He flouts it, and she becomes pregnant. now, she hates son f
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HE says he sometimes feels like he is 'a monster' when his wife rejects his advances.
Yet, he insists that he has not done anything against his conscience.
When contacted for his side of the story, the 41-year-old owner of a provision shop said: 'I don't see what I did was wrong.
'I'm her lawful husband and with that, comes my right to expect sex. That's normal.'
'I knew she came from a traditional family background where sex was a taboo subject. So despite being tempted, we never went that far when we were dating,' he said.
He said he did not expect things to turn so ugly.
When his wife complained about asthma, he said he even consulted the family doctor who said it was fine for someone who is asthmatic to have regular sex.
He admitted that his feeling of hurt by constant rejection soon turned to fury.
'I felt so insulted. She would have this look of absolute disgust on her face when I touched her.
'Of course, I was furious. How do you expect me to react?'
Despite this, he claimed he had never looked at other women.
'If I wanted to, I could.
'But I don't do that because our marriage is still sacred to me.
'So what did I do wrong?'
LOST HIS MIND
As for the alleged violence and forced sex during the period when the PPO was issued, he said: 'I lost my mind because I was confused.
'She did not not leave our marital home. She even shared the same bed with me.
'I thought she was merely venting her anger when she applied for the order.'
He is aware of her conflicting emotions over their son.
'I want our marriage to work too. I still love her,' he said.
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Hubby can be charged with rape under new law
MADAM Lim would have a case against her husband if he still attacks her after the proposed law on marital rape comes into force.
Under the impending changes to the criminal law in Penal Code, a husband can be charged with rape of his wife if she has indicated formally that she wishes to draw a line with him when it comes to sexual matters.
This happens when the wife is legally separated from her husband or when she has applied for a court order to bar the husband from assaulting her.
When contacted, lawyers noted that a balance had to be struck between protecting the wives and also the husbands, who could be framed by allegations of rape by estranged wives out for vengeance.
That's why a report on marital rape can only stand after the wife makes her intention clear through formal application.
CAN'T BE BACKDATED
In Madam Lim's case, she would not have been able to bring charges of rape against her husband for the earlier incidents because the proposed legal changes are unlikely to be backdated.
However, lawyer Nicholas Cheong noted that if she wished to, she would still have a case now, by claiming that her husband had breached the protection order by attacking her.
'Her spouse would likely face a jail term,' he said.
While court prosecution may be an option, counsellors like Ms Adeline Goh preferred the softer approach, especially when the parties still want to salvage the marriage.
'This may be better if it is an isolated incident and the marriage is not beyond rescue,' she said.
She added that a woman's repulsion of sex, such as in Madam Lim's case, could sometimes be due to a medical condition that could be treated.
'The situation could have been arrested if she had sought professional help. She was not only suffering from insecurity and the fear that her marriage was breaking down, she also had a medical condition that she was not aware of,' she said.
She was referring to a condition that causes some women to experience pain during sex.
Psychologist Danny Khoo said: 'In her case, she may feel powerless and that she has an obligation to fulfil. She probably worries about how people may look at her like she's at fault.
'She can make up her mind if she wants to leave that 'guilt', or if she wants to give the marriage another chance. It's also important for her husband to be involved in the counselling.'
This is something that her husband is open to.
He said: 'I have seen Ms Goh twice. Meanwhile, I'm also trying to control myself.'
In the end, it boils down to how men and women view the importance of sex in a relationship.
Mr Khoo, who has counselled many women who are fearful of having sex with their husbands, said: 'To the man, it's 'give me sex and I'd show you love' but to the woman, it's 'show me love and I'd give you sex'.' -
In accordance with www.dictionary.com:Originally posted by Rustyhong:My main concern is -
Why is there a need to use the word RAPE against your husband who cared for you and treated you well. Really can feel how betrayed her husband felt after getting the court order.
1. the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
2. any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.
The key word is force (ie without consent).
Forcing oneself on another sexually --> rape
As simple as that. Lets not get distracted with other elements.
p/s: whether is rape or not has got nothing to do with other elements like getting court orders or others. -
AgreeOriginally posted by Ben_Ng69:In the end, it boils down to how men and women view the importance of sex in a relationship.
Mr Khoo, who has counselled many women who are fearful of having sex with their husbands, said: 'To the man, it's 'give me sex and I'd show you love' but to the woman, it's 'show me love and I'd give you sex'.'
In theoretical term, Force = to rape.
But humans are bond with feeling.
*Ben_Ng, You type all this de ar? Or cut and paste from the net* -
Agree.Originally posted by Rustyhong:But humans are bond with feeling.
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Thats why i felt that using the word rape against your husband who care and concern for you abit harsh.
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aiya, rape is rape.Originally posted by Rustyhong:Thats why i felt that using the word rape against your husband who care and concern for you abit harsh.
juz like if a woman who is not satisfied by the hubby (he refuse to have sex with her cos he got other mistress), and she commit adultery. Though she has her good reasons, would you not call that adultery? -
For the XXXX times, I think the woman is sick.
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Yeah ... get what you mean but ... still .... =)Originally posted by blu_sky:aiya, rape is rape.
juz like if a woman who is not satisfied by the hubby (he refuse to have sex with her cos he got other mistress), and she commit adultery. Though she has her good reasons, would you not call that adultery?
But i wont call that adultery. In theoretical term, you will call that adultery. But inside yourself, i wont call it adultery. Cause is the guy who did wrong first.
When i say rape is abit harsh. I am referring to the inside me. But if i have to use a theoretical term, then force(rape) will be the term.
=) -
x2 agree with tis pt... too bad she dun sound like shes gonna learn or change for 'love'Originally posted by blu_sky:Honestly, i think she is selfish, cos she did not make any effort to improve the situation of the marriage. The least she could do to help the marriage is to seek professional help, counselling or see a doctor.
Having said that, im not condoning the husband's behaviour. He is obviously wrong for raping. -
I super horny guy... this kinda situation I'll go mad real soon... Confirm got mistress one...
But me buy things always TEST 1st...
All I can say is this guy v suay and He loves this woman way too much... -
i can only pity that guy.
in his case,
is almost wrong to ask for sex from his wife, as it will be an ordeal for her.
he didn't look for other women outside
then wad ? expect him to PCC for the rest of his life time ? -
Really hope she will be able to sort her situation out.... afterall the baby is innocent....
And I think both parties are at fault.... 6 years of marriage leh.... cannot imagine what it is like for both parties... -
hell lorOriginally posted by Squiggly:Really hope she will be able to sort her situation out.... afterall the baby is innocent....
And I think both parties are at fault.... 6 years of marriage leh.... cannot imagine what it is like for both parties... -
I think what i'm looking at is, a marriage without sex or have differing aspects/expectation towards sex will not work.
Pity the wife as well as the husband. -
really ....
Some of you pity the husband , some of you blame the wife and call it not rape .
Well like someone said rape is rape .
Facts:
He raped his wife
She told her cousin who told her to get PPO
She got pregnant
She got the child
Now she cannot even look at her own kid
Yes Marriage cannot exist without bonding - but there is a higher level of emotional and mental bonding in marriage- sex is only secondary - it is about loving someone, not forcing them to do what they do not want to do .
Don't bring in marriage without sex and what's not. Husband had a CHOICE to divorce or annul the marriage or just talking to her . Don't tell me some of you who pity the husband would do what he did if your future wives said no to sex? The issue is that he raped her. No matter how nice he is to her - He still RAPED her.
It is like paedophiles being nice to the kid - giving them lollipops and all the goodies, then sexually abusing them ...are you going to say BUT HE IS SO NICE .....so it is the child's fault? Doubt that . Just because she is married to him does not mean dick if he raped her. -
I believe there are many things we've assumed and the press did not reveal the happenings inbetween.
So...me shan't comment much. -
to : fymk
Facts:
She married him
marriage is not about love only it come with other things, sex , kids ....... a whole lot more then love.
Yep why you just keep saying the husband got a choice ? What about the wife also she have the choice also what why can't she leave and divorce her husband instead.
Like i say marriage come in a package, if she cannot accept it, she should have divorce and not sit there and choice to enjoy the better things and yell against the bad things . That is just totally selfish ! If she is not up to the whole thing at least walk away and let each other get on with life, and not sit there just wanting to keep enjoying the good stuff ! -
If you go for divorce you will lose 50%. If she has never agreed to have sex with you after marriage, you should not force yourself on her. Instead you can apply to the courts for an annulment of marriage on the grounds of non-consummation...no need for maintenance then because there is no divorce.Originally posted by Rustyhong:Why waste the money to feed the wife (extra expenses).
Ask ar .. if only after marriage then you know your wife doesnt like sex and refuses to have it with you. Can you sue her or divorce her without needing to give 50% of your assets to her.
Cause i know that in US you can sue your wife for not having sex with you.
It's true that sex is an integral part of the marriage contract....I don't think it has been tested in our courts though...should be interesting if someone sues his wife for breach of contract.
Until the recent change in the law, there is no rape within marriage under common law and it was not illegal for the husband to force himself on his legal wife. It will be illegal if he repeats it in future. -
Seems to be alot of people on here feeling sorry for the wife. In no way do i condone rape. In fact i think its one of the few things in this world which is worthy of twenty-four strokes of the cane. She needs help. She doesnt see herself having a problem at all. It is not normal. He was wrong to rape her, but she needs to understand that there is something wrong with totally not wanting sex..... Unless maybe you're like 147 years old or something
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cut and pasteOriginally posted by Rustyhong:Agree
In theoretical term, Force = to rape.
But humans are bond with feeling.
*Ben_Ng, You type all this de ar? Or cut and paste from the net*
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only solution
1. divorce
2. husband go and find sexual outlet elsewhere-maybe some nice prc girls who will steal all his cpf
3. husband castrate himself
wife dont give him much choice isnt it? she dont think not wanting sex is abnormal. -
but after 6years w/o normal sex, e man claim he still love her.Originally posted by Space1999:only solution
1. divorce
2. husband go and find sexual outlet elsewhere-maybe some nice prc girls who will steal all his cpf
3. husband castrate himself
wife dont give him much choice isnt it? she dont think not wanting sex is abnormal. 
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i know of a couple, the gf refuse to give the bf sex because she dont believe in premarital sex and not to mention her other incredible flaws- but he loved her so much, so they dated for 4 years without sex.
sometimes to keep his sanity and his sexual frustration under control, he had flings elsewhere so that he wouldnt force himself on her. right or wrong , this is one of the ways he used to manage his frustration.
one of the flings became serious, and then he realise he needed a "normal" relationship with a normal girl, without all the emotional package included.
so he left her. despite all his love. he told me "its like getting out of jail, though i put my self there first , but 4 years . 4 years of hard labour is enough for me to appreciate the simpler girls "
sex is important, sorry ladies, that is a simple fact. its in our genetics and dna -
Why they dated for 4 years and have no plan to get married?Originally posted by Space1999:i know of a couple, the gf refuse to give the bf sex because she dont believe in premarital sex and not to mention her other incredible flaws- but he loved her so much, so they dated for 4 years without sex.
sometimes to keep his sanity and his sexual frustration under control, he had flings elsewhere so that he wouldnt force himself on her. right or wrong , this is one of the ways he used to manage his frustration.
one of the flings became serious, and then he realise he needed a "normal" relationship with a normal girl, without all the emotional package included.
so he left her. despite all his love. he told me "its like getting out of jail, though i put my self there first , but 4 years . 4 years of hard labour is enough for me to appreciate the simpler girls "
sex is important, sorry ladies, that is a simple fact. its in our genetics and dna -
FYMK is right RAPE IS RAPE. there is no justification for such an act to your gf or wife.
The husband did have c
The case is clear cut and he admits to doing so. No wishy washy got drunk or went too afr business. I dont know what you guys have but we have public campaign here to incourgae women to report abusive relationships such as this.
However having said that i am absolutely confused what the reporter is trying to tell us. Is this a mental health article outlining depression and such? abusive relationships? or what? Yeah sad story but the woman doesnt seem to be in a"trapped" relationship.
Clearly this woman has a mental health problem of some kind before the "rape" already. And shes probably suffering post natal depression which is why she hates her child so. Some woman in "normal" relationships do feel like "killing" their own children because of the new pressures and depression after birth.