Am i too heartless?
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cos i know him too well?Originally posted by Inzaghi:hmm..i dun see it tat way...i know most of my female frens or collegues, their guys also send flowers tat way, ie send flowers to the office!!..i dun think this act reduces the sincerity compared to give it personally lor...n hor V day is still a wk away, how u know he's not planning a candle light dinner??..
UN ROMANTIC de...
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women are never satisfiedOriginally posted by Inzaghi:hmm..i dun see it tat way...i know most of my female frens or collegues, their guys also send flowers tat way, ie send flowers to the office!!..i dun think this act reduces the sincerity compared to give it personally lor...n hor V day is still a wk away, how u know he's not planning a candle light dinner??.. -
eh.. no leh i get contented very easily de.. but i am a romantic freak so like i say if he bring just a stalk of sunflower to my place i will be touch!Originally posted by kopiosatu:women are never satisfied
Anything tt is romantic can kill me.
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oh u said b4..one is exciting n romantic..the other is stable type..so i guess he's the new stable type is it??.....but hor, u might never know if u hint hint a bit lar..Originally posted by bjork:cos i know him too well?
UN ROMANTIC de... -
hint le.................................................................................Originally posted by Inzaghi:oh u said b4..one is exciting n romantic..the other is stable type..so i guess he's the new stable type is it??.....but hor, u might never know if u hint hint a bit lar..
but...................................................................
he dun get it.
naa he aint new. -
don't wait for guys to create romance..
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err..still the same one u told me b4??.........Originally posted by bjork:hint le.................................................................................
but...................................................................
he dun get it.
naa he aint new.
can see u those like romantic type..but hor, sometime u just cant have the cake n eat it lor.. -
tts true.. sometimes i also ji romantic..Originally posted by sillyme:don't wait for guys to create romance.. -
it's fun! so make your own romance!Originally posted by bjork:tts true.. sometimes i also ji romantic.. 
there's still time to make this valentine a memorable one -
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ya lor..got the romantic face hor...Originally posted by Inzaghi:err..still the same one u told me b4??.........
can see u those like romantic type..but hor, sometime u just cant have the cake n eat it lor..
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ya lor, the guy must be creative enuff to satisfy ur romantic urge...Originally posted by bjork:ya lor..got the romantic face hor... -
fwah.....see ah.. nu ren zhen mah fan...
i hope u're gonna be extremely nice to him.. well atleast u feel sorry for turning him away. there's nothing wrong with that... just make sure he takes it the right way... remind him that u didn't turn him away because u don't love him... remind him that u still do and that you're touched by the gesture but too practical to actually go thru with it..
your bf ah.. another one.. wanna find address atleast dun ask u mah.. tsk... -
Everybody has different ways of expressing their feelings. The prezzie may just be something in the monetary form but still...have you thought about how he felt when he was thinking up a nice present for you? Who wouldn't want to give something nice and cheap to their GF as long as it is something that would brighten up her heart? I am not saying that guys are cheapskates but I would have think that the guy would have wanted to get something for you that would have meant a lot on that day but couldn't think of one. Personally, even a self-made small card on a special day for me would have been more than enough. I am sure he would have felt pretty down as this might be his way of expressing his feelings. I am not saying he should brood over it and instead just think up of something new but still, he would be slightly hurt I guess. Anyway, Valentine's Day is too nice a day to quarrel over such matters and do appreciate the fact that you get someone to spend it with, be it a simple dinner or something else.
Just my two cents... -
Aiyoo such a sweet bf!! Well you are not heartless la..you gd girl, feel the pinch for him..coz roses for V day are not cheap..really!! But only one year once lor, appreciate what he's doing lor..as long as he is happy and you sure will feel happy receiving nice flowers right? I mean..it's romantic..but anyway since he canceled it, maybe you can ask him to learn to make plastic flowers? lol..but anyway, dun let it ruin your romantic v day la...do something mroe practical lor..go night seeing etc..Originally posted by bjork:My guy asked for my address, though he knew but he called to comfirm.
After much guessing, i asked did he order flowers to have it send to my place. He said yap.
Instead of being happy, i told him to cancel it.
First, cos i felt it was a waste of money, but he told me i was worth it and morever, its valentines' day.
I told him, i will be content with just a stalk of Sunflower. Yet he insisted cos its valentines' day.
He sense i'm not really touched or happy with the ideal.. saying he thought i will love the surprise. But i'm not.
Having it to deliver to my place, personally it doesn't feel sincere to me.
So he simply told me he will cancel it. I replied him 'okay, good'
After awhile i felt i was being too heartless & nasty. He was simply trying his best to make me happy, but i dun feel anything for flowers now.
I knew he sure feel disappointed now.. -
sometimes, it's better to let guys decide how they want to spend their money. just let them know you don't want them to spend too much (but leave them to decide how much to spend then consider reasonable), guess they should be happy already
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Heartless ? at least it is not the emotionless i feel in life .i am beginning to lose anger....fear is fading.. appreciation of thing is down .i use to have compassion for others i do volunteer service in the past. Now i can hardly find joy in loife
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Heartless ? at least it is not the emotionless i feel in life .i am beginning to lose anger....fear is fading.. appreciation of thing is down .i use to have compassion for others i do volunteer service in the past. Now i can hardly find joy in life
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hMz...dunno if ur bf noes how to reverse the situation of you rejecting his thoughts n flowers...but if i'll be him..i'll did like wat he did...asking you for your address...purposely let you noe that i'm giving you flowers(like a surprise but not a surprsie anymore when it's revealed to you...got it?)Then letting you have the thoughts he's sending you flowers n in the end appear infront of your doorsteps with flower/s on his hands? (Touched by his thoughts and love shall you be???)
Like wat you mentioned juz now that you've hurt him in someways? Maybe he purposely pretend to be very hurt n sad but still carry on with his plans coz you've fallen into his plan?
Normally...i'll ask wat my gf wan for special events and she'll jokingly asked for LV,Gucci,Tiff&Co...n etc...those expensive things lor...but she'll never expected me to buy coz i always tell her that i'll never spend $$$ on branded goods esp. LV wallets,purses,bags..etc...coz they're afterall bags/accessories..and i'm one who dun like to spend $$$$ on unneccessary things..n she noes that...wellz..my plans do work out as she'll fancy some bags n accessories when we go shopping which are expensive...though she likes it/them very much but she noes that it's a wastage of $$$ n somemore her bf is quite "niao" n so she left the shopping centre with abit of disappointment but ok afterawhile..
Then it's my chance to give her surprises liaoz...knowingly that i'm a "niao' person whom won't spend $$$ unneccessary, i'll buy them n give them as a surprise which she'll never tot of me buying...(hMz...afterall..spending $$$ n thoughts for your gf/bf is never wasteful)
So...maybe your bf's planning even further? not too sure abt that though....
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Maybe you noe him very well that that day you've rejected him for sending flowers to your hse has made him feel sad n hurt...so...wat i suggest is that "dun bother" him...juz leave him alone n let him think that you dun love him anymore or something near to that..juz carry on to make him feel hurt n sad...hopefully...
Wellz...you feel bad abt hurting him tat day...so maybe you would like to give him a surprise n make him feel that you still do love him n care for him? Plan him a surprise?
If you manage to hurt him like wat i've mentioned above...then i tink it's something which he would have never thought of a well-planned surprise for him?
Who noes..you two surprise each other?
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from my understanding to the thread AND with assumption to ur confession that u have made the wrong move in this incident, i have one question:
have you apologised?
i am getting the impression that u have discovered the fact that you could have reacted better, at the same time, insisting that you are not wrong as well.
which resulted the quarrel. -
not heartless lah... jus little tackless ...those words will sounds a bit too harsh...Originally posted by bjork:My guy asked for my address, though he knew but he called to comfirm.
After much guessing, i asked did he order flowers to have it send to my place. He said yap.
Instead of being happy, i told him to cancel it.
First, cos i felt it was a waste of money, but he told me i was worth it and morever, its valentines' day.
I told him, i will be content with just a stalk of Sunflower. Yet he insisted cos its valentines' day.
He sense i'm not really touched or happy with the ideal.. saying he thought i will love the surprise. But i'm not.
Having it to deliver to my place, personally it doesn't feel sincere to me.
So he simply told me he will cancel it. I replied him 'okay, good'
After awhile i felt i was being too heartless & nasty. He was simply trying his best to make me happy, but i dun feel anything for flowers now.
I knew he sure feel disappointed now..
he need to test water, send u this then maybe next time something more fanciful...he also trying very hard not to lie or hide the truth mah... since u ask he have to say... else later being accuse of cheating (refer to http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=67008&page=0)
pls encourage istead of using a wet blanket, guess u dont wish similar incident to happen on urself also...maybe u could do a reverse by giving him something... -
Depends on the circumstances... Many of us haf been conditioned to think either:
1. The more $ I shower on her, the more it shows I love her. Or, the more outrageous or more unique the thgs I do, the more it shows I love her.
2. The more $ he showers on me, the more he loves me. Or, the more outrageous or more unique the thgs he does, the more he loves me.
Simple thgs can be wonderful too, & @ a certain time or another, we're guilty of forgetting tt. However, again, it depends on the circumstances, if a guy has put in so much effort to make thgs special, how to reject? It's all up to the indiv...
RPOriginally posted by audlenelee:i will oso guess it, n then tell him not to waste $$... but in a rather 'joking' way in order not to disappoint him... coz for the past few times, i always guessed my presents correctly! hahahah!
i wud rather he spent the $ on something more useful, like bringing me on a higher budget dinner..
(FOOD!) a bouquet wud cost almost as much sia...
i will oso tell him to cancel it... but guess my guy oreadi noe that i wud prefer something more practical...
i think, like u, a stalk of any flower wud be sufficient... besides, valentine's is not all abt flowers n chocolates right?
but i think wad u shd do now is to try to 4get wad has been done.. geh geh call him up n ask him out tmr lor.... -
Bjork, if u're easily contented, then try to find romance in the smallest thgs.
Repeat after me:
- Coffee tastes better when my guy makes it.
- Pasta made by my guy tastes better than any dish offered by the top french restaurants.
- Dishes look whiter & cleaner when my guy washes them.
There're plenty more:
- When u're walking down somewhere isolated, & he stops u, looks into ur eyes & gives u a kiss, doesn't it make u melt?
- When in the movies, he takes ur hand & places it over his heart, doesn't it make u melt?
- When he gently cups ur face & stares @ u, & whispers tt he loves u, doesn't it make u melt?
I'm Not juz imagining the above, it all happened to me. The smallest thgs, can warm the heart so much. My guy does Not haf the 5 Cs, but lemme tell u, he sure beats the tons of guys out there when it comes to making a girl feel like the most special person in the world : )
RPOriginally posted by bjork:eh.. no leh i get contented very easily de.. but i am a romantic freak so like i say if he bring just a stalk of sunflower to my place i will be touch!
Anything tt is romantic can kill me. -
Men are like pets (in Yunhaier's word). Women are like babies.
My friends told me to treat women like pamphering a baby. Giving them full attention and drop some surprises once in a while.
This is a simple theory, and it has been one of my guided principals. My experience and observations showed that putting this theory into pracitice is not easy, definitely not!
Many guys do not know how to pampher a "baby". What they think is good may not be. And they can be untactful at times. On the other hand, the "baby" usually do not voice out their intention or feeling, they only send signals. Most dumb guy will not be able to pick the signal. Worst, if the "baby" sends a wrong signal or guys pick a wrong one. I agree that guys sometimes need firm and direct indication (which is sad), this is something that a "baby" can't do, and won't do. And most babies enjoying being pamphered...
So having said all these, my point is - This is how man and woman are created.
If you have the "feel" for this guy, and believe that he is the man you are looking for, then you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Tell him how you appreciate his kind intention and how he can do better next time by letting him know your definition of "romance" (you will be surprised to find that the definition varies greatly from person to person... guys or gals who see this note should try gathering this from your partner, it helps when giving romantic surprises)
I can see that your boy-boy is not that sensitive and tactful yet. Give him the benefits of doubt. He can be trained. If after this talk, and he still does not get enlightment, then you have 2 options.
(a) Accept his "dumbness", as long as he loves you and you love him. Ability to accept the shortcoming of a person is one of the fundamentals of a lasting relationship (of any type). No point picking up a quarrel...
(b) "Dump" him, and this is the last resort unless you truly mad.
Good luck!