Needed Advice
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nothing wrong.... think A should play it cool and let B do his stuff... or we might not be getting enough information. B might just be facing a difficult period.. give him some timeOriginally posted by Prec|ous:This Gal A had not been seeing her bf B, for quite long liao as this B had to work everyday fm morning to nite. A understand his situation & seldom contact B also so that he can haf enuff rest. Thus they seldom conact nor meet.
Then suddenly A sms B at nite (11.30pm) asking him "how is work?" She saw no reply after a few mins n make her 2nd sms "I think u r real bz or maybe you wun bother. This upset me alot & i keep pondering r u alrite or wat gg on.Nvm Take care n shant disturb u". Immediately B called A back in a frustrated tone and say
"Wat is ur problem?, Im at this place, do u noe?" A replied she dun noe. Then B replied "Muz i tell you everything? Im at this place preparing for 2morrow roadshow, very bz. U think i always do nothing?". A was all long quiet in the conversation. Then B hanged up.
A was sad. She feels that is there anything wrong in her sms? Then after a fw mins later, B called A back in a nicer tone n asked A wat is it. A despite feeling sad on wat happen earlier, replied "Juz trying to find out how is ur job, i noe that u r bz at work n that is why that makes u abit bad tempered, and i thought u r at home & if i noe u are still at work, i wun be smsing u". Then she asked him abt his rdshow duration n wat he is doing now. After that they hanged up.
People keep telling A that that is no way B should treat A this manner. Muz be something wrong in the r/s, either he changed heart or wat. B as usual defended A by saying that he is very bz etc.. So wat do u think..someting wrong? -
maybe...but it seems that all those lovey dovey words n action disappear as time goes by (maybe due to quarrels) Or could it be that he is realli bz & he wanna concentrate on it career n thus neglecting A's feeling. Yes. Maybe A should leave B alone.
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well there comes a point in time when there is no need for those lovey words.. the connection is already there.. the knowledge that both love each other as deeply will still be there even without the words..
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Then i guess i will nid to leave the days without him.Originally posted by Farmer Brown:well there comes a point in time when there is no need for those lovey words.. the connection is already there.. the knowledge that both love each other as deeply will still be there even without the words.. -
Commuication nids time. He did tell me things he do, he buy, bad stuff... last time. (though he dun always tell me everything) NOw is completely no. i dunnoe why.. maybe he is getting abit busier.Originally posted by lyling:BTW communication needs time....i took a lot of time (a few years in fact) to train him to talk to me.....now he tells me abt his day at work, the good....the bad, everthing....what he had for lunch....i also tell him abt mine. i try to pamper him more when he has a bad day. he doesnt need advice, just a listening and sympathetic ear. -
well,like you'd said, he did tell u stuffs and so in the past, and doesnt tell you anymore of his stuff... hmmm, quite strange though. But nevertheless, he's bzy and if you really love him, maybe you should consider giving him soem more time. But it seems that you are constantly facing the same troubles now and then...
Think about this:do you want to settle down with him? btw, r u still studying or??
hope you think about it with a clear mind and try not to allow your emotions to rule over you...
Wish you luck and hope it turns out well for both you and him...
Rgds -
Im in the working society liao. JUz that my work is not as tedious n bz as he is. In fact is the opposite. Very relaxing over at my side. Too much free time.Originally posted by tranquil2:well,like you'd said, he did tell u stuffs and so in the past, and doesnt tell you anymore of his stuff... hmmm, quite strange though. But nevertheless, he's bzy and if you really love him, maybe you should consider giving him soem more time. But it seems that you are constantly facing the same troubles now and then...
Think about this:do you want to settle down with him? btw, r u still studying or??
hope you think about it with a clear mind and try not to allow your emotions to rule over you...
Wish you luck and hope it turns out well for both you and him...
Rgds
I aslo dunnoe why the seldom lost of contact wif him. Maybe he got more resposible being designated to him as he is more familiar wif the job as time goes by. I dunnoe. Anyway, realli hope things will get beta for us. -
guess you just need to understand the amount of stress he is going through... and find some stuff to fill your free time.... I know it's difficult especially if you used to get alot of attention previously and now he doesn't even seem to care.... however, if he is really busy with work etc, i guess you should be understanding enough to give him the space... i guess everyone need their space and no one loves to be working till late everyday and not get to see their love one.
in fact i do find your initial sms to him, the too busy or cannot be borthered part a bit of a spark for quarral ... he is probably think ... i'm working my ass off here trying to make enough money such that we can have a comfortable life together in future and there you are accusing me of cannot be borthered.... what do you want ....
Forgive him for being irritated at you ... coz i dun think you will sound really nice to someone after many long hard days at work and a seemingly accusing sms of being "can't be borthered"... just human i guess .... I'm sure under such pressure from work etc ... the last thing you need is a bf/gf at your back demanding some attention from you. what you would really want is someone who can be supportive of you and not "punish" you for not being available to him/her.
when his work load gets better but his attitude does not improve, then you can start worrying about the occurence of a 3rd party. -
topic closed
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i agree with your friend that he is now overwhelmed by his emotions and cannot decide properly... all u can do now is to let him have his space and think through... if u rush it will be worse coz he will find u pressurizing him, not giving him space and so on... hope that he wont end up like me...Originally posted by Prec|ous:latest updates
I met wif him on saturday nite at his hse to haf a tok. He cant believe the misunderstanding haf been created behind all these while whole he wa bz working. He say he cannot accept those nonesense n initially suggested a break. He was utterly too tired for all this craps.
My bes fren, being the party to help us, suggested a time-off to him to cool down n think thru over as she mentioned to him that he is juz too tired n angry n letting emotions riding over wat he is doing now. Ask him to time-off for this moment to think thru n do his stuff n if this nonesense persist during the period of time off, she will had no say if he wan to break.
Any comment? During this time off period, is it consider a gd or a bad idea? I doubt he may wan consider the r/s again. Or is there anything to be done during this period? Kinda of sad.
I think he wun be wanting it back since it not the 1st time we quarrel nor say wanting to break up. I think there is no chance of recovery ...
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I really dunnoe wat the outcome might turn out to be...but.. i fear the worst
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Originally posted by Prec|ous:latest updates
I met wif him on saturday nite at his hse to haf a tok. He cant believe the misunderstanding haf been created behind all these while whole he wa bz working. He say he cannot accept those nonesense n initially suggested a break. He was utterly too tired for all this craps.
My bes fren, being the party to help us, suggested a time-off to him to cool down n think thru over as she mentioned to him that he is juz too tired n angry n letting emotions riding over wat he is doing now. Ask him to time-off for this moment to think thru n do his stuff n if this nonesense persist during the period of time off, she will had no say if he wan to break.
Any comment? During this time off period, is it consider a gd or a bad idea? I doubt he may wan consider the r/s again. Or is there anything to be done during this period? Kinda of sad.
I think he wun be wanting it back since it not the 1st time we quarrel nor say wanting to break up. I think there is no chance of recovery ... 
/me pat pat
Cheers -
meaning? u think the chances are slim as well?Originally posted by Yunhaier: /me pat pat
Cheers -
Originally posted by Prec|ous:meaning? u think the chances are slim as well? You want me to tell you my honest view or you rather I seal my lips?
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honest viewOriginally posted by Yunhaier: You want me to tell you my honest view or you rather I seal my lips? -
Originally posted by Prec|ous:honest view You relationship enters into decline mode.
In theory lifecycle of relationship - the last stage (referring to decline mode) usually deteriorate gradually irregardless of attempt made to salvage. I suspect that you people may have critical issues in the past that happened, shaken your love and may not have very-well-solved or handled. Or if this is the first relationship your boyfriend has.
It's very obvious that there is something within him (unspoken feelings, thoughts, preception, etc) and he chose to blow it up to cover his intended idea. I am 95% sure that the thought of breaking hovering in his mind during this period, but he is unsure and rather retreat/avoid then to think about it, therefore the focus is on his work.
/me prays
Hope I am wrong?
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
No..he work schedule is being fixed tightly...he work fm day to nite is not wat he wanted..he had no choice cos boss ask him to, he had to suffer under his boss, customers treatment & now all these rubbish... he is sick of all tis nonsense. It until the day i went to look for him, till i realise how bz n tiring he is gg thru.I realli appreciate he told me so during the last 3 weeks. He dun even haf time to eat lunch or dinner nor even do his own things. Sleep also not enuff sleep. But he hurt me most when he say "I think it a very big mistake, it either he got the wrong job or he shouldnt be getting back wif me" In fit of anger and sadness, i told him no, it not the job, it me. U regreted abt me. u wan u can break off wif me now" You relationship enters into decline mode.
In theory lifecycle of relationship - the last stage (referring to decline mode) usually deteriorate gradually irregardless of attempt made to salvage. I suspect that you people may have [b]critical issues in the past that happened, shaken your love and may not have very-well-solved or handled. Or if this were the first relationship of your boyfriend.
It's very obvious that there is something within him (unspoken feelings, thoughts, preception, etc) and he chose to blow it up to cover his intended idea. I am 95% sure that the thought of breaking hovering in his mind during this period, but he is unsure and rather retreat/avoid then to think about it, therefore the focus is on his work.
/me prays
Hope I am wrong?
Cheers [/b]
That is how he initiated the break after that. -
Originally posted by Prec|ous:No..he work schedule is being fixed tightly...he work fm day to nite is not wat he wanted..he had no choice cos boss ask him to, he had to suffer under his boss, customers treatment & now all these rubbish... he is sick of all tis nonsense. It until the day i went to look for him, till i realise how bz n tiring he is gg thru.I realli appreciate he told me so during the last 3 weeks. He dun even haf time to eat lunch or dinner nor even do his own things. Sleep also not enuff sleep. But he hurt me most when he say "I think it a very big mistake, it either he got the wrong job or he shouldnt be getting back wif me" In fit of anger and sadness, i told him no, it not the job, it me. U regreted abt me. u wan u can break off wif me now"
That is how he initiated the break after that. He will regret when stress dissipate. And again it shows, man cannot multi-task career and love.
Somehow man's curse is within him - the inability to seek comfort from love ones especially when one is coping like hell with reality. I am sure many people would crave for a hug, simple soothing words or even complains to your love ones when reality is choking you. It's not in his case. A man's curse - his own burden, he rather carry himself.
I think I did tell you to avoid pressuring and tact is talk is essential.
P.S: Give me BOTH your date of birth, time born and place born - I help you check out your relationship astrologically. (PM please)
Cheers -
sad to say most likely it will end in the way u feared... just like what Yun has explained...Originally posted by Prec|ous:I really dunnoe wat the outcome might turn out to be...but.. i fear the worst -
haiz....
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hmm... just wondering ... he isn't one of those guys with a good temper rite ??Originally posted by Prec|ous:No..he work schedule is being fixed tightly...he work fm day to nite is not wat he wanted..he had no choice cos boss ask him to, he had to suffer under his boss, customers treatment & now all these rubbish... he is sick of all tis nonsense. It until the day i went to look for him, till i realise how bz n tiring he is gg thru.I realli appreciate he told me so during the last 3 weeks. He dun even haf time to eat lunch or dinner nor even do his own things. Sleep also not enuff sleep. But he hurt me most when he say "I think it a very big mistake, it either he got the wrong job or he shouldnt be getting back wif me" In fit of anger and sadness, i told him no, it not the job, it me. U regreted abt me. u wan u can break off wif me now"
That is how he initiated the break after that.
from my own experience, the more you push, the more you ask the more you wanna get close to him, will actually push him further away from you if he is going through an extremely stress up phase in his job ... man are sometimes like rubber band. when they are stretch to the limit they need to take a break to release the tension, further stretching will cause them to snap .... i learn to give moral support and carry on showering him with sms and love notes to let him know that I'm still there encouraging him on, but am independent enough to lead my own life, so he need not worry about me ... when he is done with his work etc he will automatically come looking for me and make up for all the lost time. that's what i've learnt from my own experiences ...... -
he can be bad temper at times...if been anger...
i noe.. i did send him encouragement sms. but during a time off period like this, is it advisable to send him? plus most ppl say that my r/s wun work out ...i think they got some point also -
Thank you for all that had giving me advices fm the beginning. since the situation had result this way, i guess, no ones now dare to comment on anything as well.
i realli dun haf anything to say or to do anything, im devastrated now..everyday. thanks all -
Yes that's true, the more i pushed my ex for more time and stuff.
The more he backed off and got angry with me. In the end, he'd rather play his pc games and see me. Cos he's sick of being nagged.
Prec|ous give it time girlfriend. You also have to be more independent then you probably won't bother if he pays attention to you or not. Cos you are busy and stuff. -
DAMN... I SPEAKS...Originally posted by Prec|ous:Thank you for all that had giving me advices fm the beginning. since the situation had result this way, i guess, no ones now dare to comment on anything as well.
i realli dun haf anything to say or to do anything, im devastrated now..everyday. thanks all
How CLOSE both of you are together and regards each other... have you been recognised or have you recognise him?
When one has fallen and the other stand, should the one who has fallen just tries to stand? There you stood... Are you there? Is he there?
Of course it's easy... (if not at times stupid...) To just expect your 'protector' to be there for you... Even machines break down, weapons jammed... Do you wait? Do you SEE? You're NOT weak... Because the fire's not directly on you....
Give him STRENGTH and in turn he should give you strength.... If you trust enough in this relationship... If you think he deserves it...
WHAT GUESS? WHAT THEORIES? STOP your own stupidities...