason by trying to invite her parents out for dinner her parents, but they do not even want to see me. And whenever my girlfriend is out with me, her parents would take turns to call her and chide her for being with me. As we are from traditional chinese famillies, customary weddings is must to my parents. If her parents strongly objects and choses not to even meet my parents to discuss the wedding details, I am worried that my parents would not approve to this marriage as well. I wonder what should I do. Should I just give up on this relationship or should I get on with it and put the marriage issues at the back of my mind and pray that her parents will mellow down one fine day???
It all boils down to why they don't like you.
If they do not approve of marriage only, they will not have attempt to have their daughter stay away from you since the first day of the relationship.
The only thing you can do now is to find out the reason. If they are unwilling to tell their daughter and you, then you must find it out from someone around them (Your gf's relatives, neighbours...).
In short, without the reason, there is nothing you can do. Looking at all the replies here, you can see that there are plentiful of possible reasons, and it is unlikely that you can narrow them down to the correct one.
It her parents doesn't like you and you've tried your best to be nice to them, there's nothing more you can do. The most important question is, do you love her and does she love you that both of you want to get married and live together for the rest of your lifes?
If the answer is Yes then you should marry her irrespective whether her parents approve or not. They will soon learn to accept the decisions of both of you. Reality is, not all things work out in your favour when you get into a marriage, you've got to work to try to solve your marriage problems even if it means involving your in-laws.
for men, i know best, once they tasted smoking, drinking, flirting, gambling and clubbing, it better not to be with them, cos they tends to go back to all these vices once we, the gfs or wifeys, become obselete to them. I concur yr gf's parent action.
Good luck
Originally posted by Marlz1213:I've been with my current girlfriend for a while now, we are in the stage of planning to move on to the next chapter and live our lives together. However, I only know recently that her parents is forcing her to end our relationships since the 1st day i met them as they do not likes me without any particular reason. I don't know where went wrong as I've treated her parents with the upmost respect when i see them. And for the sake of my girlfriend, I've given up the vices that I picked up during my younger days (smoking, drinking and clubbing). I also earned a decent salary of more then 5k though I'm only in my late 20s.
Her parents even went to the extend that if she chose to marry me, they would try their best to stand in our way. I've tried to find out te reason by trying to invite her parents out for dinner her parents, but they do not even want to see me. And whenever my girlfriend is out with me, her parents would take turns to call her and chide her for being with me. As we are from traditional chinese famillies, customary weddings is must to my parents. If her parents strongly objects and choses not to even meet my parents to discuss the wedding details, I am worried that my parents would not approve to this marriage as well. I wonder what should I do. Should I just give up on this relationship or should I get on with it and put the marriage issues at the back of my mind and pray that her parents will mellow down one fine day???
During the years that you and your gf have been together, recall those times when you made her feel really really miserable. Her parents probably have remembered you for those times, than the better man you have become now. I assume you truly have become a better man now. :)
It's not easy to change people's perspective once they have fixed their minds. People tend to remember the 1 mistake made instead of the 100 good things that one has done. This is not an easy path for you and your gf. If you two are serious about each other, hang in there for the time being. You are relatively young, and can re-consider marriage when you have gained her parents' approval.
Wait till middle or end of next year, if both of you are willing to endure the uncertainty for the time being. Things will happen that will change everyone's perspective of the meaning of Life. Perhaps her parents would re-think by then, if they are an obstacle to their daughter's happiness in Life.
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
There must be something marlz is hiding and he's not telling us :)
TS, i am in the around the same position,
I got tgt with my gf for around 2 years. she is my friend whom i have known till now, a total of 4 years. we were extremely good friends and each other's confidante.
However, she is from a very traditional family and her parents object our relationship due to some problems. not money, not backgroud.
Last week, we broke up as she couldn't stand the pressure by her parents andher parents were very good to her. As she wanted to be a good daugther, she chose to give up this relationship after much struggle. I respected her, i convinced myself to be her good friend and talk to her giving her support while she is having her exams right now.
what i can tell you is, some parents will not change their perspective on certain issues. This is nobody's fault as the parents may grow up in that kind of situation, giving them this kind of thinking. We grow up believing that as long as we love each other jiu can marry and dun care other ppl's thought. However, the parents do not think that way. We were discussing that its the parents fault is wad wad wad..but on their side, they may think "we did this for your good why wouldn't you listen?"
yes its difficult, fight for it, but if the parents really cannot accept you and detest you for whatever reason, your gf have to make a choice. Its her. her family and her love. which one she wants. If she thinks that family is more important, then she will have to give up this relationship. Yes you are 29 already, much older than me, i am only 21. But i guess...this is what i have learnt from the recent breakup that...sometimes..its just æœ‰ç¼˜æ— ä»½. moreover, your relationship is already 5 years. mine is only 2 years. it will be different for you and your gf.
lastly, no matter what your gf choose...dun hate her parents or her. just stick to her for the time being to let her slowly let go. we are guys, should be more xiao sa. although now, everynight, unbearable misery still kicks in for me. but in front of her, be nice and at least..act brave and xiao sa=)
good luck ts. i support you.
They've brought her up and they've every right to reject the bf.
Originally posted by Toiletries:Is their standard of living much higher than yours?
Later, turns out, it's like those dramas, there's another guy in the background pulling the strings and he's x2 the man you are in her parents' eyes.
Nah... My family is much well off then her family.
Originally posted by likeyou:TS, really sorry to hear that if you really love her and you really never look back your past.
Just curious,
1. You ever being to jail before?
Nope
2. Even gang fight before and kill someone?
Nope
3. Your tattoos? Arms, legs, shoulders, necks and body?
Nope
4. You look? Long hair, eye very firece, green dot tattoo between your eye brow?
Looks more of the unfriendly kind
5. The way you walk? Swing hand?
Not the ah beng style. I can't possibly walk without swinging my hands rite???
Did your gf parent detest the above?
I don't know
This is not another case of Romeo and Juliet so nobody in both sides of the family has to die over this.Ok Ah Seng and Ah Ling...just go to ROM and get yourself married ,you plan your lives to fit yours and not your parents.
Originally posted by Rock^Star:They've brought her up and they've every right to reject the bf.
i agree with rock star, is her family, is the primary place that she is in.
even if she chooses her family over you, you cannot blame her. not that she dun love you, is just, family is yi bei zi de, you are not part of her family yet.
shorter ninja, i beg to differ, i think being tgt, is not just two person's business, its sad that now, being tgt is = being tgt with the lady's/gentlemen's family
wah dude easier said than done. The fallout in the aftermath can be tremendous.
Originally posted by Rock^Star:They've brought her up and they've every right to reject the bf.
Parents need to learn and realise that they do not own their children's lives, just because they gave birth to them. Unfortunately, that is the mentality of many parents, and so their children have to suffer for their parents' inner issues of wanting control.
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
To respond to the queries of some of you, I am not an ah beng and I do not spots any tattoo at all neither am I ever on the wrong side of law, other then the occasional parking fine. The only feedback she received from her parents form our first meeting was that I am a very quiet and reserved person with few words to any topics which I do not think that it leads to such a strong sense of objection to us getting married. I do fully agree with Bennmz that marriage involves families which I do believe that we would not have a happy marriage without their blessings, especially us chinese. The thought of me ending this relationship surface as she is under tremendous pressure from her parents which saddens me rather then whether or not is she worth it.
Originally posted by Fugazzi:if each and everyone can adopt this stance that you espouse it would be heavenly but sadly too many ''beggars'' pretending love!Wish Ts, would see thru the folly of so many unlimiting beliefs that fetter him.
Rainbow is speaking facts. A lot of people inevitably don't get along with their in-laws. A lot of relationship and marriages need hard work, a lot of hard work. I encouraging Ts not to give up so easily. Maybe the parents are testing Ts's sincerity.
Originally posted by Bennmz:TS, i am in the around the same position,
I got tgt with my gf for around 2 years. she is my friend whom i have known till now, a total of 4 years. we were extremely good friends and each other's confidante.
However, she is from a very traditional family and her parents object our relationship due to some problems. not money, not backgroud.
Last week, we broke up as she couldn't stand the pressure by her parents andher parents were very good to her. As she wanted to be a good daugther, she chose to give up this relationship after much struggle. I respected her, i convinced myself to be her good friend and talk to her giving her support while she is having her exams right now.
what i can tell you is, some parents will not change their perspective on certain issues. This is nobody's fault as the parents may grow up in that kind of situation, giving them this kind of thinking. We grow up believing that as long as we love each other jiu can marry and dun care other ppl's thought. However, the parents do not think that way. We were discussing that its the parents fault is wad wad wad..but on their side, they may think "we did this for your good why wouldn't you listen?"
yes its difficult, fight for it, but if the parents really cannot accept you and detest you for whatever reason, your gf have to make a choice. Its her. her family and her love. which one she wants. If she thinks that family is more important, then she will have to give up this relationship. Yes you are 29 already, much older than me, i am only 21. But i guess...this is what i have learnt from the recent breakup that...sometimes..its just æœ‰ç¼˜æ— ä»½. moreover, your relationship is already 5 years. mine is only 2 years. it will be different for you and your gf.
lastly, no matter what your gf choose...dun hate her parents or her. just stick to her for the time being to let her slowly let go. we are guys, should be more xiao sa. although now, everynight, unbearable misery still kicks in for me. but in front of her, be nice and at least..act brave and xiao sa=)
good luck ts. i support you.
if she is the same age as you, 21 then the situation is very different from 29. A girl at 21 is not so committed, she is still young and thinking immaturely. Her life is controlled by her parents and she is not independent as her parents still support her particularly for her education,
But for Marlz, his gf can choose for herself, she has her own job. They can make the choice to move out and live on their own. I know in-laws can be difficult but ulmately the questin is how much Marlz is willing to sacrifice to make the next step.
Parents can hate their son-in-law but inevitably after marriage, they have to accept the truth that they must think of their own daughter's happiness. As long as Marlz is not a two-timing jerk, can support the family and loves his gf, I don't see any other reason why Marlz should not proceed.
yes if TS you haven try talking to the parents, you should. my case is that i am still so young and not working, not in the position to talk to her parents. You're working and a fine young man. try it work hard. If all plan fails...hmmm then let her choose=) yes it is sad to see the one u love suffering under pressure, and maybe u talk to her and let her choose the way ba.
jiayou=)
To hugh hefner
its not abt age pls.
Originally posted by Marlz1213:I've been with my current girlfriend for a while now, we are in the stage of planning to move on to the next chapter and live our lives together. However, I only know recently that her parents is forcing her to end our relationships since the 1st day i met them as they do not likes me without any particular reason. I don't know where went wrong as I've treated her parents with the upmost respect when i see them. And for the sake of my girlfriend, I've given up the vices that I picked up during my younger days (smoking, drinking and clubbing). I also earned a decent salary of more then 5k though I'm only in my late 20s.
Her parents even went to the extend that if she chose to marry me, they would try their best to stand in our way. I've tried to find out te reason by trying to invite her parents out for dinner her parents, but they do not even want to see me. And whenever my girlfriend is out with me, her parents would take turns to call her and chide her for being with me. As we are from traditional chinese famillies, customary weddings is must to my parents. If her parents strongly objects and choses not to even meet my parents to discuss the wedding details, I am worried that my parents would not approve to this marriage as well. I wonder what should I do. Should I just give up on this relationship or should I get on with it and put the marriage issues at the back of my mind and pray that her parents will mellow down one fine day???
Yes you have money, maybe you have looks, perhaps your family is wealthier than hers. But these are your ego talking. Superficials that doesn't matter in the longer term.
You may think you are a good catch. Her parents think otherwise.
Why you wonder.
Because you lack something, what her parents believe will make a blissful marriage.
Your personality. Are you an egotistical guy ? A narcissist ? A man who holds low level of morality ?
How well do you treat your gf ? Have you ever abused her before ? (Physical, verbal, emotional abuse).
How long ago was it when you decided to give up your vices ? 1 month ago? 2 months ago ? Span of time you lack, given your age is only 29.
Her parents are being protective of her daughter's future, and rightfully so.
Your gf stuck with you all these time, despite having to endure her family's deep disregard for you.
Yet today, you are ready to ditch her simply because her family disapproval busted your big ego.
Your gf deserves better, someone who's ego is not as big as an elephant. Some one who's ego is not as important as her. Fact is, she shoulda dumped you long time ago.
Learn humility and some respect, only then will you earn some in return.
Originally posted by jojobeach:Yes you have money, maybe you have looks, perhaps your family is wealthier than hers. But these are your ego talking. Superficials that doesn't matter in the longer term.
You may think you are a good catch. Her parents think otherwise.
Why you wonder.
Because you lack something, what her parents believe will make a blissful marriage.
Your personality. Are you an egotistical guy ? A narcissist ? A man who holds low level of morality ?
How well do you treat your gf ? Have you ever abused her before ? (Physical, verbal, emotional abuse).
How long ago was it when you decided to give up your vices ? 1 month ago? 2 months ago ? Span of time you lack, given your age is only 29.
Her parents are being protective of her daughter's future, and rightfully so.
Your gf stuck with you all these time, despite having to endure her family's deep disregard for you.
Yet today, you are ready to ditch her simply because her family disapproval busted your big ego.
Your gf deserves better, someone who's ego is not as big as an elephant. Some one who's ego is not as important as her. Fact is, she shoulda dumped you long time ago.
Learn humility and some respect, only then will you earn some in return.
I dun think its right for u to flame him to this extend. You nvr know what's going on with the couples and how much pressure he is going through. Yes maybe his gf love him more than he love her. But that doesnt mean that he simply dun care and just wanna get out of this predicament. maybe currently he is feeling extremely sad and heartbroken that his gf have to go through this?
furthermore, it maybe in such a situation that the gf is struggling, and not say 100% sure that she will choose family over him correct?
People are facing a difficult situation and you are giving this kind of tone when u duno them in person.
To ts, you have to think properly, i believe any decision you make will be for the good of you two, either to hang on or to give up to make her feel relieved and better, away from her parents pressure. If she doesnt want to make the choice, you will have to think properly and both talk it out to end peacefully and you two can still be best friends and love each other from afar. By that time, you still can show your care and concern for herand she will not feel that lonely also.
Of course, you're 29, I am 21, big gap. Just my one cent worth.=)
oh, i am also 21yo, but i do not use cents, i use senses,
I believe issue such as this are not within our scope to argue over it, cos we do not really know the head and tail, what we heard is only TS point of view, there are many others, the gf, the parents, the friends and so on.
Ultimately, I only believe in one thing, that is LOVE, if TS really loves his gf, care for her and is willing to go thru the thick and thin of life together, the issue of separation will not be an issue anymore, no matter what happen, not even earthquake, nuclear strikes, volcano erruption, etc etc, TS must be there for her. And just becos of her parents dislike of TS, he seek separation is completely a non sensical relationship, it show that LOVE did not exist in him.
do you take this woman as your wife, love her, care for and protect her and forever together for the rest of your life?
Originally posted by angel7030:oh, i am also 21yo, but i do not use cents, i use senses,
I believe issue such as this are not within our scope to argue over it, cos we do not really know the head and tail, what we heard is only TS point of view, there are many others, the gf, the parents, the friends and so on.
Ultimately, I only believe in one thing, that is LOVE, if TS really loves his gf, care for her and is willing to go thru the thick and thin of life together, the issue of separation will not be an issue anymore, no matter what happen, not even earthquake, nuclear strikes, volcano erruption, etc etc, TS must be there for her. And just becos of her parents dislike of TS, he seek separation is completely a non sensical relationship, it show that LOVE did not exist in him.
do you take this woman as your wife, love her, care for and protect her and forever together for the rest of your life?
I agree with your statement although I disagree that you are 21. Because you cannot be 21 and open your own bar.
My parents also never got along with their own in-laws so I believe it is a common problem for most marriage couples. If TS give up and use this as the reason, proves that TS doesn't really love his gf as much as he thinks and he is only proving her parents right ! Some parents want the best for their daughter so they are putting a test to the would be son-in-law to prove his love for their daughter. Is TS up to that?