Pls Help...
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I don't like this opinion....Originally posted by skeujin:ok here's a guys opinion, if im her bf i wld be in heaven cause i gt a gal who's desperate for me and if tt doesnt work out i still got my gf on standby.... n i wld continue being like this as long as my gf doesnt make an issue out of it cause im not losing out at all..... if my gf doesnt want me i still gt the slut.....
But then *shrugs* you're entitled to your op. -
have sex with him and make him like you more
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I 2nd support to yr comments... oso dun really like dis comment... but its man's nature... so cannot blame...Originally posted by M©+square:I don't like this opinion....
But then *shrugs* you're entitled to your op.
*shrugs* -
Yr comment is a sillier 1... but its oso ONE possibility......Originally posted by _____:have sex with him and make him like you more
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Just break up with him already. If he can be lying to the other gal that he is not attacted, then why won't he lie to you saying that everything is under control?Originally posted by Lynette80:I feel that there is a need for u to get her no. and call her.. and sort everything out... if ur bf never tell her that he is attached, den u take the step to approach her and tell her to leave ur bf alone... ask her.. if she is in ur shoes, how will she feel? another part on ur bf... did he come clean on the relationship of u and him?
if me, i also wont want my guy to pillion another ger...
tell ur bf assurance is not enough.. wat u need is actions.. actions speak louder than words.. not just saw and pacify u and treat as nothing has happen...
People I think we should end posting in this thread till we hear something from shan_cai. Maybe everything is all well liao. -
Wil dis help... It'll onli make him love mi juz 4 my body onli... Cannot... Later he onli treat mi as his sex toy how...Originally posted by _____:have sex with him and make him like you more -
the sex thing is the silliest advice that has been given to u....
have been reading the postings......me thinks u should sit don with your bf and have a talk with him....if this gal is bothering u so much , he better take note....and he'll have to make a choice,,....its either u or her. Apparently u cannot tolerate this other gal so ur bf has an either or choice to make. -
Well... Thks 4 all ur concern... I was reali down last nite so i juz read all ur postins but didnt reply... Coz i reali dunno wat 2 do... I juz went outside n take some fresh air as well as sortin out my tots...
When he came bk fr work last nite he was worried 2 c mi not around at his place. N i left him a letter tellin him how i feel. He found mi n tried explainin 2 mi... But i dunno whether 2 believe him or not. As i've said, itz not tat i dun trust him or wat. Itz becoz of things like dis happenin tat make mi lose trust in him... He told mi he'll try his best 2 earn bk my trust. I'll juz wait n c... I'll juz let time n his actions prove. I hope he can prove mi wrong...
I oso dunno if tat ger got msg him yest coz when i check his hp there's no msg fr her... Or maybe he deleted it. I oso dunno rite? I tell myself tat if tat ger were 2 msg him things tat she shdnt, i'll take action. I'm gonna confront her without hesitatin... I've already been v magnimous 2 her... -
Cheer up shan_cai..
Don;t be too suspisious of him, let him gain back the trust from you.. -
Yes... I reali cant tolerate dis kind of things... Esp dis type of shameless gers... Onli noe how 2 break ppl up... But i told my bf 2 delete tat gers num n he started givin mi all sorts of excuses... Askin mi 2 delete all guys num in my hp 1st den he wil delete n nv tok 2 other gers anymore... I mean... Abit stupid rite? All e excuses. Got mi so fcuked up. Cant bear 2 delete juz say lah... I actuali dun intend 2 4gif him but in e end i did. Itz always liddat... Coz im kinda softhearted... Although i've 4given him, i stil haf tat sour feelin in my heart. Itz like if tat ger 1 day stil around i 1 day cant rest my mind... Itz a barrier in our relationship... Blockin mi n him fr advancin...
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I dunno... I already cant tell when 2 trust him n when not 2... Wat i'm afraid of is maybe i trusted him too much n he's takin mi 4 granted n abusin my trust 4 him...Originally posted by kohanson:Cheer up shan_cai..
Don;t be too suspisious of him, let him gain back the trust from you.. -
Acutually I hope ur bf get to read wat we've wriiten & he'll realised who's the one being unreasonable & selfish! Even if he insist tt he 'dun understand' y u get so fed up wif his r/s wif the collegue, he shld understand now after reading. And wake up his idea! Y bother to haf a spare tyre when he alrdy got a gf rite here so si xin ta di for him!
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Oh Yah! And the part abt having sex wif him to make him stay. DUN OK! U will regret it for life if after giving everything & things dun work.
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I oso hope he can read all e postins... But too bad. He's a guy wif v strong ego... He dun like it when others noe we quarrel. But i juz wan 2 say it out so tat i can hear comments fr ppl... Rather than i keep all in my heart n cry more bitterly.Originally posted by s_40:Acutually I hope ur bf get to read wat we've wriiten & he'll realised who's the one being unreasonable & selfish! Even if he insist tt he 'dun understand' y u get so fed up wif his r/s wif the collegue, he shld understand now after reading. And wake up his idea! Y bother to haf a spare tyre when he alrdy got a gf rite here so si xin ta di for him!
Like e frenz here had said. Which guy dun feel thrilled when he noes there r gers attracted 2 him (provided they r not ugly). Maybe he'll tink even if i leave him he stil got other gers wan mah... But i hope he dun tink liddat loh... In my eyes he's not such a person. But now i oso dunno whether he got change or not... He's old enough n shd noe how 2 tink loh. -
s_40:Originally posted by shan_cai:Wil dis help... It'll onli make him love mi juz 4 my body onli... Cannot... Later he onli treat mi as his sex toy how...
My reply... -
Im so sian... Til now stil got tat sour feelin in my heart... Abit lose trust in my bf liao. Need time 2 recover my trust in him...
Our love has become so fragile n vulnerable liao... Everytime muz sad n quarrel over dis type of things...
If onli everyone in e world is attached n there's no one 2 break others up or come between other couples... -
think he juz dun understand how u feel..
i feel is that he is trying to get the best of both worlds..keeping contact with the ger..juz incase things btw u & him get awry..& he juz relishing the fact that he is still attractive to other gers out there...
So best is to have a long nice talk & made ur decision -
But i reali hope tat he's not as wat u all haf said loh... I juz wan him 2 b faithful 2 mi... I oso get guys approachin mi 2 make frenz wif mi but i rejected them. I haf guy frenz msgin mi but i dun reply coz itz my promise 2 him. Im keepin my distance fr other guys coz i noe he dun like. All becoz of him. If i can fulfil my promises wif actions n show him i can do it, den y cant he...?Originally posted by Nitric:think he juz dun understand how u feel..
i feel is that he is trying to get the best of both worlds..keeping contact with the ger..juz incase things btw u & him get awry..& he juz relishing the fact that he is still attractive to other gers out there...
So best is to have a long nice talk & made ur decision -
My advise is to get a close friend, his or yours to talk things out with him. There might be some things which he's not comfortable to share towards you.Originally posted by shan_cai:Im so sian... Til now stil got tat sour feelin in my heart... Abit lose trust in my bf liao. Need time 2 recover my trust in him...
Our love has become so fragile n vulnerable liao... Everytime muz sad n quarrel over dis type of things...
If onli everyone in e world is attached n there's no one 2 break others up or come between other couples...
So a third party should get more out of it and will be able to convey your feelings and what you're going thru more efficently.
Alternatively, you may want to Private msg me your bf's contact no. I'll talk to him.
Do not follow what the others have said if your heart doesn't want to. -
Originally posted by shan_cai:
Hi shan_cai,
Hi all... Itz mi again. I've got a prob again... But dare not post at Aunt Agony coz im afraid my bf wil read... Itz like dis...
Ppl here wil noe i had some probs wif my guy back den a few mths ago... We've been v happy together ever since tat matter. But now there's another prob...
There's a particular ger, let's name her [b]P. I noticed tat recently she kept sms-ing my bf... Initially i dun feel anythin... Coz my bf told mi she's onli a colleague. But she's too much loh. I mean her msges... Tat day she sms him askin him 2 bring her on a ride on his bike. My bf agreed 2 do so when he's free. Dis raised my unhappiness loh. Coz i dun like my bf 2 fetch other gers on his bikes except mi. N i oso hate it when other gers wear my helmet (my bf bought a new helmet 4 mi mah...).
Den when i told my bf abt my dislike n dissatisfaction, he assured mi there's nothin btw them. He oso promise mi not 2 do things tat i dun like loh. I got tell him tat i get jealous v easily loh... So i cant stand gers who always try 2 get close 2 him. Juz imagine tat P is on my bf's bike holdin tightly onto him. Juz e tot of it makes mi scared liao. Of course i dun like lah...
Den nvm. Last nite P sms him again. I was holdin on 2 my bf's hp mah. Den i look at e msg. Itz her again. She dis time even request 2 take an individual photograph wif him. After readin e msg my face turned black loh. I dunno wat he replied her loh. But i was angry n sad. I went into his room n continued watchin tv, as if nothin happened, but i couldnt hold on any longer. My tears started rollin down my cheeks loh.
I reali dunno wat motive P has... I juz noe tat she's a threat in our relationship... Although my bf keep assurin mi tat he onli loves mi, but i stil feel insecure... Becoz of tat ger. I dunno wat 2 do. I cant possibly keep an eye on my bf all 24hrs. I cant c wat e ger is doin too... She makes mi feel tat she's a B*itch... She's totally blacklisted by mi... I hate her. Why muz she come in n disturb... N itz not tat i dun haf confidence in my bf, i do trust him...
Maybe i juz dun haf confidence in myself... After all our relationship do haf a scar...[/b]
Why so scare to post in AUnt Agony???? Sooner or LAter you still need to talk to him about this.. You cant run away.. YOu need to sit down with him and talk nicely about this matter.
But the way, I need to know somethings.
1) how long has this relationship been goin on?
2) He's working, then what about you?
3) What causes the previous problem?
4) What did you two come to compromise with each other the previous time?
Cos you oni said the 2nd half.. the 1st half oso dunno what happen.. is it becos of girl again or wat.. If you dont wish to post here.. can Pm me.. I need to know the situation properly before giving advice..
Cheers -
Now im answerin ur ques loh... But 1st u need 2 go 2 dis 2 threads n read my postins loh...Originally posted by SunRisE:Hi shan_cai,
Why so scare to post in AUnt Agony???? Sooner or LAter you still need to talk to him about this.. You cant run away.. YOu need to sit down with him and talk nicely about this matter.
But the way, I need to know somethings.
1) how long has this relationship been goin on?
2) He's working, then what about you?
3) What causes the previous problem?
4) What did you two come to compromise with each other the previous time?
Cos you oni said the 2nd half.. the 1st half oso dunno what happen.. is it becos of girl again or wat.. If you dont wish to post here.. can Pm me.. I need to know the situation properly before giving advice..
Cheers
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=36757
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=36773
(1) We haf been together 4 abt 7 mths... So far so gd loh. We r lookin forward 2 a long term relationship.
(2) Im not workin at e moment...
(3) As 4 e previous prob, after readin e threads u'll understand...
(4) Eh... We agreed 2 tok things out nicely if we were 2 quarrel again in future. N of course dun abit threaten breakup loh... I oso tel him we shd gif in 3 each other whenever possible loh.
Tat time it was not becoz of 3rd party thingy loh... I oso not sure wat reali happened, tats y i feel tat im so innocent. But now diff loh... It involves another person...
Dis time he promised mi 2 cut down msges wif other gers. But frenz over here say he shd cut off contact wif tat ger instead. I nv demand so much loh... Juz as long as she leave my bf alone... last nite he oso assured mi tat he's onli in love wif mi...
I dunno loh... Now all mixed feelins... Even wif my bf's assurance i stil feel tat e ger is a threat in our relationship... Until she reali fcuk her way out of our relation den i'll put my mind at ease... -
Btw we already had a tok last nite... But dunno is e prob considered solved... We're stil together but im not reali over tat matter yet loh... Like i said, unless tat ger get removed fr our pic, i'll nv get gd rest...
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Originally posted by aHGer^83:i tell u wad...next time...if dat ger wanna meet ur bf...u say u wanna tag along...die die oso wanna follow...den only u can sit ur bf's bike mah...dat ger whr got chance...rite? den u can see her oso mah...
wa ........ this ahger anyhow teach ppl one
cannot listen ah ............. -
hi shan_cai, although u already have a tok with him, there is still a scar in the relationship.. its quite difficult for u to believe wat he says again...Originally posted by shan_cai:Btw we already had a tok last nite... But dunno is e prob considered solved... We're stil together but im not reali over tat matter yet loh... Like i said, unless tat ger get removed fr our pic, i'll nv get gd rest...
from all these, sure can sense tat u love him alot.. if u want den give him another chance to prove that his love for u is true..
as for the ger sms, i think even if she sms him, he will delete that msg... rite?
just think of how u really feel for him, is there still a meaning to continue this relationship with him.. i feel tat he must be tinking that u cares for him alot and u will not want to lose him... by having those tots, he will feel tat u will never break with him, thus he dare to "contact: with that P~
this is purely my personal comments..
take care.. -
Dear shan_cai,Originally posted by shan_cai:Now im answerin ur ques loh... But 1st u need 2 go 2 dis 2 threads n read my postins loh...
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=36757
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=36773
(1) We haf been together 4 abt 7 mths... So far so gd loh. We r lookin forward 2 a long term relationship.
(2) Im not workin at e moment...
(3) As 4 e previous prob, after readin e threads u'll understand...
(4) Eh... We agreed 2 tok things out nicely if we were 2 quarrel again in future. N of course dun abit threaten breakup loh... I oso tel him we shd gif in 3 each other whenever possible loh.
Tat time it was not becoz of 3rd party thingy loh... I oso not sure wat reali happened, tats y i feel tat im so innocent. But now diff loh... It involves another person...
Dis time he promised mi 2 cut down msges wif other gers. But frenz over here say he shd cut off contact wif tat ger instead. I nv demand so much loh... Juz as long as she leave my bf alone... last nite he oso assured mi tat he's onli in love wif mi...
I dunno loh... Now all mixed feelins... Even wif my bf's assurance i stil feel tat e ger is a threat in our relationship... Until she reali fcuk her way out of our relation den i'll put my mind at ease...
I read those two posts you posted..
Well the first POst..
You dunno what's the reason behind that makes him so bad mood.. You try to show concern to him.. and ask him.. but he refuses to say... NOW have you ever thought of what's the reason behind it? Noone knows.. not even you.. BUt oni he himself..
You give him time to cool down.. But when you meet him at night.. he seems like nothing has happen.. Curious of what makes the sudden change in him? At first was so moody.. so unhappy.. but later in the day when he meet you.. he feels better.. You ask him again what happen.. he still refuses to speak to you about it.. I know you are upset about it.. but try not to force him.. If he wants to tell you he will.. Always let him know that you always be there for him.. Caring and supporting him.. With given time.. he will slowly pour out everything..
Now the second post...
Your bf wants a break up not long after he had his bad mood... He msg you saying breakup.. indeed he dunno how to face you.. The breakup reason is becos YOU dun UNDERSTAND him?? Why does he feel that?? Ask him about it.. I'm sure you can talk things out with him.. He doesnt even solve together with you about it.. and jus decide on a break up.. Isnt he giving excuses and tryin to escape from it?
Have you two come to talk about and solve this 2 post you posted? Or jus leave it all at the back of the head.. as if nothing had happen before...
The third post...
Now comes a third party... How come this girl will come into the picture? He told you is his colleague.. After one incident and another... Do you think is jus merely his colleague that easy? Can SMS him to go for a ride on his bike.. and take photograph together.. Your Bf agrees when he's free.. or when he's not with you??
Now slowly analysis this three problems together.. Firstly, He's in bad mood..and he's a working adult now.. One of possibilty maybe.. he had a crush with this girl in his office.. happen to be his colleague afterall.. At that point of time.. He is confused.. Mixed feelings dunno what to do.. He's not sure whether to tell you anot.. That's why he needed time to cool down.. But when you meet him at night.. everything is like per normal.. it might be when he sees you.. he feels that.. maybe towards to the girl he only had a crush n that's it... And you are all he wants he loves..
Secondly, the minute he is back to his office.. he saw that colleague of his... and he couldnt control his feelings again.. he was so confused that he thinks that he doesn;t love you anymore.. and that's why when you SMS him that time.. (happen to be this matter was goin thru his mind...) And without even thinking.. he initated the break up... At that moment.. you dun even know what's goin on.. or what you did?
After that when he cool down.. he realised that it was jus a "Cong Dong". He couldnt find any reason to come up with and that's why he says you dont understand him.. Its jus an excuses for him to get away with it.. And of cos.. i dunno what did he so or say to you.. that you both are ok..
7 months say long not long.. say short not short.. Think long term is good.. but always take things step by step... He always promise you this promise you that.. But what if one day he broke his promises.. And you be there sitting alone.. thinking why did he give you empty promises.. He promises he only love me only.. promises not to do things that hurt me.. but in the end.. he still does it..
I dun believe in promises.. Only make promises when you are able to fulfill it.. And not to say jus for that moment.. for the sake of saying it.. to make the other party feels better.. but when you are not together.. all this promises becomes useless and empty.. I'm sure alot of people encounter this before but somehow they dun realised that the promises they gave will eventually hurt the other.. If they are not able to do it...
I'm not saying dun believe what he says to you.. but think twice.. You dun wish to get hurt badly right..
Well good that you 2 have agree to talk things out.. better then quarrelling.. Quarrelling is very bad for relationship.. People always say... In a relationship must have some arguement than this relation will last... No. Its not neccessary true.. You can have one couple who doesnt even quarrel at all.. but if any problems arise.. you both can speak out in a nice way.. and we will be listening to what he/she has to say... But if we raise our voice and screaming at the other party.. do you think the 2 will be EVen listening to what they got to say..
Breaking up may not be the solution to everything... try not to mention this word... No mantter how big a problem might be.. there's always a way to solve it.. Don't be too tense.. And also watch out for the words you are speaking..
YOu say the other time wasn't becos of 3rd party.. What makes you so sure about it.. Where you don;t even know the reasons behind why he is reacting in this way.. As earlier on.. i have linked the three problems together.. I;m not tryin to HURT you! I'm jus saying what i think.. Maybe my deductions is wrong!
I suggest you to talk to him one day.. As soon as possible.. dun drag.. The more you drag on this matter.. which you are so confused about it... the more this matter worsen!! You also know that this girl is a threat to your relation.. Talk to him.. You say you wan his assurance... not oni jus by words..( Like "I only love you" ) You wanna see actions done..
Don;t be too possessive... Give him and yourself some space and privacy too.. If you control him too much.. one day he would be able to take it.. You cant stop seeing or talking to his colleague.. cos they bound to see other in office.. Take it easy ok.. one more thing - pls DON'T ever TRY killing yourself.. Is not a good solution.. and issit worth doing such things for a guy who doesn;t aprreciate or love you at all..
Always have confidence in yourself, him and also this relation.. Honesty and trust too.. Dun get so confused.. give yourself more time to think alone.. ok??
Feedback to me ok?
Cheers!