Am i too heartless?
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Originally posted by citrine:
i believe u are pointing at the wrong party who requires sensitivity and tactfulness training.
Men are like pets (in Yunhaier's word). Women are like babies.
My friends told me to treat women like pamphering a baby. Giving them full attention and drop some surprises once in a while.
This is a simple theory, and it has been one of my guided principals. My experience and observations showed that putting this theory into pracitice is not easy, definitely not!
Many guys do not know how to pampher a "baby". What they think is good may not be. And they can be untactful at times. On the other hand, the "baby" usually do not voice out their intention or feeling, they only send signals. Most dumb guy will not be able to pick the signal. Worst, if the "baby" sends a wrong signal or guys pick a wrong one. I agree that guys sometimes need firm and direct indication (which is sad), this is something that a "baby" can't do, and won't do. And most babies enjoying being pamphered...
So having said all these, my point is - This is how man and woman are created.
If you have the "feel" for this guy, and believe that he is the man you are looking for, then you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Tell him how you appreciate his kind intention and how he can do better next time by letting him know your definition of "romance" (you will be surprised to find that the definition varies greatly from person to person... guys or gals who see this note should try gathering this from your partner, it helps when giving romantic surprises)
I can see that your boy-boy is not that sensitive and tactful yet. Give him the benefits of doubt. He can be trained. If after this talk, and he still does not get enlightment, then you have 2 options.
(a) Accept his "dumbness", as long as he loves you and you love him. Ability to accept the shortcoming of a person is one of the fundamentals of a lasting relationship (of any type). No point picking up a quarrel...
(b) "Dump" him, and this is the last resort unless you truly mad.
Good luck! -
ya i did explain to him my stand in why i didnt want flowers.. though its V day.Originally posted by www:from my understanding to the thread AND with assumption to ur confession that u have made the wrong move in this incident, i have one question:
have you apologised?
i am getting the impression that u have discovered the fact that you could have reacted better, at the same time, insisting that you are not wrong as well.
which resulted the quarrel.
hahaa.. bingo, i am insisting tt i ain't in the wrong but just felt it was not a must to get a bouquet of flowers & make them into dry flowers just two days later..
Just for its V.day..
Waste ~$~. -
i dont know how long have u guys been together and how much do you expect him to understand you.Originally posted by bjork:ya i did explain to him my stand in why i didnt want flowers.. though its V day.
hahaa.. bingo, i am insisting tt i ain't in the wrong but just felt it was not a must to get a bouquet of flowers & make them into dry flowers just two days later..
Just for its V.day..
Waste ~$~.
however, it is important to note that his intent was good.
most girls would be dying to have their bf sending them flowers on valentine day and he is doing what he thought you would prefer.
regardless of how impractical it is in this particular scenario, you should learn to appreciate his intent first before questioning on the usefulness of his approach.
you could have simply accept what came along and share what you actually wants during the subsequent stage.
looking from a realistic and practical point of view (which what you deem yourself as), if this is the first encounter, u are at fault.
however, if this happens again during the next valentine's day, he is at fault.
lastly, knowing when to apologise when one's at fault is one of the important substances in sustaining a relationship. -
Originally posted by www:
First, i never like it when one says 'cos ppl like it so i thought u will too'.
i dont know how long have u guys been together and how much do you expect him to understand you.
however, it is important to note that [b]his intent was good.
most girls would be dying to have their bf sending them flowers on valentine day and he is doing what he thought you would prefer.
regardless of how impractical it is in this particular scenario, you should learn to appreciate his intent first before questioning on the usefulness of his approach.
you could have simply accept what came along and share what you actually wants during the subsequent stage.
looking from a realistic and practical point of view (which what you deem yourself as), if this is the first encounter, u are at fault.
however, if this happens again during the next valentine's day, he is at fault.
lastly, knowing when to apologise when one's at fault is one of the important substances in sustaining a relationship.[/b]
I'm not them i dun follow the crowd and i never like it when ppl expect me to be the same just becos the majority does.
If others like it, it doesnt makes sense to expect me to be one of them too.
I did appreciate his intention, thats why i told him, a stalk of sunflower and i am as happy as getting me a bouquet.
He gave me flowers (Bouquet) on my birthday before, i was cloud nine.. but i felt a pain when i knew how much he has spend on it alone.. -
it is without a doubt that everybody has their own preferences.Originally posted by bjork:First, i never like it when one says 'cos ppl like it so i thought u will too'.
I'm not them i dun follow the crowd and i never like it when ppl expect me to be the same just becos the majority does.
If others like it, it doesnt makes sense to expect me to be one of them too.
I did appreciate his intention, thats why i told him, a stalk of sunflower and i am as happy as getting me a bouquet.
He gave me flowers (Bouquet) on my birthday before, i was cloud nine.. but i felt a pain when i knew how much he has spend on it alone..
it doesnt make you any less valuable to be seen typical most of the time because that it how we all learn to know each other.
before a person gets to really know the other party or in the midst of learning how to, the best attempt is to adopt what was generally acceptable around him/her.
at least he tried.
anyway, it has been explicit in this thread that:
- YOU wanna be seen practical
- YOU dont wanna be seen like anyone else
after all these discussions, i believe we all get the points long before this page.
but ultimately, it is ur bf who requires the attention upon this assumingly heartless incident... -
Originally posted by www:
who are u to judge me.. simply because u think I am wat u think from wat replies u get from me.
it is without a doubt that everybody has their own preferences.
it doesnt make you any less valuable to be seen typical most of the time because that it how we all learn to know each other.
before a person gets to really know the other party or in the midst of learning how to, the best attempt is to adopt what was generally acceptable around him/her.
at least he tried.
anyway, it has been explicit in this thread that:
- [b]YOU wanna be seen practical
- YOU dont wanna be seen like anyone else
after all these discussions, i believe we all get the points long before this page.
but ultimately, it is ur bf who requires the attention upon this assumingly heartless incident...[/b]
I am pract. I am not like anyone else. Its a fact.
Its not 'i WANNA be seen pract' of 'i dun WANNA be seen like anyone else.' -
from how you emphasize about yourself and nothing much about what your bf was trying to do here.Originally posted by bjork:who are u to judge me.. simply because u think I am wat u think from wat replies u get from me.
I am pract. I am not like anyone else. Its a fact.
Its not 'i WANNA be seen pract' of 'i dun WANNA be seen like anyone else.'
i guess this discussion is no longer productive. i shall cease here.
all i can say is good luck to the both of you (more luck to him). hehe.
time to enjoy the weekend! -
if u could at the begin stop emphasize on how i react & my character i guess the topic wont have start on all abt me at the first place..Originally posted by www:from how you emphasize about yourself and nothing much about what your bf was trying to do here.
i guess this discussion is no longer productive. i shall cease here.
all i can say is good luck to the both of you (more luck to him). hehe.
time to enjoy the weekend!
Get the facts right & stop blaming ppl for things tt gone far. -
women can't be satisified... as simple as that.
but from what i see from the replies above, its no longer a productive discussion when the party still only thinks the word 'ME'.
oh well, happy weekend -
well.. you asked for advices and comments.Originally posted by bjork:if u could at the begin stop emphasize on how i react & my character i guess the topic wont have start on all abt me at the first place..
Get the facts right & stop blaming ppl for things tt gone far.
People gave you advices and comments.
You refuse to accept advices and comments.
And you want people to get the facts right???
oh well, if you already have answers to what you have posted. Then theres no need to start a topic.
Ok.. my advices and comments are....
Ohhhh, or maybe i should stop here... -
Bjork,
From the "tone" of his post, I dun think he was judging u, he was juz pointing out where u can improve : ) Take it as somethg constructive, instead of looking @ it in such a -ve light : )
RPOriginally posted by bjork:who are u to judge me.. simply because u think I am wat u think from wat replies u get from me.
I am pract. I am not like anyone else. Its a fact.
Its not 'i WANNA be seen pract' of 'i dun WANNA be seen like anyone else.' -
its not that they are unappreciative, its just that they dnt want us guys to go to that extent... though they are happy but they felt the $ for eg, can go to some other uses... for eg, she knows he love her and wants to show her that, but no need to choose on vday which has alr become a "kan cai tou" day alr... would rather he channel the $ into other places, or can show it to her anytime anywhere...Originally posted by dumbdumb!:no offence.. its things like these that makes things hard... sometimes girls are so unappreciative.. i mean.. yea maybe its for a good reason, like wat save money watever.. but its a treat.. learn to shut up, appreciate it, makes the world a better place. -
thye therapy he need is just a heart to heart talk with the gal... understand each others intention and appreciate it...Originally posted by dumbdumb!:i said no offence.... sometimes the girls don't get it..
sheesh.. the poor guy probably needs some therapy now.. he's so confused whether to be nice or not.. bah... -
x2Originally posted by dumbdumb!:thats the first wrong thing to do.. just bury it and try to forget..
should clear up misunderstanding. or this grudge will just be there and it will tear u 2 apart.. a stitch in time saves nine stitches.. -
this is what ur guy need to know and not us... so u need to make sure he knows that... ut he need to know that u do appreciate all that he does for u else u will become a practical and materialistic gal in his eye due to misunderstandings...Originally posted by bjork:hehee.. ya i more practical too...
I mean dinner is much better.. or something can last forever.. like a bracelet or something like tt. Flowers are for a moment of happiness.. i rather have something i see it will remind me of him.
Like diamond.
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u cannot say he no put in effort mahOriginally posted by bjork:eh.. simi effort.. i simply think he is not putting any effort lor.. i got money i also will call the flower shop ask them to deliver.. makes the same.. just tt i feel he aint putting his heart to plan a special valentines' day lor...
at least he tried to get it send to u though u may like to show it to the world while going out with him... but he feels it will not be so troublesome if its send to ur home, no need to carry it...
the norm is still flowers, so better than nothing right, unless he knows what other things he can and able to give -
u can voice ur view and see how he try to change his un-romantic ways for u??? or maybe teach him, discuss with him what is romantic for u... no one is born to know how to do everything... and u will be the best teacher for this as it is subjective...Originally posted by bjork:cos i know him too well?
UN ROMANTIC de...
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everyone is different and will give different opinion... and may not be the same as what u think... u can always look at their advice as guides and does not require u to flare up...Originally posted by bjork:if u could at the begin stop emphasize on how i react & my character i guess the topic wont have start on all abt me at the first place..
Get the facts right & stop blaming ppl for things tt gone far. -
maybe u shld look up wats advise/comments. & differentiate the difference between.. critising & advises eh.Originally posted by JeweL81:well.. you asked for advices and comments.
People gave you advices and comments.
You refuse to accept advices and comments.
And you want people to get the facts right???
oh well, if you already have answers to what you have posted. Then theres no need to start a topic.
Ok.. my advices and comments are....
Ohhhh, or maybe i should stop here... -
so where would u be in V day huh??..Originally posted by bjork:maybe u shld look up wats advise/comments. & differentiate the difference between.. critising & advises eh. -
i still dunno? Wat abt u heheeez.Originally posted by Inzaghi:so where would u be in V day huh??.. -
hmm..maybe he's keeping u for a surprise...Originally posted by bjork:i still dunno? Wat abt u heheeez.
me??....wat can i do??...stay at hm watch FA cup.. -
hmms, how the ciggy princess?Originally posted by Inzaghi:hmm..maybe he's keeping u for a surprise...
me??....wat can i do??...stay at hm watch FA cup.. 
Surprise? Think so...
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her??...err...still as usual lor...wat do u expect me to do huh??....Originally posted by bjork:hmms, how the ciggy princess?
Surprise? Think so...
hope u have a great sat night... -
/me pat pat! Must Jia you....Originally posted by Inzaghi:her??...err...still as usual lor...wat do u expect me to do huh??....
hope u have a great sat night...
Ur not going to spend the rest of ur life with a rx8 right?