Should I call off this relationship???
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Originally posted by Hugh Hefner:
I agree with your statement although I disagree that you are 21. Because you cannot be 21 and open your own bar.
My parents also never got along with their own in-laws so I believe it is a common problem for most marriage couples. If TS give up and use this as the reason, proves that TS doesn't really love his gf as much as he thinks and he is only proving her parents right ! Some parents want the best for their daughter so they are putting a test to the would be son-in-law to prove his love for their daughter. Is TS up to that?
how many times do i need to tell you that i work for my DAD!!, tho I wanted to go out and work but my DAD disapprove. As a boss's daughter, you feel unnatural to your colleagues, they tends to avoid you and even if they are close to you, they can never be true to you. -
Originally posted by angel7030:
oh, i am also 21yo, but i do not use cents, i use senses,
I believe issue such as this are not within our scope to argue over it, cos we do not really know the head and tail, what we heard is only TS point of view, there are many others, the gf, the parents, the friends and so on.
Ultimately, I only believe in one thing, that is LOVE, if TS really loves his gf, care for her and is willing to go thru the thick and thin of life together, the issue of separation will not be an issue anymore, no matter what happen, not even earthquake, nuclear strikes, volcano erruption, etc etc, TS must be there for her. And just becos of her parents dislike of TS, he seek separation is completely a non sensical relationship, it show that LOVE did not exist in him.
do you take this woman as your wife, love her, care for and protect her and forever together for the rest of your life?
I totally agree with Angel.Many people today don't truly know and feel true unconditional love, which explains the high divorce rates. When times are good, couples act lovey-dovey, and spout all sorts of "I'll love you forever and ever, etc...". But when times are bad, or when there are tough obstacles, all feelings of love are thrown out of the nearest window, as both parties don't bother to put in efforts to heal the wounds and regrow the love feelings.
Are people getting married just to fulfill societal and family expectations, or are people really deeply and genuinely in love with each other, and love and care for each other in sickness and in health, throughout their lives???
In TS' case, both him and his gf are part of the problem, one way or another. TS must have done something that greatly angered/offended his gf' parents, which only he will know. As for his gf, is she doing anything or enough to convince her parents to accept TS? If not, why not?
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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Till one understands and reconciles to the fears and reasons (within oneself) to love or not - it is an illusion one is experiencing and sooner or later along the ''journey'' when the reasons and fears if unreconciled will encroach and most likely only pain and regrets would be the mainstay!
The neurosis is in the misunderstanding, the misintrepretation of expectations and needs as love. They are not and at its best it is a mutual benefit scheme.
Love abides and always does absenting the fears and reasons.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Yes you have money, maybe you have looks, perhaps your family is wealthier than hers. But these are your ego talking. Superficials that doesn't matter in the longer term.
I am just responding to others queries in regards to background differences and as per my previous post, I did mention that I am not on the good looking side.
You may think you are a good catch. Her parents think otherwise.
Why you wonder.
There are definately better guys out there.
Because you lack something, what her parents believe will make a blissful marriage.
Together with my gf, we are trying very hard to figure out as her parents had no response to it.
Your personality. Are you an egotistical guy ? A narcissist ? A man who holds low level of morality ?
Nope.
How well do you treat your gf ? Have you ever abused her before ? (Physical, verbal, emotional abuse).
Never.
How long ago was it when you decided to give up your vices ? 1 month ago? 2 months ago ? Span of time you lack, given your age is only 29?
A year into our relationship when I realise she is the one I want to spend my life with, which was yrs ago.
Her parents are being protective of her daughter's future, and rightfully so.
Your gf stuck with you all these time, despite having to endure her family's deep disregard for you.
Yet today, you are ready to ditch her simply because her family disapproval busted your big ego.
Your gf deserves better, someone who's ego is not as big as an elephant. Some one who's ego is not as important as her. Fact is, she shoulda dumped you long time ago.
It might be wrong of me to carry such thoughts, her parents stance was not that strong during our courtship. It only grew worse when she broke the news to them that we are getting married next year which when we were out dating, she'll feceive endless calls from her parents.
Learn humility and some respect, only then will you earn some in return.
Please get your facts right before criticism.
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Originally posted by Hugh Hefner:
I agree with your statement although I disagree that you are 21. Because you cannot be 21 and open your own bar.
My parents also never got along with their own in-laws so I believe it is a common problem for most marriage couples. If TS give up and use this as the reason, proves that TS doesn't really love his gf as much as he thinks and he is only proving her parents right ! Some parents want the best for their daughter so they are putting a test to the would be son-in-law to prove his love for their daughter. Is TS up to that?
Of course I would not want to give up. It's just a thought, which might be wrong. But if you guys were to see someone who is so dear to you in such suffering which even affects her job, what would you guys choose to do? If they are putting it across as test, I would gladly take it, but they shouldn't torture their daughter like this. It is just their blessing which is lacking as all our friends and my family had given theirs.As per the encouragement from some forumner, I am planning to visit her parents this weekend to find out the reason of their disapproval.
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TS,
Has it ever occurred to you when you seek approval or need someone to approve of what you are, in this instance, the other's parents'' consent (or what u will) to marry or not marry ... it is consigning oneself to a life of anxiety. Because, being human things, situations, circumstances one may take a fall, make mistakes or .... Beware the pitfalls of such a stance.
Assuming one gets the approval, one has to constantly keep or maintain the ''image'' that got approved. Life is a flux and it is untenable and inexorably an uphill task to maintain. Fiction needs maintenance, what is true does not and when one is being true to oneself that is all that matters.
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
TS,
Has it ever occurred to you when you seek approval or need someone to approve of what you are, in this instance, the other's parents'' consent (or what u will) to marry or not marry ... it is consigning oneself to a life of anxiety. Because, being human things, situations, circumstances one may take a fall, make mistakes or .... Beware the pitfalls of such a stance.
Assuming one gets the approval, one has to constantly keep or maintain the ''image'' that got approved. Life is a flux and it is untenable and inexorably an uphill task to maintain. Fiction needs maintenance, what is true does not and when one is being true to oneself that is all that matters.
I will try to gain their approval with my sincerity, not posing as the best you can ever find type of person.
Of course we can get married without the approval of anyone, but I do not want my girlfriend to face tons of questions which will be thrown at her during or after our wedding of why her parents is not present this and that... if you get what i mean.
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Well, assuming what you have to ... or ... to ''gain approval'' works for u and find that it resonates with her and her parents and simultaneously gravitates ''all'' towards fulfilling all that each hankers for it would be nice.
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Originally posted by Marlz1213:
Of course I would not want to give up. It's just a thought, which might be wrong. But if you guys were to see someone who is so dear to you in such suffering which even affects her job, what would you guys choose to do? If they are putting it across as test, I would gladly take it, but they shouldn't torture their daughter like this. It is just their blessing which is lacking as all our friends and my family had given theirs.As per the encouragement from some forumner, I am planning to visit her parents this weekend to find out the reason of their disapproval.
good job ts!!!!!
i sincerely hope that you will be able to convince her parents that the love you have for your gf is great and unconditional...
many ppl in this forum may say u dunno unconditional love or say ppl nowadays dunno unconditional love or wadever...from what i think, ppl that know wad is unconditional love know when to release the hold at the right time.
not asking you to give up. hold on and fight till the v last stage. jiayou! wish you good luck this weekend ts!!!=)
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Originally posted by Marlz1213:
I will try to gain their approval with my sincerity, not posing as the best you can ever find type of person.
Of course we can get married without the approval of anyone, but I do not want my girlfriend to face tons of questions which will be thrown at her during or after our wedding of why her parents is not present this and that... if you get what i mean.
i get what you mean...suprisingly, i like to think extremely far. its weird for someone of my age...and what you said above, i thought of it before.
all the best!
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Originally posted by angel7030:
how many times do i need to tell you that i work for my DAD!!, tho I wanted to go out and work but my DAD disapprove. As a boss's daughter, you feel unnatural to your colleagues, they tends to avoid you and even if they are close to you, they can never be true to you.huh????? you mean your dad is pimping your ass ????
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Originally posted by Marlz1213:
I will try to gain their approval with my sincerity, not posing as the best you can ever find type of person.
Of course we can get married without the approval of anyone, but I do not want my girlfriend to face tons of questions which will be thrown at her during or after our wedding of why her parents is not present this and that... if you get what i mean.
All the best! Hope you are able to win over her parents this weekend! You may want to discuss with your gf beforehand how you intend to speak with them, to improve your chances.
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Originally posted by Marlz1213:
will try to gain their approval with my sincerity, not posing as the best you can ever find type of person.
Of course we can get married without the approval of anyone, but I do not want my girlfriend to face tons of questions which will be thrown at her during or after our wedding of why her parents is not present this and that... if you get what i mean.
What you are doing is damage control.
Did you ask her parents in-person for your gf's hand in marriage. Or did she had to tell her parents when you are safely bumming out elsewhere ? I hope you didn't just "texted" her parents to let them know of this life time decision.....
Why didn't you try to find out what went wrong at the first sign of disapproval ?Instead, you continue to date your gf out and incur more of her parent's wrath.
The amount of disregards and condescension for her parents is apalling. Yet you wonder why they hate you ?
Frankly, there is a serious denial issue in you that will eventually frustrate your marriage many years down the road.
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Originally posted by angel7030:
for men, i know best, once they tasted smoking, drinking, flirting, gambling and clubbing, it better not to be with them, cos they tends to go back to all these vices once we, the gfs or wifeys, become obselete to them. I concur yr gf's parent action.
Good luck
Angel, only only men, ladies also the same. -
if a lady got bf already, i think parent alway will wanna see how the guy look like. after all, they are more experience ma. they eat salts more then we eat rice ma.
her parent see the way u talk, see the way u behave, the way u wear cloths, they can tell what is your character one. so i guess they see u no standard lor, that why they dont like u and stop their girl from seeing u. lol
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Originally posted by Marlz1213:
If not the above, then there is still something hidden deep inside her parents heart that warrant such a unfriendly towards you. -
Originally posted by BotaHead:
if a lady got bf already, i think parent alway will wanna see how the guy look like. after all, they are more experience ma. they eat salts more then we eat rice ma.
her parent see the way u talk, see the way u behave, the way u wear cloths, they can tell what is your character one. so i guess they see u no standard lor, that why they dont like u and stop their girl from seeing u. lol
Your first question to a girl you like should be,'Your father botak ar not?'If she say ,'YES' then you say, 'HOSAY LIAU LA'
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Originally posted by Marlz1213:
I've been with my current girlfriend for a while now, we are in the stage of planning to move on to the next chapter and live our lives together. However, I only know recently that her parents is forcing her to end our relationships since the 1st day i met them as they do not likes me without any particular reason. I don't know where went wrong as I've treated her parents with the upmost respect when i see them. And for the sake of my girlfriend, I've given up the vices that I picked up during my younger days (smoking, drinking and clubbing). I also earned a decent salary of more then 5k though I'm only in my late 20s.
Her parents even went to the extend that if she chose to marry me, they would try their best to stand in our way. I've tried to find out te reason by trying to invite her parents out for dinner her parents, but they do not even want to see me. And whenever my girlfriend is out with me, her parents would take turns to call her and chide her for being with me. As we are from traditional chinese famillies, customary weddings is must to my parents. If her parents strongly objects and choses not to even meet my parents to discuss the wedding details, I am worried that my parents would not approve to this marriage as well. I wonder what should I do. Should I just give up on this relationship or should I get on with it and put the marriage issues at the back of my mind and pray that her parents will mellow down one fine day???
It is obvious that her parents don't like you, if you didn't make any efforts to build any relationships, establish good rapport with them, charm/attract them with your personality.You only treated them with utmost respect only when you meet them, how is that enough for them to approve you as their future son-in-law and be convinced that you are the person for their beloved daughter if you don't even make efforts to win them over?
I know you have claimed to have done alot of things, give up alot of bad habits for your girlfriend, but what have you done for the parents of your girlfriend?
Like I have already mentioned 938476252928494 times that when you marry someone you loved, you also marry their family and loved ones because a marriage is actually a bonding of two families, not just as simple as you think it's the grand affairs between your cock and her vagina.
It's not about how much you are earning and how good you are towards your girlfriend that will determine the outcome of your application of consent to her parents.
If you have won over her parents, half of your battle is already won because it is easier for your girlfriend to like you if her parents loved you. But there is nothing wrong with doing it in the difficult but popular self-centred manner such as winning over the daughter first then you work on her parents. Maybe you really have thought that once your girlfriend have accepted you, her parents should have STFU because your love relationship is purely between you and your girlfriend. Now you will know that you are wrong IF you have really imagined along that line.
I don't know how you treated towards your own parents, and maybe you can share with us about that.
Maybe you don't understand the value of your own parents, but I can tell you the value of your girlfriend's parents is very important and equally as important as your own parents.
Win over the parents of your girlfriend and you shall have your wedding.
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Originally posted by Shorter ninja:
Your first question to a girl you like should be,'Your father botak ar not?'If she say ,'YES' then you say, 'HOSAY LIAU LA'
shorter uncle, u also another one always botak botak only, lol
it is call, before u go see the girl parent, u should ask the girl that u like about her parent, both of them.
from head to toe, every details so that u can deal with them one by one.....muahahahaha.
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Originally posted by BotaHead:
shorter uncle, u also another one always botak botak only, lol
it is call, before u go see the girl parent, u should ask the girl that u like about her parent, both of them.
from head to toe, every details so that u can deal with them one by one.....muahahahaha.
Ok lets be serious and this is my opinion.We all have a field of energy around us like a bubble and sometime when someone with a different kind come near ,we automatically dont feel shiok this also applies to all animals wild and domesticated but it would take more than one time to get used t this foreign energy
Hey ,you do to Sri Dewa or they just fall by themselves? LOL
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Originally posted by Marlz1213:
Of course I would not want to give up. It's just a thought, which might be wrong. But if you guys were to see someone who is so dear to you in such suffering which even affects her job, what would you guys choose to do? If they are putting it across as test, I would gladly take it, but they shouldn't torture their daughter like this. It is just their blessing which is lacking as all our friends and my family had given theirs.As per the encouragement from some forumner, I am planning to visit her parents this weekend to find out the reason of their disapproval.
I don't think you should go and seek for her parent's approval. You are not going to like hearing their side of their objection. It would only serve to discourage you. Most important thing is how sincere are both of you willing to work through this problem. You must find out your gf's heart, if she truly loves you deep enough for both of you to go through this trial. That is the most important. If her parents disapprove and refuse to attend the wedding, you both can always elope and it also save you a lot of money.
You shuold instead go and have a talk with your gf. If she is willing to go through the whole 9 nine yards with you, then you should proceed.
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Originally posted by angel7030:
how many times do i need to tell you that i work for my DAD!!, tho I wanted to go out and work but my DAD disapprove. As a boss's daughter, you feel unnatural to your colleagues, they tends to avoid you and even if they are close to you, they can never be true to you.Work for your father in the bar? Are you a bartender?
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Originally posted by likeyou:
Angel, only only men, ladies also the same.
majority are men having those evil habits, and it is them who lure the ladies into it. Smart lady like me dun even bother to touch all these evils, since men like smoking, drinking, flirting and sex. take this opportunity to earn their money better. With men around, this type of trade and industry never die one lah, recession or no recession, all also drinks, smoke and flirt all the way -
Originally posted by Hugh Hefner:
Work for your father in the bar? Are you a bartender?
The manager, the cashier, the adminstrator, the accountant, the bartender, the DJ, the purchaser, the public relationship officer, the cleaner, the internal auditor, the waitress the bottle opener, the organiser all lump into one. This is call multitasking, ang mo call it productivity -
Originally posted by BotaHead:
if a lady got bf already, i think parent alway will wanna see how the guy look like. after all, they are more experience ma. they eat salts more then we eat rice ma.
her parent see the way u talk, see the way u behave, the way u wear cloths, they can tell what is your character one. so i guess they see u no standard lor, that why they dont like u and stop their girl from seeing u. lol
ya, if you can shave botal and tattoo "I love my gf's parent" across, maybe that will send a good message across of your sincerity, otherwise, place 6 or 9 dots on the forehead also can do...some parents like former priests and monks