serious advice needed for another complicated relationship
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okie.. but i think he wld be angry with me if i told him.. coz i kindda of hint hint him already.. actually i wanted him to come is so that he cld "verify" the situation for me and correct me if im worng, of coz he must be objective to those posts....Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I mean as a friend there is little you can do except to influence him - the real solution, in trying to settle this. Maybe you would like him to take a look at this topic and go through every single post here. He can PM me if he wish.
Cheers
Thanks.
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ok, i will relay those suggestion to me, and told him that its what I think, hope u dont mind.Originally posted by Yunhaier: Avoidance, avoidance - I mentioned in all my previous post.
And if you recalled: I said before, none of them wished to lose to the other party. His solution lies within him - he have to consider the options I have stated in my first post.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Qoo`~`:ok, i will relay those suggestion to me, and told him that its what I think, hope u dont mind. Sure man. Then if he rebut some points and you need assistance. You can post it here or PM me. I will try to get back to you as soon as possible.
Cheers -
okie..Originally posted by Yunhaier: Sure man. Then if he rebut some points and you need assistance. You can post it here or PM me. I will try to get back to you as soon as possible.
Cheers
but in this case, are the gers right to hated each other? its their feelings, we cant control them right?
shld i feel more for A, B or G?personally now, i felt for B n G coz both confide in me more, A seldom talk, coz she is that sort of quiet type wan.... -
Qoo dare not say its herself
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Originally posted by Qoo`~`:okie..
but in this case, are the gers right to hated each other? its their feelings, we cant control them right?
shld i feel more for A, B or G?personally now, i felt for B n G coz both confide in me more, A seldom talk, coz she is that sort of quiet type wan.... They hate each other, cannot blame them. Anyway, their dislike between each other is unavoidable.
My take is don't feel for anyone of them - just remain neutral and objective.
Cheers -
Hmm... You've lacked out one of my questions... What's YOUR horoscope?Originally posted by Qoo`~`:I think G is like a lost sheep.. he wanted to pull himself out of this sh!t n also help the gers but he just cldnt do it...
A: 27
B: 23
G: 27
A: virgo
B: pisces
G: cancer
THIS CASE... Probably isn't much worthy of a help... Except 'A' who could be a 'true victim'. The other 2 are just superficially trapped.
I wish to know of the blood groups of the 3 if it's not too difficult for you? If not, the more important would be blood group of 'A'.
You're partially right when you said that 'G' is a lost sheep. But probably a 'temporary' one. Yun has been quite partially right about 'G' too.
It all started off as quite a 'simple' relationship. 'A' & 'G'. 6 years you said? Pretty long time...? In your personal opinion, in terms of attractiveness who would fair better? 'A' or 'B'?
My 1st advice goes to 'A'. Because she's probably a TRUE VICTIM and needs help. Ask her to GIVE UP on 'G'. It won't solve anything. Even if 'B' is gone. Her relationship with 'G' has been quite long and is quite a factor for 'G' to detour (at least probably so based on G's form of mentality). Chances of stray is quite high. 'G' is a bit like lost sheep because he wants in and at the same time (probably subconsciously) he wants out. Hence the confusion within himself. Note that he could have broke off with 'B', but he went back to 'check on her'. Despite her age. Despite her past commitment to this relationship. If she knows what's good for her it's time for her to move on. High chance is the future with 'G' won't be a bright one. Added on A's nature. Even if she manage to retain G on this one, maintaining the relationship on a sober balance would be difficult. Ask her about... She'll probably know what you're talking about...
'B' is just like sort of an 'intruder'. But of course, in a relationship there're usually no 'intruders'... Just willing parties.... 'B' probably know about A's sucidal acts and tendencies quite a while ago. Chances of 'B' being suicidal now is quite LOW. It can also be a fabrication on G's part. 'B' is indeed quite strong like 'G' has described and know how to take care of herself. Her suicidal act (probably not many) is just a follow-up of the attention 'A' is getting from her suicidal tendencies if it's true and not a fabrication by 'G'. She's probably 'MOST willing' to let go if not for her stubborness. She probably felt VERY CHEATED by 'G' in a way. You probably can tell from the way she talk to you IF she's sincere in her conversation with you... Else, she's probably just hiding it.
'G' probably deserves more of 'B' than 'A'. And deserves the outcome he'll have with her. A bit like the 'short-term' & 'long-term' investments Yun was talking about... He finds 'B' rather attractive but does not provide for the kind of security that 'A' can give. YET, he's probably unwilling to just let go of 'B' based on the little doubts he might hold. Yes, he may be CONFUSED & 'TRAPPED'. YET, he's probably the KEY FACTOR in this relationship. His heart is NOT fixed. 'WHAT he WANTS?' is the QUESTION. And he'll have to be DECISIVE in his acts.
Regards. -
But G has to decide..bad guy or not I think is something a guy will definitely think about when if he decides to break..it will be easier to break if the ger is independent and emotionally strong...its tough if the ger is someone like A... Both gers will never hate G until he decides to break with either one of them... At the end of the day, A I feel will be the eventual heart-broken party lor... if G and B thinks they are truly in love then she has to somehow accept tht she no longer has a place in G's heart...I dun think A will ever leavie willingly until G breaks off with her..Someone is bound to be hurt...its just a matter of who...Originally posted by Qoo`~`:sorry, if im begin to defensive for him..but serously thats him..
initially he admitted that he wanted to avoid being the bad guy role, but now.. oth a abd b knows that he is a bad guy already..so its transparent to both gers who is at fault..
but both the gers chose to hate each party (love have blind them? i dunno) esp for B coz she feels that B and G are truely in love coz of A they cant be together. and i believe A feels like wise too...
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Way to go , Yunhaier~~ U are the best advisor in AA! /mr bow to yunhaier~~~Originally posted by Qoo`~`:B suggested to G that she will go and talk to A, but G refuses coz he said A will even be stick onto him and force him even more. B felt useless and feel that she cant do anything to help B. they got into a quarral one day,and G told B "toldu that there's is day already, from day 1 we reconcile, u shld have be prepared that this will happen.told u that we shld stop, but u insist"
after hearing these, B heart really sank, coz she thought that she really love G and G too..nver expect G to said such things.....nonetheless, this stupid ger still wan to be with G.WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER~~~!!!!!
and A knowing that they still keep in touch.. still determine to be with G
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM~~~!!!!!!!!!
ok, heres my one cent worth of tot: Like wat yunhaier said, it started with G and shld end with G. He shld be undecisive anymore! Theres no more room for him to be undecisive! He got to noe who to choose.
Theres no way that he is not going to hurt both as he is aready hurting them both! 2 person hurt is better than 3 person hurt rite? I feel tt its time fot him to let go one of them. And based on wat i have read, i think he noes the ans aready. Just ask him to do it.
Anyway, hes a guy, can dun be so undecisive? -
Originally posted by kopiosatu:Qoo dare not say its herself
do ilook like that sort with r/s prob? hehehhe
hard to find someone to like me with butt full of cellulite...hahhahha and a Blur F* Queen~~
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
They hate each other, cannot blame them. Anyway, their dislike between each other is unavoidable. Nod Nod.
My take is don't feel for anyone of them - just remain neutral and objective. im afraid that i cant do it as well as you, coz human afterall, tend to have certain impression and schema with ppl they contact, esp on such matter.. so i sometimes wonder if i take sides when narrating stories to u guys (i hope not as i have read over n over before i post) Cheers -
Originally posted by Devil1976:
Hmm... You've lacked out one of my questions... What's YOUR horoscope? pisces too
THIS CASE... Probably isn't much worthy of a help... Except 'A' who could be a 'true victim'. y? The other 2 are just superficially trapped.
I wish to know of the blood groups of the 3 if it's not too difficult for you? If not, the more important would be blood group of 'A'. quite impossible to know.. coz i dunno how to put across to them
You're partially right when you said that 'G' is a lost sheep. But probably a 'temporary' one. Yun has been quite partially right about 'G' too.
It all started off as quite a 'simple' relationship. 'A' & 'G'. 6 years you said? Pretty long time...? to me, time is not impt, but i think A doesnt think like wise.. In your personal opinion, in terms of attractiveness who would fair better? 'A' or 'B'? A- girl next door type..B- acceptable,normal features. but definately not girl next door type
My 1st advice goes to 'A'. Because she's probably a TRUE VICTIM and needs help. Ask her to GIVE UP on 'G'. prob is she is VERY VERY stubborn It won't solve anything. Even if 'B' is gone. Her relationship with 'G' has been quite long and is quite a factor for 'G' to detour (at least probably so based on G's form of mentality). Chances of stray is quite high. 'G' is a bit like lost sheep because he wants in and at the same time (probably subconsciously) he wants out. Hence the confusion within himself. Note that he could have broke off with 'B', but he went back to 'check on her'. Despite her age. age doesnt matter, she has mature mentality, base on my and G discretion Despite her past commitment to this relationship. If she knows what's good for her it's time for her to move on. she knows but she long for him even if it means sacrifices High chance is the future with 'G' won't be a bright one. Added on A's nature. Even if she manage to retain G on this one, maintaining the relationship on a sober balance would be difficult. Ask her about... she probably knows, like i said, both A nd B are damn Stubborn She'll probably know what you're talking about...
'B' is just like sort of an 'intruder'. But of course, in a relationship there're usually no 'intruders'... Just willing parties.... 'B' probably know about A's sucidal acts and tendencies quite a while ago. Chances of 'B' being suicidal now is quite LOW. It can also be a fabrication on G's part. 'B' is indeed quite strong like 'G' has described and know how to take care of herself. Her suicidal act (probably not many) is just a follow-up of the attention 'A' is getting from her suicidal tendencies if it's true quite true, she admitted that herself to me only and not a fabrication by 'G'. She's probably 'MOST willing' to let go if not for her stubborness. She probably felt VERY CHEATED by 'G' in a way. You probably can tell from the way she talk to you IF she's sincere in her conversation with you... Else, she's probably just hiding it.
'G' probably deserves more of 'B' than 'A'. And deserves the outcome he'll have with her.dun get u here A bit like the 'short-term' & 'long-term' investments Yun was talking about... He finds 'B' rather attractive but does not provide for the kind of security that 'A' can give. YET, he's probably unwilling to just let go of 'B' based on the little doubts he might hold. Yes, he may be CONFUSED & 'TRAPPED'. YET, he's probably the KEY FACTOR in this relationship. His heart is NOT fixed. 'WHAT he WANTS?' is the QUESTION. And he'll have to be DECISIVE in his acts. He wants to get out of this mess. he dun mind losing both
Regards. -
both A and B are unwillingly to break up with G, even after umpteen times of bringing it up.Originally posted by raraninja:But G has to decide..bad guy or not I think is something a guy will definitely think about when if he decides to break..it will be easier to break if the ger is independent and emotionally strong...its tough if the ger is someone like A... Both gers will never hate G until he decides to break with either one of them... At the end of the day, A I feel will be the eventual heart-broken party lor... if G and B thinks they are truly in love then she has to somehow accept tht she no longer has a place in G's heart...I dun think A will ever leavie willingly until G breaks off with her..Someone is bound to be hurt...its just a matter of who... that's y he is very sian with all these~~~B cannot accept that she has noplace in G anymore.She simply cant accept that.... -
Originally posted by shaunlaw:
Way to go , Yunhaier~~ U are the best advisor in AA! /mr bow to yunhaier~~~ i agree too.. AND i also APPRECIATE those that had given their valuable feedback n advise. THANKS
ok, heres my one cent worth of tot: Like wat yunhaier said, it started with G and shld end with G. He shld be undecisive anymore! Theres no more room for him to be undecisive! He got to noe who to choose. He wanted to CHOOSE NONE but CANT
Theres no way that he is not going to hurt both as he is aready hurting them both! 2 person hurt is better than 3 person hurt rite? I feel tt its time fot him to let go one of them. And based on wat i have read, i think he noes the ans aready. Just ask him to do it. easier said than done, he doesnt know hoe to execute it in a tactful manner and always end uphaving more mess than ever.
Anyway, hes a guy, can dun be so undecisive? -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Yun,i dun really get u (in yr first post) abt the financial investment part.. can enlightnen??
There is no best of both world methods. Being a Cancer, he would want all parties to be emotionally satisfied - no such idea doesn't exist in his context. I mentioned before and would repeat again - [b]he doesn't want to be the bad guy and rather circumstance lead this current situation. Tension will build up one day and either one of the girl will initiate the break up even if he does nothing.
Let me tell you, sucide is not born of the girl's character - rather is his lack of duty as a bf that created such effect in their behaviour. He is the SOURCE of their dispair and the stagnant of leading a futureless (if there is a word) relationship is depressing. I give you one very good example: Even B, tried attempting sucide after entering into a relationship with him. I would understand that inferior complex of A could do something tootpid (virgo, mental)- but if BOTH parties were to react the same way, don't you think such behaviour are actually factors and influence from his behavour of leading the badly-lead relationship?
You said that he tried very hard - but is it effective? Trying speaks half the story - it has to be effective. Therefore, simply, the old ways of handling is wrong and must be improved. He has to consider my choice of advice if he wants the better of the three (in my previous post.) The day when he don't mind being the 'bad guy', would be the day this thing can end.
Cheers [/b] -
actually guys are more indecisive than gers lor..in many things...gers when made up their minds..hardly anything changes..guys always change their minds lorOriginally posted by shaunlaw:Way to go , Yunhaier~~ U are the best advisor in AA! /mr bow to yunhaier~~~
ok, heres my one cent worth of tot: Like wat yunhaier said, it started with G and shld end with G. He shld be undecisive anymore! Theres no more room for him to be undecisive! He got to noe who to choose.
Theres no way that he is not going to hurt both as he is aready hurting them both! 2 person hurt is better than 3 person hurt rite? I feel tt its time fot him to let go one of them. And based on wat i have read, i think he noes the ans aready. Just ask him to do it.
Anyway, hes a guy, can dun be so undecisive? -
oh yes,forgotto add one more pt
the 3 of them had a talk before (initiate by B) and came to a conclusion.G would chose neither.
but prisoners' dillemma at work
after the conversion, after G sent B back home, A threathen to open the car's door and jump off.. B on the other hand went on to contact G and the 3 back to big mess again~~~ -
Originally posted by shaunlaw:Way to go , Yunhaier~~ U are the best advisor in AA! /mr bow to yunhaier~~~
ok, heres my one cent worth of tot: Like wat yunhaier said, it started with G and shld end with G. He shld be undecisive anymore! Theres no more room for him to be undecisive! He got to noe who to choose.
Theres no way that he is not going to hurt both as he is aready hurting them both! 2 person hurt is better than 3 person hurt rite? I feel tt its time fot him to let go one of them. And based on wat i have read, i think he noes the ans aready. Just ask him to do it.
Anyway, hes a guy, can dun be so undecisive? 
/me cash in the money into shaunlaw's account
*Ahem* Don't tell people I tell you to say one.
Cheer -
Plan A: His relationship with A and B has already been drained of its essence and would not deliver proper quality that a healthy relationship ought to give. His relationship would probably be the same during their 4th year, 5th year, 6th year and so on, unless serious amendments in made and uphold. (Give immediate cash, but none long term - refers to honeymoon and growth stage vanished. Declining and stagnant stage currently - adapted from Theory of Eco-love Cycle, CloUdiSm Remix III). In long term - nobody benefits from this tri-relationship, in fact, it create undesirable results.Originally posted by Qoo`~`:Yun,i dun really get u (in yr first post) abt the financial investment part.. can enlightnen??
Plan B - start like sh|t literally (possible tearful nights, branded bad guy, emotional turmoil, etc) The hell he will have to go through within one year is not easy. However, if he were to chose this path, for long term sake, everyone would be ok with time (regardless of how 'not ok' their lips would love to sprout - trust me on this). The three of them could then move onto the next phrase of their life and sucide tendency will disappear with time as well. (Starting no paying cash, but forever shall gain cash from this plan with time.) As again, considering this case, the best course of action is posted in my first post for this topic.
Cheers -
Mentioned before:Originally posted by Qoo`~`:oh yes,forgotto add one more pt
the 3 of them had a talk before (initiate by B) and came to a conclusion.G would chose neither.
but prisoners' dillemma at work
after the conversion, after G sent B back home, A threathen to open the car's door and jump off.. B on the other hand went on to contact G and the 3 back to big mess again~~~
Not firm in his decision, don't want be bad guy, changeable nature, fear this fear that are the root of his problems. If possible you might want to point directly at his flaws and let his conscious mind ponder over your sudden words (if you are able to). Cause if he is my good friend, I would defintely wake him up for I hate seeing my good friends falling into such love mess.
P.S: There is no need for the three of them to come together and have a chat. Reason being: FOR WHAT? Come together talk what? The guy, being the solution, doesn't want to take lead - then absolutely there is nothing to talk about. In some sense, both ladies are victims (although they are partially the root of the problem) and the solution doesn't lies with them. So what can they do? Nothing. Until when the guy gets mature in his own affairs of love, there is simply nothing else to talk.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Qoo`~`:im afraid that i cant do it as well as you, coz human afterall, tend to have certain impression and schema with ppl they contact, esp on such matter.. so i sometimes wonder if i take sides when narrating stories to u guys (i hope not as i have read over n over before i post Ah! A Pisces! I understand - You absorb environmental feelings into self and feel for everything. Don't worry too much lady.
Cheers -
sorry that i have to say this harshly but then its definitely G's fault cos he started all this so he has to finish it.
one more thing.. is G the only guy in the world that 2 gals have to die for him.? i cannot stand this attitude of commiting suicide, esp for a guy like this. there are more things in a life than just a failed relationship. I do hope u can let the gals understand that. There are many more people who are in worse situations and still thinking about how to live the next day.
my suggestion is that u tok to both gals about the importnace of their lives and the fact that it doesnt not only encircle the guy. then when they realise that and stop thinking about commiting suicide, then u can try to bring them together for a settlement. talk to the guy seperately and then bring them together to settle the situation once and for all.
if suicide is all they care, i would give them a tight slap myself and ask them wat will happen to their families? esp their parents who fought so hard to bring them up? just throw them away b'cos of a useless guy?? then how about the other friends who care about them.??
u need to be strict to them to wake them up.. but be gently so that they will listen.. so u need to work on that b4 u talk to the gals. if u knwo any more friends who thay are comfortable with, get them to go along to help talk or at least be there just in case they are more dumb to go commit suicide straight after hearing you out.
All the best and i hope u succeed. btw that G-guy, tell him if anyone dies, its on his conscience forever cos he started all these, and so he better wake up his idea and resolve this properly.
at least he has a friend like u to help. all the best. -
Originally posted by Qoo`~`:
My PROPOSED SOLUTION:
Hmm... You've lacked out one of my questions... What's YOUR horoscope? pisces too Read Yun's last advice to you, I'm about to give the same myself to you... Don't worry too much about it... It's simply not worth it.... They're CREATED the MESS. TANGLED on it and REFUSED to see it in a rationale manner and let go... You're just a 4th party.... I say DROP IT.
THIS CASE... Probably isn't much worthy of a help... Except 'A' who could be a 'true victim'. y? The other 2 are just superficially trapped.
I'm not sure of the 'identification' of 'A' yet. But 'G' created a mess for everyone, and now he just wants out. In a way you can say he's quite an irresponsible person. But if you want me to defend him. I say the EMOTOINAL OVERWHELM is too much for his nature to bear. 'B' probably have her own set of objectives too?
'A'... Not confirmed, she's either a 'stray' or not. If she's not, she's just happens to be caught in this situation with a lousy start off. If she's a 'stray'... No point helping her... She probably won't listen anyway...
quite impossible to know.. coz i dunno how to put across to them
Most important one would be 'A'. If not, just leave it.. Anyway, like I've said... It's time to back off...
to me, time is not impt, but i think A doesnt think like wise..
Yes. Could be a VERY STRONG factor as to why she would wanna stay with 'G'. Or at least she thought she would wanna?
A- girl next door type..B- acceptable,normal features. but definately not girl next door type
Hmm... Thanks for the info....
she knows but she long for him even if it means sacrifices
Things probably won't change much. Even with that...
'G' probably deserves more of 'B' than 'A'. And deserves the outcome he'll have with her. dun get u here
G's relationship with either 'A' or 'B' now is down. 'B' probably won't stick long enough with 'G' until she has confirmed that 'A' is no longer with 'G'. It's not directly the relationship or commitment that 'B' wants... She just don't wanna lose out to 'A'... Having 'G' stick with 'B' is EXACTLY what I'm about to PROPOSE in my coming up SUGGESTED SOLUTION....
He wants to get out of this mess. he dun mind losing both
LOUSY loser's mentality...
1st point I wanna make. Whatever's the outcome, it's TIME you step out of this...
I would propose that if you really have to... Round things up with 'G' sticking to 'B'. 'A' would be the one out of the cycle.
Reasons:
1. It's easier to persuade one out of the relationship.
2. From the way I see it for now. 'A' don't really deserves to be hurt. And once HURT. She'll be the weakest among the 3 to overcome it.
3. 'G' probably would end up being 'hurt' by 'B'. Just the way 'G' wants it... OUT of the 2 relatoinships... The 'hurt' is what he deserves for what he've set up... 'B' would probably only rest when she 'wins' 'G' over... And probably AFTER she can DUMP or 'hurt' him... 'A' might not be able to accept it... At least not for now...
4. The MAIN issue now would be to CONVINCE 'A' that she should be OUT.
You've got to make her UNDERSTAND that, like it or not 'G' is not gonna be a guy to stick with either 'B' or her... At least not for long... Sticking with 'G' would only get herself DEEPLY HURT... 'G' don't deserves neither of them ('A' or 'B')... ie. he fled in sight of trouble... Chances of him flirting (or 2-timing) again is rather high... Can 'A' ACCEPT that?
If she can accept that, she probably can just simply see the outcome of 'B' and 'G' quite SOON enough...
Regards.
PS. Sorry, got to work. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:Mentioned before:
Not firm in his decision, don't want be bad guy, changeable nature, fear this fear that are the root of his problems. If possible you might want to point directly at his flaws and let his conscious mind ponder over your sudden words (if you are able to). Cause if he is my good friend, I would defintely wake him up for I hate seeing my good friends falling into such love mess.
ok,so do u think its advise totell him this:
me: eh pal, i understand that u are vexed up with all these problems..but u n I know that it has to come to an end one day.. and the ultimate decision lies in you.
G: ya, i know and u know my situation too
me: frankly speaking, i think you are too eerrrmmm.... soft and undecisive.Dun keep thinking of avoiding the problem
G: no iam not.. u know right, everytime i want to solve they will blah blah blah...
me: i think u shld make yr stand to them and leave them to die if they really wan to commit suicide...
G: what if they really die??
me:
dunno what to say.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Devil1976:
My PROPOSED SOLUTION:
1st point I wanna make. Whatever's the outcome, it's TIME you step out of this... i can't... me promise to help the 3 parties
I would propose that if you really have to... Round things up with 'G' sticking to 'B'. 'A' would be the one out of the cycle.
Reasons:
1. It's easier to persuade one out of the relationship. hard to persuade anyone of them. I TRIED
2. From the way I see it for now. 'A' don't really deserves to be hurt. And once HURT. She'll be the weakest among the 3 to overcome it. yes.
3. 'G' probably would end up being 'hurt' by 'B'. Just the way 'G' wants it... OUT of the 2 relatoinships... The 'hurt' is what he deserves for what he've set up... 'B' would probably only rest when she 'wins' 'G' over... And probably AFTER she can DUMP or 'hurt' him... 'A' might not be able to accept it... At least not for now...
4. The MAIN issue now would be to CONVINCE 'A' that she should be OUT.
You've got to make her UNDERSTAND that, like it or not 'G' is not gonna be a guy to stick with either 'B' or her... At least not for long... Sticking with 'G' would only get herself DEEPLY HURT... 'G' don't deserves neither of them ('A' or 'B')... ie. he fled in sight of trouble... Chances of him flirting (or 2-timing) again is rather high... Can 'A' ACCEPT that?
A is very stubborn,i told her something like that before, but she say she is willingly to wwait for G to change ''' i beleive she willlor, coz she waited for him during poly days to break up with his first gf.
If she can accept that, she probably can just simply see the outcome of 'B' and 'G' quite SOON enough...
Regards.
PS. Sorry, got to work. no problem