Cheated on BF with his good friend last night...
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boka l tink u shld grow up...
u can express in ur own sincere opinion, altot she did a grave mistake, but l dun tink she need to be flamed by u so many times...
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Admitting her faults?Originally posted by xShevchenkox:lol..l tink what u say abt her is a bit too much la...-_-"
but at least she is honest enuf to admit her faults, and l tink that is sumtinz to be praised of..
u can juz offer ur own opinions, but dun make it into flamin ppl, okays?
like what?hiding under the pillows seeking forgiveness from fairy god mother?keeping this dark dirty secrets while the other party continue being with such a defilled cheap sl.ut? -
TS, putting your problem into a long-term perspective...Originally posted by guilt-stricken:Phew.... i almost got drowned in capslock... gd to see smaller prints now...
To those who understand how i really feel, you would understand my dilemma...
Decision would be much more easier if i don't love him anymore... coz i can simply tell him what happened without bothering how he would feel or think about me and our relationship in future and get on with my life, leaving him to rot on his own...
But fact is, i love this man. I am sorry and by telling him, i know that things will never be the same again... It's a very sticky situation regarding to tell or not to tell...
We all know that honesty is the best policy, but how many can deny that sometimes, honesty can break you too...
I am not trying to justify my decision to keep it from him, in fact, i really have the urge to kneel down in front of him to say im terribly sorry...
But i have already hurt him (silently) with what i had done, i really don't know how to hurt him further with the cold hard truth... (Ok i know someone's going to say im trying to sound like im doing my bf a favour by keeping it from him...)
Like i said, it would be so much easier if i had a change of heart and don't want to be with him anymore... Then perhaps i can just admit it and even get away with a nonchalent manner," So what? You can't give me so i get from someone else lor..."
And I can see you are really apologetic about this cheating thing....
Keeping silent about this is going to hurt you, and if you cannot forgive yourself, it might be bad on the relationship (we are talking about years down the road, when you have kids and all that).
Why would it hurt the relationship?
Firstly, because it's a lie that you've been keeping... You may take this secret to your grave, but you would always feel guilty, and you may compromise on the quality of the relationship e.g. sex. and harbour alternating feelings of resentment/guilt. For e.g. you might feel upset at his lack of sexual prowess, but instead of working together amicably to solve the problem, you feel "sorry" for ur bf, and the problem remains as it is.
Secondly, if he learns of it (via you, or that friend) accidentally or intentionally, he's going to blow. Very often, it is not the act itself (after all, it's only fondling, and no sexual intercourse) but the very act of keeping from him. He would feel like the stupidest person on earth, especially if the "adulterer" is his friend, whom he may like to confide in/do things together..
You can say the above 2 points apply to the present state of your relationship. And that you cannot risk losing him because u love him. Well, I would say it's a choice of a "weak relationship" or none.
Much as it is difficult, I would think that telling him the truth, and asking him for forgiveness may be the most sensible solution. But I don't know your situation enough to say that that's the best action for you to do. Because I don't know your threshold of losing him.
One big positive I think your bf can get out of this, is that he would be forced to confront the fact he's not a good lover in bed, and he may just jolly well start to open his mind to improving himself.
I have read an article somewhere on infidelity, and how the woman feels that she's not sorry for it, and in fact, it has helped her marriage. Will PM you tat article.
Hope that helps. -
Originally posted by boka:
Dear boka,
I have not serve the army.
Sorry i'm not a super saint but i believe in justice which is part of the personal code i adhere to and even thought my code is rigt,people like this gals will never admit to their actions.
If i do something wrong then i myself will seek to be punish.
Get killed?
don't matter i will have my way of telling the truth and getting that person back.
You believe in justice, but you admit you are not a super saint. So do I and many people.
Since we are not super saints, we can do wrong anytime (due to moments of weakness), right?
If that's right, will you accept harsh insults and punishments and not feel hurt?
I don't know about you, but I rather not.
And therefore even though I believe in justice, I will try to be compassionate and understanding to those who has fallen by the road because I believe that they, like me, believe in justice but are fallible.
In that sense, we are all the same, aren't we?
Everyone has a personal code and feels that it is right.
I agree that all of us need personal codes that acts as moral compasses to guide us in this world. But the problem is we always think we are right. Osama bin Laden thinks he's right in Sept11, Bush thinks he's right in invading Iraq, and so on... I think you get my point...
You may seek or even beg for extreme punishment, but your loved ones around you, especially your parents, would hope for leniency. And because you don't want to let your loved ones down, you might want leniency as well
Since you haven't been in the army before, I think I can give you some advice on there. Self-righteousness is a bad trait to have in NS.
You may not get killed literally, but if you step on the wrong toes, you get into real trouble.
Let me give u one example, during guard duty, you might want to check that you are assigned 5 bullets. But if someone sabo you, and take one bullet away, you're in for 7 days of Detention Barracks.
So even if you don't like ur buddy for him cheating on his gf and boasting to the platoon mates for it, you keep your opinion to yourself.
Don't dish out your own brand of justice. It gives u more enemies than u can guard. -
Ordinaryguy
U spell it all out pretty well,in the most idealistic sense which i've loved.
People commit mistakes but at the very end of the tunnel lies this question of "are we going to admit the mistakes"
She does not want to admit her mistakes because she fears losing something and that is definetly selective actions.
What point is there when u admit your mistakes by weight the cause and effect?
it soley defeats the purpose. -
boka, can I rephrase tat to ..Originally posted by boka:Ordinaryguy
U spell it all out pretty well,in the most idealistic sense which i've loved.
People commit mistakes but at the very end of the tunnel lies this question of "are we going to admit the mistakes"
She does not want to admit her mistakes because she fears losing something and that is definetly selective actions.
What point is there when u admit your mistakes by weight the cause and effect?
it soley defeats the purpose.
at the very end of the tunnel lies this question of "are we going to be truly sorry and admit the mistakes"
I think TS is truly sorry.
And she has fallen by the wayside, and we should all help her find the correct direction...
We all fear losing something. It is only human to commit a mistake and have regrets and fear losing something.
I agree with you that insincere selective apology to try to leverage your gains/losses is wrong and hypocritical.
But I disagree with you that TS is insincere in her guilt. Perhaps you have judged her wrongly... -
Still must say sorry and explain why she did she say she was sincere when she was insincere.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:boka, can I rephrase tat to ..
at the very end of the tunnel lies this question of "are we going to be truly sorry and admit the mistakes"
I think TS is truly sorry.
And she has fallen by the wayside, and we should all help her find the correct direction...
We all fear losing something. It is only human to commit a mistake and have regrets and fear losing something.
I agree with you that insincere selective apology to try to leverage your gains/losses is wrong and hypocritical.
But I disagree with you that TS is insincere in her guilt. Perhaps you have judged her wrongly... -
y r u so aggressive ?Different ppl have diff sets of beliefs n justice that they abide to, we are no one ,IMO, to force some1 to conform to our very own standards. From ur attacks to the ts , it seemed to me that u r trying to prove the Ts that ur own sets of beliefs r best for ALL OF US . Well i can safely say that is not true.Originally posted by boka:Still must say sorry and explain why she did she say she was sincere when she was insincere.
Next , prehaps u shld jus take a step back , put urself in her shoes. It takes courage to admit such a grave mistake , yet along coming clean in forum even though behind a clone nick. Here she is seeking alittle solace n redemption for her torn soul. This scar will never leave her heart , so why cant we just give her alittle help n comfort even ts is wrong at the start ?
Moreover , putting urself in such agony over an issue who doesnt concern u at all ( i assumed) isnt really a wise choice. After all this is just a forum , we r all merely audience n viewers . So just chill alittle n give each n every1 a breathing space. -
and if she does not apologize and refuse to tell her boyfriend about it and simply forget about it what are you or what can anyone do anything about it? There is nothing you or anyone can do about it. It is her life and she lives it as she pleases.Originally posted by boka:Still must say sorry and explain why she did she say she was sincere when she was insincere. -
TELL ME WHY U SAY U DON'T DONWAN TUR KUA WHEN U SAID U WANTED TU KUA.Originally posted by Saint`:y r u so aggressive ?Different ppl have diff sets of beliefs n justice that they abide to, we are no one ,IMO, to force some1 to conform to our very own standards. From ur attacks to the ts , it seemed to me that u r trying to prove the Ts that ur own sets of beliefs r best for ALL OF US . Well i can safely say that is not true.
Next , prehaps u shld jus take a step back , put urself in her shoes. It takes courage to admit such a grave mistake , yet along coming clean in forum even though behind a clone nick. Here she is seeking alittle solace n redemption for her torn soul. This scar will never leave her heart , so why cant we just give her alittle help n comfort even ts is wrong at the start ?
Moreover , putting urself in such agony over an issue who doesnt concern u at all ( i assumed) isnt really a wise choice. After all this is just a forum , we r all merely audience n viewers . So just chill alittle n give each n every1 a breathing space.
REMEMBER SORRY STILL MUST EXPLAIN WHY. -
What about the boyfriend?
Why should the boyfriend have to suffer such an injustice.
And the worst is his friend did something so shaming.
Could u imagine the bf and his buddy wrapping arms over one another while he is kept in the dark regarding what this so called "good" buddy has done?
The very thought of it irks me.
Pathetic dirty humaniods. -
Is the boyfriend suffering? He does not even know it happened and how can he be suffering from it? Look on the bright side... she thought that she would enjoy cheating on her bf but she found out that she would not... hmmmmm what a good gf she is...
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why are so many people trying to convince the kid?
not like TS must follow what he says right. -
The very action of you typing in Block letters and being overly insistent and persistent in your viewpoint irks us too.Originally posted by boka:What about the boyfriend?
Why should the boyfriend have to suffer such an injustice.
And the worst is his friend did something so shaming.
Could u imagine the bf and his buddy wrapping arms over one another while he is kept in the dark regarding what this so called "good" buddy has done?
The very thought of it irks me.
Pathetic dirty humaniods.
Immature obnoxious minor.
The above honest comment is put forward to you in your manner of speech, and also because you like honesty and truthfulness.
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As usual humans have all their excuses beig churred up to their defenses.
THat makes u all no different from the TS.
Since u guys believe in doing anything as long as u don't get exposed then i'll leave u to your self-delusioned world.
If committing a wrong acts an then claim it's alright since ignorance is bliss then i see there's no more need for law enfrocement in this world.
Murders can hide all their ugly deeds inside their basement and go Scott free.
I see too many of you are clouded by your emotions over that gal.
What inferior being. -
U guys can and have nevered answer my questions of Why is it acceptable to hide one's wrong aslong as it goes unnotice.
U guys have the same defilling pungent stench of the low life MLMERS who can never stand upright to their actions,always seeking ways around the system.
What differences then? -
Please be a total saint if you like
But when u get stabbed deeply, just don't come back crying.
I'm waiting to see you suffer in the army
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Hi guys...
I'd really like to thank all of you who had come close to my heart and understood my emotions and struggles... I really appreciate it a lot, and given that we are strangers and we don't even know each other in real life, i'm really thankful for all the support, (not in what i do, but in my broken emotions...)
For those who believed i am really sorry, i thank you for feeling my innermost remorse, and for that someone who doesn't, i'm sorry that i caused so much anger in you for 4 days of your precious time..
I received comfort from all who forgave me, advised me and defended me... and most of all, believed that i'm truly remorseful...
After all, i didn't start this thread to make enemies, i just needed to let it out... I might keep this secret forever, or i might collapse and confess, i don't know...
But i just want to say a really big thank you to all.. Coz no matter what you posted, in CAPS or no caps, you were there for me, typing on your computer screen when i was all alone with a dark secret in my room...
Your presence, whether constructive or destructive is greatly appreciated... Truly.... -
Boka,
All along, i never thought you were wrong at all, the only thing that bothered me was your attitude... Noticed that i didn't say anything when people posted s.lut or biatch? I know my deed is shameful, and those are the right words to use, but it's a matter of attitude...
You didn't really care to understand how i felt at all and you just began to attack me with full force... and you started using caps and questioning my upbringing when i didn't even say anything to rebuke you in the first place...
For your info, my parents are nice people who taught me the correct values, it was me who failed to be someone more upright, and not that my parents failing to guide me... I love my parents and i reallly hate it when you said that twice...
All men are fallible and everyone would have moments when they have fears in admitting their mistakes due to consequences, But nevertheless, if you could be someone with all the values that you mentioned, i will be very proud of you, and you might just be that special one in God's eyes... You will receive lots of blessings from Him...
Lastly, as much as you are mad over our posts now, 10 years down the road, when you look back, you might understand what we are trying to get across to you...
Til then, don't get so worked up anymore...
I'm only human...
Peace mate
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In this context its not a matter of Why is it acceptable to hide one's wrong aslong as it goes unnotice. Sometimes its better to keep the truth then to tell them. Everyone has secrets. Its is totally impossible to be honest and not keep anything. Diff solution is being used for diff problems. In this case u have to be flexible and keep in mind wad the TS wants. She wants to keep this relationship and by doing that she has to keep it, cos she dont knw how her bf will react to it. It may be a positive reaction or a negative reaction. so the best way is to not to tell. i nvr said it is acceptable to hide one's wrong aslong as it goes unnotice.Originally posted by boka:U guys can and have nevered answer my questions of Why is it acceptable to hide one's wrong aslong as it goes unnotice
U guys have the same defilling pungent stench of the low life MLMERS who can never stand upright to their actions,always seeking ways around the system.
What differences then?
Ts: why not u try to say the prob to him in a third person way and see how he will react to it. then decide.? -
Originally posted by eagle:Please be a total saint if you like
But when u get stabbed deeply, just don't come back crying.
I'm waiting to see you suffer in the army 
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I thought of this too, like come up with a story then finally ask him," What if i did this to you?"Originally posted by seotiblizzard:Ts: why not u try to say the prob to him in a third person way and see how he will react to it. then decide.?
Actually i know he won't leave me, just like if he did that to me, i won't leave him... despite the character clash, i know there's love...
But the issue is trust.
Trust, as you know, will never be whole again once it has been broken... One part of me tells me that i'd broken it, so i should confess and build the trust with whatever i can again..
But one part of me knows very well that trust is not something that can be built with efforts over time once it's been damaged... Trust is a natural essence between 2 people, you can earn more trust from neutral, but it's almost impossible to go from negative to even neutral again... People forgive, but hardly forget... if you get what i mean...
If there's anything i can do to have his full trust again after i tell him about it, believe me, i'd do anything, kowtow 1000000 times also can... Name it, anything...
But the scary thing is when there's nothing I can do at all... and the relationship will just remain broken with only verbal forgiveness but a knot in his heart forever....
Erm... not sure if you understand what im trying to say... -
i truly understand wad u are trying to say.Originally posted by guilt-stricken:I thought of this too, like come up with a story then finally ask him," What if i did this to you?"
Actually i know he won't leave me, just like if he did that to me, i won't leave him... despite the character clash, i know there's love...
But the issue is trust.
Trust, as you know, will never be whole again once it has been broken... One part of me tells me that i'd broken it, so i should confess and build the trust with whatever i can again..
But one part of me knows very well that trust is not something that can be built with efforts over time once it's been damaged... Trust is a natural essence between 2 people, you can earn more trust from neutral, but it's almost impossible to go from negative to even neutral again... People forgive, but hardly forget... if you get what i mean...
If there's anything i can do to have his full trust again after i tell him about it, believe me, i'd do anything, kowtow 1000000 times also can... Name it, anything...
But the scary thing is when there's nothing I can do at all... and the relationship will just remain broken with only verbal forgiveness but a knot in his heart forever....
Erm... not sure if you understand what im trying to say...
trust is very impt.
there will be a scar in ur relationship with him.
erm mayi knw how long have u and him been together? -
Almost 3 years le...Originally posted by seotiblizzard:i truly understand wad u are trying to say.
trust is very impt.
there will be a scar in ur relationship with him.
erm mayi knw how long have u and him been together? -
sometimes i wish my gf is a bit more like u, excluding the *** partOriginally posted by guilt-stricken:Almost 3 years le...