My reaction???
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Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:It's not a matter or right or wrong.. but whether one can accept it.
If she is jus a good fren,i probably wouldn't be affected by how she conducts her lifestyle.
But if she's my gf, i guess that's a different story.
She has a lot of male frens, frequently go out with them (watching movie on sat till 3am, going to dinner in restaurant alone with a colleague, going clubbing with her gal frens till dawn)
i guess it wouldn't be easy or fair for her to change.. & neither can i accept such behaviours. well, in my case, she didn't do anythk wrong in all her outings ( at least that's what she told me); but to spare myself from further agony, i decided to end it.
Perhaps someone like me is not suitable to be in a relationship too
-
She got home at 5 am this morning.
She gave me a call..I told her i am extremely
unhappy about this whole issue.
I told her if u said its work related entertainment?
Its totally crap and shit. I dun believe it gotta do with work
and its more of personal invitation for u to go.
Why use work related issue as an excuse?
throughout the whole chat, she remain silent.
I dun know why? Maybe she was too tired.
and i dun even know if she did really hear what i told her???
In the end i told her u go to sleep. its late.
bye and put down the phone.
Now i sit down and think about it. Was it a valid reason?
I mean to go out with that guy? He even pick and sent her home.
Her mananger could always do the entertainment part?
I told her even if u go. did u lower the cost? NO!...
And the whole thing is not about work shit!
I am feel really shitty at the moment...
Ruin my whole sat!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! -
maybe i think anger is consuming me now...
all in my mind is anger!
And of cos when i talked to her over the phone,
i was in a very calm and normal manner.
Never did i raise my voice. -
They are selfish. Women are better communicators thus will enjoy more friendships... thus their bfs will be worried if the women are always hanging with a irregular group of people, especially spending the time till late nights.Originally posted by shirurinu:Y u initiated the breakup? Did she do anything wrong?
I recently have a similar exp with my bf too. First outing with forum mates then he make a lot of noise.. then quarrel then almost break up.. and he's the one who initiated.. y huh.... *COnfused*
I mean it's nothing wrong ma... but y guys reaction can be so big..
BTW 140 more to go. -
Rubbish.Originally posted by Nelstar:They are selfish. Women are better communicators thus will enjoy more friendships... thus their bfs will be worried if the women are always hanging with a irregular group of people, especially spending the time till late nights.
BTW 140 more to go.
if the roles are reversed, we'll still gt a same outcome--- the gal wld be writing in this time abt. how guys are so insensitive to their feelings, why most guys hav a commitment problem
This is nt a gender issue, but rather consideration of the other party. whether guy or gal, no one feels gd abt their partner are
always hanging with a irregular group of people, especially spending the time till late nights -
Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:
I totally agree with u.
[b]
Rubbish.
if the roles are reversed, we'll still gt a same outcome--- the gal wld be writing in this time abt. how guys are so insensitive to their feelings, why most guys hav a commitment problem
This is nt a gender issue, but rather consideration of the other party. whether guy or gal, no one feels gd abt their partner are
always hanging with a irregular group of people, especially spending the time till late nights
/b]
Getting your GF to do that kind of thing at the pretence of work is pure exploitation. Justification can be all made up.
Your gf is too naive. Talk to her. Probably now she gets to know how you feel and maybe realise that you are jealous too - which is good.
Seem this kind of thing too many times liao. -
i got the same feelings as u..i m always insecure in my current relationship.its not tat i dun trust him..it jus tat i m afraid..i dunno y oso..i felt miserable but i tell myself i muz b strong no matter wat happens..so u muz b strong..if its yours, it will b yours..Originally posted by Seventh_Son:i really do not know how to react right now?
mix feelings...
there is anger
there is jealousy
i do not know how to talk to her later when she calls
as in how to not get mad or pretending i am alright? -
I agree with you.Originally posted by Seventh_Son:She got home at 5 am this morning.
She gave me a call..I told her i am extremely
unhappy about this whole issue.
I told her if u said its work related entertainment?
Its totally crap and shit. I dun believe it gotta do with work
and its more of personal invitation for u to go.
Why use work related issue as an excuse?
throughout the whole chat, she remain silent.
I dun know why? Maybe she was too tired.
and i dun even know if she did really hear what i told her???
In the end i told her u go to sleep. its late.
bye and put down the phone.
Now i sit down and think about it. Was it a valid reason?
I mean to go out with that guy? He even pick and sent her home.
Her mananger could always do the entertainment part?
I told her even if u go. did u lower the cost? NO!...
And the whole thing is not about work shit!
I am feel really shitty at the moment...
Ruin my whole sat!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! -
pls dun think tt way...Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:Perhaps someone like me is not suitable to be in a relationship too
it just tt you haven met The One yet...dun worry too much, ok?
x2Originally posted by Magnus:I totally agree with u.
Getting your GF to do that kind of thing at the pretence of work is pure exploitation. Justification can be all made up.
Your gf is too naive. Talk to her. Probably now she gets to know how you feel and maybe realise that you are jealous too - which is good.
Seem this kind of thing too many times liao.
agree too..trust starts with communications. dun wait till things get worse and irreversible. -
Hey in working life, u need to network. She is being open & careful cos she is bringing along a friend. Also she shows u the SMS from other guys. It is natural for an attractive girl to get attention from other guys as long as she don't date them behind your back. Trust her or u will lose her if u get too possessive.
-
Hi... Sorry for this very late reply....Originally posted by Seventh_Son:She got home at 5 am this morning.
She gave me a call..I told her i am extremely
unhappy about this whole issue.
I told her if u said its work related entertainment?
Its totally crap and shit. I dun believe it gotta do with work
and its more of personal invitation for u to go.
Why use work related issue as an excuse?
throughout the whole chat, she remain silent.
I dun know why? Maybe she was too tired.
and i dun even know if she did really hear what i told her???
In the end i told her u go to sleep. its late.
bye and put down the phone.
Now i sit down and think about it. Was it a valid reason?
I mean to go out with that guy? He even pick and sent her home.
Her mananger could always do the entertainment part?
I told her even if u go. did u lower the cost? NO!...
And the whole thing is not about work shit!
I am feel really shitty at the moment...
Ruin my whole sat!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
By the time I get to read this post of yours, I don't really know how to advise you... I mean... What you said.... What you did.... You could be right, you could be wrong... I don't know....
DO YOU REALLY KNOW
But... !st thing I would like to tell you... SOCIALISING.... With friends.. Colleagues... Business clients or partners.... It's PART of of life... Some people know it... Some people don't... Some people BELIEVE DEEPLY in it... Perhaps not so important for the other people....
Well... IT HAPPENS... Work-related 'entertainment'... Though you're not the boss, it'll do better for the business.. Things get better for the company... Things probably get better for almost everyone in a sense? Rather making it a 'painful' or stressful position.. People nowadays prefer to come out... RELAX.... Make friends... Some call it 'connections'... Others call it 'ties'.... I don't know... Whichever term you prefer?
If you care for my opinions? Your story.... Come come... Let's look at it....
2 MAJOR 'mistakes' you've made... In no position to comment on your judgement... Like I've said... You could be right... You could be wrong... But your MOVES...
1. ANGER.
Whenever possible, always try not to communicate with you're at the peak of bursting the blood out of your head.... Your pressure's probably too high... You can't think... You just wanna EXPRESS and give the other party a piece of your SH|T... Now... Let's look at the other party standing down there RECEIVING the SH|T... Get a CLEARER PICTURE now?
2. 'DRILLING'
Lousy communication... On top of the 1st breakdown mentioned above, you SCORE a 2nd MAJOR... You were 'talking on a lousy reception line'.... Ever experienced talking on a mobile line when the signal connection is BAD? Now that's BAD... Because ALOT of the time the other party just don't catch you...
The SILENT gf.... I'm not sure how her 'party' turned out to be... But probably like you've said... She was TIRED... Let's imagine 2 SCENERIOS??
1. She was HAPPY and ENJOYED herself...
2. She was not happy and working her sh|t through...
On account of SCENERIO no. 1, she was already TIRED... But it's not difficult to imagine whatever you've told her, MOST of the ideas won't get across... But IF there's really an EFFECTIVE FORM of communication during that time, it should have been body language and EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION.... Body language is OUT because she can't see you.. But as far as I'm concerned, you should have NO PROBLEM sending over the OUTBURST of DISSATISFACTION and ANGER... IRREGARDLESS.. of whether your contents have went across... And BELIEVE ME... If she's gonna be SOBER and recalling about that night... It would pretty much be about your ANGER... MARK THAT.
Now let us come to SCENERIO 2... She tried to work the SH|T out of things... It didn't pay off... And WAIT!! Things could have been WORSE? Perhaps like you've mentioned, the OTHER GUY might have really been INTERESTED in her..? At this point, I would like to make another DARING 'ASSUMPTION'....
The guy is a SUPER HANDSOME guy with (or only with) GOOD CONDITIONS (may be WEALTH or what...)... And like you've said, your gf's thinking of 'EATING OUT' on ya... AND...?? HAHA! I see NO PROBLEM with that...? Should have been a 'perfect match'... 2 WILLING PARTIES... HAPPILY TOGETHER...? Hey... Who's complaining..?
The OTHER case... The guy's a PLAIN IDIOT out there trying to take advantage of your gf... Your gf 'fights' him off...
Ya ya... She called in her close friend... To accompany her in case such an idiot appear or to go enjoy with her... WELL... Like I've said... I DON'T KNOW... But GEE... AT this point I'm starting to wonder... How do you LEARN about she asking her friend to go along anyway...? Oh well..?
AND YES!! I AGREE with the some OTHERS that IF she've got NOTHING to hide, WHY don't she bring her BF then?? But then again, if she've really got nothing to hide why CAN'T she bring her CLOSE FRIEND...? It's really how you look at it... REALLY....
But bringing partner to meet friends and for business occasions... REALLY... THEOREOTICALLY it'll SOUNDS GREAT.... LOVINGNESS should be SHOWN with such 'TRUST' and blah blah blah... But IF you're really one of the 'insiders'... You'll know that not all occasion would permit that...
AND.... BACK TO SCENERIO 2!! A meet up which didn't pay off... A lousy guy... Ok ok... What ELSE?? THINK... THINK REAL HARD.... Make her day EVEN WORSE!!!!
YEAH... I KNOW... How about we GIVE HER a GOOD DRESSING UP from her BF...?? That's would be PRETTY COOL now... WON'T IT....?
Hey.... I really don't know about your gf... I don't know you... And I don't know who she goes out with... But if you really see a problem to that... The least you can do is try to work things out with her in appropriate way(s) if you're still interested in her and the relationship... At the rate you're handling things...?
GOOD LUCK... Cause you'll be needing PLENTY OF IT.....
-
Originally posted by Devil1976:
Ok...after that nite she was not mad at me for being angry with her.
Hi... Sorry for this very late reply....
By the time I get to read this post of yours, I don't really know how to advise you... I mean... What you said.... What you did.... You could be right, you could be wrong... I don't know....
DO YOU REALLY KNOW
But... !st thing I would like to tell you... SOCIALISING.... With friends.. Colleagues... Business clients or partners.... It's PART of of life... Some people know it... Some people don't... Some people BELIEVE DEEPLY in it... Perhaps not so important for the other people....
Well... IT HAPPENS... Work-related 'entertainment'... Though you're not the boss, it'll do better for the business.. Things get better for the company... Things probably get better for almost everyone in a sense? Rather making it a 'painful' or stressful position.. People nowadays prefer to come out... RELAX.... Make friends... Some call it 'connections'... Others call it 'ties'.... I don't know... Whichever term you prefer?
If you care for my opinions? Your story.... Come come... Let's look at it....
2 MAJOR 'mistakes' you've made... In no position to comment on your judgement... Like I've said... You could be right... You could be wrong... But your MOVES...
[b]1. ANGER.
Whenever possible, always try not to communicate with you're at the peak of bursting the blood out of your head.... Your pressure's probably too high... You can't think... You just wanna EXPRESS and give the other party a piece of your SH|T... Now... Let's look at the other party standing down there RECEIVING the SH|T... Get a CLEARER PICTURE now?
2. 'DRILLING'
Lousy communication... On top of the 1st breakdown mentioned above, you SCORE a 2nd MAJOR... You were 'talking on a lousy reception line'.... Ever experienced talking on a mobile line when the signal connection is BAD? Now that's BAD... Because ALOT of the time the other party just don't catch you...
The SILENT gf.... I'm not sure how her 'party' turned out to be... But probably like you've said... She was TIRED... Let's imagine 2 SCENERIOS??
1. She was HAPPY and ENJOYED herself...
2. She was not happy and working her sh|t through...
On account of SCENERIO no. 1, she was already TIRED... But it's not difficult to imagine whatever you've told her, MOST of the ideas won't get across... But IF there's really an EFFECTIVE FORM of communication during that time, it should have been body language and EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION.... Body language is OUT because she can't see you.. But as far as I'm concerned, you should have NO PROBLEM sending over the OUTBURST of DISSATISFACTION and ANGER... IRREGARDLESS.. of whether your contents have went across... And BELIEVE ME... If she's gonna be SOBER and recalling about that night... It would pretty much be about your ANGER... MARK THAT.
Now let us come to SCENERIO 2... She tried to work the SH|T out of things... It didn't pay off... And WAIT!! Things could have been WORSE? Perhaps like you've mentioned, the OTHER GUY might have really been INTERESTED in her..? At this point, I would like to make another DARING 'ASSUMPTION'....
The guy is a SUPER HANDSOME guy with (or only with) GOOD CONDITIONS (may be WEALTH or what...)... And like you've said, your gf's thinking of 'EATING OUT' on ya... AND...?? HAHA! I see NO PROBLEM with that...? Should have been a 'perfect match'... 2 WILLING PARTIES... HAPPILY TOGETHER...? Hey... Who's complaining..?
The OTHER case... The guy's a PLAIN IDIOT out there trying to take advantage of your gf... Your gf 'fights' him off...
Ya ya... She called in her close friend... To accompany her in case such an idiot appear or to go enjoy with her... WELL... Like I've said... I DON'T KNOW... But GEE... AT this point I'm starting to wonder... How do you LEARN about she asking her friend to go along anyway...? Oh well..?
AND YES!! I AGREE with the some OTHERS that IF she've got NOTHING to hide, WHY don't she bring her BF then?? But then again, if she've really got nothing to hide why CAN'T she bring her CLOSE FRIEND...? It's really how you look at it... REALLY....
But bringing partner to meet friends and for business occasions... REALLY... THEOREOTICALLY it'll SOUNDS GREAT.... LOVINGNESS should be SHOWN with such 'TRUST' and blah blah blah... But IF you're really one of the 'insiders'... You'll know that not all occasion would permit that...
AND.... BACK TO SCENERIO 2!! A meet up which didn't pay off... A lousy guy... Ok ok... What ELSE?? THINK... THINK REAL HARD.... Make her day EVEN WORSE!!!! YEAH... I KNOW... How about we GIVE HER a GOOD DRESSING UP from her BF...?? That's would be PRETTY COOL now... WON'T IT....?
Hey.... I really don't know about your gf... I don't know you... And I don't know who she goes out with... But if you really see a problem to that... The least you can do is try to work things out with her in appropriate way(s) if you're still interested in her and the relationship... At the rate you're handling things...?
GOOD LUCK... Cause you'll be needing PLENTY OF IT..... [/b]
She told me if I am not happy with the whole thing I could tell her instead of
of keeping it to myself(something I always do, But I will reveal my feelings to her after sometime)
When I am in anger of stress up. I would always like to vent it out on something. Trees walls or what ever that I came across. That night, I did it again. And had cuts and bruise on my hands. When she saw it the next day, she was totally mad and got nothing to say to me cos I have told her that I would never do it again. And yet I did it again.
She told me she was dissappointed in me. And up till now she is still angry.
She as did sms me, called me but she is very cold and got nothing to say.
When i asked her why is she like this. She told me she is still very angry about me venting my anger that way.
I asked how can i pacify u? She said let it heal by itself...
Right now this feeling really sucks man!
Slowly i realised that I am such a loser... -
one incident after another its like a bloody chain reaction.
-
Why should u pacify her?
You are getting yourself hurt bcos of her behaviour and your reaction to it.
While you may not be totally devoid of responsiblity, u should have a talk with her on the problem and how should you guys compromise.
After what u have mentioned here, she should by now knows how u feel.
Dun ask her how u should pacify her, ask her how can u two overcome it. -
I guess u are right...Originally posted by Magnus:Why should u pacify her?
You are getting yourself hurt bcos of her behaviour and your reaction to it.
While you may not be totally devoid of responsiblity, u should have a talk with her on the problem and how should you guys compromise.
After what u have mentioned here, she should by now knows how u feel.
Dun ask her how u should pacify her, ask her how can u two overcome it.
hiaz....think its gonna take sometime for her to cool down
as i know she is dun get angry easily but once angry...gonna take
time for her to cool down
-
His gf is angry with him coz he had broken his promise made to her... the promise of not venting his anger out physically and get himself hurt... she rather that he tells her abt his problems and be able to help him through... however, he didnt and instead do what he shouldnt... defnitely she will be disappointed... If he had reacted to her in the appropriate way, wouldnt all be solved???Originally posted by Magnus:Why should u pacify her?
You are getting yourself hurt bcos of her behaviour and your reaction to it.
While you may not be totally devoid of responsiblity, u should have a talk with her on the problem and how should you guys compromise.
After what u have mentioned here, she should by now knows how u feel.
Dun ask her how u should pacify her, ask her how can u two overcome it.
Yes I agree that he dont have to pacify her, coz its of no point, but he really needs to knowhow to tell her his problems instead of venting it out physically... from the way that she wants him to tell her his problems and not get hurt, you know she cares for him. And its his action that hurt her and not vice versa... in my opinion... though her action triggered some reaction from him, but if they were the right reaction ( telling her instead of venting it out physically) there wont be this problem...
Remember this : A promise is a promise... -
At this moment I think nothing much I could do.
Its been few days already things haven't changed abit.
She did call me but both of us were silent on both sides.
So I did not prolong the talk. As I can still sense she is still
recovering from her anger and dissappointment.
So..I think I should better let her cool down.(how long?I dun know)
and stop contacting her, let her do the contacting.
I guess I will sms only... -
SLOWLY... Start from SCRATCH... Though it's obviously very much your fault from this point (with benefit of doubts for her position).Originally posted by Seventh_Son:At this moment I think nothing much I could do.
Its been few days already things haven't changed abit.
She did call me but both of us were silent on both sides.
So I did not prolong the talk. As I can still sense she is still
recovering from her anger and dissappointment.
So..I think I should better let her cool down.(how long?I dun know)
and stop contacting her, let her do the contacting.
I guess I will sms only...
REMEMEBER. WRONG MOVES can KILL a RELATIONSHIP FASTER than you thought.
I think you should very much comfort her and treasure at this point. What's her star sign by the way? -
i guess u shld not wait for her to contact... to u its letting her cool down... but to her it may become you dont care... I suggest u try your best to comfort her and help her recover by not doing the wrong things and let her gain her confidence back in you...Originally posted by Seventh_Son:At this moment I think nothing much I could do.
Its been few days already things haven't changed abit.
She did call me but both of us were silent on both sides.
So I did not prolong the talk. As I can still sense she is still
recovering from her anger and dissappointment.
So..I think I should better let her cool down.(how long?I dun know)
and stop contacting her, let her do the contacting.
I guess I will sms only...
Good Luck... -
My maiden post.
Women - when you are concerned abt her, she says you are insecure. When you show you are not worried abt the competition, she says you don't care abt her.
To the ori poster:
If you gf is contemplating leaving you, your showing of insecurity will definitely make her decision easier. If she really wants to leave you, there is nothing you can do. Women rules in most relationships.
You have voiced your displeasure abt her meeting the guy. If the girl cares for you, she will definitely take note of it. No woman who is in love will offend her guy in such manner. In your case, maybe you could give her the benefit of the doubt.
You might want to take it easy - or appear to take it easy. After all, IMO, women are attracted to confident guys. Don't let her know that you are afraid to lose her.
If she repeats this meeting, come back to this forum again for further "advice". -
I must thank all the people here for all the advises.Originally posted by Devil1976:SLOWLY... Start from SCRATCH... Though it's obviously very much your fault from this point (with benefit of doubts for her position).
REMEMEBER. WRONG MOVES can KILL a RELATIONSHIP FASTER than you thought.
I think you should very much comfort her and treasure at this point. What's her star sign by the way?
Things have yet to improve..Still she is the same old she.
But I did have a heart to heart chat with her on Thursday which was
2 days ago.
I told her that I have realised my mistakes. I know no matter how many apologies that I gave is of no use right now.
I told her, if you have commited a mistakes. You too of course would like someone to forgive you for what you done right? Like in my case I want you to forgive me.
Before we have this chat, in the afternoon i have talked to her over MSN when she was in office. ANd she told me over the phone do you know that you are giving me pressure and alot of negative effects???
I tried to say alot of sense to her..just wanting her to stop her anger thats all.
And she said; "Its not your fault right now!, I just cannot change my mindset at the moment. As you should know what kind of relationship I had in the last time. I got a abusive bf that hit me almost every now and then. This is the phobia that I got."
Just leave me alone for as long as she needs.
And the next day, she smsed me and aplogized to me for being too harsh over the phone.
God knows, how long its gonna take? Its been a week already. -
Everyday I would still SMS things like, Good morning I am now going off to work....remember to have your breakfast and things like that. In the afternoon I would try to sent her a sms too.Originally posted by Imperfect:i guess u shld not wait for her to contact... to u its letting her cool down... but to her it may become you dont care... I suggest u try your best to comfort her and help her recover by not doing the wrong things and let her gain her confidence back in you...
Good Luck...
And she too will sms me when she goes to work and left for home afterwork.
But most of her sms are pretty cold..
Morning sms " Me going off to work liaoz"
Evening SMS1 "Me going home liaoz"
Evening SMS2 " Me reached home already"
And nite time, she would called me, but most times she is silent.
I think the nite time call is more of like a ritual. She really do not have
anything to talk to me....hiaz...... -
Thanks for the advise.Originally posted by mushigen:My maiden post.
Women - when you are concerned abt her, she says you are insecure. When you show you are not worried abt the competition, she says you don't care abt her.
To the ori poster:
If you gf is contemplating leaving you, your showing of insecurity will definitely make her decision easier. If she really wants to leave you, there is nothing you can do. Women rules in most relationships.
You have voiced your displeasure abt her meeting the guy. If the girl cares for you, she will definitely take note of it. No woman who is in love will offend her guy in such manner. In your case, maybe you could give her the benefit of the doubt.
You might want to take it easy - or appear to take it easy. After all, IMO, women are attracted to confident guys. Don't let her know that you are afraid to lose her.
If she repeats this meeting, come back to this forum again for further "advice".
I think what kind of guy she wanted is those who is not abusive and with good temper. But of course confident plays a major part too.
I hope everything would be alright by today...
Well....I hope..... -
Don't just SIT there and WAIT for MIRACLES to HAPPEN..?Originally posted by Seventh_Son:Everyday I would still SMS things like, Good morning I am now going off to work....remember to have your breakfast and things like that. In the afternoon I would try to sent her a sms too.
And she too will sms me when she goes to work and left for home afterwork.
But most of her sms are pretty cold..
Morning sms " Me going off to work liaoz"
Evening SMS1 "Me going home liaoz"
Evening SMS2 " Me reached home already"
And nite time, she would called me, but most times she is silent.
I think the nite time call is more of like a ritual. She really do not have
anything to talk to me....hiaz......
DO SOMETHING about it... However SMALL... However SLOW... Do bits by bits... Or it'll just sink to an end... -
errh...don't sms at this point of time. From what I have read, both of you are in a very dangerous period. I'm not guessing and
I'm not trying to be a wet blanket or being pessimistic. As what Imperfect said, a promise is a promise. Moreover, you not only had broken her trust in you, but also indicated tt you were not willing to share your woes with her. Sorry to be blunt, hitting objects is rather an immatured and insensible way to vent your fustrations. That's another reason why your gf is afraid of you probably doing the same dangerous thing in future. Who would want a partner who is violent, breaches trust and not willing to share everything?
You have to learn to control your anger or fustrations. You must and you can do it.
You have to start telling her all your feelings if you really want to be with her. And both of you have to spend more time together ironing out every problems(whoever's faults in them) and what had happened and why they happened.
take care and wish you all the best for both of you.