shd i be DISAPPOINTED & UPSET with my bf...?
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always hear pple say marriage is never a two-persons affair.... always involve the extended family too...Originally posted by ditzy:Marriage is in our books. But it ain't a simple affair. Marriage can't solve r/s problems either. For some, it could mean the start of bigger problems to come.
Its easy to say, but to contemplate something at this level is a totally different matter. -
Its a delicate procession. And it involves the whole family, like it or not.Originally posted by Coco_Coco:always hear pple say marriage is never a two-persons affair.... always involve the extended family too... -
Originally posted by Coco_Coco:hmmm.... has something like this happened to you before?
something similar but not exactly. i can't talk about it right now because i got assignments to complete and it ruins my work performance alot. -
Originally posted by ditzy:Marriage is in our books. But it ain't a simple affair. Marriage can't solve r/s problems either. For some, it could mean the start of bigger problems to come.
Its easy to say, but to contemplate something at this level is a totally different matter. ok. i understand. until both of you are prepared to commit to marriage. don't commit too much feelings into it yet. i know you trust her alot and this sounds sceptical, but it can be a life saver sometimes. -
Originally posted by Coco_Coco:actually marriage doesn't guarantee the couple will be together forever.... cos there's always a word called 'divorce'....
when people change, when their hearts change, a marriage cert and vows wun be able to hold them together too for pragmatic reasons and external factors, it's harder to divorce than to default on a bgr. the emotional hurt is about equal. -
u are just the same kind as my gf...(no offence) like this will only makes guys feel like veggie head...Originally posted by Coco_Coco:i dunno why but my bf has been going back on his word these days.
he always said he will buy this stuff for me or buy that stuff for me cos i like them. but somehow they never came true. wadever he has promised me at that time seems to be forgotten over time. (it's not that he doesn't have the money btw)
then last time he proposed and got promise me on v-day he'll appear at my doorstep with a bouquet of red roses to bring me out to celebrate. now that v-day is drawing near, he starts to make other plans instead. instead he wanna me to go look for him at his house instead. imagine a gal going to a guy's hse and bring him out on v-day instead!!!
when i sorta reminded him about this previous plan, he said he'll need to re-consider.
why is it that he din fulfill whaever he has said to me. did he say them just for fun? but he looked serious when he said them to me. it's not that i crave after these things. it wont have mattered if he never said about buying them for me or doing something for me. but he did say and when his words never materialised, that's when it mattered and hurt.
shd i be disappointed and upset with him? or shd i forget it since the things he promised me are not cannot-do-without-with things. when i tried to talk to him about keeping his word, he in return tink i very materialistic and keep wanting him to buy stuff for me. but the point is that i never budged him to buy or do those stuff for me! he volunteered...!
very sad now....
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Be reminded that yours is a LOVE relationship... NOT a corperate relationship....Originally posted by Coco_Coco:i would get disillusioned and demoralised...
and would lose trust in my employer too.
but i wun dare to approach my employer to ask why... he would tink i hankering after the benefits and blacklist me or something -
Be reminded that yours is a LOVE relationship... NOT a corporate relationship....Originally posted by Coco_Coco:i would get disillusioned and demoralised...
and would lose trust in my employer too.
but i wun dare to approach my employer to ask why... he would tink i hankering after the benefits and blacklist me or something -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
You are hurt because of what you had said, but failed to deliver or because of the material possession you failed to receive? You mentioned that it was the former, but by the look of it, it's little of both side.
You are young no doubt - but maturity in relationship has nothing to do with age. I don't know what's the best way to gain enlightenment in relationship for you, but essentially, lots of observation, self studying and self-pondering is needed. Your bf probably has the idea of doing the things he had mentioned to you, then, he gets real lazy and rather skip the plans than to uphold them. (This is actually a common case I get among the people I know and yes - WTF? Long explaination and theory to post)
Then again, don't linger in such unneccessary sadness - this is the guy you CHOSE to be your bf. So, at the end of the day, who do you think should share this ultimate part in the blame game?
Cheers -
Hi Coco,
NS is q. a tiring time, is it Not? I noe previously, my guy frens wld be so exhausted when they got home...
Ur guy may Not be deliberating breaking his promises, but he's simply juz too tired. Yet, he still wld like to spend time wif u, hence asking u to go to his house.
Try to be more understanding, yet @ the same time, do pt out to him nicely how u feel. Give him smiles & cuddles as u explain to him, "U noe, I understand being in the army is really tiring, but sometimes I can't help feeling a leeeeeeeeeeetle bit disappointed when u dun keep ur word. U noe, like XXX situation? I noe u're v. tired, but sometimes can u juz try, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Then smile & give him a cuddle again.
He'll be more receptive this way & wun get too defensive : )
My guy juz informed me last nite tt he can't spend V Day wif me cosh he has to work. As mentioned in other threads, he's in the tourism indy. Wat to do? As I'd mentioned in other threads oso, we juz spend V Day for fun cosh we're so happee ev. day anywayz. So, like tt lorr
Even tho he was disappointed, it helped tt I din get angry, juz gave him a hug & told him it was okie : )
Sometimes, we need to be understanding too. Gd luck, Coco! : )
RPOriginally posted by Coco_Coco:i dunno why but my bf has been going back on his word these days.
he always said he will buy this stuff for me or buy that stuff for me cos i like them. but somehow they never came true. wadever he has promised me at that time seems to be forgotten over time. (it's not that he doesn't have the money btw)
then last time he proposed and got promise me on v-day he'll appear at my doorstep with a bouquet of red roses to bring me out to celebrate. now that v-day is drawing near, he starts to make other plans instead. instead he wanna me to go look for him at his house instead. imagine a gal going to a guy's hse and bring him out on v-day instead!!! when i sorta reminded him about this previous plan, he said he'll need to re-consider.
why is it that he din fulfill whaever he has said to me. did he say them just for fun? but he looked serious when he said them to me. it's not that i crave after these things. it wont have mattered if he never said about buying them for me or doing something for me. but he did say and when his words never materialised, that's when it mattered and hurt.
shd i be disappointed and upset with him? or shd i forget it since the things he promised me are not cannot-do-without-with things. when i tried to talk to him about keeping his word, he in return tink i very materialistic and keep wanting him to buy stuff for me. but the point is that i never budged him to buy or do those stuff for me! he volunteered...!
very sad now.... -
its not about needing or not needing the things tht he buys..if your bf cannot even keep simple promises..u think he is able to keep more serious or important promises????Originally posted by Me0w Me0w:if u dun really need those things dat he said dat he want to buy for u then just forget it... but i noe girls will anyhow think how come last time he wiil buy but now never buy liao.... then u try to ask him again loh...... use another way to ask him... dun let him think dat u r materialistic lah.... for the v day thing maybe he has more romantic and wonderful plan leh.... -
wah... this is like big time sa jiao... hmmm but dunno how to translate sa jiao into english.... voice has to go all cute and there...Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:Try to be more understanding, yet @ the same time, do pt out to him nicely how u feel. Give him smiles & cuddles as u explain to him, "U noe, I understand being in the army is really tiring, but sometimes I can't help feeling a leeeeeeeeeeetle bit disappointed when u dun keep ur word. U noe, like XXX situation? I noe u're v. tired, but sometimes can u juz try, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Then smile & give him a cuddle again.
He'll be more receptive this way & wun get too defensive : ) -
i got tink about this too...Originally posted by raraninja:its not about needing or not needing the things tht he buys..if your bf cannot even keep simple promises..u think he is able to keep more serious or important promises???? -
I dont like people who make empty promises. But each case should be evaluated independently, if he really is busy/tired/sick etc and cannot fulfil promise, then can give chance. But if this happens too frequently, I think you should speak up.
However do try to broach the subject with some tact , men like soft words not hard. It may seem like an act, but ultimately a means to an end. -
You are coolx..hehe...at least ur partner still informed u that he cant spend the vday wif you. haiz..he din even say anything. I know that he is working lor..that all.. Guess it will be a boring day for me again. I hardly see him also..Originally posted by RainbowPrincess:Hi Coco,
NS is q. a tiring time, is it Not? I noe previously, my guy frens wld be so exhausted when they got home...
Ur guy may Not be deliberating breaking his promises, but he's simply juz too tired. Yet, he still wld like to spend time wif u, hence asking u to go to his house.
Try to be more understanding, yet @ the same time, do pt out to him nicely how u feel. Give him smiles & cuddles as u explain to him, "U noe, I understand being in the army is really tiring, but sometimes I can't help feeling a leeeeeeeeeeetle bit disappointed when u dun keep ur word. U noe, like XXX situation? I noe u're v. tired, but sometimes can u juz try, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Then smile & give him a cuddle again.
He'll be more receptive this way & wun get too defensive : )
My guy juz informed me last nite tt he can't spend V Day wif me cosh he has to work. As mentioned in other threads, he's in the tourism indy. Wat to do? As I'd mentioned in other threads oso, we juz spend V Day for fun cosh we're so happee ev. day anywayz. So, like tt lorr Even tho he was disappointed, it helped tt I din get angry, juz gave him a hug & told him it was okie : )
Sometimes, we need to be understanding too. Gd luck, Coco! : )
RP -
Maturity grows as each day passes...NOt by DoinG or Acting..Originally posted by Coco_Coco:oic... haiz i still young... i really need to build up on my level of maturity.... but how to do this???
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Sometimes i juz feel that it' s not becoz we guys make empty promises...yes...we do tell you girls that "you like this? I'll buy for you"...something like that..Becoz we(he) noe that you like this thing, n so....in order to try to make you happy...he'' ll say that he'll buy for you...but rem...he's not a rich guy...in NS...pathetic pay..allowance, i mean,,maybe he's trying to save up? Though he might say that he'll buy this and that for you n that makes you happy...but (dunno if other guys think this way or not..at least for me) to buy something you like..and with that kinda allowance...have to think thru quite hard whether it's worth buying or not...or maybe shld i save up n buy something else more meaningful n useful for you on a special event? Dun get too disappointed when he failed his promises...coz we guys also dun like to fail our promises..but sometimes things ain't going smoothly...
But cheers up...maybe later he'll give you a surprise? *Dun hold high hopes though*
anyway...v-day's not big deal...as a matter of fact..wat's so special abt this v-day?till now i still dunno how v-day comes abt..y muz it be on the 14th Feb? In my opinion, v-day's juz a way florists and other trades earn more money by increasing prices of flowers,etc...in fact..v-day isnt that special as there're so many people celebrating..not a special day but a common day though...any day is a v-day as long as you couple are happy..y follow the crowd? Y not set you n your partner a v-day for yourself? It'll be even more special.
Btw...buying flowers/gifts on the 14thFeb is really a waste of $$$...all prices increases...might as well save those $$$ n spend a wonderful day with these $$$ later? -
Sa3 Jiao1 is better than sounding accusatory, my dear
RPOriginally posted by Coco_Coco:wah... this is like big time sa jiao... hmmm but dunno how to translate sa jiao into english.... voice has to go all cute and there... -
*grinz* Precious : )
Guys sometimes may take thgs for granted, esp. when u're in a long-term r'ship. It's up to the both of u to tok thgs thru, & resolve to add more spice to ur lives together
Initiate a tok, & as mentioned in my reply to Coco, dun sound accusatory, be nice & smilez alot. Tell him how u feel wif lotsa cuddles in between.
Communication is v. impt in any r'ship & it's up to either of u to juz make tt 1st move : )
Gd luck, Precious!
RPOriginally posted by Prec|ous:You are coolx..hehe...at least ur partner still informed u that he cant spend the vday wif you. haiz..he din even say anything. I know that he is working lor..that all.. Guess it will be a boring day for me again. I hardly see him also.. -
RPOriginally posted by RainbowPrincess:*grinz* Precious : )
Guys sometimes may take thgs for granted, esp. when u're in a long-term r'ship. It's up to the both of u to tok thgs thru, & resolve to add more spice to ur lives together
Initiate a tok, & as mentioned in my reply to Coco, dun sound accusatory, be nice & smilez alot. Tell him how u feel wif lotsa cuddles in between.
Communication is v. impt in any r'ship & it's up to either of u to juz make tt 1st move : )
Gd luck, Precious!
RP
It hard lor, he work everyday & i dun even noe his knock off hours cos it not standard. Haiz I dun wanna call him also as he will sound frustrated like saying : "Wat is it?" or "tok this later" something like that lor. I had prepare something for him n will send to his workplace lor.I dun noe why he is alway sounding so crude n rude to me while others, he is so polite. Anything wrong wif that? -
Sounds like u haf a case of bf taking u for granted
That's why asked u to stop & let HIM contact u. Give him a reasonable time & use ur discretion. A wk seems okie : ) Who noes, he may miss u & call u before then? : )
RPOriginally posted by Prec|ous:RP
It hard lor, he work everyday & i dun even noe his knock off hours cos it not standard. Haiz I dun wanna call him also as he will sound frustrated like saying : "Wat is it?" or "tok this later" something like that lor. I had prepare something for him n will send to his workplace lor.I dun noe why he is alway sounding so crude n rude to me while others, he is so polite. Anything wrong wif that? -
we seldom call each other to chat unless he got something to share wif me or we nid to go out. BUt i canonly say that after the quarral, he seems to be not rite (maybe im thinking too much or he is damn tired)
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Did he promise all these before you slept with him? If so then you can forget all about those promises ...Originally posted by Coco_Coco:i dunno why but my bf has been going back on his word these days.
he always said he will buy this stuff for me or buy that stuff for me cos i like them. but somehow they never came true. wadever he has promised me at that time seems to be forgotten over time. (it's not that he doesn't have the money btw)
then last time he proposed and got promise me on v-day he'll appear at my doorstep with a bouquet of red roses to bring me out to celebrate. now that v-day is drawing near, he starts to make other plans instead. instead he wanna me to go look for him at his house instead. imagine a gal going to a guy's hse and bring him out on v-day instead!!! when i sorta reminded him about this previous plan, he said he'll need to re-consider.
why is it that he din fulfill whaever he has said to me. did he say them just for fun? but he looked serious when he said them to me. it's not that i crave after these things. it wont have mattered if he never said about buying them for me or doing something for me. but he did say and when his words never materialised, that's when it mattered and hurt.
shd i be disappointed and upset with him? or shd i forget it since the things he promised me are not cannot-do-without-with things. when i tried to talk to him about keeping his word, he in return tink i very materialistic and keep wanting him to buy stuff for me. but the point is that i never budged him to buy or do those stuff for me! he volunteered...!
very sad now.... -
hey we did NOT have any sort of sexual relationship.Originally posted by F Takumi:Did he promise all these before you slept with him? If so then you can forget all about those promises ...