would u carry on loving a person if his/her parents hate u..
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hmm correct lo..some parents think like..the guy will spolit her future or what..Originally posted by the Bear:following your argument, stressing the children to pieces and into misery, scarred psyches and emotions is wanting them to be happy?
i think it's just the immaturity, selfishness and greed of the parents being disguised as "parental love"...
and the folks repeated this to themselves so many times that they believe it themselves... -
me an my gf r both chinese, its just that my mom is an indonesian.... the first thing her parents react when they found out is that indonesians are poor ppl....Originally posted by Maya061:ever try with food ??? i mean .. bring delighted foods for them whenever you visit. sometimes it works. well.. it works for me.
is it because of race ? i mean you two are from diff. race or religion ??
does yr g/f ever try to explain to their parents and said all the good things abt you ?? i mean if yr g/f can convince them that u're the right one, they'd understand. or .. maybe most of the times you made yr g/f sad/cry/whatever that made her parents worried. if so.. no wonder they hate you. my parents oso hate (very very much) my ex-b/f since he made me cry more less 3 times a week (finally.. i hate him too).
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Originally posted by the Bear:if it happened to me, i'd hold down 3 jobs to earn it, surviving on bread and water if i have to...
then go there, throw the money in their faces, and say: "I'm buying your daughter her freedom from her slavery. She is worth more than the world to me... I hope you're happy with the money, you greedy monsters."
walk out of there with her... cleaning the dust from my feet
since when was a daughter, any human being at all, to be counted in monetary terms??
well that tot crosses my mind b4...... but i dun think it will solve the prob.... it will only make them hate me.... -
well that tot crosses my mind b4...... but i dun think it will solve the prob.... it will only make them hate me....Originally posted by echandra: -
i buy them food all the time.... supper especially... but they dun know its from me.... or they won't eat it,,,,, as for making my gf cry, i can honestly said that all this time i'm with her, i always try to make her smile.... cos she's always upset by the treatment she's recieving.. we do hv squabbles here n there, but we always make up soon... i try to brighten up her day as much as i can.... but it seems to be getting worse as days go by...... manzzzz, i really miss her smile.........Originally posted by Maya061:ever try with food ??? i mean .. bring delighted foods for them whenever you visit. sometimes it works. well.. it works for me.
is it because of race ? i mean you two are from diff. race or religion ??
does yr g/f ever try to explain to their parents and said all the good things abt you ?? i mean if yr g/f can convince them that u're the right one, they'd understand. or .. maybe most of the times you made yr g/f sad/cry/whatever that made her parents worried. if so.. no wonder they hate you. my parents oso hate (very very much) my ex-b/f since he made me cry more less 3 times a week (finally.. i hate him too). 
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......Originally posted by echandra:i buy them food all the time.... supper especially... but they dun know its from me.... or they won't eat it,,,,, as for making my gf cry, i can honestly said that all this time i'm with her, i always try to make her smile.... cos she's always upset by the treatment she's recieving.. we do hv squabbles here n there, but we always make up soon... i try to brighten up her day as much as i can.... but it seems to be getting worse as days go by...... manzzzz, i really miss her smile.........
Just make her happy and enjoy your days together...? Nature should do the rest....? -
yes.
will try my best to make my bf's parents to accept me. -
i know... but it's how i am... just sharing how i am...
i hate it when people pressure others for their own selfish purposes...Originally posted by echandra:well that tot crosses my mind b4...... but i dun think it will solve the prob.... it will only make them hate me.... -
I'm in this situation now......but worst actually.... -
take heart girl... i do hope you're working it out well...
somehow, the children pay for the sins of the parents...Originally posted by Farahney: I'm in this situation now......but worst actually.... -
geezz.. that sad. i'm also 1/4 indonesian (my grandma). so i'm more look like chinese. the problem is quite the same though, while yr chinese future parents in law don't like you because yr half indo, me.. because i'm chinese. then it didn't matter anymore. but still.. i was a bit awkward when we gathered (we already broke up now but not because culture matter) among his indonesian (i mean truly indonesian) family.Originally posted by echandra:me an my gf r both chinese, its just that my mom is an indonesian.... the first thing her parents react when they found out is that indonesians are poor ppl....
so.. they're materialistic, eh ??!! how old are you both ? hmmm... how many you've been 2gether wif her ? how long do you know her parents ? does all of his family members hate you or just her parents ? well... if it's only her parents.. her bro/sis can help you to convince her parents that yr ok. ask them to help you.
well.. actually this matter is back to both of you. whether you both can survive with this prob. yr g/f position is not easy either. if you both are truly in love with one another and sure you can pass this prob.. then go ahead. but.. if you're not sure and it will only hurt you both ... please re-consider. moreover if you both still are very young.
trust me.. i've been thru (well .. not directly) this matter until now. since my granpa hates my father so damn much. it's not easy for me and my bro as the grandchildren oso. and my mother. but.. they manage to survive and still very in love until now. it just.. my dad don't come to see my grandparents.
so.. how tough are you both ??!! make sure it's really love. -
both me n my gf r 26.... as for siblings... her sister as materialistic as her parents.... or even worse... just bcos her husband is a manerger or sth like that, she expects my gf 2 find someone like she did... but she didn't realise that her own family's falling apart... but i guess she's blinded by the dollar notes her husband gives her..Originally posted by Maya061:geezz.. that sad. i'm also 1/4 indonesian (my grandma). so i'm more look like chinese. the problem is quite the same though, while yr chinese future parents in law don't like you because yr half indo, me.. because i'm chinese. then it didn't matter anymore. but still.. i was a bit awkward when we gathered (we already broke up now but not because culture matter) among his indonesian (i mean truly indonesian) family.
so.. they're materialistic, eh ??!! how old are you both ? hmmm... how many you've been 2gether wif her ? how long do you know her parents ? does all of his family members hate you or just her parents ? well... if it's only her parents.. her bro/sis can help you to convince her parents that yr ok. ask them to help you.
well.. actually this matter is back to both of you. whether you both can survive with this prob. yr g/f position is not easy either. if you both are truly in love with one another and sure you can pass this prob.. then go ahead. but.. if you're not sure and it will only hurt you both ... please re-consider. moreover if you both still are very young.
trust me.. i've been thru (well .. not directly) this matter until now. since my granpa hates my father so damn much. it's not easy for me and my bro as the grandchildren oso. and my mother. but.. they manage to survive and still very in love until now. it just.. my dad don't come to see my grandparents.
so.. how tough are you both ??!! make sure it's really love. -
TIMe will tell..
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hmm... not so easy, eh ?! if u dun mind to answer.. what is yr current job ? i mean both of you are mature now and i think if the 2 of u have been 2gether for quite a long time, then i think you must think abt getting married. it's not so easy if yr g/f parents dislike you. maybe for the first year can survive... but then if the torture continues.. you must think of yr g/f feelings and if u both dun have enough love ... y'know the consequence, might end up wif divorce. i mean.. does she really love you so much that she can bear all the probs ? it's even harder cos her sis is worse.Originally posted by echandra:both me n my gf r 26.... as for siblings... her sister as materialistic as her parents.... or even worse... just bcos her husband is a manerger or sth like that, she expects my gf 2 find someone like she did... but she didn't realise that her own family's falling apart... but i guess she's blinded by the dollar notes her husband gives her..
well.. actually if u both already have a commitment, can go on lah. u can move after gettin' married. and i'm sure after you have a child, they will be softer. just dun stop to be nice to her parents and pray. someday they'll understand.
good luck for u both !!! -
sad that it runs in the family....Originally posted by echandra:both me n my gf r 26.... as for siblings... her sister as materialistic as her parents.... or even worse... just bcos her husband is a manerger or sth like that, she expects my gf 2 find someone like she did... but she didn't realise that her own family's falling apart... but i guess she's blinded by the dollar notes her husband gives her..
glad to hear though that $$ isn't one of the things that your gf values. What does she say of the situation? -
at times, she ask me if its worth for me to wait 4 her.... she always say that i deserve better. i just reply by saying that if i had wanted to leave, i would have done that a long time ago..... i can't just leave her to fend for herself....Originally posted by pool.gal:sad that it runs in the family....
glad to hear though that $$ isn't one of the things that your gf values. What does she say of the situation? -
i think you have just replied your own question. She asked if it's all worth it and you know that you will stick it through with her. Can i caution you that hopefully it's not out of 'pity' for her situation that you are hanging on. It's a good time perhaps for you to be so certain that you really want to be with this person (and ask yourself 'why?') and if that's the conclusion you draw up, you'll know what to do.
perhaps her parents are not negative about you. it's their expectations. It does not mean you are not good enough for their daughter. It's just that maybe they had a hard life and wish that things will be better for her (and also for themselves). If you can accept them (and not feel that they are the cause of your problems but the ones who want the best for their child), you'll just do what you can to understand why they feel this way and how you can alleviate their concerns. it may go a longer way then just buying makan whenever you go by, but be interested in them (take it slow though). Be sincere and it may help them realise that you be the best person to take care of her.
just some thoughts.... -
I think that having parental disapproval is a barrier between you 2 in your relationship... but nevertheless, juz pray hard that the situation improves over time.
I believe you are a doting bf but it is juz society that forces our parents to become "money-minded"... they probably think she wun have a good life with you after marriage.
so meanwhile, just work hard and try getting probably promotions in your career. If u can prove to her parents your capabilities, their attitude towards you may change.
All the best, dun worry so much and live each day as it is... -
good advice. i totally 100% agree.Originally posted by 10cm:I think that having parental disapproval is a barrier between you 2 in your relationship... but nevertheless, juz pray hard that the situation improves over time.
I believe you are a doting bf but it is juz society that forces our parents to become "money-minded"... they probably think she wun have a good life with you after marriage.
so meanwhile, just work hard and try getting probably promotions in your career. If u can prove to her parents your capabilities, their attitude towards you may change.
All the best, dun worry so much and live each day as it is...
"so meanwhile, just work hard and try getting probably promotions in your career. If u can prove to her parents your capabilities, their attitude towards you may change"
parents always want the best for their children. -
they believe it's the best for their children...
however, some convince themselves that their own selfish agenda is for "the good of their child".. repeats it to themselves so much they they actually believe it...
it's sad...
parents should all love unconditionally...
otherwise, their "love" is just some kind of trade... not worthy of the word...Originally posted by Maya061:good advice. i totally 100% agree.
"so meanwhile, just work hard and try getting probably promotions in your career. If u can prove to her parents your capabilities, their attitude towards you may change"
parents always want the best for their children. -
Originally posted by the Bear:
i struggled with my parents love for a while... made some mistakes in my life and wondered why they did not warn me of it... Was angry with them. later i realise they may not have received that kind of love as well. Since they haven't, they cannot give. We cannot give what we do not receive. so i forgave them since it's not what they want, they don't even know what they are doing....
they believe it's the best for their children...
however, some convince themselves that their own selfish agenda is for "the good of their child".. repeats it to themselves so much they they actually believe it...
it's sad...
parents [b]should all love unconditionally...
otherwise, their "love" is just some kind of trade... not worthy of the word...
[/b] -
YES. VERY GOOD point and a rather COMMON MISTAKE made.Originally posted by pool.gal:i think you have just replied your own question. She asked if it's all worth it and you know that you will stick it through with her. Can i caution you that hopefully it's not out of 'pity' for her situation that you are hanging on. It's a good time perhaps for you to be so certain that you really want to be with this person (and ask yourself 'why?') and if that's the conclusion you draw up, you'll know what to do. -
well i wish that her parents are of wat u descibe, (wanting the best 4 their child) but sadly thats not the case... but thanx 4 the encouragement... i know that i have to constantly upgrading myself to earn much more m. i'll prove them that i'm not wat they describe as useless...Originally posted by pool.gal:i think you have just replied your own question. She asked if it's all worth it and you know that you will stick it through with her. Can i caution you that hopefully it's not out of 'pity' for her situation that you are hanging on. It's a good time perhaps for you to be so certain that you really want to be with this person (and ask yourself 'why?') and if that's the conclusion you draw up, you'll know what to do.
perhaps her parents are not negative about you. it's their expectations. It does not mean you are not good enough for their daughter. It's just that maybe they had a hard life and wish that things will be better for her (and also for themselves). If you can accept them (and not feel that they are the cause of your problems but the ones who want the best for their child), you'll just do what you can to understand why they feel this way and how you can alleviate their concerns. it may go a longer way then just buying makan whenever you go by, but be interested in them (take it slow though). Be sincere and it may help them realise that you be the best person to take care of her.
just some thoughts.... -
You are not useless. Anyway, when you upgrade and get better job prospects, you provide a better future for both of you so that's great ya!! All the best!Originally posted by echandra:i know that i have to constantly upgrading myself to earn much more m.
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thank youOriginally posted by pool.gal:You are not useless. Anyway, when you upgrade and get better job prospects, you provide a better future for both of you so that's great ya!! All the best!